In 2008, you paid for a bailout of A.I.G. totalling $182 billion. Today, we are writing to tell you that we’re thinking of suing you.
When we made this decision, we knew we were in for some rough treatment from the media. We’ve been called everything from soulless bloodsuckers to Satan’s scabrous handmaidens, and worse. At A.I.G., though, we have a different name for ourselves: true American heroes.
You see, by suing the same people who bailed out our asses just five years ago, we are standing up for one of the most precious American rights of all: the right to sue someone who has just saved your life.
Let’s say that you’re trapped in a burning building and a fireman pulls you out to safety. Once you’re out of the fire, though, you notice that the fireman carelessly ripped the lapel of your Armani jacket. Shouldn’t you be able to sue the fireman for the full cost of its replacement?