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Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:32 PM

Women try to get recourse for revenge porn photo posts

Outrage After Exes Post Revenge Pics
By ABC NewsPosts 3 hours ago

Dozens of women are fighting back after intimate photos they sent to former romantic interests have been sent by their exes to a so-called "revenge porn" website and posted online.

Holley Toups says that she was at work one day and a friend called to tell her what she'd seen online. It's the moment that Toups, a teacher's aide in Texas, says her life became a living hell.


"She said, 'I overheard some people talking about a website. Its pictures, you know, explicit photos that people have posted,' and she said, 'you're on there,'" Toups said.

Toups found semi-nude photos she said she once sent to a former boyfriend - now posted on the porn site.

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/womens-outrage-ex-boyfriends-post-revenge-photos-133425692--abc-news-topstories.html

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Reply Women try to get recourse for revenge porn photo posts (Original post)
cbdo2007 Jan 2013 OP
MineralMan Jan 2013 #1
haikugal Jan 2013 #2
enlightenment Jan 2013 #3
Last Stand Jan 2013 #88
Nay Jan 2013 #188
seabeyond Jan 2013 #190
gulliver Jan 2013 #183
bluestate10 Jan 2013 #225
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redqueen Jan 2013 #6
yardwork Jan 2013 #10
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MineralMan Jan 2013 #12
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Response to cbdo2007 (Original post)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:34 PM

1. Do not take photos or videos of yourself in sexual situations, and do not

allow others to do it either.

That is the rule. If you do not follow the rule, your photo or video will appear on the Internet at some point. That's guaranteed.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:40 PM

2. There are times...

these things happen and no consent has been given, however, I agree completely with you MM.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:41 PM

3. Unfortunately true.

Yes, you should be allowed to share what you want to share - but common sense says otherwise. Sometimes, the best picture is the one we hold in memory - and when it comes to taking intimate photos and sharing them with someone else, the photos should ONLY be that memory snapshot - not a permanent image.

Intimate images are always going to be potentially compromising images. The easiest way to avoid "revenge porn" is to not allow those pictures to be taken (or take them yourself).

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Response to enlightenment (Reply #3)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 05:13 PM

88. This is a classic example that what is legal and what is moral and ethical

are at odds. The law is pretty clear about the ownership of images where consent is obvious. Relationships can bring out the worst in people and you have to protect yourself while still investing in them. Unfortunately, when you give consent, you open yourself up for exploitation no matter the subject. It's wrong, but it's the way it is. Nowadays, you have to play to the lowest common denominator to not get crushed. Doesn't matter the nature of the relationship either.

Never sign real estate documents without reading and understanding the small print. You might legally lose your house.

Never buy your girl/boyfriend a car that you don't mind seeing him/her ride away in the next week.

Never get married without a pre-nup if you bring your life savings to the marriage. You might lose half of everything next year.


People are mean. It ain't right, but you have to be careful nowadays.

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Response to Last Stand (Reply #88)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:41 PM

188. Totally true, Last Stand. I shudder to think of the people allowing these photos of themselves,

thinking that their latest love interest would NEVER do anything vindictive or porny with the photos -- well, people are mean and nasty, and even the ones you love can become your enemies. It's a hard lesson to learn. Even the guys that are still friendly with you will find it hard not to 'trade' your photos online so he can access other posters' girlfriends' photos. If you're a man, don't let your girlfriends take naked photos of you, either. What might happen if she gets mad and dumps you? Yep.

It's disgusting, but with the way things are never private, you can't take chances like that anymore.

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Response to Nay (Reply #188)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:44 PM

190. male bonding. he can even like the girl, and it is all about male bonding. when a fellow male says

hey... she know you are sharing? what crap. knock that off. what an ass

men and boys will continue.

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Response to enlightenment (Reply #3)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:15 PM

183. "the best picture is the one we hold in memory"

So true.

