HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » wall of midlife crisis. ...
Introducing Discussionist: A new forum by the creators of DU

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 08:45 AM

wall of midlife crisis. when did you hit it and how did you make it thru. edited...

Last edited Fri Feb 22, 2013, 12:35 PM - Edit history (1)

i would like to hear all others experience with the dreaded mid life crisis. it seems that 47 is the magic number. the realization dreams were not met. is this all there is. underappreciation as we age and the stall of a career.

i would really appreciate mens stories. i think men and women hit the wall in a different manner. men more focused on financial accomplishments or lack of. women on aging in appearance. cliches, certainly. but well conditioned in our society.






edit... i may not respond to all the posts, but reading them all and appreciating every word. thanks.

111 replies, 7159 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 111 replies Author Time Post
Reply wall of midlife crisis. when did you hit it and how did you make it thru. edited... (Original post)
seabeyond Feb 2013 OP
titaniumsalute Feb 2013 #1
loli phabay Feb 2013 #2
seabeyond Feb 2013 #14
loli phabay Feb 2013 #18
cbrer Feb 2013 #3
loli phabay Feb 2013 #4
cbrer Feb 2013 #8
loli phabay Feb 2013 #12
cbrer Feb 2013 #16
seabeyond Feb 2013 #19
loli phabay Feb 2013 #23
seabeyond Feb 2013 #25
loli phabay Feb 2013 #27
seabeyond Feb 2013 #17
ChisolmTrailDem Feb 2013 #66
ellie Feb 2013 #5
Bonobo Feb 2013 #6
Lydia Leftcoast Feb 2013 #62
Bonobo Feb 2013 #67
el_bryanto Feb 2013 #7
Robb Feb 2013 #10
seabeyond Feb 2013 #21
loli phabay Feb 2013 #24
Brainstormy Feb 2013 #9
MindPilot Feb 2013 #11
seabeyond Feb 2013 #22
bigtree Feb 2013 #13
KG Feb 2013 #15
ismnotwasm Feb 2013 #20
Protalker Feb 2013 #26
seabeyond Feb 2013 #28
loli phabay Feb 2013 #30
seabeyond Feb 2013 #31
loli phabay Feb 2013 #34
seabeyond Feb 2013 #39
hobbit709 Feb 2013 #29
seabeyond Feb 2013 #33
Javaman Feb 2013 #32
seabeyond Feb 2013 #38
loli phabay Feb 2013 #45
Sissyk Feb 2013 #54
MadHound Feb 2013 #35
Helen Reddy Feb 2013 #36
liberal_at_heart Feb 2013 #37
loli phabay Feb 2013 #41
seabeyond Feb 2013 #42
PasadenaTrudy Feb 2013 #56
Le Taz Hot Feb 2013 #105
PasadenaTrudy Feb 2013 #106
Le Taz Hot Feb 2013 #107
newfie11 Feb 2013 #40
seabeyond Feb 2013 #43
newfie11 Feb 2013 #83
abelenkpe Feb 2013 #44
MineralMan Feb 2013 #46
liberal_at_heart Feb 2013 #47
MineralMan Feb 2013 #50
pnwest Feb 2013 #48
seabeyond Feb 2013 #49
pnwest Feb 2013 #51
Sissyk Feb 2013 #52
seabeyond Feb 2013 #58
KurtNYC Feb 2013 #53
PasadenaTrudy Feb 2013 #55
oldhippie Feb 2013 #57
samplegirl Feb 2013 #59
Lydia Leftcoast Feb 2013 #60
treestar Feb 2013 #61
Tikki Feb 2013 #63
Sissyk Feb 2013 #64
Tikki Feb 2013 #65
riderinthestorm Feb 2013 #68
slackmaster Feb 2013 #69
WCIL Feb 2013 #70
Puglover Feb 2013 #71
marions ghost Feb 2013 #72
seabeyond Feb 2013 #73
marions ghost Feb 2013 #75
steve2470 Feb 2013 #74
upaloopa Feb 2013 #76
seabeyond Feb 2013 #78
upaloopa Feb 2013 #79
year of the cat Feb 2013 #82
donco Feb 2013 #77
yourout Feb 2013 #80
sufrommich Feb 2013 #86
yourout Feb 2013 #94
seabeyond Feb 2013 #88
steve2470 Feb 2013 #90
shanti Feb 2013 #81
OutNow Feb 2013 #84
seabeyond Feb 2013 #93
MadrasT Feb 2013 #85
Protalker Feb 2013 #87
Trailrider1951 Feb 2013 #89
seabeyond Feb 2013 #91
Blue_In_AK Feb 2013 #92
steve2470 Feb 2013 #95
Evoman Feb 2013 #96
seabeyond Feb 2013 #98
Evoman Feb 2013 #100
smirkymonkey Feb 2013 #97
seabeyond Feb 2013 #99
smirkymonkey Feb 2013 #104
no_hypocrisy Feb 2013 #101
Tierra_y_Libertad Feb 2013 #102
benld74 Feb 2013 #103
SmileyRose Feb 2013 #108
nolabear Feb 2013 #109
etherealtruth Feb 2013 #110
OnionPatch Feb 2013 #111

Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 08:52 AM

1. I'm only 38 but I think I'm kind of in mine

My kids are 14 and 8. I'm married. I have a good job. Overall things are good. But I have been in a funk for a few months now. I've always been a little restless with "What's next?" in my life. Should I get a graduate degree or MBA? Should I change careers? I don't do enough volunteer work or "good" out there. I probably drink too much. I'm too fat (Although I am on weight watchers and have lost 7-8 pounds.)

Maybe this is a midlife crisis, maybe not. I don't know if I have advice but I can at least relate to your post if that helps.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 08:57 AM

2. good question. I am not there yet but like all crisis i am sure i will handle it okay

 

I have always found that regardless of how difficult stuff gets that as long as you hang onto the little things in life you enjoy then you will okay. To many people get wrapped up in the big stuff or self analyse themselves to death or just dwell on regret. Find something simple that takes you back. For me it is just sleeping outside under the stars as it takes me back to my childhood and simpler times that though they were tough i was always happy and loved to snuggle up under blankets amongst the pine trees. Inhope you are doingnokay but i amnwilling to annoy you in a thread if it gets the blood flowing I also think its important to always remember that there is always someone who is in a much worse place than you and others who got through whatever is happening to you. Seabeyond i wish you nothing but blessings and may your bowrie be flower laden.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #2)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:14 AM

14. wink...

this is not about me. i think you are right on. and when/if the time comes, how you see life will get you thru just fine. i agree. the little things are what bring me joy. stuff matters not to me. literally. living in the now is the ingredient that keeps me well.

thanks loli.

my blood is flowing fine. lol. i need NO annoyance today. lol. but thanks for your willingness to be annoying just to help me out.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #14)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:16 AM

18. lol i live to obey

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:01 AM

3. First of all be thankful.

 

Only in a society where one isn't engaged in raw survival for ones entire life can such a question be posed.

Secondly, introspection and course corrections, if warranted, are traits of a superior mind. Not claiming genius here, just the fact of healthy self awareness.

So buy a effin' sports car!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cbrer (Reply #3)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:02 AM

4. rofl do people really buy a sports car

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #4)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:06 AM

8. Hard to say. I'm having my third MLC...

 

And haven't bought one yet. Although I did celebrate turning 50 by going 150 on my local track on two wheels! Can't wait to get back to it!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cbrer (Reply #8)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:13 AM

12. i get the going fast thing but i regularly burn up the highway going that fast. even had to slow dow

 

Down last week as i could hear wierd noises from the engine on my charger.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #12)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:15 AM

16. I've lost too many friends on the street.

 

Get to a track. Really.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #12)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:16 AM

19. i like going fast, too. the only real risk taking i do in life.

love a good car that handles well and can take a corner, lol

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #19)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:22 AM

23. the charger always feels like the tail wants to slide ine the corners once you hit 120

 

So you have to be aware of it and ready. The new ford i sometimes use is awd and feels like it just sticks to the road though i did a beautiful 360 when i hit some ice going about 80. Luckily the highway was empty and i just went in a straight line and no idea how regained control and sped off again. Fair got the adrenalin going though and i was recording it so it looked much cooler than i thought at the time.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #23)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:24 AM

25. h ahahah. ya, i have done a 360 in the middle of the hiway avoiding a squirrel. lol

been there, done that. was i lucky, no cars around me. wow. lots and lots of decades ago when i was very young.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #25)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:28 AM

27. lol avoiding a squirrel. i always hit skunks and i never even see them until its to late

 

One of my buddies hit a dead bear recently doind a hundred and twenty his charger went airborne and it totally wrecked the underside. He still insists it was a black trashbag or at least thats what he thought.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cbrer (Reply #8)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:16 AM

17. lol. your third??? NOOooooo. lol. nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #4)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:17 AM

66. I think they really do, those that can afford it that is. I think I know why too.

I feel like I'm in a crisis myself and part of it is the need to feel young again and I think the new sports car is the adult male version of a toy, something to play with.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:03 AM

5. I am 47

and I haven't had a midlife crisis yet, but then I did just get a huge promotion at work, so maybe it is lurking in my future?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:04 AM

6. I'm 47 too.

Yes, career beginning to stall. Trying to keep pushing. First kid going to college. Starting to take long walks with wife.

Worrying what to do for the next few decades, wondering what will happen when all kids are out of the nest --how to reclaim focus on self.

I focus both on financial accomplishments or lack of them as WELL as physical issues... I think we all do.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Bonobo (Reply #6)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:59 AM

62. Although you did make one huge midlife change by

moving to Japan, and I get the impression that this was a good move for you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lydia Leftcoast (Reply #62)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:25 AM

67. It was. Thanks.

It was do or die. I am happy I made the move but I miss smoking weed.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:06 AM

7. I am using the power of denial, backed by spending money on things I don't need

And really, since I'm probably going to live forever, I don't have a midlife to have a crisis about.

Bryant

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to el_bryanto (Reply #7)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:09 AM

10. This. Also, talking louder is working for me.

Awesome post.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to el_bryanto (Reply #7)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:19 AM

21. ah bryant, i love "power of denial" though i never use that and believe in exactly the opposite.

i can see how that would be useful for some.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #21)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:24 AM

24. i will say one thing ive never seen a sad ostrich so it might work.

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:06 AM

9. Didn't experience it as a wall

It was more of a greased slide.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:11 AM

11. It's a wall?

I thought it was the next room. Or more like a long dark hallway that keeps getting longer.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to MindPilot (Reply #11)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:20 AM

22. a long dark hallway that keeps getting longer.

interesting. and i am sure we all walk it differently if we experience. i have been thru mine and came out fantastic. but, mine was certainly a wall. boooom, walked right into it and knocked me on my ass.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:13 AM

13. no crisis

. . . more anxiety as a young parent in my late 20's than I had at 47.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:14 AM

15. single and childless pretty much all my adult life, no crisis here...

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:18 AM

20. Crises?

I'm in the middle of menopause and even that isn't bad. I free free, I feel very mortal. I know I need to value my days, not out of morbidity, but out of knowing.

No crisis, not yet.


That appearance thing? I please myself.

Im 52, husband is 54--, I think he had a crises when his ponytail became a rat tail and he cut it off, but we're both fairly 'immature' with 'inappropriate' senses of humor. It helps to have a partner who s a best friend as well, I think.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:25 AM

26. Burned down my emotional house

I had burn out at work ended up sabotaging myself and starting from scratch at 51 I created a new sounder more authentic self that I find much easier to live with for myself and others. Anything worth having is expensive

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Protalker (Reply #26)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:31 AM

28. i really like that. "a new sounder more authentic self "

but men hide from their emotional self. which would leave them in a quandary how to do that.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #28)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:35 AM

30. oh oh i am going to annoy you here. i think thats to broad a statement yes many do

 

But men have and show their emotions just in different ways. For some its lolcats for others its when their sports team loses. Different triggers for different men.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #30)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:37 AM

31. this is true. and you will never convince me men do not have or feel.

i will be the first to call bullshit having only been around men and boys all my life.

it is the denial of them and unwillingness or inability to recognize them.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #31)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:42 AM

34. i agree a bit. guys just express them differently some in a non traditional way

 

What guy hasnt been overwhelmed with emotion when they realise they left their beer on the roof of their car and lost it thirty miles ago. Or to track that buck and at the moment of truth find out their rifle sight has been knocked out of sight. We are all complex creatures me more than most and i see the whole range of emotions in people i have interactions with.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #34)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:44 AM

39. thanks loli. good post. nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:34 AM

29. same way I got through most problems.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to hobbit709 (Reply #29)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:40 AM

33. ha hahahaha. lol.






there might be some truth in that.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:38 AM

32. my personal take on the "midlife crisis" (I will be 50 this year)

I have found that I never experienced one and my reasoning behind it is this; I never followed the path of how society believes I should act or live my life. That path to me was very boring and incredibly un-fulfilling.

I think my "midlife crisis" was offset because I enjoyed myself, lived my life and still have wonderful experiences and most of all challenge myself.

I travel, create art, am learning an instrument, keep bees, writing articles and now am creating a comic book from an idea I've had for a while. I learned these lessons from my dad, who at 75 taught himself to play the piano and java programming. Life is about learning and experiencing. If you stop doing either one, you have, what I believe, "a midlife crisis".

I have witnessed friends who have gone through these supposed crisis and they rarely if ever find what they are looking for or are satisfied, because in the end you still have to live with yourself. And if you don't like your own company, you have a lot more problems than you realize or can be solved by a trinket (large or small) or by trying to desperately reclaim a youth that wasn't lived in the first place.

Life is truly short, enjoy and love those around you. And life is the best form of instant gratification, you love, you get love back. It's also the best long term investment. If you appreciate those around you and truly value them, the dividends pay off down the road.

It's really that simple.

Also, smile more. There isn't enough of that in the world.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Javaman (Reply #32)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:43 AM

38. I never followed the path of how society believes I should act or live my life.

i think so also. this is truly an awesome post. thank you. ALL of it. thanks for taking the time to post it.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #38)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:49 AM

45. i am pretty sure im well outside of normal and i liked the post as well

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Javaman (Reply #32)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:18 AM

54. +1

Excellent post!

"Smile more. There isn't enough of that in the world."

This!!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:42 AM

35. What midlife crisis?

 

I don't focus on financial accomplishments, but personal accomplishments, how my relationships are, am I happy where I'm at. As far as aging goes, meh. Yeah, it sucks that my body is starting to break down, but then again, that's life.

I haven't gone out and bought a snazzy sports car, I got my fling with a much younger woman out of the way long ago. I suppose that having started out my adult life homeless and depressed, I have a different outlook on life. I've seen the bottom already, and anything above that is gravy.

Yes, I have my worries and cares, concerning aging and life, but they don't overwhelm me.

Oh, and I'm in my early fifties now.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:43 AM

37. I'm 37 and I've already dealt with dreams not coming true

I have severe anxiety and fatigue problems. I am a stay at home mom. I have tried going to college. Had a blast each time, but never made it far. I always wanted to be a biologist. I realize I may never be one. In my twenties it was pretty hard to deal with. I was angry and depressed. I have not completely given up on the dream but have now come to realize that I am more than just my unrealized dreams. I still plan on giving college another try, but it will not destroy me if I do not make it. I have come to realize that if I died tomorrow I would be happy with the life I have led. My life is full of love and excitement, challenges and triumphs. I still have things I want to do, but having love and peace are far more important to me now than my achievements.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to liberal_at_heart (Reply #37)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:47 AM

41. good post. old wives wisdom is that to be content is to be happy

 

As long as you have no regrets then life is good regardless of the hardships.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to liberal_at_heart (Reply #37)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:48 AM

42. I would be happy with the life I have led. love and peace are far more important to me now

me, too

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to liberal_at_heart (Reply #37)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:31 AM

56. Similar issues here...

I have had fatigue all my life. I did make it through college but slowly! Took about ten years but I got my BA. I wanted to study science too, but couldn't keep up with the math. I was very disappointed at first. I followed another love of mine, art history, and did it! Now I just read a lot of science blogs and articles and try to stay current. Good luck to you!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to PasadenaTrudy (Reply #56)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 04:06 AM

