HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Gorilla Sales Skyrocket A...
Introducing Discussionist: A new forum by the creators of DU

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:43 AM

Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack

Last edited Fri Jan 11, 2013, 02:11 PM - Edit history (1)


?2284



*

“After seeing yet another deranged gorilla just burst into a public place and start killing people, I decided I need to make sure something like that never happens to me,” said 34-year-old Atlanta resident Nick Keller, shortly after purchasing a 350-pound mountain gorilla from his local gorilla store. “It just gives me peace of mind knowing that if I’m ever in that situation, I won’t have to just watch helplessly as my torso is ripped in half and my face is chewed off. I’ll be able to use my gorilla to defend myself.”

*

“There is absolutely no reason—not for hunting, protection, or otherwise—that an ordinary citizen would need to possess a 600-pound silverback,” said Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ), one of the most outspoken gorilla control advocates in Congress. “The general public frankly has no business owning apes of this size, and the only people who do are zookeepers who are trained to properly handle them. Otherwise, they are nothing but a threat to society and only serve to perpetuate more violence.”

*

“Listen, it’s my God-given right as an American to have the freedom to own a gorilla to protect myself and my family,” said Nashua, NH resident James Harrington, 46, adding that he personally owns 12 different gorillas of various sizes, but keeps them “safely locked away in home.” “And the government has another thing coming if they think they can come into my house and take away my gorillas.”

“What happened in San Diego was horrible, but that doesn’t mean all gorillas are bad,” Harrington added. “In fact, if every person at that mall had a gorilla, then the tragedy probably never would have even happened in the first place.”

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/?ref=auto



my son sent me this, thinking it a hoot. he knows how to use guns. has been hunting, not much into it. i have a husband that owns guns, and we have been talking what laws he thinks would work. has no problem embracing laws. he was also the one to turn me onto stewarts rant, saying how good it was. and i.... i am anti gun.

so, this post isnt to get into battle. thought funny.

19 replies, 2280 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 19 replies Author Time Post
Reply Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack (Original post)
seabeyond Jan 2013 OP
Jackpine Radical Jan 2013 #1
JohnnyRingo Jan 2013 #5
colorado_ufo Jan 2013 #12
In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #2
CreekDog Jan 2013 #3
JohnnyRingo Jan 2013 #4
DanTex Jan 2013 #6
southernyankeebelle Jan 2013 #7
ileus Jan 2013 #8
Canuckistanian Jan 2013 #9
colorado_ufo Jan 2013 #13
LineLineNew Reply !
xchrom Jan 2013 #15
tavalon Jan 2013 #19
mysuzuki2 Jan 2013 #10
tavalon Jan 2013 #18
Fire Walk With Me Jan 2013 #11
WillyT Jan 2013 #14
Separation Jan 2013 #16
Recursion Jan 2013 #17

Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:44 AM

1. When they outlaw gorillas,

only outlaws will have gorillas.

While I'm at it, I wanna argue for at least one gorilla in every school.
They can do double duty as football coaches.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jackpine Radical (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:00 AM

5. "Football coaches"... hahahaha

You must have known my high school gym teacher. He unwittingly caused me to pay more attention in science class.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jackpine Radical (Reply #1)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 12:50 PM

12. ROFL!

Not ANOTHER new keyboard! Must break morning coffee habit . . .

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:51 AM

2. I'd just like to stroke it.

Gorilla fur looks soft.

Although, I doubt I'd want it hanging around unless it was able to use the indoor pluming correctly.


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:52 AM

3. LOL and I like the photo too

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 09:58 AM

4. It's hilarious.

I'm a gun owner, but it doesn't offend. It just makes great light of the NRA's nonsensical argument about arming everyone from schoolchildren in the classroom to seniors in rest homes.

The writers at The Onion are underpaid. Thanx for posting.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:03 AM

6. LOL.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:09 AM

7. They are such dirty animals.

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:11 AM

8. He should have invested in a G20

If he was really worried about large animal attacks and didn't want to carry a long defensive firearm like an AR.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 10:11 AM

9. That's why I use Trunk Monkey (tm)

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Canuckistanian (Reply #9)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 12:52 PM

13. Great!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Canuckistanian (Reply #9)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 01:03 PM

15. !

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Canuckistanian (Reply #9)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 03:57 AM

19. OMG that's funny!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 12:45 PM

10. Gorillas don't kill people.

People with gorillas kill people. Actually, gorillas are peaceable creatures. If you really want to be a badass, get a chimpanzee.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to mysuzuki2 (Reply #10)

Sat Jan 12, 2013, 03:57 AM

18. Gorilla's aren't completely peaceable, but yeah, Chimps are way more harsh.

If you don't behave and show appropriate deference, a silverback will throw the hurt on you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 12:50 PM

11. Release the marmosets!

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 12:55 PM

14. LOL !!! - K & R !!! - Perfect !!!




Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 01:11 PM

16. Ive always been a fan of macaque

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to seabeyond (Original post)

Fri Jan 11, 2013, 01:25 PM

17. Actually, I think this is very helpful

Hilarious, and it takes some of the emotion away here.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread