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Wed Jan 9, 2013, 05:53 AM

Frustrated Wayne LaPierre Thought Murder Of 20 Children By Crazed Gunman Would Have Blown Over

Frustrated Wayne LaPierre Thought Murder Of 20 Children By Crazed Gunman Would Have Blown Over By Now

FAIRFAX, VA—More than three weeks after the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, annoyed NRA president Wayne LaPierre told reporters Monday that while he understands the seriousness of the tragedy, he had only assumed the senseless murder of 20 first-graders and six educators by a mentally unstable gunman would have blown over by now.

“I mean, jeez, it’s not as if talking about them will bring them back,” he added. “Let’s just get over it.”

In addition, LaPierre said he was deeply surprised and even somewhat irritated that discussion concerning the heartbreaking loss of young life and the efficacy of existing gun control laws had continued to persist into the new year “as if people had nothing better to do.”

“Look, I get it: A bunch of kids died, and it’s really fucking sad or whatnot, and blah blah blah, but it’s not the end of the world here, people—the beat goes on,” a visibly agitated LaPierre said. “Hell, people die in car accidents every day, and we don’t make a big stink about that. We don’t shut down—just totally shut down—everything for weeks so we can talk about it over and over and over again, do we? Of course not. Oh, but I guess I’m the bad guy for suggesting we get our priorities straight and stop acting like a bunch of mewling babies because of 20 dead kids. Is that it? I’m the bad guy?”

“Yeah, I’m the bad guy,” he added. “Fine.”

You guessed it: http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-wayne-lapierre-thought-murder-of-20-chi,30813/

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Reply Frustrated Wayne LaPierre Thought Murder Of 20 Children By Crazed Gunman Would Have Blown Over (Original post)
Earth_First Jan 2013 OP
JI7 Jan 2013 #1
Earth_First Jan 2013 #2
Dorian Gray Jan 2013 #3
Ptah Jan 2013 #4
farminator3000 Jan 2013 #5

Response to Earth_First (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 05:59 AM

1. i was surprised when i finished reading it and saw the link was the onion

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Response to JI7 (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 06:00 AM

2. ...behind closed doors; this is the conversation he's having. n/t

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Response to Earth_First (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 06:04 AM

3. The onion

of course. But reading the headline, I thought, just for one tiny second, this could possibly be true.

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Response to Earth_First (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 06:14 AM

4. NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anyt

NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anything

'Yeah, Something Like 1,000 Dead Kids,' Reports Spokesperson

FAIRFAX, VA—National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO
Wayne LaPierre said Monday that somewhere around 1,000 kids would have
to die in a school shooting in order for the organization to reconsider their
longstanding opposition to gun control.

"Yeah, that's probably the only way we'd reassess much of anything at this point:
1,000 dead kids, shot up pretty good, lying face down in the school auditorium
or something like that," LaPierre said, noting that anything less than 1,000 dead
kids would not be enough for the NRA to stop urging Congress to pass pro-gun
legislation. "I mean, that's just a ballpark number, but I imagine seeing 1,000 or
so body bags being wheeled out of a school and a whole town of crying parents
would probably make us reflect on our values for at least a little bit."

"So yeah, more or less 1,000 dead kids," LaPierre added. "Something around there.
And teachers don't count."

In his 21st year leading the right-wing lobbying group, LaPierre reiterated that
"350 or 470 dead kids or some low number like that" would have no impact on the
NRA's belief that there should be more firearms on college campuses or that
concealed carry laws should be more lax.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nra-sets-1000-killed-in-school-shooting-as-amount,28352/

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Response to Earth_First (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 09:10 AM

5. Mentally Ill Man not in Mood...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mentally-ill-man-not-in-mood-to-gun-down-strangers,30829/

But Glad To Know That Option There If Needed

... it’s nice that the option is technically always there for me in case I change my mind,” said the psychotic and unhinged Birch, who takes comfort knowing he could always take some time out of his day to make a legal purchase of a semi-automatic rifle at a local gun store...

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