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Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:26 PM

 

Anyone have advice for someone dating a conservative?

Any tips on how to make such a relationship work, how to avoid conflict?


And no, I don't want to hear comments like, "Break up with them."

138 replies, 7089 views

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Arrow 138 replies Author Time Post
Reply Anyone have advice for someone dating a conservative? (Original post)
OceanEcosystem Feb 2013 OP
A HERETIC I AM Feb 2013 #1
NightWatcher Feb 2013 #2
loli phabay Feb 2013 #3
elleng Feb 2013 #4
madokie Feb 2013 #5
EastKYLiberal Feb 2013 #6
Cleita Feb 2013 #7
gateley Feb 2013 #102
Cleita Feb 2013 #115
gateley Feb 2013 #124
Cleita Feb 2013 #125
Blue_In_AK Feb 2013 #8
The Velveteen Ocelot Feb 2013 #9
Puzzledtraveller Feb 2013 #10
duhneece Feb 2013 #11
kestrel91316 Feb 2013 #12
Wait Wut Feb 2013 #13
BainsBane Feb 2013 #14
RandiFan1290 Feb 2013 #15
Blue_In_AK Feb 2013 #18
VanillaRhapsody Feb 2013 #70
Cha Feb 2013 #64
Kath1 Feb 2013 #72
Cha Feb 2013 #74
Kath1 Feb 2013 #137
Katashi_itto Feb 2013 #16
alarimer Feb 2013 #87
Katashi_itto Feb 2013 #89
yardwork Feb 2013 #17
OceanEcosystem Feb 2013 #23
daleo Feb 2013 #45
bluestate10 Feb 2013 #95
Skittles Feb 2013 #106
OceanEcosystem Feb 2013 #112
Skittles Feb 2013 #130
Dark n Stormy Knight Feb 2013 #80
OldHippieChick Feb 2013 #19
Sissyk Feb 2013 #20
emulatorloo Feb 2013 #24
Sissyk Feb 2013 #28
emulatorloo Feb 2013 #50
SharonAnn Feb 2013 #92
Sissyk Feb 2013 #135
NRaleighLiberal Feb 2013 #21
customerserviceguy Feb 2013 #22
emulatorloo Feb 2013 #25
mother earth Feb 2013 #26
MichiganVote Feb 2013 #27
GP6971 Feb 2013 #133
MotherPetrie Feb 2013 #29
Tikki Feb 2013 #122
HockeyMom Feb 2013 #30
Lint Head Feb 2013 #31
seabeyond Feb 2013 #32
aptal Feb 2013 #33
man4allcats Feb 2013 #34
smirkymonkey Feb 2013 #66
nobodyspecial Feb 2013 #35
Zoeisright Feb 2013 #36
Mira Feb 2013 #37
TeamPooka Feb 2013 #38
TeamPooka Feb 2013 #39
NoGOPZone Feb 2013 #40
kiranon Feb 2013 #41
HereSince1628 Feb 2013 #42
ProudToBeBlueInRhody Feb 2013 #43
DUgosh Feb 2013 #44
morningfog Feb 2013 #46
tblue Feb 2013 #47
Nevernose Feb 2013 #48
wickerwoman Feb 2013 #49
erinlough Feb 2013 #75
jsr Feb 2013 #51
MADem Feb 2013 #52
agracie Feb 2013 #105
Drew Richards Feb 2013 #53
lonestarnot Feb 2013 #54
City Lights Feb 2013 #55
niyad Feb 2013 #56
Coyotl Feb 2013 #57
struggle4progress Feb 2013 #58
Puzzledtraveller Feb 2013 #114
stevenleser Feb 2013 #59
bluestate10 Feb 2013 #97
Apophis Feb 2013 #60
darkangel218 Feb 2013 #76
davidn3600 Feb 2013 #61
sigmasix Feb 2013 #62
Jack Sprat Feb 2013 #63
Kath1 Feb 2013 #65
Prism Feb 2013 #67
countryjake Feb 2013 #68
No Vested Interest Feb 2013 #69
beveeheart Feb 2013 #82
Spirochete Feb 2013 #71
GP6971 Feb 2013 #134
Nine Feb 2013 #73
Jackpine Radical Feb 2013 #77
abelenkpe Feb 2013 #78
SDjack Feb 2013 #79
YOHABLO Feb 2013 #81
Skittles Feb 2013 #83
handmade34 Feb 2013 #84
MFM008 Feb 2013 #85
treestar Feb 2013 #86
Pisces Feb 2013 #88
DFW Feb 2013 #90
Steepler0t Feb 2013 #91
SheilaT Feb 2013 #93
Gemini Cat Feb 2013 #94
pediatricmedic Feb 2013 #96
bluestate10 Feb 2013 #99
OceanEcosystem Feb 2013 #118
Demonaut Feb 2013 #98
galileoreloaded Feb 2013 #100
agracie Feb 2013 #101
JDPriestly Feb 2013 #103
upi402 Feb 2013 #104
agracie Feb 2013 #107
pnwmom Feb 2013 #108
Deep13 Feb 2013 #109
LeftishBrit Feb 2013 #110
lindysalsagal Feb 2013 #119
Notafraidtoo Feb 2013 #111
TheManInTheMac Feb 2013 #113
L0oniX Feb 2013 #116
Angry Dragon Feb 2013 #117
LWolf Feb 2013 #120
bobclark86 Feb 2013 #121
William769 Feb 2013 #123
Marrah_G Feb 2013 #126
Dawson Leery Feb 2013 #127
riverbendviewgal Feb 2013 #128
Drunken Irishman Feb 2013 #129
Love Bug Feb 2013 #131
Freddie Feb 2013 #132
ThomThom Feb 2013 #136
thetruthhurtsforsome Feb 2013 #138

Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:27 PM

1. Don't talk politics.

Leave the subject alone.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:27 PM

2. Use lots of lube

Oh, and don't talk politics...
And don't expect them to share your values.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:28 PM

3. dont talk politics. theres more important parts of a relationship

 

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:28 PM

4. Don't discuss issues you KNOW you disagree about.

I often just omit responding to my leftie friend when I know we disagree about the issue he (or the tv) is raising.

And the stronger the disagreement, the stronger the 'rule.'

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:30 PM

5. Yes, jump out and run in the opposite direction as you can

just kiddin'
No I don't have any answers. I know I'd have a hard time being in your place

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:31 PM

6. Yes.

 

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:31 PM

7. Well, that's the only advice I have.

It really won't work unless you become a conservative too. There is no way to avoid conflict unless you just keep your mouth shut. Also, I find conservatives aren't as smart as liberals. You may just find that after the attraction wears off, trying to have a conversation with someone who is dumb as a post and gets all their information from Fox News get's pretty annoying. I have dated conservatives in the past and it never ended well.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #7)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:31 AM

102. It would be extra difficult if both parties are interested in politics.

I know couples where I assume one is a conservative, the other a liberal, but they aren't interested enough to have it be a topic that's even part of their relationship.

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Response to gateley (Reply #102)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:22 PM

115. Then they are apolitical and don't have any really informed views

which in a way is worse IMHO as they can be easily swayed one way or the other. The OP however, seemed to be pretty definite about the conservative vs. liberal position. I recently dated a self-avowed conservative even though I had misgivings. I was right. On the surface, he would have been a good match, retired, single, healthy, my age, educated and fairly handsome for an old guy. But I only went out twice with him and the racism, sexism and victorian morality came bubbling up to to the surface. I politely cut him loose. There was no sense in continuing.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #115)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 04:53 PM

124. I told a story about the owner of the company where I work

who dropped by one day. I'd assumed he was a Republican -- businessman, businesses scattered across the country. And he said "what are your interests?" The moment I said politics I was mentally banging my head on the desk.

Long story short, he's a life-long Democrat, pretty liberal, loves Rachel! We talked for an hour!

He's building a new facility elsewhere in the city and said one guy came by to give a bid who was driving a Hummer. Boss Man said "I just have to tell you, I can't hire anybody who drives a Hummer." They guy said it was for work, that he drove it to help get him business. My guy said "what it tells me is that you have no concerns about wasting money, that you don't care about the environment, that you have no problem supporting Big Oil (boss drives a Prius and is eyeing a Leaf) and that you're willing to hurt others in an effort to make yourself look what you consider cool."



I found myself thinking "too bad he's married" .

I would't have been able to last with your date either, Cleita -- you got a look into his soul.

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Response to gateley (Reply #124)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 04:55 PM

125. Yes, where are those guys. Sure they are married. The good ones usually are.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:32 PM

8. Don't talk politics

and definitely think twice before getting married. I know quite a few long-married "mixed" couples like this, and it's difficult for them. They certainly are unable to be as politically active as they might want to be.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:33 PM

9. I have no idea; I couldn't do it.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:35 PM

10. My ex gf was a tea partier

We didn't break up over that though. If we did talk politics we would try to find common ground rather than attack our differences of opinion. She later became a caseworker too and since then she has mellowed out a bit. She want's to be a minister, so she conveniently left me for a Presbyterian pastor. So, after my brief rant, I say, if the person is nice and good for you they won't want to attack you or engage in divisive conversation. I hope that is the case. My ex and I were fine together as far as that went.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:36 PM

11. Try to find areas of agreement

Consider all 'progressive/liberal' comments you do make to be like planting seeds. Don't expect or demand the other to change, but realize that you do have power to plant those ideas.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:38 PM

12. Been there, done that. He's out of the picture now, and I am much happier.

But you do what you want to do. I won't stop you.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:38 PM

13. It can work...if,

your conservative other is at least open-minded and compassionate. Politics is not the center of life.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:39 PM

14. don't talk politics, and yes it can work

or do so as seldom as possible. That's how my sister manages to stay married to a Republican. It does work for some people. It just depends on how you manage it. My sister has been happily married for 20 years. I couldn't do it myself, but she manages fine.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:39 PM

15. I guess it's easy to do when the issues don't affect your life.

For some of us we can't just turn it off when we get home.
I couldn't do it.

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Response to RandiFan1290 (Reply #15)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:44 PM

18. I couldn't do it, either.

Even my strongly Democratic husband gets tired of me talking politics all the time.

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Response to Blue_In_AK (Reply #18)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 03:10 AM

70. had my fill of em living in SC...I am soooooo over dating Conservatives!

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Response to RandiFan1290 (Reply #15)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 12:32 AM

64. That's the key right there.. "when the issues don't affect your life".

And, difficult too because politics now affects all aspects of life. Like the very air we breathe and Global Climate Change.

Some just to a lesser degree.. but, as time goes on it will only get more extreme, I think.

.

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Response to Cha (Reply #64)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 08:05 AM

72. Very well-said.

My daughter dated a conservative guy for a while. He was nice enough, funny and smart. I liked him, too. Then she had a dreadful experience at a family gathering at his parents' home where she was berated by one and all for being an Obama supporter and he did nothing to speak up for her. She left there feeling humiliated and betrayed. As she told me later, she should have known. Lesson learned.

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Response to Kath1 (Reply #72)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 04:31 PM

74. Wow, Kath! Shows how deep it goes. "lesson learned",

Indeed!

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Response to Cha (Reply #74)

Mon Feb 18, 2013, 08:06 AM

137. On a much happier note...

I met my nephew's girlfriend for the first time at a family gathering yesterday. 22 years old, very cute, big-time Obama supporter and very liberal. Spent a good part of the afternoon talking politics with her. She's a keeper!

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:39 PM

16. Drugs...lots and many types.

Where they good in bed at least?

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Response to Katashi_itto (Reply #16)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 07:22 PM

87. In my limited experience, they are not

Or not as good as the liberals I've dated.

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Response to alarimer (Reply #87)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 07:25 PM

89. Yes we Liberals tend to be better in bed

Here is one of my home movies, in my favorite Batman suit...




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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:40 PM

17. I know you asked us not to say this, but I have to ask -

What do you have in common? I mean fundamental, bedrock values are the foundation of a relationship. I have friends who are Republicans. I have work colleagues who are Republicans. I get along with them fine. As noted in this thread, we avoid discussing politics.

But the Republican Party right now stands for so much more than just politics. I can't imagine having an intimate relationship with somebody who supports that party. Their values are screwed up. I'm sorry but that's the truth.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #17)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:49 PM

23. Personality

 

The person in question is friendly, thoughtful, considerate.....a very genuine person, easy to talk to....our personalities fit very well, etc.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Reply #23)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 10:49 PM

45. Perhaps he will grow into a more progressive political view

The personality type you talk of is generally more of a liberal. If he was raised in a conservative household, he may just reflexively talk like a conservative.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Reply #23)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:51 AM

95. Some people were born into republican families and have difficulty becoming a democrat.

If the person is a republican for that reason, you may be on good ground. But if the person is a republican by choice given what that party has stood for for decades, you are making a mistake that you will likely regret if you end up in too deep.

I have yet to meet a republican by choice that turned out to be a balanced person once all was known about that person. That is my experience, I hope you a better experience, but I hold out no hope.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Reply #23)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:06 AM

106. please

siomeone who is thoughtful, considerate, genuine would not support a party filled with misogynists, racists and homophobes

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Response to Skittles (Reply #106)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 11:18 AM

112. You have never met this person.

 

You have never talked to this person, never spent time with this person, never met this person.


Translation: You are in no position to determine that you know whether this person is nice, friendly, thoughtful or considerate more than I do.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Reply #112)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 05:52 PM

130. I never met Saddam Hussein or Marge Schott either

but I am pretty sure I would not have liked them

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Response to yardwork (Reply #17)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 05:06 PM

80. Yep. Any good qualities you can find in a conservative can be found it a liberal,

with the added bonus that they are not in support of philosophies and policies that go against just about everything on the side of the arc of history bending toward justice.

It always surprises me when DUers, presumably more aware of the great influence politics has on all of our lives, are close friends or lovers of conservatives. Anyone who can identify with a group that fails to wholeheartedly support equal rights, equal pay, reasonably fair distribution of wealth, etc., is someone I just cannot have as a trusted member of my circle of close friends and family.

I love my Republican sister and wish good things for her, but the less contact I have with her, the better. Admittedly, though, she has a personality that would be hard to take even if she were a flaming liberal!

