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Mon Feb 25, 2013, 02:55 PM

If you overheard someone using a vulgar word for a woman, would you intervene

and tell them they shouldn't use that word or language? Say you are in a crowd of people, it could be waiting in a line for a movie or at a bus stop or in an cafeteria setting in an office building. And someone that you don't know but you overhear them talking to another person, and they say something like "That c*** is always talking about me behind my back!" or something like that with the vulgar word, would you step in and admonish them, a stranger?

Just curious. By the way this is not anything that happened but I was just curious what peoples reactions would be in this situation. Personally, I would mind my own business.

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Reply If you overheard someone using a vulgar word for a woman, would you intervene (Original post)
quinnox Feb 2013 OP
JustAnotherGen Feb 2013 #1
CherokeeDem Feb 2013 #30
dipsydoodle Feb 2013 #2
EastKYLiberal Feb 2013 #3
Algebra Palin Feb 2013 #4
geek tragedy Feb 2013 #5
cthulu2016 Feb 2013 #6
GRENADE Feb 2013 #7
Tommy_Carcetti Feb 2013 #8
HiPointDem Feb 2013 #9
gollygee Feb 2013 #10
The2ndWheel Feb 2013 #11
HappyMe Feb 2013 #12
MineralMan Feb 2013 #13
slackmaster Feb 2013 #14
benld74 Feb 2013 #15
sinkingfeeling Feb 2013 #16
backtoblue Feb 2013 #17
narnian60 Feb 2013 #38
Betsy Ross Feb 2013 #18
unblock Feb 2013 #19
CTyankee Feb 2013 #20
rrneck Feb 2013 #21
LadyHawkAZ Feb 2013 #22
OceanEcosystem Feb 2013 #23
TheCowsCameHome Feb 2013 #24
Capt. Obvious Feb 2013 #25
Skittles Feb 2013 #26
Little Star Feb 2013 #27
Enrique Feb 2013 #28
Upton Feb 2013 #29
Lil Missy Feb 2013 #31
MrSlayer Feb 2013 #32
Ilsa Feb 2013 #33
Bay Boy Feb 2013 #37
Ilsa Feb 2013 #42
Callmecrazy Feb 2013 #34
intaglio Feb 2013 #35
madokie Feb 2013 #36
Xithras Feb 2013 #39
Demo_Chris Feb 2013 #40
Marr Feb 2013 #41
GreenStormCloud Feb 2013 #43
snooper2 Feb 2013 #44
cherokeeprogressive Feb 2013 #45
quinnox Feb 2013 #46
cherokeeprogressive Feb 2013 #48
quinnox Feb 2013 #49
bluestate10 Feb 2013 #47
mokawanis Feb 2013 #50
cliffordu Feb 2013 #51
DrDan Feb 2013 #52
southernyankeebelle Feb 2013 #53
Kalidurga Feb 2013 #54
LittleBlue Feb 2013 #55

Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:00 PM

1. Nope!

I would not. If they are beating up a woman and saying that - I would intervene. At least call the cops.


If they are gossiping? Then I mind my own god damned business.


Sometimes we forget in our lust and zest to be all progressive that we too can live and let live, measure the weight of what we are presented with, and proactively made decisions about what hills we are willing to die on.

That's not a hill I'm willing to die on. And as much as I hate some language - I'm 40. I'm telling you - it's not changing in my lifetime. The bullying amongst girls (leave glbt teens out of it) just AMONGST girls was just as bad if not worse in the mid 1980's. We were just BRUTAL to teach other.

And now I understand - girls are still just vicious to each other?

Change that - and you'll change the language. Change it before they even start picking friends based upon who gets attention from boys and you'll change it. Anything else? It's just being judgmental, rude, and intrusive.

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #1)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:30 PM

30. This...

Sometimes we forget in our lust and zest to be all progressive that we too can live and let live, measure the weight of what we are presented with, and proactively made decisions about what hills we are willing to die on.

After seeing all the responses to Michelle Obama's Oscars appearance that have permeated this board...this is the most sane and rational comment I have seen all day...or in a long time, for that matter.

We do need to keep perspective and measure the weight of what we are presented with. Otherwise, our message and our actions are lost in things we can't change.

Thanks for the sanity....

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:01 PM

2. In the context you've used

it means idiot or similar.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:01 PM

3. No. With the amount of guns on the streets, I avoid conflict at all costs. nt

 

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:01 PM

4. no.

what is this? demolition man?
lol.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:02 PM

5. In a country with 300 million firearms? No thanks, nt

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:02 PM

6. People telling strangers what words they should use is

dystopian to the extreme.

It is a feature of worlds like those of 1984, or Brazil (movie, not country) or the aftermath of the Cultural Revolution or any theocracy.

That said, if someone feels like doing it then that's their right.

Speaking for myself, I am not very comfortable with telling fellow citizens what to do. (I may be neuroticaly anti-authoritarian. I am not even all that comfortable with the waiter/patron relationship.)

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:03 PM

7. nope

 

i would mind my own business, unless someone was using words like that towards a woman i care about.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:04 PM

8. I remember overhearing a white woman call a black woman a "N___" in the store parking lot

I felt like butting in and giving her a piece of my mind but held back. In retrospect, I felt guilty not having spoken up.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:04 PM

9. no. on a discussion board, however, i expect it. because the function of a political discussion

 

board to is discuss political things.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:09 PM

10. Strangers? Who might or might be carrying a gun?

No.

But let's say I was at a rally for a liberal political candidate where it would be reasonably safe to assume the people surrounding me had liberal values. In that case, I might say something depending on how safe I felt. If it were someone I were acquainted with, I would absolutely say something.

Would I say something if someone used the F word or the N word? Again, if I felt safe, yes. If I were worried I might get beat up or shot, then no.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:09 PM

11. No

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:10 PM

12. No.

As much as I hate that word, I won't interfere in somebody's gossip or conversation. It's a good way to get your ass kicked.

I don't think it's up me to patrol what others are saying.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:12 PM

13. No, but a public place is not a discussion forum, either.

Not equivalent in any way. In a crowd, I'm not discussing things with random persons.

Now, if that person directed that insult to me or someone directly, then I would certainly say something. But I'm not in the business of going after someone for a statement about someone else I do not know and who is not present.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:12 PM

14. Unless it was someone whose behavior I was responsible for, e.g. a minor child under my care, no.

 

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:13 PM

15. Truthfully, it would depend on my mood on that day,

some days I would let it go. Other days l-o-o-k o-u-t!!!

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:32 PM

16. Interesting. I probably wouldn't say anything directly to the person, but I would give them

my 'death' stare and probably make some type of snide comment about the lack of vocabulary in the town or how only stupid people use vulgar language.

I've been known to do such things and that probably explains why twice I've been chased by men in cars. (I'm a 65 yr.-old female).

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:35 PM

17. I wouldn't say anything because I don't want to get shot, BUT I would...

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Response to backtoblue (Reply #17)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 06:40 PM

38. Hahahaha. Good one.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 03:44 PM

18. I frequently do.

I go crazy refers to the women at work as girls. Call them girls, pay them as girls. I want the wages of an adult.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:01 PM

19. nope! mrs. unblock can use that word wheneeeeeever she wants!

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:06 PM

20. The look of shock on my face would speak volumes.

If I said anything to accompany the look it would probably be to say "unbelievable!" and shake my head...

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:07 PM

21. No. nt

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:18 PM

22. I can't answer that with a yes or no

a lot would be dependent on the situation, the speaker and who s/he was saying it to. In your example situation, no.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:18 PM

23. What about a slur directed against a man (instead of a woman?)

 

Would you intervene on behalf of that man? Or would you say, "He's a man, let him fend for himself?"

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:21 PM

24. No, not with so many gun humpers on the loose out there.

However, I would consider it an act of ignorance/stupidity on their part.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:22 PM

25. You're taking the Meta out of Meta

And I mind my own business.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:23 PM

26. I would kick their f***ing ass

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:26 PM

27. I would speak up and I have done so before. Things will never change for the better if..

people just silently accept bigotry.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:29 PM

28. that's why I always carry soap with me

so I can wash strangers' mouths out if necessary.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:29 PM

29. Nope..it's none of my business..

and out in public, I expect people to mind their own business when it comes to myself as well..

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:32 PM

31. No.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:34 PM

32. No. Nor would I suffer some jackass butting in on my conversation.

 

Anyone that did so would get a serious tongue lashing of their own.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:34 PM

33. It would depend on the season and if kids were near.

I might ask them not to use that language in front of children.

If it's warm and it is apparent they aren't carrying a concealed weapon, I might speak up.

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Response to Ilsa (Reply #33)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 05:40 PM

37. Don't trust your powers of observation...

...even in a t-shirt and shorts you would not know I'm carrying. Now if
I were wearing a Speedo...

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Response to Bay Boy (Reply #37)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:22 PM

42. Duly noted! LoL. Excellent point. nt

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:35 PM

34. If they were talking with me in public I would end the conversation...

I believe that free speech is just that. If I am offended by the language then I just stop the conversation. I don't tell people what words to use.
Usually people who speak with those words don't have a very broad vocabulary or are very young.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:47 PM

35. Depends on the level of abuse

A person ranting to a woman in public needs to be aware that, at least, there is someone nearby who looks willing to intervene. The same applies to racist taunting and abusing children. I have been in such situations and have called the police. I have also been assaulted because I was interfering. (no harm done though his attempt to "nut" me did end up a light bruise to my head and a bloody nose for him - at which point he ran,)

Simple denigration in a conversation between strangers in the street? Well, what am I doing listening to private conversations?

Conversations in the workplace? Perhaps not, can be difficult especially when the offender is the boss but pointing out discrimination lawsuits cost money worked with one racist POS

Acquaintances? Yes, and I have done.