105. I can beat that.

I was on the 15-year-plan. People used to say, "Vicki, you're going to be 40 by the time you graduate." I used to tell them, "But I'm going to be 40 anyway." And they were wrong. I was 41, almost 42. I always figured that B.A. was a goal, not a race. Good on you for sticking to it.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Le Taz Hot (Reply #105)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 10:37 AM

106. Exactly!

The time is going to pass anyway, may as well end up with a degree!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to PasadenaTrudy (Reply #106)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:31 AM

107. Another DUer posted this link

a couple of weeks ago: www.coursera.org

They are FREE online course offerings (over 300 hundred) from universities all over the world on all subjects. They just added 90 more classes and 20 more universities. I just signed up for a "Know Thyself" course beginning in March and offered by a professor from the University of Virginia. Anyway, you might want to check it out.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:45 AM

40. Don't think I've had it yet

Could be any day now. I'm 65.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to newfie11 (Reply #40)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:49 AM

43. lol... its a comin' i am tellin' ya.

teasin...

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #43)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:25 PM

83. Oh bummer

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:49 AM

44. 43

Company I worked for for 13 years went bankrupt last Sunday laying off hundreds of people. Only comparable jobs are out of the country as my industry is way into the offshoring thing. I have two kids age 6 and 8. Maybe this is my mid life crisis but I really dont have time for it. Perhaps I can better answer this question a year from now?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:53 AM

46. Mine happened at age 45.

My wife at the time, after 17 years, announced that she had fallen in love with someone else. That came as a big surprise to me. I thought about it for a while, decided that stuff happens, and let it and her go. Not long after that, I met my current wife. We've now been married for 21 years.

So, my mid-life crisis was very short, uneventful, and led to a new adventure in my life. Letting go and moving on works pretty well, I think. Moving on...

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to MineralMan (Reply #46)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:59 AM

47. wow. You dealt with that very well.

I like what you said about letting go. Sometimes we have certain expectations and when those expectations are disrupted it can be disappointing and even devastating. When something bad happens to us we think that's it. That nothing good will ever happen again. But you're right. If we let go and move on, we can be open to the good things that can come our way.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to liberal_at_heart (Reply #47)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:05 AM

50. I learned from my father.

He always simply moved on when things didn't work out, and found a direction that did work. That was true in a day-to-day sense, and in larger areas, too. He and my mother have been together for 68 years, now.

My former wife and I parted amicably, had a mediated divorce, and never did the whole rancor thing. We kept in touch, and my current wife likes her, too. Now that we've moved a couple thousand miles from there, we're not keeping in touch with the former wife any longer, except for Christmas cards.

Anyone can fall in love with someone else. It happens. It needn't be a disaster, but can be just a step in another direction. Human beings are pretty flexible.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 09:59 AM

48. wow. you stopped me in my tracks this morning

and really got me to thinking and remembering. Way too much to 'splain here, but I could talk about it for hours. Mine was slightly earlier than 47, lasted about 2 yrs, and while there was an element of the woman's version you describe above (careful! Aaaalllmost stereotyping there!), it really was more about lost dreams, hopes that crashed and burned, realization that the idea that I have any control over anything in my life is just a sad, sorry illusion, and mortality. And it was a wall. 6ft thick, brick, concrete and lead-lined.

The turning point - not the end, but the turning point, the return of hope - was when I decided to stop. Just stop. Stop thinking, fighting, controlling...and just start listening. I made a conscious decision to just stop thinking for a week, and just listen for that still, small inner voice, and let it direct me. I asked God to quiet my mind and help me to hear that voice, and to give me insight as to what HE is trying to tell me with every roadblock He threw in my path.

Fast forward - my life looks NOTHING like it did 2 yrs ago, that wall became a psychic membrane of sorts, and when I pushed through it, I came through a leaner, lighter, more purely distilled version of me. Less tolerant of bullshit and other people wasting my time. And I am crazy happy today.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to pnwest (Reply #48)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:05 AM

49. Just stop. Stop thinking, fighting, controlling...and just start listening.

The turning point - not the end, but the turning point, the return of hope - was when I decided to stop. Just stop. Stop thinking, fighting, controlling...and just start listening. I made a conscious decision to just stop thinking for a week, and just listen for that still, small inner voice, and let it direct me. I asked God to quiet my mind and help me to hear that voice, and to give me insight as to what HE is trying to tell me with every roadblock He threw in my path.


your post is EXACTLY my experience. i came out liking me much better, and i liked me fine before. just free.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #49)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:09 AM

51. :)

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:11 AM

52. My husband and I both have been through

a mid-life crisis. I guess the way we both got through (and stayed together) was talking with each other. Telling each other how we felt and the "problems" that we each had. We didn't belittle each others worries, anxieties, and views. Both were different.

Since you wanted to know mainly about men, hubby's greatest concerns were mostly about his career. Was he doing everything he could to make life good for us down the road? Should he switch jobs? It seemed every other day, a problem arose at work. Mostly, they were minor in my eyes but not once did I let him know I felt that way. Finally, we worked through it together. He now feels very comfortable in his career. Relaxed and happy. We sacrificed some to start IRA's so the financial strain of "down the road" would be less. All is good and we are looking forward to a long and happy life together.

Mine, was just kind of a blimp on the radar. I guess I did hit a brick wall so to speak, but I managed to stop and go around that brick wall; with his help also.

I read yesterday you have something going on in your real life. I hope everything is well for you on that front.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Sissyk (Reply #52)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:37 AM

58. thank you

for sharing so much of your experience. i appreciate it.





sometimes i just need a picture. put a little house in the middle. i want, lol

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:13 AM

53. Go into a small manageable business that you own and run

so that you don't have to deal with age-ism, can set your own hours, etc.

Keep pushing forward, find new challenges, make a bucket list and do them.

Get a dog (or two).

Go see some ancient ruins or some very old parts of a city -- 'what's 50 years compared to the Acropolis or the Pantheon?'

Get a hose with a sprayer for when those kids are ON MY LAWN !

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:24 AM

55. 49

No crisis. I don't think I'll make it to 100, so I'm passed mid life. I have less stress and less to worry about now than when I was younger. Both parents are gone, no worries about caring for them; no kids!; going through perimenopause finally. All good.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:32 AM

57. I think I must have missed mine ....

I'm 65 and never remember anything that would seem to be a MLC. Maybe I was too busy to notice. I had a career, work that I enjoyed, a teenage son to guide, a loving wife, and lots of hobbies.

Maybe it will come later?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:40 AM

59. Mine seemed to kick in early

around 42. I felt a real sense of my youth slipping faster than anyone could imagine. Next came the sports car which I felt I always wanted and if I didn't get it then I never would. I had never worked outside the home and really did very little living for myself. I was the youngest of 4 siblings who all had careers. So everyone ran from the aging parents except me so I cared for my father till his passing. At age 80 I moved my mother in with us. I was the stay at home mother who cooked, cleaned on top of clean and ran my only child to wherever all while caring for my mom at age 80 the next 10 years. My husband worked two jobs everyday........his families business and factory job. Neither which has paid off. Family business (Garden Center) could not compete with Walmart and his 31 years in the factory was terminated in June of 2012. By the time I was 48 I was suffering empty nest as both my mother passed and daughter left that same year.
Grieved over not only what I did not accomplish but found myself wondering how to reinvent myself at age 49. By age 50 I went back to a vocational school and finished the next year. It did not pay off either. Never did find employment in my field. Today I am working part-time and seeking full time employment because my husband has not found work. Aging has been hard because we burned ourselves out hoping to be able to retire early which looks like a complete impossibility now. So you learn to be very grateful of each day and each moment with those you love.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:57 AM

60. Mine came earlier. I was in my early 40s and

teaching Japanese in a small college.

I had stopped believing in what I was doing, since it seemed that I was simply providing a service course for business majors who believed (despite what I told them repeatedly) that employers would fall down and worship them if they had Japanese on their transcripts. Not that they actually wanted to put forth the effort to learn the language or even to learn something about the culture, mind you. They just wanted an A or B in Japanese on their transcript. (I had some very, very good students, but only about 10% per class.)

In addition, the college didn't offer a major, so I was stuck teaching the same first- and second-year courses over and over. The other foreign language professors said that having majors and being able to teach upper level students was what really kept them going, and I didn't have that.

I also felt that I was not using the language at the level I was capable of. I had already been through a bout of depression, and my therapist had helped me see that several of my needs were not being met, among them being able to exercise my skills to the fullest extent.

I was up for tenure, and so I decided that I would get tenure and then try to find another job from a position of strength.

I was forced to take other action when I was denied tenure. That meant that I had one more year at the college before I had to leave. This is supposed to be the most devastating thing that can happen to an academic, but my first thought was, "I don't have to stay here."

Of course, there was still the problem of what to do next. Through a complicated series of events, I began free-lance textbook editing in my final year, and since I didn't need the money from that side job to live on, I put it all into savings. Then I found a cheap living space and moved up to Portland. Over the following year, I gradually transitioned into translation.

A few months after I moved up to Portland, a former colleague bought a house and invited me to the housewarming. A lot of my former colleagues were in attendance. After the party, the new homeowner phoned me and said that the other attendees had remarked on how relaxed and cheerful I looked.

All I could think was, "I must have been tense and gloomy before."

Sometimes I miss being in the classroom (there WERE some good times) or having lots of colleagues to hang out with, but the people I know well who are still in academia are all depressed, and the homeowner I referred to above took early retirement.

Translation is a good fit for me. I love to write, I love languages, and I enjoy working on all different subjects and expanding my general knowledge and Japanese vocabulary. Working solo can be a drag, but thanks to the Internet, I made many cyberfriends in the profession and have met them face to face at national and international conferences. They're from all different backgrounds, and with the exception of a couple of Libertarians, are fun and interesting people.

The upshot of it is that going through the midlife crisis, which really started in my late thirties and lasted for about four years, was extremely hard, but I was forced into making the decisions that got me out of it.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 10:58 AM

61. I'm female but worried more about the money aspect

Having to learn to have alternative views.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:02 AM

63. The Mr. (at 55 years old) bought a pair of white snake~skin cowboy boots..

..10 years later...he's worn them, maybe, 5 times. They did cost a bit, but less
than a Corvette.

Tikki

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Tikki (Reply #63)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:06 AM

64. lol!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Sissyk (Reply #64)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:10 AM

65. Now at 65 years old...they match his hair...



..the color, not the scales...


Tikki

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:36 AM

68. I don't think my husband or I have gone through one yet... maybe never?

Being self-employed helps one feel more in control and I wonder if that makes a difference? My husband loves, loves, loves what he does and still can't believe he gets paid to do it. There hasn't been any sports cars or flings or career regrets. There are always new projects to start and new things to learn for him which is probably part of why he's content.