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:46 PM

19. Set ground rules

It's nearly impossible to not discuss politics unless one of you does not listen to the news, but you must set rules of engagement - no yelling, no name-calling, time-outs if things get too heated, etc. Sometimes you may have to simply agree to disagree and be willing to walk away. Communication is the key, not winning or losing.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:46 PM

20. Don't talk to them! lol

Seriously, my sister married a conservative. They have been happily married for 24 years. They don't talk politics or religion, They don't tell each other who they vote for.

Family get-to-gethers are just normal, down to earth gatherings.

ps. I hate this ipad.

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Response to Sissyk (Reply #20)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:50 PM

24. Re your iPad. Turn off auto-correct: link here.

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Response to emulatorloo (Reply #24)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:55 PM

28. Thank You So Much!!!

Damn, that was simple!

If I had a heart left, I'd give you one.

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Response to Sissyk (Reply #28)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:09 PM

50. Lol!


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Response to Sissyk (Reply #28)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 08:52 PM

92. It's OK, I had a heart so I donated it for you.

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Response to SharonAnn (Reply #92)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 08:06 PM

135. Thank You!

That was very nice of you, SharonAnn! And, hi neighbor.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:46 PM

21. No - sorry, can't help; I couldn't do it myself. n/t

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:48 PM

22. It's the same advice I'd give to anyone who works with,

is the neighbor of, or is related to a conservative. Find other things you can talk about.

You say you don't want advice to break up with them, but ask yourself: Is one of you out to "convert" the other? If so, how do you think that's going to work out over time?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:52 PM

25. Have fun, but don't get too serious. Conservatives are not marriage material.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:53 PM

26. Learn to bite your tongue then, or run....very fast.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:55 PM

27. Expect to pay for everything.

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Response to MichiganVote (Reply #27)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 07:32 PM

133. Good one! n/t

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:57 PM

29. Sure, just become conservative yourself.

 

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Response to MotherPetrie (Reply #29)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:06 PM

122. I have to agree with MotherPetrie...




Tikki

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:57 PM

30. Married to one for 38 years

Generally, don't talk politics. Although if it is something that really bothers me, I do. Then there is an major argument, and I don't back down because I AM RIGHT.

Hey, so right, that I got him to stop watch Faux News, and of his own ACCORD. See? I AM right.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 06:58 PM

31. Just live in political hell and forget it.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:00 PM

32. calif married to a texan. dem married to repug for 18 yrs and

it is all good.

firstly, he leans more toward liberal on social issues. pro gay, pro women, pro choice.

we both have relatively same values and grew up in the same kind of environments. that is a big plus to find someone that has a background like yours. takes you a long way.

early 2000's were touchy. i was pretty explosive. he got to the point of doing his own research so that he knew at least what i was talking about. that lead him to be pissed and with iraq and katrina, he went over the edge to kerry. yea. then obama and obama again. that would be about a decade into marriage.

he likes throwing out a comment to his buddies and then sitting back and watching the fireworks. like.... wife doesnt agree with the iraq war.

so lots of humor.

acceptance. he accepts me. so i owe him the same.

and du. du helped me a lot. probably saved my marriage. i could do all my ranting here so he didnt have to hear it.

good luck

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:03 PM

33. Yeah, don't.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:11 PM

34. I know you don't want to hear this, but

it's probably not going to work. I mean I've tried it, and it comes down to whether you want to live with an idiot. They're not going to change and neither are you. Get out of it as quickly and as nicely as you can, and move on.

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Response to man4allcats (Reply #34)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 01:37 AM

66. +1000

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:14 PM

35. Interesting that you would join this site

to ask for dating advice. That's kind of personal and strange to ask that of people you know nothing about. Hmmm...

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:15 PM

36. Talk about politics. Now.

Because you need to know what you're dealing with. If you can't get along in that area, you won't be able to get along in other areas.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:27 PM

37. Don't

that kind of mentality shows up in many disguised ways, even if you don't talk about politics.
I couldn't ever make it work.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:28 PM

38. follow your heart but don't vote with theirs.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:31 PM

39. Last election cycle: "I could vote for Huckabee" she said on a 1st dinner date...

"Check please!"
And I was out of there.

Thankfully I met my spouse literally 3 days right after that and we've been together ever since.
Things happen for a reason....

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:32 PM

40. Reconsider nt

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:44 PM

41. Couldn't do it but if you find a way that works more power to you.

The Republican world view permeates more than just politics. If you are both centrists, it would be a lot easier.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:45 PM

42. Match.com?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 07:45 PM

43. Just posted an article about that subject in the men's group before I saw this

I just couldn't imagine it. Nowadays, a person's politics are really a good look into how they view life and other people. I can't imagine dating a woman who thinks the worst of people almost immediately. And that, to me, is how conservatives are.

I suppose a moderate Repug I could deal with (oooh, like Meghan McCain!), but not a dyed in the wool righty.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 08:12 PM

44. Run

Seriously, relationships are hard. So much the better to share your life with someone you have things in common with.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 10:51 PM

46. Break up.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:06 PM

47. Have lots of really hot sex.

Get some enjoyment out if it, heck If this is a permanent Republican and you can live with someone so opposed to your values, I hope at least you can have fun with him and find other common ground. I couldn't ever do it. Would be a major turn off. For me, it speaks to a person's character and core values. Good luck.

Btw, Ed Shulz was a Republican until his gf/wife took him with her to help at a homeless shelter and he saw that most of the men there were veterans. He changed and look at him now. It can happen.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:09 PM

48. My wife was married to 2 conservatives before she met me

And now she's had surgery to reverse her ovarian-tying, and we've combined our retirements. Make of that what you will.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:09 PM

49. I think it depends on a little on what kind of conservative they are and how passionate.

But honestly, politics is about values and relationships without a core of shared values are really hard to pull off.

I simply could not date someone who was anti-abortion and contraception. I couldn't date someone with strong religious beliefs who would insist on indoctrinating our children in those beliefs. I couldn't date someone who didn't believe in climate change or evolution or who thought the Ten Commandments on the steps of the courthouse would deter crime. Honestly, I'd have a hard time dating someone who supported school vouchers or financial deregulation.

And I couldn't "just not talk politics" for thirty years. Your values are a part of your identity. How can you suppress a part of your identity for decades? I can't imagine sharing my life with someone who I couldn't have a respectful conversation with about the things I care about.

On the other hand, I'm single and I've broken up with people because they wouldn't eat ethnic foods, so YMMV.

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Response to wickerwoman (Reply #49)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 04:40 PM

75. +1000

I am political at my core. I could never be with a conservative.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:13 PM

51. Compartmentalize

Most families are not politically monolithic. Decide what's really important to you.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:17 PM

52. Don't do it in the first place.

You may not want to hear "Break up with them," but the truth of the matter is, eventually you have to talk. You can't spend all your life doing the superficial romantic things, or having sex, or going on hikes or fishing or whatever you might do for fun.

Eventually, if you want to grow old together, you have to talk.

The conservative view skews towards "fuck 'em all." The liberal/progressive view leans towards compassion for all, charity when warranted, and help to get people up on their feet and self-sufficient.

If you can't get on the same page with regard to this essential world view, you won't have much to talk about--at least in a civil tone.

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Response to MADem (Reply #52)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:02 AM

105. OceanE, this is it in a nutshell. Read MADem's post carefully and...

commit it to memory.




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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:17 PM

53. Dating a conservative is like dating someone with herpies

You always have to protect yourself from infection and it can never be totally natural...

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:26 PM

54. Yes.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:27 PM

55. Don't discuss politics or current events.

Other than that I've got nothing.

I could never date a conservative.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:36 PM

56. welcome to DU--my advice is to ask yourself, "what in the HELL are you thinking, and with what

are you thinking?"

other than that, nothing. I could not imagine daring someone whose worldview is so antithetical to mine, no matter how wonderful their personality. all I can say is, good luck, whatever you choose to do.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:37 PM

57. Good luck with that.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:38 PM

58. Do you like each other? Do you have fun together? Do you have some common vision

of how you fit together in the world?

If you're good friends, enjoy each other's company, and share key values, you can negotiate the remaining details day-by-day

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #58)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 11:52 AM

114. Love by party lines is no Love at all

It's sad, those that see it that way.

I will leave you with the best love song ever.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:43 PM

59. Have you really made the decision that its ok for you to be with someone who doesnt care about

the less fortunate?

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Response to stevenleser (Reply #59)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:07 AM

97. I have similar thoughts. I can see the relationship if the person was born into a republican

family, like a Meghan McCain or Abbey Huntsman. But I don't see logic in dating a person that chose to become a republican, that sounds insane to me given what those people's values are.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:46 PM

60. The person is conservative.

 

That's more than a political stance. It's a personality, a life way. Conservatives are homophobic, greedy, hateful people. They don't care about the less fortunate and most of them are anti-science.

Get rid of him/her. Seriously.

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Response to Apophis (Reply #60)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 04:46 PM

76. +1

I agree. Been there, done that.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 11:54 PM

61. Dont turn it into world war 3

Concentrate on the activities you both like to do and the things that you do agree on.

It doesnt mean you can't talk politics, but both need to be diplomatic, respect where each are coming from in their opinion, and just agree to disagree most of the time.

When it comes to one person is forcefully trying to change the other, that's where things can get dicey.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 12:10 AM

62. conservative or right winger?

Lot's of right wingers claim to be conservatives. Is this person truly a conservative, or does he/she espouse teabagger notions and racist conspiracy theories about the POTUS? A conservative can be a reasonable, well-meaning fair minded person; right wingers hate America and the liberties of it's citizens. Conservatives usually are not, as a matter of principle, racists. If you're dating a racist, you can count on some form of abuse from them during the relationship; maybe even violence and death threats. Racists are dangerous to everyone around them, especially children. But then, how can anyone with a brain date a racist?
I would make sure that you are dealing with a real conservative, and not a fox "news" radicalized right wing nut. If you find that this person is a right winger, you should probably cut the contact off now, before the nut can do real damage to your life.
I hope this isn't the case- Maybe there are some real conservatives that still vote Republican, but my suspicion is that if you scratch a modern fox "news" republican supporter, you uncover a disguised right wing extremist. And extremists make for bad relationships and worse human beings, mmkay.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 12:24 AM

63. It's your funeral. n/t

 

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 01:24 AM

65. Question - Just how tolerant and accepting of differing views is this person?

I was married to a conservative and pretty apolitical until Bush started to push for the Iraq war. My husband was pro-Bush all the way. I just thought it was all just so wrong. My clique at work, secretary and paralegal smokers who converse during our outside breaks, talked about it all the time and we were all anti-war. Husband was into Limbaugh. He had right-wing TV (Fox) or radio on all the time. My friends invited me to go with them to the March for Women's Lives in DC. No big travel time since I live nearby. Told my husband I wanted to go just out of curiosity. He went nuts and "forbade" me to go. Well, I went. It was an amazing experience and all of these women advocating for their rights were, for the most part, very anti-war and anti-Bush, like me. I came back energized and confident. That equaled divorce. Just be careful.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 01:54 AM

67. Drop your partisanship

It's the only way to interact with someone who has fundamentally different political views. The mixed relationships I've seen that do not end well involve high degrees of partisanship, where one or both parties simply cannot or will not concede that their side may not be acting nobly or right.

I have friends and co-workers who can be highly partisan. When we absolutely must discuss politics, I try to make sure the conversation begins on the things we agree about, and then proceed from there. Even if we don't agree at the end of the conversation/debate, we're still entering the conversation on common ground, emphasizing how we're alike rather than starting off with our differences and further calcifying them during the course of the talk.

It's possible. I've done it. I have Republican friends and family. We get along just fine.

DU isn't the best place to ask about this sort of thing. To a lot of people here, anyone who doesn't share their politics might as well be a Bond villain. Just look at the responses. Conservatives/Republicans are the Other, no debate.

And then they'll bemoan how the country got so partisan, gridlocked, and broken.

C'est la vie.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 01:56 AM

68. Initiate discussions, bring up global warming, social security, marriage equality...

I mean run it into the ground, make it a lively date...talk about women's rights, ocean dead zones, oil spills, shooting wolves, public schools...if you still find this person considerate, well-spoken, or knowledgeable and enjoyed those conversations or think that it'd be fulfilling to pursue an intimate relationship with them, good luck to you.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 02:09 AM

69. Find out how Carville and Matalin manage

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Response to No Vested Interest (Reply #69)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 05:18 PM

82. That's what I was going to suggest.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 03:17 AM

71. Use small words n/t

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Response to Spirochete (Reply #71)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 07:39 PM

134. Very SMALL words!!! n/t

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 08:36 AM

73. Don't get hung up on labels.

An individual's beliefs are usually more complicated than that. And most people really don't think that deeply about political issues. You probably already have more in common than you think. And simply by sharing your own thoughts and feelings on issues (rather than trying to "convert" this person or win arguments), you may end up shifting some of this person's beliefs. That said, I could never have married a true hardcore right-winger although I've learned to be tolerant of it in casual friends. I can't see spending your life with someone whose core beliefs are in such opposition to your own. Other couples have managed to do it but I don't know how.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 04:47 PM

77. I honestly don't think I could do it.

Back in more normal times, when some conservatives were still sane, I had a number of them for friends.

These days, there is only one I spend any time with at all, and we have turned our differences into a sort of game of trying to get each other's goat.

I don't think I could have a romantic relationship with a wingnut, any more than I could with a smoker. The noxious fumes from either would be intolerable.

(Disclaimer: Yes, I once did smoke. I fought hard to quit & am grateful to have done so.)

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 04:53 PM

78. My mother was a liberal and my father a republican

One a free spirited artist the other a navy pilot. They are still happily married after 40 years. How did they do it? Today my mother is a gun nutty, birther, tea publican who gave her art up long ago and her views. So as long as one is willing to abdicate all they once were or stood for slowly over time in front their children setting quite an example then it should work out well. Just make sure to start out by avoiding conflict and not bringing up subjects where you might disagree. Good luck!

