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Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:11 PM

Surely, DU can improve this Tea Party graphic: What would the Republican do with two cows?

I enjoy a laugh at my expense, and I'll admit this made me chuckle.



However, there is something not quite right about that last entry. A Republican with two cows sells one, buys a bull, and builds a herd? That doesn't sound right to me. First, most Republicans I know can't do anything without whining about their taxes and complaining about President Obama for at least an hour, and by then their cattle will have surely run off. Moreover, Republican ranchers in Nebraska would want some form of farm subsidy. Deb Fischer (R & Welfare Rancher, NE) would want to graze on government lands, and would pass a law to steal her neighbor's lands -- but that's a story for another thread.

In your opinion, what would the Republican do with two cows?

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Reply Surely, DU can improve this Tea Party graphic: What would the Republican do with two cows? (Original post)
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 OP
Xipe Totec Feb 2013 #1
baldguy Feb 2013 #2
wandy Feb 2013 #3
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #12
Drunken Irishman Feb 2013 #4
bakpakr Feb 2013 #5
gollygee Feb 2013 #17
Demo_Chris Feb 2013 #28
magical thyme Feb 2013 #33
hfojvt Feb 2013 #36
Ian David Feb 2013 #52
Rex Feb 2013 #6
stopwastingmymoney Feb 2013 #45
surrealAmerican Feb 2013 #7
hay rick Feb 2013 #8
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #13
NV Whino Feb 2013 #9
Deb Feb 2013 #10
Gemini Cat Feb 2013 #11
wickerwoman Feb 2013 #14
magical thyme Feb 2013 #34
Whisp Feb 2013 #15
Kalidurga Feb 2013 #16
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #23
Monk06 Feb 2013 #18
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #22
Monk06 Feb 2013 #30
JHB Feb 2013 #19
Historic NY Feb 2013 #20
jmowreader Feb 2013 #21
Mister Ed Feb 2013 #24
Phlem Feb 2013 #25
kestrel91316 Feb 2013 #26
Deep13 Feb 2013 #27
BlueJazz Feb 2013 #47
Pretzel_Warrior Feb 2013 #29
Notafraidtoo Feb 2013 #31
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #32
gulliver Feb 2013 #35
treestar Feb 2013 #39
Nevernose Feb 2013 #37
treestar Feb 2013 #38
bemildred Feb 2013 #40
Katashi_itto Feb 2013 #41
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #50
Katashi_itto Feb 2013 #51
1-Old-Man Feb 2013 #42
SomethingFishy Feb 2013 #43
OmahaBlueDog Feb 2013 #44
Ikonoklast Feb 2013 #46
muriel_volestrangler Feb 2013 #48
lastlib Feb 2013 #49
Ian David Feb 2013 #53
DiverDave Feb 2013 #54
wickerwoman Feb 2013 #55

Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:14 PM

1. Use them for target practice. nt

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:17 PM

2. Easy. Castrate the bull.

Then blame everyone else when they don't breed.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:23 PM

3. Republican: You have two cows. You don't feed them.......

You salt the ground they might feed on. With no bulls in sight you ridicule them for keeping company together. You blame the brown cow for the spotted cows problems. You buy a sizable armory to 'protect' the rights of you're cows.
When they die of neglect...
You blame Obama.

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Response to wandy (Reply #3)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:01 PM

12. +1

Anything where they can blame Obama they like

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:27 PM

4. Republican...

You have two cows. One dies from disease because it wasn't properly taken care of and the other is infected with BSE, so, it has to be put down. Now you have zero cows, your farm was just foreclosed on because the mortgage company wouldn't help you refinance your mortgage or listen to your pleas about losing your business. You're forced to move in with your mother-in-law, who only lives in a three bedroom house - and to make ends meet, you find yourself working a crummy job for minimum wage and then collecting food stamps.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:31 PM

5. My take

<a href=".html" target="_blank"><img src="" border="0" alt=" photo Cowface_zps07569c96.jpg"/></a>

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Response to bakpakr (Reply #5)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:31 PM

17. +1

Like it.

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Response to bakpakr (Reply #5)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 01:46 AM

28. Nice.

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Response to bakpakr (Reply #5)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:57 AM

33. ding.ding.ding. we have a winner

One teeny typo in last sentence, "gives" should be "give."

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Response to bakpakr (Reply #5)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:32 PM

36. it should be more like

Republican - You have two MILLION cows you inherited from your father. You pay undocumented workers sub-minimum wages to take care of them and use the extra profit to donate to candidates who then write laws allowing them to graze on public lands for minimal fees, and to allow you to continue to let their waste pollute the river where the nearby town gets its water and to sell tainted meat without inspections. When people get sick from the meat, you fire them from their jobs at the meat packing plant which you also own. In the newspaper you own, you pay people to write stories about how any one can be rich if they just work hard enough, and how unions and safety nets are bad for economic growth.

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Response to bakpakr (Reply #5)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 07:56 PM

52. THAT sounds about right! n/t

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:34 PM

6. Republican

You have two cows. You kill both immediately and leave the carcases to rot in the sun. You then blame everyone else for your two dead cows.

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Response to Rex (Reply #6)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 04:45 PM

45. That's the one!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:35 PM

7. Notice how the republican in this parable ...

... doesn't have a neighbor. Maybe he stole the neighbor's cows and took his land.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:36 PM

8. You sell them both and buy two bulls.

Now you produce even more bullshit.

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Response to hay rick (Reply #8)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:02 PM

13. +1 BS is their principal output

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:40 PM

9. Produce a lot of bullshit.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:58 PM

10. Pull teats and trade the milk for pork

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:00 PM

11. Republican:

The republican will puff up their sunken chest, squeal like an angry pig about big government and 'those' people, then vote against their best economic interest, all because they don't want 'those' people getting something. They'll vote republican even if it means the loss of their cows to a big cattle rancher.
They might accidentally shoot one of the cows as well, after a heavy night of cow humping.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:03 PM

14. Exercise their God-given right to eat steak.

Complain the next day that they only have one cow left.

Pray to God to make their one cow pregnant.

Burn some witches because it doesn't work.

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Response to wickerwoman (Reply #14)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:59 AM

34. damn, another winner!!!!

While burning the witches, steal their cows!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:03 PM

15. Here is what Romney does with cows.

or are the cows doing him?

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:28 PM

16. Your a Republican you have two cows...

you apply for government subsidies and produce nothing on your farm. Then complain about "welfare" moms being takers and a drain on society.

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Response to Kalidurga (Reply #16)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 11:31 PM

23. ^^^also this one!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:40 PM

18. REPUBLICAN; create a public company listing the cows as your principle asset. Then launch and IPO

an lie about the amount of milk the cows produce.

Once the stock reaches it's maximum value, mortgage the cows until the company has many more times debt than capital.

Make sure the CEO gets at least $30 million per year in compensation.

When the company has been stripped of cash and the assets are mortgaged to the hilt, declare bankruptcy and leave the investors holding the bag, especially if those investors are pension funds.

Lastly, get the government to bail you out so you can buy two new cows and start all over again after changing the name of the company.

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Response to Monk06 (Reply #18)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 11:30 PM

22. ^^^This one!!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Reply #22)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 02:53 AM

30. It's the Mitt Romney way so you know works. Just think the guy who did business this way almost


became president of the United States.

It was a close fucking call.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:42 PM

19. Republican: you have two cows...

...and they both tell you that you're the dumb one in the pasture for thinking such an oversimplified and ham-handed caricature is clever.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:56 PM

20. Republicans would try to milk the bulls for all they're worth then ..

send them to the packing house.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 11:04 PM

21. Let me try

Socialist: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

Communist: You wouldn't have had two cows in the first place because all cows are the property of the people.

Democrat: You have two cows. Your neighbor to the left doesn't have any, and your neighbor on the right has a bull...so you loan your neighbor on the left one cow, and offer to give your neighbor on the right a calf if he loans you his bull every spring. Five years later each of you has a small herd of cattle.

Republican: You have two cows. You eat one. You trade the other for a gun so you can help yourself to the Democrats' cows. Six months later you find yourself in prison for cattle rustling. You blame the Democrats for not having repealed the law against rustling yet.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:23 AM

24. One part's right. The Republicans I know all buy a LOT of bull. n/t

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 01:03 AM

25. F' em both and wonder why he's not making anymore cows.



-p

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 01:09 AM

26. Breed them to death.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 01:28 AM

27. Progressive Democrat: you don't have two cows...

...because you make crap and have no insurance. Besides, cows are bad for the environment. So the government increases the minimum wage, invests in infrastructure and education, raises taxes on the rich, ends reckless financial practices, and penalizes companies for sending jobs overseas. After a few years, you own shares in a soymilk plant.

Republican: Have sex with one cow and send the other to war. Then blame you for poor life decisions.

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Response to Deep13 (Reply #27)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 05:25 PM

47. "Sex with one cow and send the other to war"

Damn..that's funny!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 01:50 AM

29. Clearly Republican would form a defense contracting company and sell beef from both cows to Pentagon

 

for approximately $1000/pound. They would then invest the money in a real estate ponzi scheme, place ill gotten money into a Swiss bank account and then gripe about how corrupt government is.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 07:13 AM

31. I will never understand the guilty for being successful thing.

They talk a lot about how democrats think they should feel ashamed for being successful or they say i am not ashamed of being successful but what does that even mean? I cant fathom how people can even come to that conclusion. i don't know any liberals who think people should feel guilty for success.

Could it be they are letting us in on how they think? do they feel guilty for laying off people to get a bonus even when they don't have to and they will have to rehire people the next quarter to replace them. Are they projecting cause they feel guilty? or is it something in Conservative lizard brain that just latches on to this as some kinda logic, very weird.