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Response to enlightenment (Reply #3)

Sun Jan 27, 2013, 06:30 PM

225. If a person takes a picture themselves and email it or transfer it via cellphone, the

picture become available to whoever the person that received it wants to share with. People should not take intimate photos, EVER, unless they are ok with the possibility that those photos will become public.

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Response to bluestate10 (Reply #225)

Sun Jan 27, 2013, 06:44 PM

227. we are talking about the creep, bottomfeeder that has so little character that they would actually

share it with another.

a person that gives a picture needs to not trust another. but... it is the vile creep that steps over the line that is the issue.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:44 PM

6. Same logic as 'Don't get too drunk, or you will eventually get raped.'

It is good to be careful.

It is better to place the blame where if belongs.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:46 PM

10. Exactly! I notice that female victims are always the ones being shamed.

Are male victims of rape lectured in this way?

Whenever a woman is sexually assaulted there is a whole chorus of people clucking their tongues and pointing out how she got herself into this situation. Male victims of crimes aren't treated this way.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #10)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 06:22 PM

107. Men who are raped or sexually abused suffer tremendous shame

and even ridicule. Their trauma, like that of women, is life-changing. I'm not sure why posters on this website perpetuate the fallacy that male rape victims have some sort of free pass.

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Response to Last Stand (Reply #107)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 07:48 PM

117. Thank you for posting this.

Male survivors often face the whole "no REAL man ever gets raped" BS, and homophobia, as well as much of the same victim blaming that women survivors face. And just like women and girls, most men and boys who are raped never report.

Supporting women survivors shouldn't mean dissing male survivors, just like supporting male survivors doesn't mean victim-blaming women. Dividing survivors like that only helps the rapists among us.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #10)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:10 PM

179. I would've given Anthony Weiner the same advice. nt

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Response to Xipe Totec (Reply #179)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 07:57 PM

209. I didn't realize that Anthony Weiner was raped. Link?

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Response to yardwork (Reply #209)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 09:02 PM

215. Cute.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:48 PM

12. I'm not assessing blame. Just explaining reality.

The person who posts such photos on the Internet is the asshole. It happens so frequently, though, that not ever allowing such photos or videos to be made is about the only way to prevent assholes from having them to post.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #12)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:56 PM

15. That is exactly the same logic, though.

Girls and women are raped all the time.

We hear about what we should do to stop it constantly. (Don't go out late. Don't dress that way. Don't get drunk. Don't trust first dates. Don't act too 'easy'. Don't let him pay for everything on the date. Don't wear long hair. Don't park in certain places. Don't walk alone after a certain hour. Don't 'look like a victim'. Etc etc etc etc etc)

The fact is, not all men are fucking assholes, and women (AND MEN) should feel free to share those pictures if they want. The pictures are not the problem.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #15)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:58 PM

17. Well, I think I'll keep following my policy of not allowing such

photos to be taken. Revenge photos and videos are also posted of men, you know. Sexual photos and videos seem to have a destiny on the Internet, somehow. Since many relationships do not last, and often end badly, it's not a surprise. If there are no photos or videos, none can be posted. I'm not speaking only of women, you know.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #17)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 06:10 PM

102. but please also realize that when you offer such very obvious advice, that it's contributing to the

Last edited Sat Jan 26, 2013, 04:12 AM - Edit history (1)

negative discourse about women that totally contributes to them blaming themselves. And contributes to judges letting these fuckers off the hook, because everyone says the girl should have known. You are then part of that everyone, which helps nobody.

Everyone reading of the issue, if they hadn't considered sexting pics was ill advised, now know it is- or can be. And those who are going to take a risk (including your wife) and trust someone are going to disregard the advice. We have all been taken in by people we shouldn't have trusted in things both small and large. Such is life and human nature. It's tough to believe we should never ever trust someone. And so our impulse is to trust sometimes. People should not be faulted for that.

