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Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:20 PM

62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

NORFOLK, VA—According to numerous reports, local 62-year-old Earl Bailey, who owns a shotgun and several boxes of ammunition, is currently the last bastion of defense between the United States of America and the federal government’s plot of a full-scale takeover.

Bailey, a recent retiree and a proud advocate of gun rights, has been confirmed by multiple sources as being a true patriot, and is, at present, the only person capable of preventing top-secret forces within the government from striking and forcefully coercing hundreds of millions of Americans to submit to a fascist and brutal New World Order.

Since the early 1990s, sources estimated the gun owner has staved off innumerable large-scale government threats, all from the center of his 12-acre ranch.

“It is every American’s right to be good and armed, and that’s a right that should always be protected,” said Bailey, now the sole American protecting the nation from the government’s hidden plot of disarming all citizens, gradually gaining control of the mass media, and installing martial law throughout the nation’s streets. “Our Founding Fathers intended for each and every one of us to protect ourselves from tyranny. That’s what America is all about.”

“What happens when the feds show up at your front door and start telling you how much meat you can eat or how to raise your kids?” continued the lifetime NRA member, brandishing the very weapon that now serves as the final hope of staving off a totalitarian state. “Is that the future you want?”

Read more at: http://www.theonion.com/articles/62yearold-with-gun-only-one-standing-between-natio,30984/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-postther:default

16 replies, 1514 views

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Reply 62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover (Original post)
madinmaryland Jan 2013 OP
The Magistrate Jan 2013 #1
southernyankeebelle Jan 2013 #2
0rganism Jan 2013 #6
southernyankeebelle Jan 2013 #11
GodlessBiker Jan 2013 #3
Paladin Jan 2013 #4
JaneyVee Jan 2013 #5
aikoaiko Jan 2013 #7
Cali_Democrat Jan 2013 #8
GeorgeGist Jan 2013 #9
taterguy Jan 2013 #12
freshwest Jan 2013 #10
lunatica Jan 2013 #13
Archae Jan 2013 #14
treestar Jan 2013 #15
Paladin Jan 2013 #16

Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:23 PM

1. That Is the Dream, Sir...

"If you seriously think the President is going to take your guns away --- it's high time somebody did."

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:25 PM

2. Time to send him to the looney bin. Just saying

 

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Response to southernyankeebelle (Reply #2)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:39 PM

6. The Onion, just sayin'

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Response to 0rganism (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 07:04 AM

11. Oh Gosh, I've been had again.

 

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:36 PM

3. How much meat we eat? Like rationing during the war?

He was against that?

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:36 PM

4. As Always, God Bless The Onion. (nt)

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:37 PM

5. I LOL'ed because it's true. Onion has a way of revealing the idiocy of the RW by just being them.

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:40 PM

7. add a .38 snubbie and a wheelbarrow and he could be formidable.


maybe.

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 08:40 PM

8. ...

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Tue Jan 22, 2013, 09:34 PM

9. I'm gettin slow.

It took three sentences before I looked to see it was The Onion.

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Response to GeorgeGist (Reply #9)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 07:12 AM

12. If it's an OP by MaidInMaryland, it's from the Onion

It's in the Rule Book!

Look it uP!

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 12:28 AM

10. Damn, I feel so much safer now. A grateful nation thanks you, Earl.

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 07:12 AM

13. All the Onion has to do is lift a real story and repeat it verbatim

without embellishment or even much editing.

The stuff writes itself.

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Response to lunatica (Reply #13)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 07:17 AM

14. Poe's law in action.

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 07:27 AM

15. Most of them know it's a bullshit claim

They know they are not going to "rise up" against totalitarian government with their pathetic little guns. With their claims that Obama is a dictator, why aren't they organizing? Because they are full of crap. The Onion writes itself.

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Response to madinmaryland (Original post)

Wed Jan 23, 2013, 07:50 AM

16. Don't Feel Bad, Those Of You Who Thought This Was A Legit News Article.


I believe The Onion has to strive mightily to depict the gun militancy movement as a bigger caricature than it has actually become. Face it, when you have a political movement with spokesmen like Wayne LaPierre, Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin, the dark humor is already in place. Too bad so many lives hang in the balance.

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