I'm not in love anymore with what I do but I don't loathe it. This place is making my asthma kick into high gear in the past few years. The cold weather is hell on my lungs and I've been inside a lot more this winter which has me reflecting about doing something else after my teen goes on to college. But that hasn't felt like a wall - feels more like an opportunity weirdly enough. Its like I'm on the brink of a new fun adventure, I simply have to figure out where it will happen and what it will be.

I read upthread that there's stuff going on in your life. Sorry I missed the scoop on that. Hope you are okay.



Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 11:38 AM

69. I decided that I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me

 

It was quite liberating.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 12:15 PM

70. I am in the middle of mine

My children are grown and most likely are not ever going to live with me again. My "job" as mother is over, and I didn't make plans for a second career. It is hitting me in the face that I will have to work my retail job for another 18 years before I can go on Medicare, and I wonder if I have the stamina. Did I save enough for retirement? I am not houseproud, so staying at home being a homemaker has no appeal for me anymore, and I also need to contribute for my own sense of fairness. What do I do with the rest of my life? On the plus side, I am much more willing to put myself first sometimes, and I am me with no apologies. My people pleasing tendencies will always be here, but I can say no and mean it now.

My husband had his in his early '50's. He had his first grandchild at about the same time our younger two started college, and he convinced himself there was nothing else to look forward to except the grave. He moped for a long time, but he decided one day to take a computer course at the community college, and kept taking them. Computers and tech stuff is his new hobby (he had none before), and he has plans for an actual second (volunteer) career when he retires in 5 years. We are also taking more time to visit all the historic sites we live near but he never took time to see.

We both stopped living for others and started living for ourselves; he is much happier, I will get there.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 12:19 PM

71. Built a house in South America.

Bought some land, got an architect,builder and built a house. Gonna rent it for awhile but as soon as we can unencumber outselves of our stuff (house etc.) in Minneapolis we're gonna go live there. Then who knows?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 12:27 PM

72. A well defined Midlife Crisis

--which I picture as a node on the linear graph of it all-- might be something of a luxury.

A time of reflection and redefinition that points an individual on a more realistic course is of course, an opportunity for positive change. Whoever gets the picture and can adjust is fortunate. Most make it through. But one of the worst classic cases I saw of negative response to this moment in life was a brilliant colleague who didn't get the promotion and so drank himself to death at mid-life (50). Nobody helped him.

It makes sense to acknowledge a turning point, but some go from crisis to crisis not having the option to label any one worse than the other. More like "the dark night of the soul." (to use a well-worn but useful term). In my case there were so many crises in my family at one point, crises on so many fronts (you name it)-- that I'm still sorting it out. An extended midlife crisis if you will, that essentially killed many realistic options. Forced to make decisions about very heavy things meant that I could not spend time pondering my own lack of attaining personal pinnacles. Forced to ratchet down goals and aspirations, with no options to move to Plan B or C or D even. I am not particularly bitter about this. Wistful, but not bitter. We are all dust in a vast stream, and we direct our destinies only so much. When you are in the core of a tornado, you give up the idea of permanence and control. You become more flexible. No serious physical illness myself, but I can say that I have faced life-threatening assaults of other kinds and survived. When this happens --many other typical concerns like appearance, status, power, things, even money (as long as one can get by) become irrelevant. There is freedom in letting those things go, and there IS another plateau beyond.

So this has passed finally. Am harder in some ways but more open in some--willing to see, feel, and speak Truth. Learned to trust my own instincts completely--& to instantly tell friend from foe. Became very aware of what is Wrong in social/political situations. And there's some BAD rot at the core of our society. It's normal to feel depressed at what we are witnessing--but I try to align myself with the forces of positive change (DU is one )and I believe we can create a better future here on earth. Not in my nature to give up. IMO this country is experiencing a similar momentous crisis requiring our collective self-examination-- and adjustment--the challenge is to face it. There's company out on this ledge, sharing this viewpoint. So I am hopeful.

Thanks for the opportunity to expound on the Big Picture seabeyond.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to marions ghost (Reply #72)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 12:34 PM

73. very VERY good post marions....

very good. in so many ways. i appreciate it tons. might even come back and sit in it, lol.

thanks

i had a time, 97, where ALL the people in my biological family, mother/father/two brothers, were all living a mess. and i was suppose to "fix" or be there with it all. i had a new born and 2 yr old and relatively new marriage. that was the year of hell. make it thru that, and put a lot into perspective.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #73)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:02 PM

75. thanks seabeyond

yep I see you know what I'm talking about...

What doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger & all that--but it can leave some big chunks missing...lot of innocence and dreams exploded...yeah "mess" is the word...there are all sorts of non-physical gunz...

There is SO MUCH stress and distress in this country now--& how to get through is a relevant topic. Living in America needs a support group. One of the reasons why Tea Bag thinking has taken hold--one way to deal with stress (the simple way). We on the other side of the street (Main St, not so much the aisles of Congress)--we also need strong allies. Gotta keep sane above all. The Bush era should have taught us all where sanity is & isn't...During the middle of my "midlife" crises (plural), I would say..."all THIS, and George Dumbya Bumfuck too...thanks Cosmos...!"

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 12:43 PM

74. Had one at age 40 and in one now

40 was about not being "a kid" any more, although 40 is young compared to being potentially 95 years old.