Please think next time you post "helpful advice". Is it obvious? Have we gals heard this 1000X before? If so consider it not helpful at all and instead think about women - like your ex- who make these mistakes. How everyone calls them a fuck up while at the same time remaining largely silent about what the wrong doers and their friends should stop doing. Why aren't you all talking about changing the locker room mentality out there instead of accepting it as a fait accompli?

Why aren't you trying to be part of the solution instead of being part of the culture that always looks to the victim?
Please try to consider the big picture instead of chiming in with facile advice. You make mistakes too. Your wife didn't make a mistake trusting you, nor did many other women. But you characterize it as their failing. It's not.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #102)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 11:48 AM

172. Thanks. Good post. nt

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #102)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:41 PM

189. I've been thinking about what you wrote since I read it last night.

As you may have seen in my other posts in this thread, I believe that nobody should post compromising photos of others online, and I believe that those who do should be liable in lawsuits for defamation of character and invasion of privacy.

That said, I stand by my recommendation that people avoid taking photos or videos or allowing others to take such photos or videos of nudity or sexual activity. I'm in no way victim blaming. What I'm doing is trying to make people aware of the possibility of such things having a habit of ending up on the Internet.

Any relationship can go sour and disintegrate. In addition, not everyone who is an asshole reveals that right away during a relationship. Things may change at any time, and what was a playful or exciting photo or video may well turn into something else if the relationship ends and the other party is angry or frustrated enough to let their baser instincts come out. Then, that playful or exciting video may well become fodder for distribution.

Caution is all I'm advising, and it applies to anyone, not just to women. Trust in others is a good thing, but situations change and a person you trust may not continue to be worthy of that trust at some point. I think everyone reading this thread has had that occur in their lives.

In recommending that people not allow such photos or videos to be created, I am being part of the solution. The person who is embarrassed, dismayed, or harmed by the dissemination of such things is the victim. The person who distributes them is the bad guy. Recognizing that a partner in a relationship can turn into the bad guy is not victim blaming. It is simply recognition of what happens all to frequently. Advising caution is not victim blaming, either. It is simply advice that has a track record of being good advice.

A number of people in this thread have agreed with that advice, including a number of women. I believe you have misunderstood my intent.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #189)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 01:01 PM

194. I do understand your intent, but you seem totally unwilling to consider how your voice is part of a

chorus that puts the issue on women's laps, and leaves it there.
Aside from that, it's kind of obvious and not necessary to tell readers of the dangers of something they've just read about the dangers of. Trust me, if they learn the lesson, it'll be from reading about the girls who were hurt by this, and not from you wagging your finger.

But feel free to ignore women who are telling you that you're supporting a narrative that blames and shames women. I'm certainly far from the first woman to tell you this. Ignore all of us, and ignore the big picture. That's certainly your right. But don't be offended when we're not grateful for it, and don't fool yourself it helps anybody.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #15)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 11:46 AM

171. Common sense

says don't allow pictures to be taken that you don't want everyone to see. Whether or not it's right, wrong or whatever, protecting yourself is a good idea. I wouldn't walk down the street buck naked and expect that I wouldn't get negative attention.

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Response to Aerows (Reply #171)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:03 PM

175. I agree.

People seem to have a blind spot when it comes to stuff like this. Don't post a tirade against your boss or co-worker on FB or tweet it and expect it to be a 'secret'. The same goes for bullying and threatening on social media.

Whatever you really don't want out there, just don't it.

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Response to HappyMe (Reply #175)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:12 PM

180. on another thread, i would be all over the, dont give nude pictures, dont do a tirade on boss, ect..

personal responsibility. i teach my boys that. repeatedly. KNOW, anything can get on the net. look at the notre dame player with the illusionary GF.

but, that is the obvious. and like with wrongs, the wrong is putting the entrusted pictures on the net and a company allowing.

i think most everyone in this thread gets.... do a naked picture, and it could be posted.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #15)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 09:49 PM

216. Nope its very different logic. A girl in a burka can be raped the same as a girl in a mini skirt.

A person who hasn't given naked pictures to their ex's can not have those pictures posted on the internet.

If the pics had been stolen or obtained illegally by a peeping tom that would be another story, but in the this situation these women did give these pictures away in the first place.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:59 PM

19. yes. i would like to hear what a vile piece of shit would do this. and what a vile piece of shit

company would allow it. and what a vile piece of shit company would profit to take those pictures off of women being exploited by vile piece of shit men using this as revenge and allowing it on a vile piece of shit mans site.

that is what i want to hear.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:42 PM

37. Terrible analogy. Not the same logic at all.

There is no consent to rape. If everyone in the pictures consents to the picture being taken, there is no crime in the pictures being taken or shared. If you don't want pictures shared, don't take them.

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #37)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:04 PM

44. so interesting how you men shift the blame from the bottomfeeders onto the women. so convenient. nt

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #44)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:27 PM

53. Really.

Never mind that there was trust involved and it was violated.

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Response to October (Reply #53)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:29 PM

55. THIS is what creates our rape culture. and every man defending a mans right to go against a womans

will and put these pictures on the net, is fuckin defending the rape culture.

my guess, is these men are really defending the having shared pictures that were intrusted to them, and do not want any of the shit to rub off on them.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #44)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 05:17 PM

90. I'm not shifting the blame to anyone. You are.

The blame lies with the person, regardless of gender, that consents to a picture and then is mad when that picture is seen by others. Their gender has nothing to do with anything. You seem to just want to blame men because you are sexist. You understand that women are capable of sharing pictures that men don't want shared, right?

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #90)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 05:21 PM

92. wrong. in every way, wrong. the woman consented to have a private moment with a man. the vile creep

you defend went against what she wanted and put it out to everyone. and it says a hell of a lot about a man, that does not get, or pretends, or refuses to see the wrong in this.

give me a link to the site where women are doing this to men. give me the company owned by women that allow such a site. give me a link to a company that then extorts money from men to get the pictures taken off the net.

and the very first wrong is blaming the woman for taking the picture. instead of the vile creep that posted it on the net.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #92)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:08 AM

148. wrong. in every way, wrong.

And I have no respect for the opinions of sexists like you. Have a nice day.

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #148)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:13 AM

149. hey, if you cant prove your statement is correct, then just admit it. no need

to get your panties in a twist.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #149)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:33 AM

150. Google it yourself. You'll find hundreds of pictures of men if you look.

I don't know if there is a website dedicated to men, but I never claimed there was. You made that strawman. But women do post pictures and they are not hard to find if you want to. To believe that no woman has ever posted a picture of a man on the internet that he didn't want to be shared is beyond naive. It's stupid and sexist.

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #150)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:36 AM

151. first, no one said no women post pictures willingly. second, no one said men did not have naked

pictures on the net. third, i specifically told you it is about women who do not consent, being put on a site created by men, for men, to ridicule these women, and companies owned by men and another company owned by a man to extort money from the girls and women to get the pictures off the site.

YOU told me it is happening to men. i say... prove it. you cant.

because you fabricate an argument does not make a win.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #151)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 10:38 AM

157. Still arguing with the strawman you created I see.

"first, no one said no women post pictures willingly."

When you put all the blame on men your were essentially saying women didn't do it.

"second, no one said men did not have naked pictures on the net. "

Again, when you blamed only men the only logical conclusion is that it didn't happen to men.

" third, i specifically told you it is about women who do not consent, being put on a site created by men, for men, to ridicule these women, and companies owned by men and another company owned by a man to extort money from the girls and women to get the pictures off the site. "

No, you blamed men when I made a comment about blaming a person that allows a picture to be taken and then is mad when it is shared. My comment isn't about just these few women in a court case, it is about the thousands and thousands of people this happens to. And some of them are men. With your obsession on this paysite aspect your argument seems to be that the the problem isn't the pictures being shared on the internet (because there are thousands of places to share pictures freely), but that some site is charging money for them.

"YOU told me it is happening to men. i say... prove it. you cant. "

No, you created a strawman and attributed it to me. I never claimed there was a pay website dedicated to men. Prove I said it... you can't, because I didn't.

"because you fabricate an argument does not make a win."

because you are arguing with a strawman you fabricated for me makes you lose the argument.

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #157)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 10:44 AM

159. this is an OP about men with a site created by men, company owned by men. so when i talk about men,

it is because i am talking about the OP that is put up for us to talk about. that is what we do on a discussion board. so NO, because i talk about men, that put photos on a site created by men and a company owned by men and another company owned by men extorting money from women, does NOT mean i have then said

no men have naked picutres.
no woman willingly put up naked pictures.

that is the stupidist damn argument i have heard.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #159)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 10:56 AM

162. If you don't like the discussion taking place, don't insert yourself into!

I was arguing against an analogy to rape that someone made. It is you the interjected yourself into our conversation. If you didn't want to discuss sharing pictures as a whole on the internet you shouldn't have replied to me. I made it quite clear several times that I was discussing sharing pictures regardless of gender. It is you that stuck with blaming only men, which is why the only conclusion is that you do believe the arguments that you now say are stupid.

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #162)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 11:17 AM

165. no. what you did was derail the argument. took it from the issue to nullify it with what about the

menz. gender neutral. that is what i was challenging.

that is what you created strawmen argument about.

YOU created an argument that has nothing to do with this OP to dismiss the issue. i challenged.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #165)


Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #185)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:20 PM

186. you didnt have a discussion about rape. your argument was "it happens to the menz, too". nt

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #150)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:41 AM

152. there are hundreds of pics of men, that they happily post themselves.

there is nothing on the web comparable to this aimed at shaming men. It doesn't exist.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #152)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 10:40 AM

158. I never claimed there was.

That doesn't mean there aren't pictures of guys on the internet that were shared by a women that they don't want out there. There are.

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #158)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:16 PM

184. Great. THIS THREAD is not about those pictures.

THIS THREAD is about pictures of women that were posted without their permission, by MEN.

Apparently the topic of THIS THREAD has eluded you... or you are purposefully attempting to derail it.

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Response to MadrasT (Reply #184)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:24 PM

187. This thread will go in whatever direction people take it, like every single thread.

I didn't respond to the OP. I replied to a post about rape, even though this OP doesn't mention rape. Before chiming in with your opinions, maybe you should figure out what others are actually discussing instead of assuming that everyone is having the same discussion. It is people like you that continue to nag about the OP that are derailing this thread. Had the people that replied to my post actually argued with what I had posted instead of a strawman there would be some actually thoughtful discussion.

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Response to MadrasT (Reply #184)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:46 PM

191. madras, quit being a nag, and i will try to quit being a sexist pig....

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Response to DesMoinesDem (Reply #37)

Sun Jan 27, 2013, 06:19 PM

222. A person can consent to a picture being taken but not to it being shared. If you didn't consent to

having it shared, it is the same as rape. Non-consent=non-consent.

Yes, there can be a crime in "sharing" pictures without having express consent of all that are in the picture. Simply consenting to having a photo taken does NOT = consent to having them shared.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:54 PM

41. Not remotely the same logic...

...It is, however, good to be careful and not let some guy take pictures of you naked..

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:01 PM

43. Placing the blame does not undo the damage

 

It may be useful in criminal proceedings but it's a bit like the police showing up to drape the scene in yellow tape.

It's too little too late.

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Response to Leslie Valley (Reply #43)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:06 PM

45. Placing the blame where it belongs means victims are less likely to be too ashamed to come forward

This is a class action lawsuit.