Although they should feel guilty for

1.polluting and hurting people around their company's

2.laying off people they don't have to that are assets to the future of the company for a little bonus.

3.evading taxes when they rely so much on tax payer money,like police,roads investment into their infrastructure and government innovation like gps or internet or public education and student loans that give them their pool of employees that intern produce the wealth they acquire.

If this is what they mean well i wouldn't consider this success and yes they should be ashamed.

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Response to Notafraidtoo (Reply #31)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:51 AM

32. They don't understand why anyone should feel bad for their neighbor who has nothing

Conservatives see that as a sign of weakness on our part. The view is "I made it, so can my neighbor. Government doesn't need to be involved." That's a great theory if we're all honest and fair minded. Then we might help our neighbors ourselves. However, greed doesn't generally work that way. Generally, greed drives you to think of ways to screw your neighbors out of their cows, their land, and their routes to market. That is why we need government. At the end of the day, I see far more evil in corporations than I do in Government.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:09 PM

35. Working Class Republican

You have no cows. You used to have cows, a happy family, and a full head of teeth. The Republican with the two cows got your cows in exchange for some anti-black, anti-abortion, anti-gay magic beans. You wait patiently for the deal to pay off in the next life.

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Response to gulliver (Reply #35)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:38 PM

39. +10000000000

Nailed it!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:33 PM

37. There aren't cows in the Bible

Bulls are the only type of cattle mentioned, therefore cows are just malformed bulls. I'll simply wait here and watch some Fox News while my bulls reproduce through parthogenesis. If they don't reproduce, I'll blame evolutionists and The Gayz, then apply for federal farm subsidies, disability, unemployment, and some small business loans.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:38 PM

38. What's wrong with being a Democrat under that scenario?

The bit about the bull is ridiculous, as it does not apply to the correlation they are making. Even the communists would need bulls. They've tried to subtly change the issue from distribution of like things to the ability to make those things.

For continuity of the comparison they are making, they rather should say, "Republican: You have two cows. You go over to your neighbor and trick him into giving you his cow, and you get all the cows and you win."

Aside from the bit about "guilt" which is right wing imagination, the Democrat in that scenario is the most civilized. Left out completely of course, is the fact that there are people with zero cows, and what happens to them.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:41 PM

40. REPUBLICAN

You have two cows. A tornado rips through your farm, destroying your cow barn. Fortunately your cows were not in it at the time. You get a government loan to rebuild your barn, sell the cows and the barn, move the proceeds offshore, and go bankrupt. Then you buy two more cows.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:43 PM

41. Republican: You have two cows. You let them starve because you constantly dis-invest in your ranch

Complain to the govt and get subsidized for your loss. You don't bother getting more cows.

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Response to Katashi_itto (Reply #41)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 07:29 PM

50. You take the cows to a ranch in Mexico

you complain about high labor costs and taxes, while meanwhile putting your American ranch land into a CRP program and collecting money not to ranch.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Reply #50)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 07:30 PM

51. Excellent!

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:50 PM

42. Sell the cows and invest in derivatives in the bull semen market

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 01:07 PM

43. I have two cows, I see neighbors with nothing

I reach out and help them. Period.

I don't fucking tell them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and I certainly don't give them any so called "straight talk".

I help, without question and without expecting anything in return.

Republicans are absolutely within their rights to not help. You can't blame them, Republicans are nothing if not lazy and helping others is hard work.

Yeah I said it. Republicans are fucking lazy whiners.

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Response to SomethingFishy (Reply #43)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 04:19 PM

44. ^^^and this one

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 05:13 PM

46. Selling one cow to purchase a bull for breeding is imbecilic.

No real wannabe rancher or dairy farmer would do something that stupid...iunless they were Teabaggers who know jack squat about modern animal husbandry.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 05:46 PM

48. Keep one permanently pregnant, and go hiking with the other on the Appalachian Trail (nt)

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 06:40 PM

49. First of all, Republicans SELL bull.......or at least the end-product thereof...eom

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 08:00 PM

53. Don't forget, the Republican will have sex with the cows.

Bizarre Sex Habits of The Extreme Right-Wing
Reported by Ellen - May 6, 2005

Last night, anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley was a guest on The Alan Colmes Show, a FOX News radio program. The topic was an interesting one - whether or not an internet service provider should allow Horsley to post the names of abortion doctors on his website. Horsley does that as a way of targeting them and one doctor has been killed. In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex. Updated with audio!

At first, Horsley laughed and said, "Just because it's printed in the media, people jump to believe it."

"Is it true?" Colmes asked.

"Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."

AC: "You had sex with animals?"

NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."

NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"

AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"

NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."

More:
http://www.newshounds.us/2005/05/06/bizarre_sex_habits_of_the_extreme_rightwing.php


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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 08:10 PM

54. Steal yours and

your neighbors and then...you get it.

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Response to OmahaBlueDog (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:11 PM

55. Spend a lot of time making sure they don't hump each other.

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