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Thu Jan 31, 2013, 09:57 PM

 

SCREAMING! Just got off the phone with my ALZ dad after trying to walk him through an internet

purchase. He's too paranoid abt his cc info to let anyone else do it for him and cannot see but one section of the screen at one time for some apparent reason even though there is a windows bar at the bottom of the screen that it always takes 5 minutes to find if ever!!!!!

And this is the guy that... Never mind, I love him to death but jesus he's frustrating.

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Reply SCREAMING! Just got off the phone with my ALZ dad after trying to walk him through an internet (Original post)
Whovian Jan 2013 OP
Drunken Irishman Jan 2013 #1
patrice Jan 2013 #2
Whovian Jan 2013 #3
patrice Jan 2013 #5
R. Daneel Olivaw Jan 2013 #7
patrice Feb 2013 #11
hollysmom Jan 2013 #4
Lone_Star_Dem Jan 2013 #6
Brother Buzz Jan 2013 #8
Stinky The Clown Jan 2013 #9
Whovian Feb 2013 #10
A HERETIC I AM Feb 2013 #13
lonestarnot Feb 2013 #12
johnnyreb Feb 2013 #14
u4ic Feb 2013 #15
Whovian Feb 2013 #16
cntrfthrs Feb 2013 #17
etherealtruth Feb 2013 #18

Response to Whovian (Original post)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 10:01 PM

1. I have been there!

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 10:20 PM

2. I hope you are careful.

Been there too, a couple of times all of the way through, beginning to end.

You will regret every bit of even the slightest unkindness you ever deal your father.

Firm and kind is good. I wish there was more help for you & I am working toward that in my own way.

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Response to patrice (Reply #2)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 10:31 PM

3. I really believe you are right and that is why I am banging my head on my desk at the moment. n/t

 

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Response to Whovian (Reply #3)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 10:39 PM

5. I remember. It's frustrating, REALLY frustrating to see a parent decline.

I just couldn't get myself to believe it, so I kept expecting more than I should have. Fortunately, I did have family around to help even out the burden, but it was still hard for everyone to understand what was happening. Because we're a big family, we even had somewhat better resources than many others. I can imagine how hard it must be for people who are more alone.

Do you know that HR 676 Expanded and Improved Medicare for All, linked on the front page here: http://www.pnhp.org/ has provisions in it for national Long-Term Care?

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Response to patrice (Reply #2)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 11:19 PM

7. Going through it with my dad right now. End years. Quiet years. Waiting.


I saw the writing on the wall and started asking him questions about his life. I digital recorded a lot, but things can happen fast and did.

I salvaged what I could of him and his oral history, and I will edit it for me, my brothers and the granddaughter he will never know.

Sometimes I listen to our conversations and remember my dad they way it used to be: his intellect and humor.

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Response to R. Daneel Olivaw (Reply #7)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 12:44 AM

11. The drudgery of the work of it fools you into thinking it's slow, when, like you say, the changes

are quicker and more disorienting than anyone expects, so it's a very lucky thing that you captured as much as you did.

One of my dad's grandson's, who admired his grandfather's commitment to Labor's rights to organize, who listened to my dad's descriptions of what we all came to recognize as economic justice issues on construction jobs, wrote a lot of it down. All of my brothers and sisters have copies and I got my copy signed by Howard Dean during a campaign stop he made here in '04.

My father was a Depression era farm-boy, who never graduated from high school, but taught himself trigonometry so he could do foreman's work on big, really big, pipe-fitting jobs, so he saw a lot. He was also fond of talking about things that Pierre Tielhard de Chardin wrote about, which he learned from a close friendship with a fiery populist-preaching Irish priest in southeast Kansas after WWII.

He was my earliest teacher, a true Irish romantic, he loved boxing and opera; that's where I get my love of poetry. He was a photography buff too and hence raised a bunch of shutter-bugs, so there a lots and lots of pictures of him. His last years were really pretty good, but nothing seems to be quite enough though, I miss him.

