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Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:06 PM

House Science Committee Questions Existence of Meteors - Shocking Borowitz report

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The chairman of the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology said today that the committee would hold hearings next week “to settle the question, once and for all, of whether meteors exist.”

“The media has been in something of a frenzy recently on this whole topic of meteors,” said chairman Lamar Smith (R-Texas). “I think it’s irresponsible of them to frighten the public about something that, at the end of the day, may be about as real as unicorns.”
Rep. Smith said that he had seen recent reports of the “so-called Russian meteor” of last week, but added, “Maybe it’s the scientific skeptic in me, but this ‘meteor’ may just have been a bunch of fireworks that some Siberian fellow set off after drinking a little too much Stoli.
It is winter, after all, and that’s how those folks keep warm.”

The Texas congressman said that he and other meteor doubters are worried that scientists had “a vested interest” in convincing people that meteors are real: “They want the government to spend more money on science, and, let me tell you, that is the last thing the Science Committee is going to do.”

As for the scientific theory that meteors may have killed the dinosaurs, Rep. Smith chuckled, “That theory would also have us believe that there were dinosaurs.”


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/02/house-science-committee-questions-existence-of-meteors.html#ixzz2LB1ldqhm

31 replies, 3156 views

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Arrow 31 replies Author Time Post
Reply House Science Committee Questions Existence of Meteors - Shocking Borowitz report (Original post)
Mira Feb 2013 OP
TeeYiYi Feb 2013 #1
NYC_SKP Feb 2013 #2
Sinistrous Feb 2013 #3
Brickbat Feb 2013 #5
Brother Buzz Feb 2013 #6
Control-Z Feb 2013 #9
SidDithers Feb 2013 #15
Sinistrous Feb 2013 #20
SidDithers Feb 2013 #21
SwissTony Feb 2013 #31
Siwsan Feb 2013 #4
Jamastiene Feb 2013 #7
TopHatCat Feb 2013 #8
LiberalEsto Feb 2013 #10
CrazyOrangeCat Feb 2013 #12
TopHatCat Feb 2013 #11
freshwest Feb 2013 #14
Fire Walk With Me Feb 2013 #30
Egalitarian Thug Feb 2013 #13
RudynJack Feb 2013 #16
Mira Feb 2013 #22
Demonaut Feb 2013 #17
Posteritatis Feb 2013 #18
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #19
Shankapotomus Feb 2013 #23
Mira Feb 2013 #25
sakabatou Feb 2013 #24
Permanut Feb 2013 #26
L0oniX Feb 2013 #28
Permanut Feb 2013 #29
L0oniX Feb 2013 #27

Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:09 PM

1. Meteor deniers. Wow. Who knew? ...nt

TYY

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:11 PM

2. Representative Smith: No dinosaurs? Then, please explain this:

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:11 PM

3. I was hoping this was a piece from the Onion...

I am nearly ill thinking that anyone this ignorant is even breathing, much less sitting as a representative in Congress.

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Response to Sinistrous (Reply #3)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:13 PM

5. Just because it's not the Onion doesn't mean it's not satire.

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Response to Sinistrous (Reply #3)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:15 PM

6. There are times when the Onion® is nearly bush league compared to Borowitz's wicked cool pen

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Response to Sinistrous (Reply #3)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:34 PM

9. There was a time when satire was recognizable.

Right wing extremists have blurred the line so as to make satire fully believable much of the time.

This is satire -Andy Borowitz writes the Borowitz Report for the New Yorker Magazine.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/02/house-science-committee-questions-existence-of-meteors.html#ixzz2LB1ldqhm

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Response to Control-Z (Reply #9)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:13 PM

15. Yup. Poe's Law becomes more and more real every day...

Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing.




Sid

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Response to SidDithers (Reply #15)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:30 PM

20. ...and iguess it was my turn to be the gullible naif...

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Response to Sinistrous (Reply #20)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:32 PM

21. Mistakes are how we learn...



Borowitz is posted here quite often, tho. Keep an eye out for his stuff. A lot of it is really good.