This is important. We can't keep desperately trying to make up reasons to blame victims. It does no good. It does do harm.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #45)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 06:23 PM

108. Good luck with that.

Once you give another person a picture, regardless of your intentions, that other person owns it and can do with it as he/she wishes. And very likely once that person posts it on a scuzzbucket website, that website then owns it (depending on the website's terms/conditions of service).

Bake

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:29 PM

54. No I disagree because

taking a nude photo (with the exception of hidden cameras) is a conscious choice whereas getting raped is not. You can avoid seeing yourself naked on the internet by making sure you can truly trust someone before taking off your clothes around them and not allowing photos of your naked body. You can try and avoid being raped by paying attention, self defense techniques and or weapons but its still happens unfortunately.

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Response to Drale (Reply #54)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:45 PM

63. Women can be raped by their significant others.

Is rape ok in those circumstances... because she made the conscious choice to be around a rapist?

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Response to redqueen (Reply #63)

Sun Jan 27, 2013, 06:22 PM

223. Thank you. Spousal/significant other/prior sexual partner rape happens and is rape also.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 08:02 PM

121. right on! ++++++++++

 

I am, ahem, dissapointed in some of the responses here.

It should be assumed that intimate pictures are... intimate, and not meant to be shared. But I guess some morans aren't smart enough to figure that out and no wonder they were dumped.

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Response to Whisp (Reply #121)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 11:52 AM

174. It is very disappointing, but hardly surprising. Women are always to be blamed. Always.

In matters like this, especially so.

Punishing women for not 'behaving as they should', and 'bringing these things on themselves', instead of focusing on the people doing the abusing, harassment, rape, and assorted other forms of victimizing is a time-honored tradition in the patriarchy. It ensures that women don't ever get the idea they should ever be able to expect to be treated with respect, especially not when it comes to matters of sexuality.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:44 PM

7. Told my kids that back when it was just home videos that were getting out there!

My gods, how stupid are people?

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:54 PM

13. Or ... don't date assholes.

One of the two.

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Response to Bok_Tukalo (Reply #13)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:55 PM

14. Sometimes you don't know someone's an asshole

for a while. Some assholes are pretty good at hiding their assholery, but it always emerges at some point.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #14)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:58 PM

16. I disagree about knowing

You can figure that out rather early in the relationship. Certainly prior to the relationship becoming intimate.

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Response to Bok_Tukalo (Reply #16)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:08 PM

23. you'd be shocked at how some people can turn asshole years later...it often doesn't manifest itself

until they are suddenly not getting their way. Then, bam... a whole other side emerges to the "nicest person in the world". Very common scenario.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #23)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:13 PM

27. How in the world does someone get their way for years?

There are countless interactions people have on a daily basis. Sooner or later, within a short period of time, the asshole emerges.

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Response to Bok_Tukalo (Reply #27)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:22 PM

33. in relationships? it happens. some women are socially conditioned to "smooth things over" and

go along with their man. I know my family tried with me, LOL. Didn't work, not to say there wasn't enormous pressure put on me to be compliant, and I know quite a few women that turned their lives upside down for "love" not even noticing the dude would never bend an inch in their direction. It's not all that rare, and more common when the guy is the breadwinner.
Thank god, my father explained how bad that dynamic is for both partners.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #33)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 02:10 PM

48. ^^ This. One of my friends married a guy like this. Her family had fed her

the "you have to have a man on your arm to have status" and "go along to get along" tripe for years. I didn't know her well until after she got married, but I'd gone to school with her husband. First time I met him, I thought, "No way, Jose, not for me," even though most of my girlfriends thought he was quite a catch. He gradually became the Husband From Hell.

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Response to winter is coming (Reply #48)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 03:13 PM

64. two of my closest friends. really strong, opinionated gals... were just completely "taken"

swept away, head over heels, etc. Society has always romanticized this notion, and they did too!
And then realized a few years later they had no shred of their own life left, no firends, no freedom, and everything was subject to husbands approval.
And yes, it happens to men. My poor brother is in a similar boat.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #64)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 03:26 PM

65. Books, TV, and movies constantly peddle unrealistic and fucked-up relationships

and people are foolish enough to think that's how things are supposed to be. I knew a woman, totally perplexed by her wreck of a marriage, lament that she thought "things would be like they are in Heinlein novels". I shit you not.

Just think about how many "romantic comedies" there are where the couple begins their relationship by fighting and hating each other's guts, but then they can't resist that magnetic attraction of luuuuuuv. Never does it occur to them, "Geez, we fight all the time, maybe we aren't suited for each other," or "Geez, we fight all the time, maybe we don't have the first clue about how to have a good relationship." In the movies, they paper over the cracks with sex, and we're supposed to assume that will work, long-term, in real life.

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Response to winter is coming (Reply #65)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 11:15 AM

164. Well put. I find it telling that most romantic comedies stop at the point

 

of unification\consummation and do not depict the actual workings\dynamics of an ongoing relationship. "They got married and lived happily ever after" pretty much says it all . . . NOT.

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Response to Bok_Tukalo (Reply #16)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 05:37 PM

93. You'd be wrong on that...

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #14)

Sun Jan 27, 2013, 06:40 PM

226. I disagree. If a person pays attention to conduct, a second person's true character will shine

through at a time and in a way that person can't hide. A person that is considerate and respectful and behaves appropriately is unlikely to take revenge actions. A person that behaves inappropriately when he or she has a choice is prone to behave badly when rejected after getting personal information or intimate photos.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:59 PM

20. It may be the 'rule'

But I hope these women sue the shit out of these asswipes and win. Because unless you personally are into your own posting of sexual situations, nobody else had the right to to do it.

It's fucking creepy man. It's reminds me pedophiles who photoshop pictures of kids off of someone else's Facebook so they can have enough pictures to join one of the many disgusting pedo groups. (Yes this exists)

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Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #20)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:03 PM

22. Revenge photos get posted of both men and women.

It seems to be a popular hobby when relationships end badly, as they so often do. One of the parties involved posts embarrassing or disgusting photos of the other. There are a number of websites dedicated to such photos, as you can find by searching Google and including terms like "revenge" or "My ex" I advise not searching Google images with the filtering off, either.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #22)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:10 PM

24. Oh I'm aware

Since its sensitive and potentially life options affecting behavior, I still hope they sue and win.

The problem being if we want the Internet to be more or less free from government intrusion and censorship---I think this is a can of worms situation-- I would want some sort of legal recourse with images posted without my permission.

I've been telling people for some time to not post pictures of their kids on Facebook or the Internet and why. Do they listen? No.

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Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #24)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:12 PM

26. Yes, I think such lawsuits should result in hefty awards to the

people whose photos were posted. If I were on such a jury, I'd help make that happen.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #26)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:14 PM

28. Me too

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #22)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 05:53 PM

98. So you're OK with this behavior and think the responsibility lies solely on the person photographed?

The class action lawsuit is an attempt to change that burden to the ones who post the images without permission.

This is not a novel idea. If I post photographs of you on my commercial website you can sue me --and probably prevail-- because I don't have a release form from you.

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Response to Gormy Cuss (Reply #98)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 08:09 PM

125. You also haveno

Compromising photos of me and never will.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #125)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 09:06 PM

135. What if you had a wardrobe malfunction at the beach

and someone snapped a full frontal shot with your face clearly identifiable then plastered that shot all over the internet? Feeling the potential to be compromised yet?

I'm not arguing that it's a smart idea to share photos that you wouldn't want on the internet some day, only that the person in the photo should have the right to limit the use.

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Response to Gormy Cuss (Reply #135)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:46 PM

192. I agree with you. At no point did I say anything else.

Those who distribute such photos or videos are wrong to do so, and should be liable for the harm done. Yes, the person who is harmed should have control of the images or videos. The facts are that they do not and that there are assholes in the world. Protecting oneself from those assholes is just good sense. Prevention is far better than punishment after the fact in such cases. Once such material is online, it may well always be online. Removing it can be almost impossible.

