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Tue Mar 26, 2013, 09:25 AM

Cold Dead Hand with Lyrics

Last edited Wed Mar 27, 2013, 08:34 AM - Edit history (1)

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/0433b30576/cold-dead-hand-with-jim-carrey?playlist=featured_videos

Video no longer on youtube
But go to the link and watch Jim Carrey's hilariuos ode to Charlton Heston


Cold Dead Hand

Some folks ride like the wind
With the whispering pines to guide them
And the burning light inside them
Keeps them warm in the snow

Others fear the sounds they hear
Make bandito's out of mole-hills
Fill their hearts with porcupine quills
They’re dead and buried long before they go

Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand
His immortal soul my lay forever in the sand
The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned
‘Cause they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold dead hand

It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger
It takes a cold dead heart and as near as I can figure
With your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your dick is bigger
But we know your chariot may not be swinging low

Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
You’re a big big man with an little bitty gland
So you need something bigger just to fill
Your cold dead hand

Imagine if the lord were here
And he knew what you’ve been thinkin’
Would his sacred heart be sinkin’
Into the canyon of dismay

And on the ones who sell the guns
He’d sick the vultures and coyotes
Only the devil’s true devotees
Could profiteer from pain and fear

Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand
His immortal soul my lay forever in the sand
The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned
‘Cause they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold dead hand

It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger
It takes a cold dead heart and as near as I can figure
With your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your junk is bigger
But we know your chariot may not be swinging low

Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
You’re a big big man with an little bitty gland
So you need something bigger with a hair-pin trigger
You don’t want to get caught with your trousers down
When the psycho killer comes around
So you make your home like a thunderdome
And you’re always packin’ everywhere you roam
But the psycho’s win no matter what you do
‘Cause they’re gonna buy way more guns than you

And while you’re stumbling out of bed
They put five rounds in the back of your head
Or you get depressed ‘cause the money runs out
Then you put your own shotgun in your mouth
And your kids walk in and they find you there
Like a headless stump in your underwear
And they move the gun and it kills them too
And your wife just doesn’t know what to do
But she takes a hand grenade from her shoe
And she pulls the pin...

And it’s all on you
And your cold dead hand

10 replies, 9326 views

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Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
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Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply Cold Dead Hand with Lyrics (Original post)
lame54 Mar 2013 OP
Junkdrawer Mar 2013 #1
lame54 Mar 2013 #2
Junkdrawer Mar 2013 #3
Heidi Mar 2013 #4
scavenqer Mar 2013 #5
lame54 Mar 2013 #7
ellisonz Mar 2013 #6
Botany Mar 2013 #8
Paladin Mar 2013 #9
Piscatarian Mar 2013 #10

Response to lame54 (Original post)

Tue Mar 26, 2013, 09:29 AM

1. Thought it was "Makin’ banditos out of mole-hills"

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Response to Junkdrawer (Reply #1)

Tue Mar 26, 2013, 09:31 AM

2. After listening again...

you are right

but either line would work

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Response to lame54 (Reply #2)

Tue Mar 26, 2013, 09:47 AM

3. Just trying to help. Love the video and posting the lyrics...

is a good thing.

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Response to lame54 (Original post)

Tue Mar 26, 2013, 11:09 AM

4. Kick!

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Response to lame54 (Original post)

Tue Mar 26, 2013, 01:46 PM

5. Thanks

Thanks for putting the lyrics up. I think "signal" vultures and coyotes should be "sic" v and c. At least that's what I hear.

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Response to scavenqer (Reply #5)

Wed Mar 27, 2013, 08:34 AM

7. thanks - fixed

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Response to lame54 (Original post)

Tue Mar 26, 2013, 02:19 PM

6. Kick.

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Response to lame54 (Original post)

Wed Mar 27, 2013, 09:13 AM

8. Wickedly on target w/ words and concept too

Carrey's piece also had Lincoln, Gandhi, and John Lennon all people
who wanted peace and were killed by guns.

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Response to lame54 (Original post)

Wed Mar 27, 2013, 10:23 AM

9. Kick. Masterful Satire.


Bonus points for the Sam Elliot segment.....

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Response to lame54 (Original post)

Wed Mar 27, 2013, 11:37 AM

10. Funny stuff!

Thanks for posting.

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