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 04:54 PM

79. Constantly push your liberal ideas on her until she converts to liberalism. nt

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 05:08 PM

81. If you didn't want to hear: ''break up with them'' then why post?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 05:23 PM

83. and you will post these results - where?

just curious

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 05:39 PM

84. don't talk,

have really good sex.. and all other times, stay away from him/her

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 06:15 PM

85. No

wtf? These people believe everything I hate, I get any I run across out of my life if I can.Im lucky the core of my friends and family believe the same. I know it seems intolerant and all that but Im to old to argue and fight OR change my mind about politics, why? Because Im right.
Kudos to you more tolerant people.....

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 07:17 PM

86. Depends on the type of conservative

And which gender, since conservatives have ideas about gender roles.

No sex until marriage. It's better if it is the woman who is conservative. A liberal woman and a conservative man - he expects to be able to tell her what to do, so that would be even less likely to work.

The supply side libertarian types of conservatives might work out - just don't talk economics.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 07:23 PM

88. DTMF you will have a very difficult time raising children with this person. Unless he is socially

liberal and fiscally conservative. THis is the only way a liberal democrat can be with a Republican for a long time.

Sorry, I know you didn't want to hear that.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 07:29 PM

90. I'd never offer advice like "break up"

But it depends on what you mean by conservative.

If by "conservative," you mean it as the word is really defined in English, then no problem. I am conservative. I am still with my first wife (38 years together), have two normal children who are out in the world supporting themselves. I have no debts, do no drugs (not even nicotine or alcohol), and proceed with caution in most everything I do. In other words, I am conservative.

What I am NOT is "a conservative" as the word has been hijacked by today's American radical right. I do not look down on people who are different or less fortunate than I am. I do not feel a need to further liberalize current firearms restrictions--indeed, I feel they are woefully inadequate. I am well aware that Fox is NOT a news channel. I do not feel our nation is superior to all others, and I do not think the world should all speak English and be Christians. If you're dating THAT kind "conservative," then I have only two things to say: your "conservative" is not conservative, and best of luck to you.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sat Feb 16, 2013, 08:34 PM

91. It's quite easy

Get a lobotomy. Beyond that..I dunno


If you have to make sure to use a condom. Yuck.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:06 AM

93. Why would you even consider dating a conservative?

Do you live on some small island that has no boats and this is literally the only person available?

As others have already pointed out, you could possibly make it work if you never discuss things that matter, or if one of you changes your viewpoint.

But even if the sex is amazing, why?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 12:29 AM

94. Don't walk- run away!

Either that or learn to walk on egg shells.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:06 AM

96. Education, insist they go back to school

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Response to pediatricmedic (Reply #96)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:16 AM

99. Some well educated people are conservatives per today's standard for what a conservative

is. I parrot some other poster's observation. Why would a progressive or moderate date a person that immediately thinks the worst of the less fortunate? May be the OP should rethink what he or she is and drop the facade he or she is wearing.

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Response to pediatricmedic (Reply #96)


Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:14 AM

98. lobotomy?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:24 AM

100. Here is what I remind myself

 

generally, progressives respect humanity more than an individual, and conservatives abhor humanity but favor the individual.

Calibrate, calibrate, calibrate and good luck. It's really just a matter of degrees and not the black and white that groupthink portends.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:31 AM

101. No point in dating him unless you would consider marrying him. Don't consider ...

marrying him, I'm beggin' ya...

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:50 AM

103. Are you joking?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:52 AM

104. i couldn't do it

it was like living a lie - empty

my .02

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:19 AM

107. If you decide to date this person, in a few months you can answer your own question. Be sure...

to tell us what you find out.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:23 AM

108. FB friend them and be ready to send them links to Snopes.com.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:50 AM

109. Well, you've already rejected my advice.

Good luck.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 04:26 AM

110. It depends on whether and how their attitudes pervade their life

Many people vote Conservative, or I assume Republican, out of family tradition, and don't really think much about the issues. In such a case, I think that it's fairly easy to agree to disagree.

However, a very committed right-winger is likely to have an attitude that poor or otherwise disadvantaged people don't deserve help, and should 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps'. At best, such people think that people, who appear to need help, should be regarded as frauds until proven otherwise; at worst, that poor or sick people do not deserve help or compassion because they have brought their problems on themseves by personal weaknesses or 'lifestyle choices'. Admittedly, this attitude in politics does not always correlate perfectly with such an attitude in personal life. Some right-wingers have this attitude in the abstract, but don't show it toward people they know personally; and I have known left-wing voters who unfortunately had that attitude in abundance in personal life. Nonetheless, I think it's important, before making a long-term commitment, to reflect: 'If I become ill, would my partner regard me as a malingerer? If my brother or sister loses their job, would my partner treat them as a failure and/or scrounger? If my best friend suffers from depression, would my partner snap at them to pull themselves together? (Perhaps most importantly of all, if you are considering staying together long-term and having a family): If we have children together, would my partner treat every problem they have as a signal for authoritarian 'tough love'?' If you can answer an unreserved No to all these, then 'agreeing to disagree' is likely to be a good solution. If not, then I'm afraid that my advice would be the one you don't want to hear.

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Response to LeftishBrit (Reply #110)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:06 PM

119. Well said. My bfriend hates obama and so we don't discuss politics. However,

the morning after the election I called him and made him admit over the phone that of the 2 of us, I was the one informed of the truth. He was willing to do that and still decided to keep me.

So now I don't bring it up. I am the default winner, and I don't rub it in.

He's really not a bad guy: He has some weird reasons for being catholic and they tell him to hate obama. But he really doesn't know the implications of his words.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 05:28 AM

111. So many reasons to avoid a Conservative.

1.Anti Science.

2.Open bigotry from the southern strategy. even if a Conservative is not a bigot they never speak truth to the power that uses bigotry to win. at best they are cowardly at worse well they are bigots.

3.22 republicans in the senate including the minorty leader voted against the violence against women act..again cowardly for not speaking truth to power at worse anti women.

4.We get our economics mostly from economist,even though they seem heartless at times they mostly agree with the left on money and government spending( I know right!) they also know and say that supply side economics isn't even real and a total failure..if he isn't getting his economy info from economist who does he get it from?? This shows lack of intellectual curiosity! for me thats a no brainier for a mate.

5.Gay bigotry again at best cowardly Even if religious(you think jesus hates gays??)at worse hes hateful.

6.You really want your children raised in the tough love environment that raises uncaring who blame the victim?Nurture goes a long way in making the connections in the brain that determine how we filter information.Paranoid assholes don't have the best lives why risk that for your children.

There is 100's of reasons why Conservatives make poor mates with very few and for me no pros.I live in very red south surrounded. its very hard to find a compassionate open minded woman who can use her head.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 11:32 AM

113. Social conservative or fiscal conservative or both?

I think it matters a great deal. There are varying degrees of fiscal conservatives and reasoned debate is possible. Social conservatives will settle for nothing less than forcing their idea of morality on everyone. I can put politics aside, but people who think that they personally speak for an omnipotent entity I don't believe in, trying to tell me or anyone else how to think and act are intolerable to me.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:24 PM

116. Sex is not worth it. n/t

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:28 PM

117. Ask yourself if they make your life better

once you have your answer you will know what to do

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 02:11 PM

120. Don't.

That's the best advice out there, whether or not you want to hear it.


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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:04 PM

121. One of the biggest mistakes I've made...

was dating a Bible-thumping conservative.

I got really tired of her trying to convert me and asking me to watch Fox News.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 03:23 PM

123. You may not want to hear it but the truth hurts.

"Break up with them."

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 04:56 PM

126. I suppose it depends on what you mean by conservative

If you have real fundamental differences in your values and ethics then you might want to reconsider. In time they will become destructive to the relationship.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 04:57 PM

127. I would never do what you are doing.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 04:58 PM

128. I would not date one.

I found that you will not be happy. Most are very misinformed, obstinate and not good in bed.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 05:00 PM

129. I guess it depends on how conservative...

If the person is a gay-hating, pro-life pushing, crappin' on the poor and other social programs type conservative ... why would you want to be with him/her?

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 06:03 PM

131. If you are female, never give your cookies to someone who won't defend the bakery

It's one thing to think like a conservative. It's another to vote for them.

I don't care if a person is personally pro choice, pro equal rights, pro gay marriage, etc., If they vote for Republicans they are no better than the most rabid Fox news watcher. In fact, they are worse because they are a hypocrite. And they still think it's ok to vote for people who think YOU are lesser than. How is that love?

When two people have such a fundamentally different value system, how can they possibly make a relationship work? I would say the same to a conservative considering dating a liberal. If you care about politics then why go into a situation where even discussing something so important to you is automatically off the table? Relationships are hard enough as it is without starting one at a disadvantage.

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Response to Love Bug (Reply #131)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 07:12 PM

132. ^^this^^

If you are the female, run. There is so much inbred misogyny in Repug policies I think it dosen't occur to them.
Back in college (a million years ago) it was the experience of dating a conservative guy who was absolutely convinced that men were superior--at a time when it was more "acceptable" to say those things out loud--that made me the liberal feminist that I am today. Thankfully the experience was quite brief. I think fondly of my former boyfriends except that one, no doubt he's somewhere beating his wife.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 08:14 PM

136. I could not possibly do it.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

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Response to OceanEcosystem (Original post)

Mon Feb 18, 2013, 08:24 AM

138. Seek professional help in dealing with your self-esteem issues

 

if you choose not to do that and continue to see this person well all I can say is good luck with your choice and hope you are happy.

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