Of course it is wrong to publish or disseminate such things, and there should be liability for doing so. I never suggested otherwise.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:50 PM

39. No need to generalize.....just be sure to erase it soon afterward.

Wife and I made a video a couple of months ago. It was great fun, we watched it a few times since then (both together and separately) and then destroyed it.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 01:53 PM

40. corollary: if your boyfriend asks you for "nude pix", dump him

make it clear up front that this is not okay, and act on it if the situation arises.

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Response to 0rganism (Reply #40)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 09:53 PM

143. +1000

For reasons posted above.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 06:20 PM

106. The line my wise mother used was "Never let a picture be taken

that you wouldn't want on the front page of the newspaper because that's exactly where it will show up eventually."

My ex had a porno photo of one of his old girlfriends as his prized possession. Two things were in her favor, she'd been smart enough to drape her hair across her face and it was a Polaroid (remember those) and has probably faded to the point you can no longer see what it used to be. That photo was shown as a trophy for many years.

Nudie photos last forever and will be circulated widely, even if the ex isn't tacky and hateful enough to post them on a revenge site. This is a real problem since we're still dealing with a double standard and societal slut shaming. Women have been fired from their jobs for a lot less.

I hate that it has to be this way, but if he wants a sexy photo to keep with him at all times, do a Glamor Shot with clothes on, even if those clothes are trimmed in maribou. This is one area where it doesn't pay to trust any man, ever.

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Response to Warpy (Reply #106)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 08:14 PM

128. Agreed, sad to say...n/t

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Response to Warpy (Reply #106)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 12:59 PM

193. Agree totally. Just don't do it, whether you are a man or a woman. Applies also to drunk

photos, pissing photos, etc.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 08:11 PM

126. +10 n/t

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 08:46 PM

133. Probably the best comment on this thread

 

In this era of high speed internet and fancy tech, it's becoming more and more difficult to keep yourself anonymous. You have to be very careful about showing your pictures, etc, since any idiot could pass it on to millions of people around the world.

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Response to bluestater1966fgs (Reply #133)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 09:25 PM

138. Generally speaking

For millions of people to actually see something that exposes you it has to be of interest to millions of people. If you don't have anything of interest or use people are going to ignore it. There are some sick people out there though, some of them even stalk this website, I wouldn't put anything past them - they are truly pathetic weirdo troll scum if you ask me and I wouldn't hesitate to seek a legal resolution if someone ever engaged in such horrid behavior. The technology that allows us to track down sick fucks like that can be truly amazing - take this case for example:

http://gawker.com/5950981/unmasking-reddits-violentacrez-the-biggest-troll-on-the-web

That asshole got what he deserved - lost his job. I'm surprised he was never prosecuted. The lesson: being that asshole can have consequences.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 09:34 PM

139. I don't care how in love with someone I am. I will NEVER EVER send them

sexual photos of myself. I know that things can always go wrong and that those photos could always end up plastered all over the internet in an act of revenge.

It amazes me in this day and age how careless people are about these things. Not that that justifies the perpetrator from the crime of posting photos without the other person's consent. It's despicable, but it happens all the time.

Just don't do it.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Sat Jan 26, 2013, 11:39 AM

168. Exactly

If you allow others to take pictures of you naked or in sexual situations, you can pretty much guarantee that sooner or later you will end up on a website.

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Response to cbdo2007 (Original post)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:41 PM

4. I'm baffled by this...

Why would you send "intimate photos" to "former romantic interests?"

I mean, I can't even get "former romantic interests" to engage me in an ongoing correspondence in which we wax philosophical about our observations on life and hopes for the future. Why would I, or she, want to send "explicit photos?"

Es geht nicht!

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Response to KansDem (Reply #4)

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 12:43 PM

5. probably sent to a lover who then posted pix AFTER the break up.

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