Public statements of hatred meant to be overheard? Oppose, politely but firmly.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 04:50 PM

36. Good way to get shot or worse

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 06:55 PM

39. It largely depends on how it's being used.

If two guys are talking and one refers to his girlfriend as a "c*nt", I'd take it as a confirmation of that persons lack of intelligence and their personality, but I don't make it my job to confront every idiot I meet.

If some guy is calling his girlfriend a "c*nt" in front of me as a demeaning personal attack, then you bet your britches I'll be getting involved in that one. I'm not going to stand by while some jagoff degrades and insults a woman in front of me.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 06:57 PM

40. No, but I have told friends I will not tolerate certain language n/t

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:00 PM

41. No, because it's only a word.

They are free to say anything they like. People will likely think them uncouth as a result.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:37 PM

43. No way.

I like my nose just the way it is.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:46 PM

44. I would gather everyone else that was within earshot

and pull them to the side and explain how they were about to take part in a poll...

Draw a line in the dirt with my shoe-

Everyone who was offended to the right, others to the left..

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:51 PM

45. I used to have season tickets to Dodger Stadium and the seats behind me belonged to season

ticket holders as well. The people who owned them used to sell them on Stub Hub every couple of weeks. One night two punks sat behind us and if the word wasn't dog or fool, it was fuck, fucking, cocksucker, pussy, cunt, ass, tits, you name it. I was there with my Wife. I politely turned and asked if they could watch the language since my Wife was getting uncomfortable. She then became the bitch, I became the cocksucker, and they just kept swilling beers and getting worse.

After about an hour I got up and went to one of the Sheriff's Deputies on duty and explained to him what was going on. He asked if my wife had a cell phone and instructed me to call her up to the concession area. Then two ushers and two Deputies went down to where they were. One mouthed off to one of the Deputies and both left in handcuffs. The surrounding crowd literally cheered as they were being led away.

I didn't buy another beer the rest of the night, but drank so many my Wife had to drive us home.

At 6' and 235lbs I'm not exactly a small guy so I don't mind speaking up and am certainly not possessed of an irrational fear that everyone has a gun and is going to shoot me.

I've had no trouble to this point.

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #45)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:55 PM

46. cool



I'm just jealous you used to have season tickets to the Dodgers.

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Response to quinnox (Reply #46)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 08:01 PM

48. Loge, third base side, Row AA, Seats 1 and 2. Aisle seats.

Just a section or two beyond third base. I bought them when I sold real estate and used to give about 1 in 4 away to potential buyers.

Bonus: They came with Stadium Club passes. We used to tip the hell out of the bartenders and if we were going to be late, the bartender closest to the door used to put drinks at the end of the bar so we'd have seats when we got there. Once I even got a birthday gift! The best part though was when Tommy Lasorda would come and flirt with my wife who always wore an electric blue wig to the games.

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #48)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 08:04 PM

49. that is awesome

I never got to sit in those kinds of seats, we would usually be in the level above the field, facing the diamond and the pitcher, usually at an angle. They weren't bad seats, but nothing like your seats.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 07:58 PM

47. I do. I have grown in that regard as I grew older. I didn't use vulgar terms when

talking about women, but I didn't shut people down that were using the terms.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 08:11 PM

50. If a stranger said it? Probably not

I did intervene when I saw a drunk man swearing at a woman at a bus stop once, because she asked for my help, but in the example you gave I don't think I'd confront someone.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 08:17 PM

51. If a stranger does it, I move along and curse the shithead under my breath.

I don't tolerate that language - along with any of the other sexist pejoratives we have been discussing here amongst people who I would consider friends.

I ALWAYS express my disapproval. I am NOT polite about it.

I have been known to get up close and personal over the most egregious sexist phrases, and the ugliest racist words.


But I am a hypocrite:

I have used some of the lesser pejoritive words in a rage.

When I was younger, mostly.... and once or twice on this very board.

I am trying to be a better man, but, I might not ever really be that.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 08:22 PM

52. if I was with my wife, my daughter, my son's gf or my granddaughter I would definitely say something

no need, in my opinion, for that language around women important in my life

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 08:27 PM

53. Honestly I would hope the people in front of us standing in a line realizes that there are children

 

and parents around. It depended on who was in front of me talking like that. Now I use to work in a place where we had many people come in to play Volley Ball, Basketball all kinds of sports. Some like basketball play each other on organized games. I tell you this when I was a supervisor and I heard people use foul language I would remind them where they are at. Usually the apologize and don't do it again.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 10:47 PM

54. A frequent question in Minnesota when someone talks like that is...

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? I have never had to ask it. But, I have been asked once or twice.

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Response to quinnox (Original post)

Mon Feb 25, 2013, 10:56 PM

55. No. It's none of my business what language people use

I'd only intervene if the person was verbally assaulting a woman with those words

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