Sid

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Response to Control-Z (Reply #9)

Mon Feb 18, 2013, 04:27 AM

31. This piece had me worried until I clicked the link and saw it was Borowitz.

And you are right. The line is very blurred. Legitimate rape?????? etc etc.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:11 PM

4. Leave it to Andy Borowitz - hilarious

But, unfortunately, might not be too far from the true belief, with some of these extremists.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:24 PM

7. You mean this is NOT an Onion article?

I honestly thought it was an Onion article. Unbelievable.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:30 PM

8. Andy Borowitz

Is a comedian and satirist....

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:36 PM

10. If meteors are outlawed

only outlaws will have meteors

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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #10)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:59 PM

12. HAHAHA!!

I knew I shouldn't drink hot tea while reading this thread . . .

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:41 PM

11. The only thing that can stop

a bad guy with a meteor is a good guy with a meteor....

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Response to TopHatCat (Reply #11)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:09 PM

14. They're trying to revive Reagan's StarWars program:



White House Vaporizes Death Star Petition



An estimated $850 quadrillion effort to add a “Death Star” similar to the one seen in “Star Wars” to the United States’ military arsenal would be too costly and doomed to failure. This according to the Obama administration which on Saturday officially rejected a citizen petition calling for the White House to “secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.”

In an official response to the petition, which has so far gathered more than 34,000 signatures, the White House said that while the creation of a Death Star would likely spur job growth and bolster national defense, it’s generally a bad idea.

“The Administration does not support blowing up planets,” Paul Shawcross, chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget, wrote — tongue firmly in cheek. “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

Indeed. Probably would have been better off starting out small and asking for a Millennium Falcon …


More details at link:

http://allthingsd.com/20130112/white-house-vaporizes-death-star-petition/

Give it up, GOP. Sure, it's hard trying new things. Learn to play chess instead of Global Thermonuclear War.


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Response to TopHatCat (Reply #11)

Mon Feb 18, 2013, 01:11 AM

30. The answer of course, is "More meteors".

 

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:31 PM

13. Turning the stupid up to 11. K&R

 

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:14 PM

16. Nothing against you, Mira..

but this is why I hate satire in GD.

Half the people don't get it, and it makes DU appear to be full of idiots.

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Response to RudynJack (Reply #16)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:33 PM

22. It's only been lately

that there seem to be some that don't get it. Or have never heard of Borowitz.
Learning is good.

I am against setting someone up to make them realize it is satire because part of the charm to me as I read it is the moment it dawns on me.
Of course Borowitz is getting better, too. He is quite cutting edge and as the folks in the right wing get more and more desperate and say more and more outrageous things, his commentary is easily mistaken for something that could actually have happened.

Which to me makes it better and sharper than ever.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:27 PM

17. c'mon, this is from the Onion..right.............right?!

oh shit

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Response to Demonaut (Reply #17)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:28 PM

18. The Onion isn't the only source of satire out there. (nt)

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:29 PM

19. I do love myself some Borowitz report.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:42 PM

23. I think there should be a satire forum

This is maybe the third time satire on DU almost got past my bullsh%t detector. Who knows what already has. I think these threads are fun and by all means should continue but I think there is a danger for the community to become misinformed if these threads are not explicitly marked.

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Response to Shankapotomus (Reply #23)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:50 PM

25. I think that kind of "misinformation"

will actually over time stimulate a bit more critical thinking, and therefore be a vehicle for good.
As I said in a reply before, specifying it as satire beforehand takes a lot of the fun out of it, and some of that fun is the critical thinking part.
I don't want everything pre-chewed, and pre-labeled.
Besides,
I put "Borowitz" into the title every single time I post his commentary on current events, which always is within a day of when it happens.
Before too long that alone gives you the heads up.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:46 PM

24. I wouldn't be surprised if there were people like this.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:13 PM

26. There is, of course, a simple solution to meteors..

just make them illegal.

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Response to Permanut (Reply #26)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:18 PM

28. No ...silly Du memeber. Give them personhood! n/t

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Response to L0oniX (Reply #28)

Mon Feb 18, 2013, 01:00 AM

29. Dang, I shoulda thoughta that! n/t

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:17 PM

27. People wonder if the House Science Committee has brains. n/t

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