I'm not sure people ever get over, whatever mistakes they make with an elder like that, even the really small stuff. That's why I posted to this thread. & It's too bad that it doesn't look as though any of it is going to get any easier for anyone, maybe only worse and worse, unless we put up a major fight for it.



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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 10:31 PM

4. you are brave, I never tried to give my dad instruction over the phone once he retired

He kept losing channels and I would jump in the car and drive a 1/2 hour to fix his TV over and over and over until my neighbor taught me how to make a template and tape it on the remote, only allowing him certain keys - like channel and volume, but not program.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 10:45 PM

6. It's very frustrating.

I know, I've been there as a primary care giver. I'm actually about to go say my final goodbye to another family member with Alzheimer's in a week. I fucking hate Alzheimer's. It's second only to cancer on my list of hates and it's working hard to try to pull ahead into first place.

It doesn't get easier, but it's all we've got left. Believe me, you look back on when they could still accomplish certain tasks - even if they complained and made it a nightmare the whole time - with envy.

Did I mention how much I hate Alzheimer's?

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 11:27 PM

8. In the future...

you could offer to order the stuff for him on your CC and trust him to reimburse you in a conventional fashion he's comfortable with, say, a personnel check.

Just an idea.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Thu Jan 31, 2013, 11:34 PM

9. I have a 98 year old aunt . . . . .

. . . . . who can't remember my wife's name from visit to vist, can't remember my cousin's wife's name, who thinks my cousin is me unless we're both in the room simultaneously, and so on and so forth.

She was like a second mother to all her nephews (no nieces) and we all love her more than possible. Our wives reintroduce themselves ever so good naturedly. Our kids reintroduce themselves each and every time and hug her tightly.

She remembers every dog's name. No confusion there.

Every encounter with her is more than precious. It could be the very last one.

She will be 99 in March.

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Response to Stinky The Clown (Reply #9)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 12:28 AM

10. Love to you and her.

 

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Response to Stinky The Clown (Reply #9)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 12:48 AM

13. ....



My mom just turned 84 last Saturday.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 12:46 AM

12. Hang in there.

I know how you feel. Buy him a purple shirt.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 01:12 AM

14. It was fifteen years with my parent, Whovian--

All the way down to exposing the insurance companies' illegally programming their systems to automatically reject all claims that mention "dementia", attending state gov hearings with fat nursing home lobbyists with rings on every finger, whining how they can't afford more staff-to-patients, while they paid off compassionate-and-responsible republicans, the standard week-long nursing home crusade to DC, finally yanking our parent from the nursing homes and taking them home, feeding and turning in the bed, rotating shifts for a decade, all to protect our WWII island-fighting veteran parent from the great American health-care-delivery-system-incorporated. If you have siblings or family, start strategizing with them soonest. Get to know your state government's eldercare ombudsman office. Prayers and vibes for you and yours.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 01:29 AM

15. I understand; my father has it, too

And it can be very frustrating. It's good to vent to others if you need it, but remember...it's his brain that's just not functioning properly any more.

My sister often treats my father like he's a petulant child. I keep on having to remind her...it's not his fault. It's best not to turn it into a control issue. His place is messy because he can't recognize and keep track of things like he used to (he used to be very picky and orderly). He isn't being gross when he doesn't change for days, he can't keep track of time and hygenie any more, etc.

I have to keep telling myself that, too. I think if it's frustrating for me or my sister, it's doubly frustrating for him, who's going through it.

Take care.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Fri Feb 1, 2013, 01:36 AM

16. Thank you all. n/t

 

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Sat Feb 2, 2013, 03:17 AM

17. Install that software that allows you...

to remotely control his cmptr. Can't remember the name @ the moment but it might help.

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Response to Whovian (Original post)

Sat Feb 2, 2013, 06:40 AM

18. It is very hard and frustrating

I have no advice or consolation ... because it is very hard, very frustrating

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