I think being introspective and thoughtful all my life has helped me deal with the age 40 crunch and my current dilemma. I'm not going to go into details, but basically what to do with my life beyond seeing my son grow up. I turn 55 this year, so another minor milepost. How to give back to the world and how to keep growing emotionally. I think that's a down-to-earth summary. Hope it was a tad helpful.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:10 PM

76. I learned this. When life sucks you have to not give up.

You have to keep trying things to get out of the shit. There is no guarantee that what you try will work but there is a guarantee that if you don't try life won't get better.
Never give up. Also I learned to believe in the law of attraction. It works for me.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to upaloopa (Reply #76)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:12 PM

78. The law of attraction: "like attracts like"

The law of attraction is the name given to the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results. For example, if a person opened an envelope expecting to see a bill, then according to the law of attraction, the envelope would "confirm" those thoughts and contain a bill when opened. A person who decided to instead expect a cheque might, under the same law, find a cheque instead of a bill.


ya. i believe that also.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #78)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:15 PM

79. I got two unexpected checks the last two weeks. Not big ones

but still checks. When my wife or I go to the mailbox the other jokingly says "did we get a million bucks?"

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to upaloopa (Reply #76)


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:11 PM

77. I went back


to school (part time) and learned some new skills. Didn't help me career wise but sure helped me learn a thing are three about computers.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:17 PM

80. I turn 50 tomorrow and feel like it is right in my face. Father in law died last week at 92 and....

I have lost 2 first cousins younger than me in the last year.

My aunt sent me a birthday card and a note wondering were the years went.

I am going to give her a call and ask her to call me when she finds out so I can get a few of them back.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to yourout (Reply #80)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:57 PM

86. Fifty hit me hard.I think it's

because it's your first decade where you realize your life is more than halfway over.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to sufrommich (Reply #86)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 07:54 PM

94. for me it's a combination of physical changes and realizing I probably have more years behind me....

than in front of me.

In my 40s I could still do some things athletically at a respectable level but as I near 50 it seem like my days of competing are pretty much over. Up until a couple of years ago I could hold my own competing against my 20 year old sons but not so much now.

Add in battling Lymes, gaining weight, and joining the type II club(diabetes) the last couple of years have been a challenge to say the least.

The topper is seeing a couple of my cousins about my age die way to young.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to yourout (Reply #80)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 02:17 PM

88. happy 50 and....






Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to yourout (Reply #80)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 02:31 PM

90. best wishes for you, hopefully better right after 50 ! nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:18 PM

81. when i started having to wear glasses

to read, at 45. my body basically started its breakdown at that time. it really kills me to have to wear glasses ALL THE TIME NOW, having always had 20/20 vision up to that point.

another thing is that middle aged women are basically invisible.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:43 PM

84. Hit mine at 42

I'm not sure if it was a mid life crisis or a reaction to the end of my marriage. At 42 I felt hopeless, nothing to look forward to except getting older, etc. I was seeing a counselor to help deal with it. After a few sessions he asked if there was anything I had wanted to do in life but hadn't done it. It seemed selfish during my marriage but I always wanted to buy a sailboat since I had learned to sail as a teenager.

There was no reason not to do it, so with some prodding from my counselor I did it. It became a great hobby and taught me to go where the wind took me rather than trying to control everything. That's a valuable lesson! I also met my current wife while sailing in the Caribbean.

PS. I'm glad I bought a boat rather than a Corvette!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to OutNow (Reply #84)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 04:07 PM

93. that sounds lovely. nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:53 PM

85. 44. lasted a few years.

Included a big career change and a divorce.

I made it through one day at a time.

Been pretty quiet the last year or so... recovering, I guess.

I don't know what's next yet. Not making any big decisions. Keeping my head down.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 02:03 PM

87. Like Kris Kristopherson wrote

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. I liked the post who said she was in menopause we die to the flesh and begin to live our spirit.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 02:27 PM

89. Well, let's see

In 1984 at the age of 33, I quit my first Houston job as a corporate drone and moved to Montana to go to graduate school. I thought that would give me more of a future.

In 1996 at the age of 45, I quit my latest Houston job as a corporate drone and moved to New Hampshire to spend some time with my son. After a year, I went back to Houston and got a better job. I also took up mountain bike racing.

In 2005 at the age of 54, I quit that Houston job and moved to Austin, taking a month off to drive to Seattle and back to visit my son and his family. Found another job in Austin and bought my lovely home about 40 miles out of town.

Now it's 2013. On Thanksgiving Day I will turn 62. The following Monday I will sign up for Social Security, and on January 2, 2014, I will quit this FINAL corporate drone job and begin ANOTHER career, as an artist. This time, I will spend my time painting and reading and learning all about art. I have taken up painting in acrylics, and time is short!

I say, NEVER miss an opportunity to grow in another direction!



Oh, and here is my studio with my latest work-in-progress:



"What a long, strange trip it's been!"

Love ya, Seabeyond!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Trailrider1951 (Reply #89)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 02:31 PM

91. what a wonderfully FUN post.

i luv the studio, i luv the art.

thank you.... and have a blast with this new venture.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Feb 22, 2013, 02:33 PM

92. I was in midlife so long ago, I can't remember.

Seriously, I'm not sure if any crisis I may have suffered was because of midlife or my ex-husband.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 08:28 AM

95. kick nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 09:13 AM

96. I had mine at 32. Not kidding.

I had a Biochemistry major and a Masters in Biology. All I could get was low paying shitty lab jobs with absolutely no room for any advancement. One a tech, nowhere else to go. No phd or post docs, I couldn't direct my own work. The last job I was at I was horrible bullied by my boss.

Finished my term, had my crisis. Went to career counseling, dreamt of moving to another country and doing anything else. I HATED the isolation of working in a lab. I'm a people person...I should have never been in science.

Then I got hit by a car while walking across the street. While I healed up from that, I got unemployement and started desperately searching for somewhere to fit in. Decided going to pharmacy school.....science, but also people oriented, would be perfect for me. Then one week before school, diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. Kept up the school, but after surgery and then finding out I'm stage 4 changed everything.

I don't much care what happens now in my career. I can't work right now, so I'm working on becoming the best me I can be. I tell no lies, I'm true to myself, and I try to find things to do that our within my energetic ability (chemo gives me extreme fatigue). My goal right now is to become the most interesting person I can. I'm taking photography lessons and doing sketching...I want to look at the world in different ways. I also like to post on DU and some video game sights for fun. I like to keep my facebook friends in stitches, though they are the judge of whether I'm funny or not.

I'm just trying to be a good, interesting guy....because that's who I feel I am in the inside.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Evoman (Reply #96)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 11:27 AM

98. i love you.

that simple.

and the post is exactly what it is about. the big stuff. all the other stuff is not that big of a deal.


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #98)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 02:12 PM

100. Aw, I love you to.

And that's what it's all about. I used to be so conservative with my love and emotions. Never said it to my friends and family. I'm 180 degrees from the person I used to be....and it's made all the damn difference. I have no problem telling people I appreciate them, and the number of people who are interested in me and care about me have grown exponentially, lol.

And It's not just the cancer. It's just about being the most decent person I can be and having no fear of being rejected.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 10:22 AM

97. I am going through mine now. I don't know how to get through it.

I am so afraid of being alone, old and most of all without money. I am terrified actually. I am still employed, but if I should not be I would probably have a very hard time finding another job and getting insurance. I am also worried about my housing options. I live in a very expensive northeastern city and it's difficult to even find an affordable studio. I make a decent amount of money, but the rent outpaces what you are paid in this city.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to smirkymonkey (Reply #97)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 11:31 AM

99. scary.

and i have no answers. but ya, that.

read some of these posts. get thru this.... and i can be better on the other side.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Reply #99)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 03:51 AM

104. Thanks! I also have a ridiculous amount of student loan debt hanging over my

head which I probably have to default on. I simply cannot pay it and anything I have been paying is just a drop in the bucket on compounded interest. It's completely out of control. I don't know what to do.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 02:20 PM

101. Denial and then a resolution to re-claim my life.

I decided to follow my own judgment rather than others advising me how to live my life.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 02:22 PM

102. "Getting old ain't for sissies." Bette Davis

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 02:42 PM

103. 1 over the double-nickle here,,

Not teally sure if I ever had one. Didnt get married until 30. Lucky the job is steady and have had ups and downs in it, but I'm ok where I landed, it could have been worse. One biological and one adopted child. I'm a big kid at heart, and the wife knows I will NEVER grow up. So perhaps being young at heart helps?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:45 AM

108. I was 55 and it was April 10, 2007 at 7:34pm exactly

I had the worst headache of my life all day, my neck was acting up so my right arm kept going numb and one leg cooperated less than usual (I use a walker or crutches all the time) The boss man told us we'd have to take a 30% pay cut to keep our jobs, the economy in my neck of the woods was already in free fall.

On the 21 mile drive home in Atlanta traffic in the pouring rain I got sideswiped by a bully with no insurance in a big ass SUV a mile from my house. Came in the door 7:34pm hungry, tired and sore and RETIRED mantwit I married asked I was cooking him for supper.

He's lucky he lived till morning. Poor man.

I recently had my 60th birthday. I'm still in "midlife crisis" I guess because I'm still "fed up with this fucking bullshit". Now I eat cookies whenever I want and don't care about the pound a year I'm gaining. I'm so over bullies and selfish people. Drop kicked a couple out of my life. Have acquired some new people in life who appreciate me for what I am.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:57 AM

109. It's not a wall, cher, it's a passageway.

This is not bs. It is telling you something important, that there are aspects of yourself you have neglected and that need attention. You might not be able to address some of them in the way you once could, but if you let go of that you can find new, creative and satisfying ways to give these vital parts of yourself expression. I know whereof I speak, both professionally and personally.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 11:58 AM

110. The truth

At 51 I am far too busy (not necessarily a good thing) to contemplate what might have been ... I still have one child at home, one in college and one married.

I have been a single mother for the last 11 years and have have an elderly mother that requires a lot of my time and attention. My youngest child was diagnosed with a progressive/ degenerative eye disease five years ago. Over the last last decade it become increasingly apparent that my best friend (for the last 45 years) had become increasingly mentally unstable (she took he own life August 28/ the day before her 50th birthday). Unfortunately, I could go on.

I don't mention the above because I feel sorry for myself or my life ... I mention it because I need to stay so focused on the present that I don't have a lot of time to contemplate "what might have been" ... "What is" occupies most of my time and energy.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Sun Feb 24, 2013, 12:16 PM

111. I'm not a man, so maybe you can't relate

But I've always known my looks weren't going to last forever and never based much on that. My crisis happened when it become clear I had not realized my dreams but it became much worse when I also started to realize how shallow a lot of those dreams were, and that I didn't even truly want most of them after all. I felt a little lost for awhile. But I got over it when I started caring more about what I truly wanted and less about what others thought I should want.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread