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Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:42 PM

WH Hilarious Official Response To Petition To Build Death Star

OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.


The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

The Administration does not support blowing up planets.

Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here's how) and you'll notice something already floating in the sky -- that's no Moon, it's a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that's helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts -- American, Russian, and Canadian -- living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We've also got two robot science labs -- one wielding a laser -- roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo -- and soon, crew -- to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.

Even though the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.

We don't have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke's arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.

We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country's future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.

If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Paul Shawcross is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget

See it HERE: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/response/isnt-petition-response-youre-looking

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Arrow 75 replies Author Time Post
Reply WH Hilarious Official Response To Petition To Build Death Star (Original post)
JaneyVee Jan 2013 OP
MrSlayer Jan 2013 #1
Snotcicles Jan 2013 #52
WhoIsNumberNone Jan 2013 #2
derby378 Jan 2013 #3
MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #4
2naSalit Jan 2013 #8
MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #16
Beartracks Jan 2013 #23
pangaia Jan 2013 #58
2naSalit Jan 2013 #5
silverweb Jan 2013 #6
nadinbrzezinski Jan 2013 #7
BainsBane Jan 2013 #24
msanthrope Jan 2013 #9
Beartracks Jan 2013 #25
lastlib Jan 2013 #30
mindwalker_i Jan 2013 #31
RoccoR5955 Jan 2013 #33
msanthrope Jan 2013 #48
Beartracks Jan 2013 #74
eridani Jan 2013 #54
NewJeffCT Jan 2013 #55
BklnDem75 Jan 2013 #60
NewJeffCT Jan 2013 #68
Beartracks Jan 2013 #73
jeff47 Jan 2013 #71
Bjornsdotter Jan 2013 #10
Nuclear Unicorn Jan 2013 #11
TheKentuckian Jan 2013 #12
northoftheborder Jan 2013 #13
northoftheborder Jan 2013 #14
NutmegYankee Jan 2013 #15
spanone Jan 2013 #17
neverforget Jan 2013 #18
pam4water Jan 2013 #19
mopinko Jan 2013 #20
FailureToCommunicate Jan 2013 #21
Spazito Jan 2013 #22
freshwest Jan 2013 #26
DanielW Jan 2013 #27
calimary Jan 2013 #43
NBachers Jan 2013 #28
arthritisR_US Jan 2013 #29
RoccoR5955 Jan 2013 #32
iandhr Jan 2013 #34
ellisonz Jan 2013 #35
pasto76 Jan 2013 #36
abelenkpe Jan 2013 #37
Coyotl Jan 2013 #38
amb123 Jan 2013 #65
Hekate Jan 2013 #39
lunatica Jan 2013 #69
Heimer Jan 2013 #40
calimary Jan 2013 #44
Heimer Jan 2013 #56
agentS Jan 2013 #41
davidpdx Jan 2013 #42
msanthrope Jan 2013 #50
reACTIONary Jan 2013 #45
LongTomH Jan 2013 #70
backwoodsbob Jan 2013 #46
okaawhatever Jan 2013 #47
shenmue Jan 2013 #49
Shrike47 Jan 2013 #51
tclambert Jan 2013 #53
Turborama Jan 2013 #57
pangaia Jan 2013 #59
koskiea Jan 2013 #61
BlueJazz Jan 2013 #62
backscatter712 Jan 2013 #63
allan01 Jan 2013 #64
A Little Weird Jan 2013 #66
Volaris Jan 2013 #67
muntrv Jan 2013 #72
Thor_MN Jan 2013 #75

Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:45 PM

1. Brilliant.

 

Well played.

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Response to MrSlayer (Reply #1)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 05:09 AM

52. Now thats how ya deal with crazy. nt

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:48 PM

2. Well at least they've got a sense of humor

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:49 PM

3. LOVE IT!!!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:53 PM

4. I find their lack of snark

disturbing.

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Response to MynameisBlarney (Reply #4)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:00 PM

8. Somehow I had a mental image

of Neil deGrasse Tyson chuckling while writing that.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #8)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:19 PM

16. That man

is fucking awesome.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #8)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:42 PM

23. LOL As did I. n/t

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #8)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:07 AM

58. Me too...

Maybe he did. :>)

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:55 PM

5. I'm almost willing to bet that

this was the funnest response any of the response team has had to write.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:57 PM

6. Well done!



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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:59 PM

7. Somebody in the staff is a geek.

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Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #7)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:42 PM

24. someone?

90% of them, minimum.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:00 PM

9. Ah...the Kessel Run. I never believed Han Solo made it in less than 12 parsecs. nt

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #9)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:45 PM

25. Isn't parsec a measure of distance rather than time?

So maybe the Kessel Run was accomplished by charting a series of warp jumps around numerous celestial obstacles, and the distance was the total measure of non-warp mileage traveled?

Either that, or George Lucas wrote that line wrong...

=====================

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:56 PM

30. yup. But how many people caught it?

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:00 PM

31. Don't



get technical with me.

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:11 PM

33. I caught it

the first time I saw the movie.

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 03:39 AM

48. Oh dear....your Trekkie self has been exposed! This is 'hyperdrive' not 'warp.'

I suspect that FTL travel would necessitate a unit of measurement that would recognize the merge of the two elements of time and distance--thus, the term 'parsec' could be shorthand for that term. Or Lucas could be wrong. It's happened.

Don't forget, Trekkie--we are in a 'pre-warp' society. We have no idea what's coming.

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #48)

Sun Jan 13, 2013, 06:02 AM

74. Guilty as charged!




==================

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 07:20 AM

54. Don't think so--I'll bet it was deliberate satire of old-fashioned space opera n/t

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 09:01 AM

55. There was an official explanation of it before

something about how the Kessel Run takes you near a black hole (or something like that) and you have to be particularly daring & skilled to take the 12 parsecs or less route, as it takes you dangerously close to said black hole/dangerous hazard. Most pilots avoid the hazard by taking a longer and slower route.

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Response to NewJeffCT (Reply #55)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:28 AM

60. It was a Maw...

A cluster of black holes... So I heard.

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Response to BklnDem75 (Reply #60)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 06:44 PM

68. I knew somebody would correct me

thanks

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Response to NewJeffCT (Reply #55)

Sun Jan 13, 2013, 05:58 AM

73. Yeah, that's like what I had in mind. :)

I was actually unaware that that little detail had been "covered" somewhere along the line.

=================

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Response to Beartracks (Reply #25)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 08:39 PM

71. Yes, but the Kessel Run is traveling around a bunch of black holes

Faster ships can travel closer to the Maw (the black holes), thus the bragging rights are distance instead of time.

And yes, I'm waaaaaaay too much of a Star Wars geek.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:01 PM

10. Love it!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:03 PM

11. ...

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:08 PM

12. Glad to see folks having genuine enjoyment of their work.

Especially when your work is spin, dealing with bullshit, kissing some ass, splainin', and trying to do it all without stirring up any hornet's nests.

Good fucking show.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:09 PM

13. Paul Showcroft: great value to OMB. Knows his science and sci-fi culture & has sense of humor!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:10 PM

14. This needs to go to front page.

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Response to northoftheborder (Reply #14)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:18 PM

15. +1

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:21 PM

17. k&r...

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:28 PM

18. These aren't the answers we were looking for

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:31 PM

19. Don't let the NRA see it, or they'll all want one O:

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:32 PM

20. aw jeez- you cut off the best line! the title of the thing-

OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.

This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For
By Paul Shawcross

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:35 PM

21. "NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO)"



"How about we think about something a little smaller..."

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:37 PM

22. That is all kinds of hilarious!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word of it, it's brilliant too!

Thanks for posting this, it has made my night.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:53 PM

26. I'm glad to see that Darth Cheney's dream didn't come true. Elections mean something!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:53 PM

27. haha

 

brilliant.

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Response to DanielW (Reply #27)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:45 AM

43. Welcome to DU, DanielW!

Glad you're here! Regardless how many parsecs it took you to get here!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:54 PM

28. Man, I give huge credit to Paul Shawcross and the White House for this

I enjoyed every word of it; this is the government I want.

Smart people- our greatest resource.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:54 PM

29. Absolutely brilliant! I could not recommend this

enough to do it justice

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:10 PM

32. That's priceless, BUT

NASA still deserves more funding, so that we can do more in space.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:16 PM

34. "The Administration does not support blowing up planets."

If he is not carful the Pres will be tagged as week on defense.


Lol

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:26 PM

35. It's a good thing we didn't put all those government contractors in danger. n/t

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:34 PM

36. sign me up for a AT-AT right now!

for how long must I re-enlist to pilot on of those?

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:45 PM

37. K&R nt

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 11:47 PM

38. "Death Star's power to destroy a planet ... is insignificant next to the power of the Force"

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Response to Coyotl (Reply #38)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 01:52 PM

65. And watch the fundamentalists and tea partiers reply

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IS PROMOTING PAGANISM AND DEVIL WORSHIP! AAUUGGGGHHHHH!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:00 AM

39. Look -- up in the sky! It's a space station!

LOL - KnR

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Response to Hekate (Reply #39)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 06:55 PM

69. It's Obama's ray machine brainwashing everyone into giving up their guns

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:19 AM

40. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Eom

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Response to Heimer (Reply #40)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:49 AM

44. Welcome to DU, Heimer!

Good to have you with us! I loved this! We need more of this thinking - humorous, AND rawther intelligent!

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Response to calimary (Reply #44)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 10:48 AM

56. Thanks!

Appreciate the welcome.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:22 AM

41. I would have said we can't because it

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:42 AM

42. We don't support blowing up planets

Well how about the moon? Damn worthless thing just sits up there in the sky at night and looks like cheddar cheese.

Actually seriously what the do need is something smaller scale to disintegrate the space junk floating around. That could be unmanned though.

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Response to davidpdx (Reply #42)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 04:05 AM

50. We've already had the great "moon bombing" debate on DU....

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 01:12 AM

45. and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun....

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Response to reACTIONary (Reply #45)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 07:35 PM

70. "Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun!"

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 01:28 AM

46. absolutely fucking awesome

love it

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 01:42 AM

47. My fave: we don't have a deathstar but we do have a President who knows his way around a light saber

Classic. Didn't know about the Astronomy Night on the South Lawn. Cool. Guess my invite got lost in the mail. LOL

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 04:00 AM

49. Finally, someone who understands

Our priority should be the Martians who keep wrecking our robotic cameras.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 04:25 AM

51. I think I'm in love...

Mr. Shawcross is my kind of guy.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 06:45 AM

53. Can't we just mint a platinum coin to pay for it all in one go?

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:07 AM

57. K&R & Thanks for sharing!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:14 AM

59. Well, we COULD use an Alderson Drive.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:44 AM

61. I love that this administration somehow manages to retain a sense of humor.

Err, I mean, OBUMMER'S WEAK ON DEFENSE RABBLE RABBLE!

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:49 AM

62. I'm all for this. The cost really wouldn't be that prohibited and it could save lives.

True...the cost would be 284,000,000.00 for every person in the United States but if we cut out all the fraud and food stamps and the lazy people on welfare, it shouldn't be that hard to pull off.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 11:51 AM

63. This gives me hope that our government is not subverted and controlled by the Sith.

Compare that to the Bush years with Darth Cheney... I'll bet he was trying to find a way to fund the Death Star - he probably would have had his buddies in Halliburton contracted to build it.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 12:23 PM

64. re:WH Hilarious Official Response To Petition To Build Death Star

does this come to mind?

dripping
bangs head against desk. and we have deficits ?

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 04:14 PM

66. Too funny!

We need more nerds in government!!

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Response to A Little Weird (Reply #66)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 06:35 PM

67. That we do. Government is "By, Of and For We The People",

but it sure helps a great deal to have it RUN by the smartest motherfuckers we can find.

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 10:12 PM

72. Darth Cheney: "Obama doesn't believe in Earth exeptionalism!"

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Response to JaneyVee (Original post)

Sun Jan 13, 2013, 04:12 PM

75. Arghhh... Relative is posting on FB that this shows Obama is soft on jobs.

Conservatives have gone soft in the head.

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