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Wed Jan 16, 2013, 08:44 PM

Man With Small Penis Worried Obama Will Take Away His Right To Overcompensate

It wasnít long after the string of recent massacres that Eddie Johlen started to worry about himself. In fact, many Americans were feeling the same way. This fear for some is all-encompassing and for many it takes over their every thought.



You see, Eddie has a medical condition that requires the use of semi-automatic weapons with maximum capacity magazines that fire as fast as a finger can pull the trigger to inflict the most amount of damage possible. He needs this weapon to feel strong and secure and solid on his feet. He needs it to quench the thought of impending intrusions, uprisings of vampires, and the zombie apocalypse. He also needs it because he has an incredibly small penis and needs it to feel strong and worthy of a womanís love.

Recently, President Obama has been looking at solutions to end high body-count massacres, and diminish other acts of gun violence. Eddie however feels that this is a direct attack against him and his medical condition. He told Free Wood Post, ďThat there president has no right to take away my right to show others that I can truly be a man by holding a piece of weaponry. Itís all I got. I need it. I have a doctorís note and everything. My psychologist even told me that it helps with my paranoid personality disorder and delusions of grandeur. Itís a medical necessity. I thought the president cared about the health care of Americans, now this just proves he is a socialist commie marxist buddhist muslim hindu anti-American nazi. Thereís a reason they call it a Bushmaster, because it helps you master getting bush. Without it, Iím just a man with a small willy.Ē

Even Bushmaster advertises that they offer their consumers a ďman cardĒ with every purchase. They have a partnership with the American Medical Association offering their services to those in need of overcompensation.

Itís apparent that Mr. Johlen will not give up his fight against his manhood. When told that he could still have a gun even if gun and ammunition reform were to pass as long as he showed he was mentally capable, passed a background check, and showed responsibility he replied, ďItís just not the same. If I canít own the biggest and baddest out there Iím not going to be able to overcompensate to the best of my ability. Iíd have to resort to just driving monster trucks with hanging balls off the back, and thatís just not good enough.Ē

http://www.freewoodpost.com/2013/01/16/man-with-small-penis-worried-obama-will-take-away-his-right-to-overcompensate/

*************************************************************************************
A friend sent me this, so I thought I share it!
Way too funny.

67 replies, 7738 views

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Arrow 67 replies Author Time Post
Reply Man With Small Penis Worried Obama Will Take Away His Right To Overcompensate (Original post)
aggiesal Jan 2013 OP
Suich Jan 2013 #1
longship Jan 2013 #2
freshwest Jan 2013 #3
Ilsa Jan 2013 #4
ehrenfeucht games Jan 2013 #5
ceejdre82 Jan 2013 #6
Canuckistanian Jan 2013 #7
amuse bouche Jan 2013 #8
Name Unpronounceable Jan 2013 #9
valerief Jan 2013 #10
cynatnite Jan 2013 #11
BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #12
Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #13
CBGLuthier Jan 2013 #29
HiPointDem Jan 2013 #30
Bucky Jan 2013 #14
cali Jan 2013 #15
OneTenthofOnePercent Jan 2013 #16
cali Jan 2013 #18
zabet Jan 2013 #20
Bake Jan 2013 #46
zabet Jan 2013 #67
OregonBlue Jan 2013 #54
HiPointDem Jan 2013 #21
seaglass Jan 2013 #22
lumberjack_jeff Jan 2013 #37
yardwork Jan 2013 #43
dairydog91 Jan 2013 #23
Bonobo Jan 2013 #25
RandiFan1290 Jan 2013 #33
Squinch Jan 2013 #32
phleshdef Jan 2013 #40
OneTenthofOnePercent Jan 2013 #41
phleshdef Jan 2013 #59
OneTenthofOnePercent Jan 2013 #62
phleshdef Jan 2013 #66
closeupready Jan 2013 #49
sendero Jan 2013 #17
malaise Jan 2013 #19
99Forever Jan 2013 #24
geckosfeet Jan 2013 #26
DCofVA Jan 2013 #27
JoePhilly Jan 2013 #28
Earth_First Jan 2013 #34
JoePhilly Jan 2013 #36
EarthWindFire Jan 2013 #31
In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #35
Dpm12 Jan 2013 #38
dawg Jan 2013 #39
yardwork Jan 2013 #48
HappyMe Jan 2013 #42
closeupready Jan 2013 #50
aggiesal Jan 2013 #55
closeupready Jan 2013 #57
aggiesal Jan 2013 #58
closeupready Jan 2013 #60
yardwork Jan 2013 #44
HappyMe Jan 2013 #47
aggiesal Jan 2013 #56
aggiesal Jan 2013 #63
jpak Jan 2013 #45
closeupready Jan 2013 #51
HockeyMom Jan 2013 #52
LindaCollins11 Jan 2013 #53
Algebra Palin Jan 2013 #61
mysuzuki2 Jan 2013 #64
great white snark Jan 2013 #65

Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 08:56 PM

1. Oh, boy!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 08:57 PM

2. Poifect!

Quote Mr. Johlen:

My Precioussss!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 09:02 PM

3. LOL

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 09:04 PM

4. That was funny, but I think they call it

"compensating", not "overcompensating."

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)


Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 10:00 PM

6. Thank you!!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 10:34 PM

7. Get well, Eddie

There's help available. You don't need to suffer any longer.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 10:42 PM

8. I just love the title

So funny because there is so much truth in it

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 10:44 PM

9. Funny

It sounds like an Onion article.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 10:55 PM

10. Ha! nt

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 10:57 PM

11. Fucking brilliant! n/t

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2013, 11:02 PM

12. totally snarfled all over my keyboard!



Shared on FB too!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:43 AM

13. If someone posted a similar type thing about women would that be as funny?

 

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Response to Demo_Chris (Reply #13)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:49 AM

29. women are not usually that pathetic about how short their penises are.

If a woman has a problem with a small penis she can always go find one bigger.

I am sure those men on DU with small penises will be offended but such is life, you got to break a few penises if you want to make omelettes.

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Response to CBGLuthier (Reply #29)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:51 AM

30. they're equally pathetic about similar things.

 

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:50 AM

14. Ha ha. People who are crazy about guns have small penises. That's such a funny, original joke.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:51 AM

15. yawn. more dull witted small penis dog shit.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:08 AM

16. I find this sexist... if someone were to suggest that

 

women tend to shoot smaller caliber firearms (.38 revolvers, .22 pocket/purse, derringers, 9mm, etc) and drive small cute cars to undercompensate for large gaping vaginas... that shit would cause WWIII here on DU. Given most of the comments on this thread ths far, I'd also say DU has quite the double standard. I'm pretty sure the average gun owner's dong is just that; average. Most men have average penises, that's just how statistics happens work out.

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:14 AM

18. you know, I was just thinking the same graphic thing.

it is sexist.

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Response to cali (Reply #18)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:56 AM

20. Yup

Sexist....pure and simple. Better ways to shame gun nuts than with gender/physical slurs. Suprising how many progressives support sexist posts like this.

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Response to zabet (Reply #20)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:10 PM

46. There are "liberal" idiots just like there are conservative idiots.

I would posit that if they're making such sexist comments, they're not really liberal or progressive.

I find it annoying and hypocritical.

Bake

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Response to Bake (Reply #46)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:08 PM

67. I agree. nt

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Response to cali (Reply #18)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:36 PM

54. I agree that it's sexist but I couldn't help but laugh. I know it's wrong but hey.

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:57 AM

21. +1

 

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)


Response to seaglass (Reply #22)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 03:28 PM

37. +1 n/t

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Response to seaglass (Reply #22)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:03 PM

43. That's correct. None of the feminists who ask DUers not to use sexist language are applauding this.

It's unfortunate that people complain about sexism by blaming others who are equally unhappy about sexism, instead of directly challenging the posters of sexism.

A more efficient approach would be to respond to the OP by asking them to self-delete the sexist post, not passively-aggressively blame this on feminists, who had nothing to do with this OP.

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:32 AM

23. "Compensation" armchair psychology usually comes across as bunk.

Usually, it's as simple as being very selective who is "analyzed" for signs of compensation. One could claim that any flashy, aggressive, or non-mainstream action by any man is a form of compensation. However, partisan logic is applied to determine which items to apply the small penis theory to. Hence, you won't see many posters on DU claiming that owning a Prius or a Tesla Volt is a form of male compensation.

As for the sexism, I agree there. Holy hell, if someone posted a comment suggesting that women who owned a particular item had huge vaginas and that having a huge vagina makes a woman unworthy of love or sexual attention, people would be screaming bloody murder.

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:38 AM

25. I got lambasted for saying that very same thing last month.

People seemed to feel it was misogyny to refer to vaginas in the way you just did, but I think your point is exactly right.

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Response to Bonobo (Reply #25)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 08:22 AM

33. Here's my hidden post

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 08:14 AM

32. I understand that many of my DU friends find this kind of thing offensive, and therefore I don't

engage in jokes about guns and penis size.

BUT the fact is that there are many men out there who DO use guns to prove something about their manhood. Not all of them, of course, but many. Guns are an area where men do this. Women really don't. I am sure there are things we do that we think prove our femininity, but I can't come up with any corelate to men and guns.

Even Bushmaster recognizes this and awards that "real man" card to their purchasers. I find THAT offensive. Much more than jokes that take that attitude to its logical conclusion. Advertisements for guns center around men's men going on missions and proving their dominance. They all imply that guns are for the man's man and if you don't get that, you aren't a man's man.

If I were a man those ads and that attitude are where I would direct most of my outrage over misandry. It is the gun companies and the gun owners themselves who are suggesting that guns make one "more of a man."

Edited: downthread the "man cards" are pictured. Notice how it says that the purchase of the gun saves the man from "complete humiliation." I would really think that would be a LOT more offensive to men than a joke that plays off on that ridiculous attitude.

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 03:47 PM

40. Women have a history of being oppressed in this country. Men don't.

The oppressed get a free pass, the oppressors don't. That's the way this culture works and I'm just fine with that.

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Response to phleshdef (Reply #40)


Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #41)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:02 PM

59. Federal Railroad Administration?

Frankfurt International Airport?
Florida Reading Association?
Furry Rectums Anonymous?

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Response to phleshdef (Reply #59)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:23 PM

62. it's the antithesis of 'MRA' nt

 

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #62)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:55 PM

66. Magnetic Resonance Angiogram?

Marketing Research Association?
Microcredit Regulatory Authority?
Mutant Registration Act?

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Response to OneTenthofOnePercent (Reply #16)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:26 PM

49. It's a dated method of rhetorical castration,

whose logic hinges on long-discredited Freudian bullshit, in which the only two motives in life are sex and death, and assumptions about human nature which derive from those alleged natural instincts/drives/whatever.

I'm not sure if I find it offensive, so much as I find it predictable among older feminists and rural, uneducated ones, and thus, I can't be bothered to check in, most of the time.

It's a kind of argument that's been done, over and over. Not exactly what I'd call bold or provocative, lol.

This particular one was a bit over-the-top, and since you so bravely pointed out the low-down man-hating sexism here, I applaud you, and wanted to add my own thoughts. Cheers.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:13 AM

17. This is silly...

... there is no way to "overcompensate" for a small penis and the only ways to "compensate" don't involve material things.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:36 AM

19. Freaking perfect

Rec

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:36 AM

24. Nerve...

... meet struck.


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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:44 AM

26. I love trashing trashy posts.

Click.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:46 AM

27. Great article! Really funny.

The small penis is just an analogy.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 07:47 AM

28. If it wasn't true, they wouldn't be giving out Man cards, with each purchase.



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Response to JoePhilly (Reply #28)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 08:23 AM

34. How is this relevant?

This proves nothing other than sexist is sexist.

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Response to Earth_First (Reply #34)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 08:55 AM

36. Its part of the marketing campaign ... and I'd assume they know their market.

Guys who feel more manly thanks to the type of "manly" weapons they own.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 08:01 AM

31. is this not

 

sexism?

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 08:50 AM

35. ~ K ~

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 03:33 PM

38. WTF?

I never thought I would read something like that. Pretty good though

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 03:40 PM

39. Because men with small penises should be humiliated and ashamed of that.

It's the ultimate insult to throw at these gun owners, isn't it?




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Response to dawg (Reply #39)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:22 PM

48. Exactly. It's the same as saying "that's so gay" about something stupid.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 03:55 PM

42. Oh goody! Sexist bullshit!


It wasn't funny the first 100 times. Still not funny.
Grow up.

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Response to HappyMe (Reply #42)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:28 PM

50. "Grow up" - likely, the poster is over 60.

That's the kind of rhetoric many 70's-era feminists used, and also there's the Freudian logic that no young, educated person uses anymore.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #50)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:49 PM

55. 51

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Response to aggiesal (Reply #55)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:56 PM

57. Why did you feel the need to resort to this type of humor?

All it does is divide the community here.

If gender-based separatism is what you support, then I'd suggest another board for that purpose.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #57)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:01 PM

58. Because it is HUMOR!

We can't laugh at ourselves once in a while?

I originally thought it was an article from "The Onion"

Stop taking things so seriously. Please!
Just laugh and see the humor in it.

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Response to aggiesal (Reply #58)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:20 PM

60. Well, ok, whatever.

Still, there is no connection between dick size and support for the second amendment.

So, IMO, the joke falls flat.

But whatever, moving on.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:07 PM

44. I'm strongly in favor of gun control but I don't think that this is the right approach.

There are people with small penises, and they endure a lot of taunting as it is. They don't need to be equated with gun nuts. In fact, I doubt that most of the people opposed to gun control have small penises. I don't think that the two things are related at all.

This OP is similar to OPs that mock Republicans by speculating that they are gay. In both instances we end up ridiculing people by equating them with something bad.

Let's make fun of gun nuts for being gun nuts.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #44)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:16 PM

47. Gun control is a serious issue.

We are on the brink of having important changes occur. To me, this kind of post cheapens the issue, and adds nothing of value to any discussion.

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Response to HappyMe (Reply #47)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:55 PM

56. We need to lighten up.

We can't laugh at ourselves?

Read this!
It will change your mind about why the 2nd amendment was implemented.
http://truth-out.org/news/item/13890-the-second-amendment-was-ratified-to-preserve-slavery

And, it has nothing to do with protecting the citizens from the tyranny of the government,
but allowing the States to maintain a militia to preserve slavery.

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Response to HappyMe (Reply #47)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:29 PM

63. You're probably right.

But I posted the Truth-Out.org story which the more serious article on the 2nd amendment,
and I got 2 responses. Absolutely no conversation. Even no response from you.

I post the story about the penis size, and I've received over 60 responses, including yours!

Analyze that!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:09 PM

45. It's twue! It's twue!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:30 PM

51. You think this is funny, because you're old.

You probably watch Lawrence Welk and Donnie and Marie Show re-runs on Youtube.

AND you enjoy that as 'entertainment.'

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:31 PM

52. As the WIFE of a life NRA member

My only comment is:

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 04:34 PM

53. LindaCollins11

Had to read this three times laughing too hard to take it all in. Wonderful!

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 05:27 PM

61. the bushmaster

Is long and black...and it's called a bushmaster. Emphasis on bush.

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Response to aggiesal (Original post)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:32 PM

64. I will be brutally honest here. I think the small penis/guns thing is a bit silly.

I have a rather small penis. About 5" at my best. I have never felt it necessary to compensate by owning and carrying firearmse no need to do so. I have no need to do so. I have a long, powerfull motorcycle, throbbing between my legs everytime I want to go for a ride. Woo-hoo!

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Response to mysuzuki2 (Reply #64)

Thu Jan 17, 2013, 06:55 PM

65. By "brutally honest" I didn't think it would mean the actual size of mr. winky.

TMI dude.

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