HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Don't ask for sympathy, n...
Introducing Discussionist: A new forum by the creators of DU

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:05 PM

Don't ask for sympathy, nor even understanding.

But with every family who lost a family member in this saga..there are two who I can bet most have not thought about. These are Christopher Dorner's mother and brother. You may think whatever you want of Chris Dorner, but as usual nobody is talking about them.

I remember when still in EMS we transported a boy to the Trauma Center who was stabbed (almost) to death by his very much mentally unstable older brother. I remember sitting down with the mother that day in the waiting room. She was in tears. At the time the 12 year old survival was pretty much in question, and a bunch of us were waiting to go give blood at the blood bank. She said words that have never left me. "Today I lost two sons."

Her younger son survived. His older son was committed to a mental institution...he was crazier than a coocoo puff. Her words remain with me to this day.

So yes, I don't expect it to be read...or the feeling understood by some here on DU. But to the Doener family, as well as every other family touched by this tragedy, my condolences on your loss, and may you find peace, and perhaps one day...forgiveness.

34 replies, 2375 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 34 replies Author Time Post
Reply Don't ask for sympathy, nor even understanding. (Original post)
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 OP
tblue Feb 2013 #1
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #4
catchnrelease Feb 2013 #14
dkf Feb 2013 #2
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #3
arthritisR_US Feb 2013 #5
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #6
ChazII Feb 2013 #9
arthritisR_US Feb 2013 #10
rhett o rick Feb 2013 #7
dkf Feb 2013 #13
Control-Z Feb 2013 #8
kestrel91316 Feb 2013 #23
Taverner Feb 2013 #32
Taverner Feb 2013 #31
freshwest Feb 2013 #11
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #12
ancianita Feb 2013 #16
countryjake Feb 2013 #25
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #15
shireen Feb 2013 #17
Puzzledtraveller Feb 2013 #18
nadinbrzezinski Feb 2013 #20
geek tragedy Feb 2013 #19
kestrel91316 Feb 2013 #24
geek tragedy Feb 2013 #26
kestrel91316 Feb 2013 #28
geek tragedy Feb 2013 #29
kestrel91316 Feb 2013 #30
geek tragedy Feb 2013 #34
BlancheSplanchnik Feb 2013 #21
1monster Feb 2013 #22
DrewFlorida Feb 2013 #27
liberal_at_heart Feb 2013 #33

Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:12 PM

1. I heard a radio show recently

about parents of children who committed unspeakable crimes. They are victims as well, and they bear guilt and blame the rest of their lives.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to tblue (Reply #1)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:15 PM

4. And the inevitable questions, what did I do wrong?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to tblue (Reply #1)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:02 PM

14. I heard the same or similar show

I remember one man speaking, saying that the parent loses their identity and from the moment of the event is now known as "John Doe, The father of the Columbine shooter/Aurora shooter" etc. So now, in addition to dealing with all of the horror of what took place, they are cursed themselves, by association with the killer.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:13 PM

2. Dornerís Mom Spotted Drinking Wine, Eating Chips While Watching Standoff

 

CBS2/KCAL9ís Michele Gile said a woman matching Nancy Dornerís description was with a female friend at La Capilla Mexican Restaurant in La Palma around 3:30 p.m.

Gile said the 62-year-old woman was drinking a glass of white wine and eating chips and salsa as CBS2/KCAL9 covered the latest developments on the deadly shootout between Dorner and sheriffís deputies.

Gile, not knowing she was speaking to the suspectís mom, said she told the two women that Dornerís mother lived nearby.


Gile said she later went to Dornerís home in La Palma. About 10 minutes after she arrived there, she saw the woman from the restaurant, who neighbors identified as Dornerís mother, pull into the driveway and go in the house.

http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2013/02/12/dorners-mom-spotted-drinking-wine-eating-chips-while-watching-standoff/

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dkf (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:14 PM

3. Exhibit A of what I posted

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #3)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:20 PM

5. Sure doesn't take them long...

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to arthritisR_US (Reply #5)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:22 PM

6. Plus, the paper never confirmed ID

And even if... Who cares?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #6)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:27 PM

9. And then we have those who prayed

that Chris would be captured alive and stand trial.

You are correct though about the mother and brother.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #6)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:28 PM

10. Confirmation, oh who cares about that when we

can pile on the shit to those already hurting

And you're right, it shouldn't be anybody's bloody business

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dkf (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:23 PM

7. Aannndd your point is??????????? nm

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to rhett o rick (Reply #7)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:02 PM

13. I don't know what that means.

 

If we learn more about their relationship other than that they were "estranged" maybe we will know.

But it's a piece of the puzzle.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dkf (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:24 PM

8. And?

Is there a point I missed? Was she not wearing black? Or on her knees in a church somewhere? Or surrounded by her family in mourning?

I'm not trying to be mean. I just think that most people have trouble imagining that other "good people" could possibly behave in any way other than the way they think they would.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dkf (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:46 PM

23. Why am I not surprised that you are posting this?

What?? Because she's not in sackcloth and ashes you have to post this - presumably you are trying to make her seem unsympathetic.

There's a horrible person in this picture. I'll leave it up to our fellow DUers to decide who it is.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kestrel91316 (Reply #23)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:27 AM

32. Because the poster is devoid of empathy

 

Or at least they are behaving so

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dkf (Reply #2)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:27 AM

31. Dorner's Mom spotted at Olive Garden! Eating french toast rolled in corn flakes!

 

How dare she!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:34 PM

11. I understand and have seen this in life. Strange, I was wondering today about his family coping.

They lost a family member, but perhaps they had lost him some time ago. And there is nothing they can do about what happened as he was not in their control.


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to freshwest (Reply #11)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 10:36 PM

12. That is possible.

And it is none of my business...but losing a family member vilified all over the place (rightly or wrongly) is not easy.

And we all tend to forget the other victims.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #12)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:08 PM

16. Yes, we do. nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to freshwest (Reply #11)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:54 PM

25. During the live coverage yesterday afternoon on KTLA 5...

one of the commentators asked a reporter if anyone had been in contact with Dorner's family. She answered that they had gone there, to where his mother lived, but that other members of the press who were camped out in the vicinity told them that Dorner's mother had asked the media to stop knocking on her door and other's told them that Nancy Dorner had begun calling 911 whenever anyone came to her door.

I can't even imagine the feelings that mother must have experienced during this past week but a certain doom must surely have set in once the flames began shooting up from that cabin.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:06 PM

15. Mom issues statement.


In a statement released to Fox11 in Los Angeles on behalf of the family, Nancy Dorner also asked for privacy.

"It is with great sadness and heavy hearts that we express our deepest sympathies and condolences to anyone that suffered losses or injuries resulting from Christopher's actions," Nancy Dorner told Fox11. "We do not condone Christopher's actions. The family has no further comment and asks that our privacy be respected during this difficult time."



http://www.10news.com/news/mother-of-homicide-suspect-christopher-dorner-issues-statement

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:08 PM

17. well said ...

same thing at Newtown. Family of the shooter was barely mentioned.

The family members of the perpetrator are not just left with grief. They're also left with overwhelming guilt even when it wasn't in any way their fault.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:09 PM

18. It's all bad, no matter how you slice it and dice it

I was once indifferent to this sort of thing but over time I changed and now I find myself unable to stomach an eye for an eye anymore and fighting death with more death. I know sometimes it doesn't turn out that way but I have to take a stand and there is no celebration in any loss of life.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Puzzledtraveller (Reply #18)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:19 PM

20. I grew up fast as a young medic

And realized shades of gray are real.

One moment you might be transporting a child molester (with a bullet to the thigh put there by fellow prisoners during a jail riot) and the next a Parrish priest.

Pretty much you learned to listen to each of them as human beings with real feelings, even the monsters among us.

That was, by the way, one weird shift.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:11 PM

19. Hopefully we won't see the family hook up with an ambulance chaser

who files a wrongful death suit.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to geek tragedy (Reply #19)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:50 PM

24. Why not? Afraid that true justice might be delivered?

He did not receive due process. It is possible that he could and should have been afforded the opportunity to surrender at some point and yet wasn't. I wasn't there and neither were you. I don't have all the facts and neither do you.

Why do so many DUers hate the Constitution and feel it only applies to certain classes of people and not others??

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kestrel91316 (Reply #24)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 12:01 AM

26. He had plenty of chances to surrender. He shot and killed people who

asked him to.

Due process does not mean they have to ask please pretty please and let him shoot them if he declines, contra to your wisdom.

He was not deprived of due process. He got himself killed.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to geek tragedy (Reply #26)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 12:38 AM

28. Were you there? Did you personally hear LEO's

offer him the chance to surrender?

Because LEO's can and do lie all the time. They also deprive people of life or liberty without due process ALL THE TIME. It's longstanding tradition with LAPD and you saw them try to do it again with those two women in the truck. They never told them to stop, never gave them a chance to identify themselves. They just shot to kill.

I'm not inclined to believe a word that any LEO's involved with this case have said at this point.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kestrel91316 (Reply #28)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 12:42 AM

29. How about the family of the cop he murdered earlier that day?

After that cop tried to arrest him.

I dare say his bullet ridden corpse isn't lying.

It takes quite some effort to twist this scenario where Dorner was deprived of the opportunity to surrender.

Get real.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to geek tragedy (Reply #29)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:25 AM

30. I am not saying definitively that he was "deprived of

opportunity to surrender". I am saying I am not convinced that he was, and do not necessarily believe what LEO's have to say about it DUE TO THEIR SORDID RECORD of A) self-serving lies and B) failing to provide opportunities for surrender before shooting to kill.

Please stop trying to put words in my mouth.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kestrel91316 (Reply #30)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:39 AM

34. Who prevented Dorner from surrendering before yesterday?

One doesn't need to believe LEO words as the gospel truth. Dorner's own behavior tells you that (a) he had ample opportunity to surrender and (b) he would rather die than surrender.

If you can't allege he was denied a chance to surrender, there is absolutely zero grounds for alleging a due process right.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:28 PM

21. read or watch the movie, "We Need to Talk About Kevin"

Powerful novel, imagined from this perspective, which is rarely considered

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Wed Feb 13, 2013, 11:37 PM

22. I understand only too well. Thank you for expressing your compassion for those who also suffer

but in silence, usually with no comfort offered and condemnation shoved down their throats.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 12:34 AM

27. We don't need sympathy nor understanding, just honest cops who do not murder suspects.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nadinbrzezinski (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:29 AM

33. great post!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread