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Wed Feb 27, 2013, 10:53 PM

Unmarried are invisible, forgotten

Marriage is mentioned in more than 1,100 federal laws, same-sex marriage gets most headlines, but the unmarried are invisible, a U.S. non-profit group says.

"The highly organized and vocal movement for same-sex marriage, has begun the process of garnering equal rights for a small constituency in this country," Cindy Butler, executive director of Unmarried Equality, said in a statement.

"While we support the right of anyone who wants to to get married, this movement reinforces the idea that marriage is the only successful outcome for a relationship -- 47 percent of U.S. adults leading happily unmarried lives."

Almost invisible, unmarried people are treated unfairly in many areas of their lives paying higher rates for health and car insurance, they may be denied housing; they receive fewer employee benefits; and their Social Security balances revert to the federal system upon death. They are treated differently in issues related to child custody and adoption, Butler said.

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2013/02/27/Group-Unmarried-are-invisible-forgotten/UPI-73051362005794/?spt=hs&or=hn

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Reply Unmarried are invisible, forgotten (Original post)
Redfairen Feb 2013 OP
NYC_SKP Feb 2013 #1
Rochester Feb 2013 #2
Skittles Feb 2013 #3
LadyHawkAZ Feb 2013 #8
duffyduff Feb 2013 #18
Boomerproud Mar 2013 #89
duffyduff Mar 2013 #98
Tempest Mar 2013 #101
duffyduff Mar 2013 #108
Warpy Feb 2013 #28
hfojvt Feb 2013 #62
Nye Bevan Feb 2013 #4
TlalocW Feb 2013 #5
lovemydog Feb 2013 #50
Mnemosyne Feb 2013 #6
Iggo Feb 2013 #7
Mnemosyne Feb 2013 #9
JustAnotherGen Feb 2013 #53
Mnemosyne Feb 2013 #55
JustAnotherGen Feb 2013 #57
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #13
Mnemosyne Feb 2013 #22
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #10
elzenmahn Feb 2013 #17
spooky3 Feb 2013 #71
snooper2 Feb 2013 #11
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #15
snooper2 Feb 2013 #16
elzenmahn Feb 2013 #19
snooper2 Feb 2013 #21
elzenmahn Feb 2013 #24
snooper2 Feb 2013 #25
LeftInTX Feb 2013 #27
BlancheSplanchnik Feb 2013 #34
fitman Feb 2013 #38
BlancheSplanchnik Feb 2013 #46
magical thyme Feb 2013 #44
BlancheSplanchnik Feb 2013 #47
fitman Feb 2013 #58
BlancheSplanchnik Feb 2013 #72
In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #73
Lydia Leftcoast Mar 2013 #87
alarimer Mar 2013 #97
Proles Mar 2013 #100
Lydia Leftcoast Mar 2013 #112
Proles Mar 2013 #115
amandabeech Mar 2013 #75
treestar Mar 2013 #82
Tempest Mar 2013 #102
LeftInTX Mar 2013 #110
fitman Feb 2013 #36
treestar Mar 2013 #81
AtheistCrusader Feb 2013 #30
Apophis Mar 2013 #94
snooper2 Mar 2013 #96
Apophis Mar 2013 #111
snooper2 Mar 2013 #113
Occulus Mar 2013 #116
snooper2 Mar 2013 #117
Shankapotomus Feb 2013 #12
lovemydog Feb 2013 #52
Shankapotomus Feb 2013 #56
lovemydog Feb 2013 #59
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #14
elzenmahn Feb 2013 #26
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #41
treestar Mar 2013 #79
KitSileya Mar 2013 #114
TheKentuckian Feb 2013 #20
Behind the Aegis Feb 2013 #23
AtheistCrusader Feb 2013 #32
Bucky Feb 2013 #29
Bucky Feb 2013 #31
MADem Feb 2013 #33
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #39
MADem Feb 2013 #64
Staph Feb 2013 #65
fitman Mar 2013 #76
zanana1 Feb 2013 #35
GoCubsGo Feb 2013 #49
fitman Mar 2013 #77
theKed Feb 2013 #37
namaste2 Feb 2013 #40
Sheldon Cooper Feb 2013 #42
namaste2 Feb 2013 #69
Sheldon Cooper Mar 2013 #74
Lydia Leftcoast Mar 2013 #86
namaste2 Mar 2013 #90
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #43
namaste2 Feb 2013 #70
doc03 Mar 2013 #103
Bluenorthwest Feb 2013 #45
Puzzledtraveller Feb 2013 #48
SomethingFishy Feb 2013 #51
JustAnotherGen Feb 2013 #54
treestar Mar 2013 #84
SomethingFishy Mar 2013 #88
Nuclear Unicorn Feb 2013 #60
nachosgrande Feb 2013 #61
duffyduff Mar 2013 #99
JustAnotherGen Feb 2013 #63
liberalhistorian Feb 2013 #66
lovemydog Feb 2013 #67
Lydia Leftcoast Mar 2013 #85
treestar Mar 2013 #80
JustAnotherGen Mar 2013 #93
smirkymonkey Feb 2013 #68
Larkspur Mar 2013 #83
bluestate10 Mar 2013 #91
smirkymonkey Mar 2013 #92
In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #78
Tempest Mar 2013 #105
In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #109
RB TexLa Mar 2013 #95
Tempest Mar 2013 #104
RB TexLa Mar 2013 #106
doc03 Mar 2013 #107

Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Wed Feb 27, 2013, 10:55 PM

1. K/R (nt)

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Wed Feb 27, 2013, 10:57 PM

2. I still think we're coming out ahead

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Response to Rochester (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 27, 2013, 11:11 PM

3. yup

I am happy to have earned my own pay, all the way

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Response to Rochester (Reply #2)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:06 AM

8. Amen to that! n/t

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Response to Rochester (Reply #2)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:32 AM

18. Not if you find yourself unemployed in your fifties

People tend to underestimate the real financial hardships for never being married, especially in this very, very bad economy.

All the "planning" in the world doesn't cut it if you have your job cut out from under you, and you don't have the "safety net" of a second income in the household.

I don't regret being single, but I sure as hell resent what is going on in this country economically.

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Response to duffyduff (Reply #18)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 01:21 PM

89. Can I join you in the same boat?

Not to mention the "Oh, you're not married." eyeroll when you're asked the question. Why don't they just shout "LOSER" at me-it would be more honest and save time. Hope you're having a better day than me. Take care.

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Response to Boomerproud (Reply #89)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:15 PM

98. Every single day is a struggle

I am sick of years of nickel and diming myself to death.

Buying a pair of shoes is a major purchase.

I am getting sick of it.

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Response to duffyduff (Reply #18)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:43 PM

101. I'm unemployed, in my 50s and never been married

And I'm in better financial shape for never been married.

My married friends in their 50s who have gotten laid off are in much worse financial shape than I am.

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Response to Tempest (Reply #101)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 11:00 PM

108. You can only speak for yourself. I can tell you it is extremely difficult

when there isn't the buffer of a second income stream that most married couples have, plus they usually have equity in a house.

Once you are laid off or terminated after age 50, your work life is just about over with.

I am far, far, far worse off economically than any married couple I know, laid off or not.

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Response to Rochester (Reply #2)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:22 AM

28. Just missing the constant aggravation was a big deal for me

My health improved greatly once I took a hike and got a divorce.

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Response to Rochester (Reply #2)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 03:58 PM

62. not really if you are male

I don't like the line "living happily unmarried lives"

It is not like I am unmarried by choice. At least not so much MY choice.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Wed Feb 27, 2013, 11:17 PM

4. YES. We need justice for George Clooney! (nt)

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Wed Feb 27, 2013, 11:46 PM

5. When I still worked in offices as opposed to working from home

I would send out invitations to my, "Still Single Showers," whenever an email went out for a co-worker's baby or wedding shower. I normally requested gift certificates to bookstores and car washes.

TlalocW

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Response to TlalocW (Reply #5)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:01 PM

50. Haha!

That's awesome. I'll try that next time the showering hits me!

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:02 AM

6. As someone once told me - "Better to be single, than to wish you were." They were right. nt

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Response to Mnemosyne (Reply #6)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:05 AM

7. Never heard that one before.

True, though. So very very true.

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Response to Iggo (Reply #7)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:09 AM

9. I hadn't heard it before either, but it was like a lightbulb going off when I did.

Strange how that works.

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Response to Mnemosyne (Reply #9)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:33 PM

53. We say

Better to be single than Sorry!

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #53)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:38 PM

55. That is a good one! I love being single, most of the time. I am very easy going and grew very tired

of dealing with someone else's fragile egos, and addictions.

Ah, the peace...

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Response to Mnemosyne (Reply #55)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 02:20 PM

57. I loved it

I love my husband (married less than a year). . . . but I really was kind of 'set in my ways' and really happy being WITH myself. We truly believe it was better to delay marriage so we could be set in our ways together than to be sorry with the wrong person.

So many of our friends (we are 40 and 44) have been married and divorced - when they never should have been married in the first place. They just did it because they THOUGHT it was the natural next step of what you are 'supposed' to do.

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Response to Mnemosyne (Reply #6)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:19 AM

13. That is, indeed, very, very true!

As much as society makes people feel like losers if they aren't married by a certain age, and as much as we're made to believe that any marriage at all, no matter how miserable, is better than being sinble, that is very, very true. When I think of the jerks I almost married because I was getting tired of the social stigma of being over 35 and single, not to mention the pressure from family and friends, however, subtle, I am VERY grateful I didn't give in and waited for my wonderful, great husband. I'm very happily married now and wouldn't have it any other way, but there are also a lot of advantages and perks to being single as well, and it's certainly much better than being mired in a miserable, bad and/or abusive/neglectful marriage. Almost anything is better than that.

The key is to be married to the right person, and because you both really want to be married and are committed to being together and making it work, instead of just being married due to social and famlial pressure or being married to the wrong person.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #13)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:39 AM

22. I married the jerks, learned it the hard way. Of course, being raised by R's that believed women

only needed to have a 'good' husband to be a success in their eyes. I was bad at choosing and refused to remain in hell so they would be happy and 'proud'.

It has changed how I view being single by choice. All I have to do is remember, and the rare feelings of loneliness are so much easier to deal with.

I completely agree, it must be the right person or there isn,t a good chance of making it, at least not happily. I also believe that marriage should be much harder to enter into and divorce should be so much easier. Maybe a six months waiting period before a license is issued. I was too young and impulsive then, a waiting period would have saved me so much heart-ache in the end.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:12 AM

10. I was single until my marriage at almost 43

several years ago, and the difference between the way I was treated in general and the benefits I received before my marriage and afterwards is like night and day. There are hundreds of tangible and intangible legal, tax, financial, economic, and social benefits available to the married couple the minute they say their "I dos", even though they're the same people they were before. Not only are these benefits not available at all to singles, they're also not available to committed couples who choose not to marry, for whatever reason (which they have the right to do). Immediately upon my marriage, I was quoted far lower rates for my auto insurance than I was currently paying, as well as lower rates on my one low-limit (by my choice, I don't need or want a lot of credit) credit card. When I looked the gift horse in the mouth and asked why, because I was the same person I was a few days before, when I wasn't married, they gave me some bullshit about how it was their policy to give lower rates to married people because marriage meant "more stability and reliability." Uh-huh. Right.

I was eligible for hubby's health insurance plan and his retirement benefits (and vice versa, if I'd had either); after ten years, if he dies (God forbid, can't even bear to think about it at all and hopefully won't have to for decades to come), I can receive his social security if I so choose. All of these things and hundreds of other benefits that most married people don't even think about suddenly became available to hubby and I the minute we became Mr. and Mrs. That isn't fair, and why should only married couples be given such advantages, especially when it comes to taxes and economic/financial matters?????

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #10)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:30 AM

17. Amen to that...

Bella DePaulo has been writing on this topic for years, and describes in detail all of the extra bennies that married couples get that singles don't. She goes into the social stigmas extensively, too. I highly recommend moseying on to your nearest bookstore (online or bricks/mortar), and picking up her work, especially the book Singlism.

Just to clarify, I don't know Dr. DePaulo, and I gain nothing materially from recommending her books - just the satisfaction of pointing people to some very intelligent and well-written work.

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Response to elzenmahn (Reply #17)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:48 PM

71. And amen to you--diPaulo's books are excellent.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:13 AM

11. ROFL




Next up, teenagers who don't have a smartphone by 14

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #11)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:24 AM

15. Hardy-har-har. Go ahead and joke about it,

but it's a lot more serious than your stupid example and it affects millions of people.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #15)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:27 AM

16. okay...

I'm definitely bringing this up in the break room tomorrow though

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #16)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:35 AM

19. Bring it up all you want...

...and laugh to your little heart's content.

But the stigmas associated with singles (especially those past the expected age of marriage) are real and tangible. Don't get me wrong, it's not comparable to ethnic, religious, or other forms of bigotry. But it's there.

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Response to elzenmahn (Reply #19)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:38 AM

21. "Unmarried are invisible, forgotten"

REALLY!

So much for singles night...

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #21)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:42 AM

24. You can take your singles night...

...and I'll raise you the 1,100-plus government-sponsored benefits attributed exclusively to marrieds. Subsidized in large part by...SINGLE PEOPLE!

I'm actually laughing as I'm posting this. Do you have more than snark and incredulous remarks to back your position?

I'm waiting.....<crickets>.....

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Response to elzenmahn (Reply #24)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:48 AM

25. no, I'm getting it, I'm starting to feel the plight..

I was single until up until 35...

Looking back now, I see how married folks had a privilege in society I was denied. I'm starting to get depressed now, my single years sucked

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #25)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:53 AM

27. Yes, I was single until I was 27. I thought it was awful

I lived in this town where everyone was married at 18. There was nothing to do if you were single. There wasn't anyone to date cuz they were all married.

It was gawd awful. That was about 30 years ago.

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Response to LeftInTX (Reply #27)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 05:30 AM

34. try being a 55 yr old woman!

there's some fun. Try and get a date, the only men who will look at you are 65 or older.

Yep, love hearing about all the bennies for couples and their kids.


I kept picking massively screwed up people to fall in love with.

Now, I'm determined to become the happiest single woman in the world. Because I'll feel better that way!

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Response to BlancheSplanchnik (Reply #34)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:17 AM

38. 55 year old

 

Blanche if you see a guy you are interested in ask him out..don't know a single guy who get's turned off if a woman shows interest. We males like the feeling of being desired and wanted also.

If you don't know him well say "you are someone I would like to get to know better..would you like to go out and get some coffee?"

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Response to fitman (Reply #38)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:36 AM

46. actually, I have done that--on the dating site

The ones that I find attractive and around my own age didn't even bother to acknowledge. That's like what I do when the 70 year olds give me the wink.

I think the best thing to do is trust that my desire will show up at the right time. Meanwhile, best to focus on making the best of where I'm at.

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Response to BlancheSplanchnik (Reply #34)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:02 AM

44. 59, always single, and prefer it that way

I've long since stopped trying to get a date. Hopefully the losers that occasionally crawl out from under and rock and harass me will die off and leave me in peace. My next purchase may just be a gun to encourage them to move along, lol.

Financially its tough, but at least I'm not trapped in a shit marriage with a deadbeat partner.

I don't have to ask anybody for permission to do or buy anything. I just look at my bank account, look myself in the mirror and ask, "Honey, can We afford it? Do We really need it or is it just a whim? Will something else give the same or better results for less money?" And go forward from there...

My social life consists of my furfamily and me. I interact with enough people at work to get more than my fill of humanity. Happy to be home alone, maybe online too much, but its free.


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Response to magical thyme (Reply #44)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:16 PM

47. ....

I LIKE being in r-ship and I'm a very nice partner. My faults are pretty livable. But I've picked realllllllly pathological people that resemble family of origin dynamics. Been through the DSM-IV Cluster B's, a few alcoholics, a psychotic.....yeah, I *think* I've ignored red flags long enough and analysed my dysfunctional patterns--- I just MAY be able to recognize "Normal" by now.

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Response to BlancheSplanchnik (Reply #47)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 02:25 PM

58. I know so many

 

50 something guys who are divorced or widowed who are decent guys but have the same problem with finding mates in their 50's.

One suggestion is to join a gym..lot of mid 50's folk at mine and it's amazing how many people tell you their personal struggles when you are on a elliptcal machine next to them for 45 minutes-how much personal information they give out aftre you see them there working out after a few weeks..and lots of lonely mid 50's guys out there.

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Response to fitman (Reply #58)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:27 PM

72. I found there's a YMCA right near me

So I stopped by this evening and checked it out
Niiiiice facility

There's a really nice center at the college where I work, too. I can go there for free, but it's mostly college kids.

Seems like the Y would be a good thing.


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Response to fitman (Reply #58)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 08:38 AM

73. Hello ~ fitman



In The Wind

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Response to fitman (Reply #58)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:58 AM

87. Often the "decent guys" are decent enough, but BORING

They think they're a good catch because they have a house and car, but all they can talk about is work and sports. Even worse, when they venture out of those areas, all they have are clichés from TV, or God help us, AM radio. It's like all the independent thought has been socialized out of them.

I don't need a meal ticket. I have my own car, and houses in the suburbs hold no appeal.

A married male friend once looked at the local personals column after hearing some of us single women talk about our experiences. He told us that if he were ever single again, he would find many of the women who advertised interesting. They were imaginative and funny and sounded like they would be good company. He found most of the men either dull and conventional or overtly egotistical and thought that they were the types of guys he avoided in real life.

My advice to lonely single men: Become interesting. Go beyond your comfort zone. Take a continuing education class in something unrelated to your job. Attend arts events and chat up the women in the refreshment line. No single woman who has survived to her fifties is going to be impressed just because you have a house and a car. No single woman of your age is going to be impressed by stale lines such as "I know how to treat a lady." Very few single women of your age are going to be attracted to a strong implication that what you really want is a cook and housekeeper with benefits.

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Response to Lydia Leftcoast (Reply #87)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 09:32 PM

97. I find this to be true as well.

Of course I live in a red state, so these guys are either boring, or right-wing assholes. I might have a better time if I lived in a big city, or even close to one.

Oh, and, even though I am not ugly, I never get responses to my ads. I don't know if I'm too ugly or they're too picky.

Of course I'm picky too, but not when it comes to looks. As long as they are reasonably presentable, I don't really care.

Now, I'm speaking to my ex again, so this may all be moot one day.

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Response to Lydia Leftcoast (Reply #87)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:36 PM

100. So basically the majority of men are boring, and the majority of women

are interesting?

I hate to break it to you, but most people in general are boring, women included.

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Response to Proles (Reply #100)

Sun Mar 3, 2013, 12:14 AM

112. Plenty of boring women, especially the ones who can talk only about their kids

and nothing else. Plenty of interesting men, too, but they're all married or gay.

I'm talking about the straight singles.

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Response to Lydia Leftcoast (Reply #112)

Sun Mar 3, 2013, 02:03 PM

115. Of course, fair enough.

On another note, I don't understand the rush to get married. Anyone who marries simply to fit in with society, or to escape a feeling of loneliness is setting themselves up for a fail of a marriage.

Really, why get married in your twenties? I'd much prefer to wait until my early thirties before settling with a woman for the remaining 4 decades of my life.

The only ufortunate impediment for woman marrying later is if they want the assurance of bearing their own children. But even that doesn't warrant marrying just to get married.

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Response to BlancheSplanchnik (Reply #47)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 09:50 AM

75. I escaped three times from guys who resembled my pathological family dynamics.

I'm 57, single and not looking.

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Response to BlancheSplanchnik (Reply #34)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:35 AM

82. I don't even try, I just left that behind

Then being single is fun.

Now over 50, people quit asking me about it, so I can just enjoy life.

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Response to LeftInTX (Reply #27)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:47 PM

102. I have to laugh at guys like you

"I was single until I was 27. I thought it was awful"

IMHO, 27 is far too young to consider marriage. You haven't even lived yet.

I never married and have experiences and travels like no married couple could ever hope for. My life is fuller from it.

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Response to Tempest (Reply #102)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 11:11 PM

110. LOL - You don't know the town I lived in

I would go to work and all the women would "burp" their tupperware in unison. Everyone was married. All they talked about were their husbands, recipes, tupperware etc. There was nothing to do at all in this town. People called me an old maid and I was only 22. I once told someone that I didn't want to get married right away and their jaw dropped. Everyone thought I was from a different planet.

(I ended up getting the heck out of there)

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #25)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 09:52 AM

36. My single years sucked also

 

Got married at age 34..had chances earlier but screwed them up.. married now for 16 years and never want to go back being single. Them nights being alone...shivver thinking about it today..

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #25)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:34 AM

81. I think they are referring more to older or lifetime singles

Naturally people who married at an average or younger age will see the single years as just fun.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #15)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:36 AM

30. Some of the examples in the OP are not terribly useful.

Notes about a thousand statutes, but many of them relate to division of shared property between the two entities.

I agree, depending on the year, on the tax issue.
Rent/income ratios can be satisfied by a roommate, etc.

There is some inequality, I'm sure, but considering it's one person, versus two people with pooled resources, that makes logistical sense to a degree.

The comment about social security money is only relevant if the single person has no children, which is not a given by any means. If a married couple die, with no children, their SS money is remanded to the government as well. Essentially, the law treats the married couple as one entity.

Primary 14th amendment due process and P&I justification for overturning DOMA in fact. There are no other federal legal mechanisms for two people to become one entity in the eyes of the law. You could spend tens of thousands of dollars as a same sex couple on contracts, power of attorney, and all that, and still not achieve 100% legal parity with a married heterosexual couple.

I don't think it's exactly a laughing matter either, but I could see some people having a strong reaction to the logic of the OP, given that some of the examples are flat out logically invalid. That's not to say there are NO valid examples...

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #11)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 01:44 PM

94. A few of my coworkers get to leave work early to attend school functions, sports games

 

while I have to be stuck at work for a few more hours picking up their slack because I don't have a kid.

How is that fair? I'm tired of it.

But feel free to laugh about it.

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Response to Apophis (Reply #94)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 08:58 PM

96. ROFL again

LOL...

Next time a "game" is on, say thats cool, got you covered..
But next Tuesday I need to leave early to show a puppy for adoption or something like that.


But seriously, that post is your complaint?

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #96)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 11:25 PM

111. I don't ever get my holiday requests off.

 

Why would a single male need Christmas off?



Keep laughing. While you're giving junior son of a bitch a present to open on Christmas morning, I'm doing your work.

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Response to Apophis (Reply #111)

Sun Mar 3, 2013, 09:39 AM

113. now I know why you are single...

What a pleasent soul you must be LOL...


Oh, and I'm on call 24x7x365 by the way...So while you are working on Thanksgiving I'm there to make sure your phones work so at least you can call somebody who cares

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Response to snooper2 (Reply #113)

Sun Mar 3, 2013, 02:16 PM

116. You know, you're laughing at people complaining about this,

but the whole issue puts me in a black fucking rage.

I'm not allowed to get married. Period.

So shove it. It's not fucking funny and yeah, it's affected my life in a whole lot of fundamental ways.

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Response to Occulus (Reply #116)

Sun Mar 3, 2013, 05:18 PM

117. There's a difference between equal rights for all..

and the content of this OP and some of the idiotic responses...

But you can see the difference there right?

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:17 AM

12. With that said

I think a law granting the right to marry oneself is in order!

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Response to Shankapotomus (Reply #12)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:21 PM

52. I'd have divorced, then remarried

myself by now. And saved a shit load of legal fees.

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Response to lovemydog (Reply #52)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 02:11 PM

56. Don't sell yourself short

It still could happen. Have you tried telling yourself how you feel? I did once and it was like an instant connection. We really hit it off.

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Response to Shankapotomus (Reply #56)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 02:38 PM

59. Things are splendid now that

we appreciate each other. I gave my hand a dozen roses for Valentine's Day.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:23 AM

14. The psychologist and professor

Bella DePaulo recently published a book that covers this very subject in detail, it's called "Singlism: What it is, Why it Matters and How to Stop it."

One of the countless examples she cites is something that most people are likely unaware of and probably don't even think about. Because she's single and doesn't have any children, under the Family and Medical Leave Act, no one in her life, not even close family members, would be permitted to use the Act to take time off to take care of her if she becomes ill or incapacitated. That is really, egregiously, unfair.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #14)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:50 AM

26. A highly recommended read...

...she really gets into the institutionalized and social inequities singles deal with, and demonstrates how our society is so "martrimaniacal", and so geared toward coupling, that the single life has become stigmatized as somehow less-than-normal.

One thing I should point out, however, after having read the book: she glosses over, at best, what I consider to be the root of the stigmas attached to singles and other "alternative" living arrangements: organized religion. Go to nearly any pulpit in nearly any church on any given Sunday, and hear the virtues of "traditional" marriage touted and spouted from on high. (There are exceptions, but they're few and far between.)

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Response to elzenmahn (Reply #26)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:28 AM

41. As a liberal Christian, I can say you're generally

correct about the role of organized religion in perpetuating both the glory of marriage and discrimination against those who are not married (it's not just Christianity, though; more conservative sects of Judaism and Islam, etc., also do the same thing). However, there are also plenty of churches that are now recognizing the growing numbers of singles in this society, including among Christians, and recognizing their particular needs and that have ministries for them.

One of the best churches I attended, while it was more conservative than I would have liked, also had a full-fledged singles ministry with a full-time pastor for it; it had programs and ministries for all types of singleness, including older singles and single parents, and focused on how to have a good life as a single instead of falling into the "how to tolerate being single until you're married", trap that too many other singles ministries seem to devolve into. More and more churches are doing this and hopefully it will catch on. One of the best singles pastors of that church's program also had a great sense of humor; he used to say that Jesus was single and so we shouldn't ever feel bad about it, lol.

DePaulo may have recognized religion's role, but she may have been afraid to delve too deeply into it, for a variety of reasons. Authoritarian patriarchs do not like being challenged, especially by a woman.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #14)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:29 AM

79. Good point

Maybe the act should be amended to account for that. Also the opposite, what if a single family member is better placed to care for say an aunt than the aunt's children?

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #14)

Sun Mar 3, 2013, 10:38 AM

114. This is a big one, I think.

I was ever so glad a friend of mine got leave the day I had surgery so she could travel to the hospital and stay with me during the night (it was laparoscopic gallbladder removal, so I wasn't admitted, but stayed in the hospital hotel overnight.) My parents live an hour's plane ride away, and I simply do not have any family, at all, in the city where I'm now living. Luckily, in Norway we've got better rights when it comes to leave than pretty much anyone in the world; it shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did that she was granted leave.

I don't see myself marrying either, in the future, and am happy as a single 37-year old. Marriage to me is a very serious business, and as a practicing Catholic, not something entered into lightly. You need a round of classes first with your parish priest, where you have to discuss everything from child rearing to economic philosophy, which I think is very sensible. In addition, at least in my parish, with my very conservative parish priest, single life is *always* held up as equal and just as good as married life. Whenever they talk about family, and how you should interact with them, they talk about your relationship to your parents, spouses, children, and siblings, so everyone is included. In other words, we unmarried ones are not left out in the cold.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:37 AM

20. They didn't forget. What do you think the IRS is for?

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:39 AM

23. Many of these violations are illegal and can result in lawsuits.

"Marital status" is a protected class, and that includes those who are not married. I will say I am bit put off by the tone of the article because it almost makes it sound as if GLB people should not be looking for marriage equality. You know what? There are also plenty of content single GLB people, as well.

I get that unmarried people often get the shaft, ESPECIALLY single people, meaning not in any relationship. I have been single, and I am STILL unmarried, despite being with him for 11 years, I have no choice. So, we also get the unmarried bias too; trust me! It is tax season people, and once again my partner filed as "SINGLE" and I am a "dependant!"

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #23)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 03:06 AM

32. Ok, it's not just me then.

I noted the equality bit as well, or a hint of it.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:35 AM

29. Bah. If they were all that important, they might find someone to love them.

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Response to Bucky (Reply #29)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:36 AM

31. You tell 'em, Wanda!!

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 03:15 AM

33. The next frontier!

They are also discriminated against when it comes to holiday watchstanding in the military. This also happens to married people on unaccompanied tours, but the single people take the brunt of it, and without any additional compensation, often as not.

"Well, you don't have a family here--so why do YOU need (insert holiday) off?"

They also are assigned shittier housing in barracks (or the more modern "dorms" in some branches), where they can't keep a pet, while their married counterparts can have Fluffy or Spot in their quarters.

It would be nice if a single person could participate in and assign their military post-retirement Survivor Benefit Plan to a relative or friend, but that option isn't available to them.

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Response to MADem (Reply #33)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:20 AM

39. I hadn't realized that, not being from a military background or family,

so thanks for pointing that out. That's also grossly unfair, especially considering that single military personnel are putting their lives on the line just as much as those who are married.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #39)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 04:31 PM

64. Military people get paid less, too, if they are single. Family allowances are not insignificant,

and single people who don't have children don't get 'em. One's salary is only a small piece of the pie...it's the allowances that add up, if you're getting enough of them.

The MWR/MWA agencies (morale, welfare, recreation--responsible for "off duty fun" like bowling alleys, swimming pools, clubs, tix/tours, things like that) fired up a Single Servicemember program about twenty or so years ago that provides little perks here and there for the singles, but most of those opportunities are also made available to families, too.

The single individual in uniform will work harder and get less for their trouble. That didn't happen when I was in charge (I was never afraid of doling out liberty when people worked hard and effectively), but I was only in charge of a very small corner of the big picture.

People do notice when they aren't being treated fairly! Not enough times do the brass listen to the singles--they're very focused on the issues of the "military family" and how the spouse/kids manage when the servicemember is deployed--but everyone needs to be heard, IMO. Singles have parents, siblings, friends, etc. These people mean as much to them as a spouse and kids.

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Response to MADem (Reply #33)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 04:33 PM

65. The same is true in the corporate world.

In the early 1980s, I had an interview with a VP-level woman in my corporation. She asked if I ever felt discriminated against because I am a woman. My company has very good programs that eliminate most corporate discrimination and do a fairly good job of punishing personal discrimination. But, I told her, I did feel discriminated against as a single person. Whenever there was a time-critical situation, I was always the one called. "We need someone to fly to Minneapolis tomorrow." "We need someone to work this weekend (or this holiday) to fix this problem." It was never the married folk who were called in; it was always us singles.

The VP agreed. She had experienced the same thing, and stated that, frankly, she didn't see that changing any time soon. It's 30 years later, and it still has not changed.


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Response to Staph (Reply #65)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:17 AM

76. Many companies

 

I have worked for tend not to hire singles if they are 30+. They think married people are more stable, responsible etc. One of my bosses told me not to hire anyone that was single as in never married and over age 30.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 06:05 AM

35. Married but childless.

You think you've got it tough? If you don't have kids, you're not only invisible; you never existed.

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Response to zanana1 (Reply #35)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:52 PM

49. You actually think it's different for single, childless people?

For us, it's a double-whammy.

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Response to zanana1 (Reply #35)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:20 AM

77. My wife and I have no kids

 

-our choice. We never felt the maternal instinct. We married in our mid 30's and hated going to weddings/family reunions because everyone would ask when we were going to have kids and when we told them it wasn't going to happen they looked at us like martians.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:11 AM

37. There is a huge

cultural, economic, and legal stigma to being single. That there must be something wrong with them, that they don't want to have a permanent mate/spouse/partner/whatever. Hell, writing this made it clear to me we don't even have vocabulary to adequately describe the situation succinctly and adequately. "Single" doesn't capture the intent to remain so, merely a state of being at that moment. "Unmarried" or "unwed" says that they ought to be so but aren't.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:23 AM

40. My favorite greeting upon entering a restaurant is

"Just one?" As if being by yourself is such a let down and unusual. If greeted that way sometimes makes me want to decrease the tip or to increase it just to make them feel bad.

But mostly it always feels like I'm being greeted by disappointment. I usually respond by saying "Isn't that enough?" or if I'm feeling particularly snarky, "Is there a 2 person minimum?" That usually gets the point across.

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Response to namaste2 (Reply #40)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:33 AM

42. What sort of greeting would you recommend to help the host/ess

determine how many are in your party?

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Response to Sheldon Cooper (Reply #42)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:31 PM

69. Hi Sheldon.

I think just assuming if a person is standing alone with no one else around is waiting to be seated at a table. Just ask may I show you to a table? If I was waiting for someone, I can certainly notifiy the hostess there will be another person joining me. I have had hostesses ask me if they could help me as if I wandered to ask for directions or something. Is it possible that they had never seen a person dine alone before? I replied I was actually interested in eating lunch! I am not a sensitive person and I give everyone slack, but there is a pattern that becomes way too familiar and makes you feel apart from everyone else.

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Response to namaste2 (Reply #69)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 09:43 AM

74. I hear ya!

I don't go to restaurants alone (except for maybe McDonald's or something) so I really haven't run into this. I can see where it would be aggravating. The simplest thing for me would be to ask 'how many in your party today?'. That covers everything, I would think.

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Response to namaste2 (Reply #69)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:45 AM

86. I preempt that by walking up to the hostess and saying

"One for lunch/dinner."

I've been solo most of my life, so it doesn't bother me.

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Response to Lydia Leftcoast (Reply #86)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 09:52 PM

90. Hi Lydia~

Yes, that is a good suggestion. It just seems like perky, young things come up and in very loud voices announce to everyone nearby "Just one?" I know they mean well, but...by then everyone is turning around to see the "just one" person. It's a good thing I like to cook

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Response to namaste2 (Reply #40)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:40 AM

43. LOL, good for you!

As an only child, I never minded doing things alone and I still don't (just because you're married doesn't mean you never do anything alone again); I've never minded eating out or going to movies or anything else like that alone. What I did and DO mind is exactly the kind of attitude you're describing. I think it's getting a lot better than it used to be, but there's still a ways to go, especially in certain areas of the country.

I remember once, when I was still single, being at a restaurant where, after I was seated, I waited for a menu and service. And waited. And waited. And waited and waited and waited and waited. I watched as others were seated and served, both couples and parties with more than two people. I was completely and dismissively ignored, couldn't even get the attention of anyone. As is my habit when dining alone, I'd brought a newspaper and book with me and proceeded to read the newspaper to pass the time. After a half hour, I'd finally had enough and just stood up and started to walk out. The hostess stopped me, asking what was going on. I told her that I wasn't in the habit of waiting a half hour just to get a menu and if they were that overwhelmed I'd give them a break and just take my money elsewhere, that my money was just as good as those who had more than one person in their party. She didn't say anything to that and actually let a customer just walk out the door. Fortunately, that kind of extreme experience was rare, but the attitude wasn't and still isn't.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #43)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:34 PM

70. I guess I can't figure out

if the wait staff isn't interested in helping a single diner because the tip won't be so big, or it is okay to ignore just one person because they don't count as much? I guess it depends on the person, but either way it is annoying and discriminating.

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Response to namaste2 (Reply #40)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:51 PM

103. Worse than "just One" I was seated at a big round table

with eight chairs in the middle of the restaurant one time.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:19 AM

45. Interesting framing here as gay couples ARE unmarried, headlines about possible changes to the

law are not actual changes to the law. Unmarried but not single. To imply gay people are able to marry and are not in fact still legally just unmarried people is a hell of a thing to do when claiming to be standing up for the unmarried. Perhaps the author meant to stand up for the Actually Single as opposed to the merely unmarried? Those forced to be unmarried don't count?
In most States, it is legal to openly deny housing and employment to gay people, our social security reverts to the system, we are counted as single for insurance rates, all of the things the author claims happen to the unmarried while claiming gay marriage gets all the headlines. Geez.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 12:20 PM

48. Don't forget those who are without dependent children

I just got my first training on ACA as a casework. In my state if you are between 18-49 and don't have dependents you will not be getting any medicaid. You will either buy your own insurance, pay the penalty or possibly be elilgible for the subisdy. Possibly, unless your income is too high, in which case you are going to have to buy it or take the hit.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:18 PM

51. So there isn't enough animosity to go around?

Race, Nationality, Ideology, Class, there just aren't enough different people to hate so let's start hating on married people. And parents.

I love the complaints. "They pay more for health insurance. Really? Find me a single person paying $1500 a MONTH for health insurance.

"They may be denied housing". Really? Where? I have seen tons of places where "no children" are allowed, I have never seen one that says "no single people".

They receive fewer employee benefits. Yes well, when you are supporting one person instead of 5 you may get less benefits. Sorry.

And their Social Security balances revert to the Federal System upon death. Well, who should they go to is there is no next of kin?

You know, I understand it's tax time and people get angry but really, it's the fault of married people?

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Response to SomethingFishy (Reply #51)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 01:38 PM

54. Nope

Not the fault of married people. But the fault of a government that favors and holds up marriage as the be all and end all.

Funny thing happened along the way of doing our 2012 taxes this year . . .

And on a Saturday morning I woke my husband up almost on the verge of tears after plugging in our numbers.

I showed him my screen.

He says, "What's that?"

Me, "I don't know. I've heard they exist but I've never seen one."


We got married this past April at 39 and 43. Both high earners without the baggage/dead weight of prior children/marriages dragging us down financially. We - as SINGLES always paid. There's alway some loophole. Even when as an opposite sex couple we LIVED together (NJ only recognizes domestic partners for the purpose of the renters tax credit, etc. etc. for same sex couples) - we didn't see that.

I've seriously never seen a Federal Refund in my adult life. Neither has my husband.


A funny thing happened in 2012 - we got married. Who knew marriage was such a profitable enterprise.

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Response to SomethingFishy (Reply #51)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:37 AM

84. No one said it is the "fault of married people"

The animosity was created by yourself, with that comment.

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Response to treestar (Reply #84)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 01:12 PM

88. Right, no animosity in this thread...

until I joined it

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 03:15 PM

60. Not to pick nits but --

I have heard the reason married people pay less for car insurance is the same reason people over the age of 25 pay less for car insurance: they have fewer accidents. That isn't discrimination, that's reflecting their cost to the system. Actuarials and all that.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 03:49 PM

61. Singles also die earlier

so there's that too.

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Response to nachosgrande (Reply #61)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:17 PM

99. It's not because of the "lifestyle"

but because there is nobody around to call for the ambulance if you collapse at home.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 04:07 PM

63. Bella DePaolo's blog

At Psychology Today is one I've read for years.

She has this article - 11 Meaningful Facts About Single People. When you go to her blog - you'll find links with data supporting each of the 11 facts.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201302/more-sex-11-meaningful-facts-about-single-people

When you go to her blog - click on each of the 11 facts I've excerpted below and that will take you to the back up data.

Real single people live bigger, more interesting, and more meaningful lives than those very circumscribed topics would suggest. So here, in tribute to the real lives of single people, are 10 meaningful things you might want to know about them. Click the links and you can read more about each finding, including appropriate qualifications.

1 Singles value meaningful work, and always have

2 Single people have a more diverse set of confidants than married people do

3 Women who get married get fatter. (Men probably do, too.)

4 Single men have good hearts

5 People who stay single exercise more than married or once-married people do

6 For single people (but not married ones), greater self-sufficiency means fewer negative feelings

7 Married people exchange much less help with their parents and parents-in-law combined than single people do with just their parents. It is the single people who are there for mom and dad.

8 Single people are more likely than married people to have regularly looked after someone who was sick or disabled or elderly, for at least three months

9 Single people are “more likely to spend time with friends and neighbors than people who are married, and…more likely to volunteer in civic organizations.”

10 You know all those things that supposedly go wrong in the lives of the children of single parents? In each of these examples of presumably bad outcomes, the vast majority of the children of single parents are doing just fine.

11 Think there is a marriage penalty? Actually, it is a singles penalty. Single people are subsidizing the breaks married people get in domains such as taxes, health spending, housing, and Social Security

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #63)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 04:55 PM

66. Thanks for posting that, it needs

wider distribution. I'm married now, but I didn't get married until I was nearly 43 and I'm planning on helping to start a singles ministry at my church, and this will help.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #66)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 07:52 PM

67. Yes, I enjoyed reading it too

Good luck with the singles ministry. That's a wonderful thing to do.

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Response to liberalhistorian (Reply #66)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:39 AM

85. My own personal experience with singles' ministries

is that they bring together a bunch of people whose only common trait is that they're single. They're an attempt to broaden the focus of a church that is already compartmentalized: couples' group, youth group, stay-at-home mothers' group, children's group, seniors' group.

Still, having a singles' group is better than organizing one's church so that everyone except singles has a group.

However, my preferred approach is churches that are organized along interest groups rather than status groups and making it clear that everyone is welcome to participate, or age groups irrespective of marital status. I've been in two churches that had highly successful groups for people in their 20's and 30's, both single and married.

I think that not having age- or marital-status specific groups other than for children and teens in itself sends a message that singles are welcome.

Maybe a singles' group will work in your church, but I'd suggest figuring out how many singles are already in your parish and what their ages and interests are. If they're too diverse, it won't work very well.

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #63)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:33 AM

80. Another thing

It does not meant being lonely.

I have a hard time finding time for myself!

Parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts/uncles, friends - always have something to do.

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Response to treestar (Reply #80)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 01:00 PM

93. I Agree!

Dig through Bella's work - she's highlighted how much fuller the lives of singles are. I got married last year at 39. I moved to NJ 7 years ago not knowing a soul.

I made my own family down here and new friends.


Between traveling back home or to family in other places, my NJ hand picked family, or friends around the world - I learned to relish my free time. I actually "lied" a few holidays so I could just stay home in my pjs and eat ice cream for Easter dinner.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Thu Feb 28, 2013, 08:11 PM

68. Single and Childless.

And I have never wanted it any other way. Somehow I knew I just never wanted children and while I am not opposed to getting married I have just not met the right person yet. I am not unhappy alone. In fact, I find it quite easy. Relationships seem so complicated and I kind of like the simplicity of being on my own and doing what I want when I want.

I wouldn't be opposed to coupling up if I met someone great, but it would have to be an easy relationship or else it just wouldn't be worth it.

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Response to smirkymonkey (Reply #68)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:37 AM

83. Cheerfully child-free here too

I was 10 years old when I knew that I never wanted to get married or have kids.

My paternal aunts, all unmarried, traveled around the world after they retired. They were quite happy without hubby and kids of their own. They would visit my mom and help her when they could after my dad died. My Aunt Mary even treated my mom and me on a trip to England, Ireland and Wales when I was 12.

My mom told me that if she had never met my dad, she would have happily remained in Alaska, where she was after serving in the US Army during World War II. My mom hated the term spinster. Single men would be praised as bachelors but single women were scorned as spinsters. She never remarried after my dad died, her reason -- most men don't want to take care of another man's children. I also think it was because she married my dad because she loved him , not his paycheck.

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Response to smirkymonkey (Reply #68)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 11:46 PM

91. I am single and childless. I am single because I am highly selective.

I don't become interested in a woman unless she is both highly educated, and independent. Top that off with me having a physical preference for how tall the woman is (I am attracted to tall women that aren't too tall for my tastes) and how attractive she is (highly attractive with a specific mouth shape) and one starts to understand why I am single.

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Response to bluestate10 (Reply #91)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 08:16 AM

92. I am also highly selective.

Not so much on looks, but on intelligence, kindness, compassion and an ability to take care of himself (doesn't need a mommy)

Looks don't hurt however. I like a full mouth. I hate chicken lips.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Fri Mar 1, 2013, 10:28 AM

78. Single for most of my life. Richer for it when I was.

In my case: one can live more cheaply than two.

Being single only had one drawback: lack of two warm arms to hold me.

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Response to In_The_Wind (Reply #78)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:53 PM

105. "Being single only had one drawback: lack of two warm arms to hold me"

Single all my life and that's never been a problem for me.

But then I'm not afraid to ask my friends and family for hugs when I want one.

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Response to Tempest (Reply #105)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 11:00 PM

109. I have no family. no brothers or sisters. So you see where that leaves me.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 01:47 PM

95. The government doesn't care. The president has said time and time again he stands up for hard


working families. That's who they care about.

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Response to RB TexLa (Reply #95)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:52 PM

104. You are, of course, assuming he is using the narrow traditional family definition

A family these days consist of distant relatives in the same household, unmarried couples and same sex couples, among others.

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Response to Tempest (Reply #104)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:53 PM

106. No one lives in my house with me.

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Response to Redfairen (Original post)

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:56 PM

107. The IRS sure doesn't think you are invisible. I get

a good portion of my pension and SS confiscated from me because I am
considered rich for making over $25000.

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