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Tue Jan 8, 2013, 11:05 PM

What it was like to grow up with a gun nut as a father-reposted for a reason

Last edited Wed Jan 9, 2013, 03:02 PM - Edit history (1)

I am re-posting this for a reason.

I have been reading for weeks now a lot of troubling talk about guns and statistics and gun rights. I am not sure if people understood why I posted this the first time but it wasn't to get sympathy, although I appreciated everyones kindness and words of support. The purpose of my posting this was to show that behind the facade of the "responsible gun owner" can be something all together different. There are a lot of survivors of abuse by gun nuts. Many people said that my father would have used a knife or something else if he didn't have guns, but that is just the point. He chose guns, he loves guns, guns give him power that nothing else gives him and that is intoxicating. You can hold a 16 year old girl by the back of the head by her hair and put a gun to her head just imagine the power of life and death you have. My father loves to be the hero to other people, I was in marching band in high school, and there were kids that didn't have parents come to the competitions or got sick or something and didn't have a parent there, well my father was there to be parent to everyone. Everyone told me what a great dad I had and I would see him comforting these teenage girls who were crying or whatever and he just loved being the hero but at home he was all together different and especially when he had his guns out.

So please, I hope other people see this and really look at it and don't say that he would have used other things to intimidate or abuse because he didn't. He didn't use a knife, he never beat me, he CHOSE to use a gun because that was what he was about.


My father has always been a gun nut.

I don't know how many guns he has now but I guarantee its enough to arm a small country and he has some pretty serious big weapons. I don't know what they are but they are big. I think he has an AK 47 among other assault rifles.

My father has guns of all sizes, he never leaves the house without one. He has a holster and a gun that will fit just about anywhere and he just needs them, he used to talk about "protection" he had his "going to Lowell" gun and his "going to Boston" gun but when he went to my wedding, my mother's funeral and my nephews baptism carrying a gun the reasoning wore thin.

When I was growing up it wasn't easy.

When I was a teenager, I actually never did anything or went anywhere but my parents always said I was "bad"

one day, after I refused to break up with a boyfriend they didn't like, I found myself being dragged in to the kitchen by my hair. My father was there and I suddenly had a gun in my face. I was told that if I didn't break up with the boy he would disappear.

There was another time when I was 16 that he kicked in the door of my room and unloaded an entire gun full of blanks at me, and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I ended up with PTSD.

I wanted to run away and thought about it and even planned it out a couple of times but I didn't want anything to happen to the people I would run to so that was what stopped me. Any time I got too close to someone or if it seemed I was going to run I would be told that people could always be "taken care" of.

Roughly 6 years after I got married my mother died at the age of 51 of lung cancer.

Then my father started to drink too.

I have two brothers who lived with him at the time, one still does.

He would get drunk and shoot bullets in to the floor and leave the casings around and think it was funny for my brothers to see it.

He would call me drunk and tell me he was "playing with his guns" to the point that when the phone would ring I would turn white start shaking and practically throw up.

Now you may be wondering why I didn't call the police on him. Well that's just the problem. He was a cop at the time, so there would be no way that would work out well.

We finally moved away, and my father remarried. I keep my kids away from him because he still drinks and plays with his guns but he tells everyone I am a real bitch to keep his granddaughters away from him.

My childhood was abusive in different ways but I think the gun thing was almost the worst. I have tried to talk to him about it and he alway says 'parents make mistakes' he has never acknowledged the damage he did and says I never could take a joke.

Now if you ask the other cops and a lot of people on the outside they would all say he is a "responsible gun owner" he locks them up and stores them correctly but he was not behaving in a responsible manner as far as I am concerned. But there it is.

A while ago I sent a friend an e-mail about how important it is for a girl to have a good father. I don't know if he knew all of this, but having a bad father is just about the worst thing in the world.

He is very ill now and I won't have him completely out of my life until he is gone. Fortunately I have an amazing husband, father in law and children not to mention friends who include Mr. Will Pitt who have helped me stay a loving person and not descend in to bitterness and anger but believe in love and be sure my children are raised knowing nothing but love and safety and how a woman should be treated.

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Arrow 16 replies Author Time Post
Reply What it was like to grow up with a gun nut as a father-reposted for a reason (Original post)
Robyn66 Jan 2013 OP
riverbendviewgal Jan 2013 #1
pipoman Jan 2013 #2
Robyn66 Jan 2013 #11
pipoman Jan 2013 #12
Robyn66 Jan 2013 #13
mettamega Jan 2013 #3
MinneapolisMatt Jan 2013 #4
Hekate Jan 2013 #5
Robyn66 Jan 2013 #15
iwillalwayswonderwhy Jan 2013 #6
SunSeeker Jan 2013 #7
Robyn66 Jan 2013 #16
ErikJ Jan 2013 #8
Waiting For Everyman Jan 2013 #9
cantbeserious Jan 2013 #10
driver8 Jan 2013 #14

Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Tue Jan 8, 2013, 11:28 PM

1. THank you for posting this

You went through so much, yet turned out so well. Thankfully you survived such a bad father.

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Tue Jan 8, 2013, 11:57 PM

2. Certainly sounds that your dad was a nut alright..

sorry to hear that..

A lot of people are nuts..I suspect the same amount throughout history. It certainly doesn't require a gun to terrorize people, especially kids. I know you said you didn't want to hear it..seems reasonable response to me. Another reason we need a mental health services overhaul in this country..a means for involuntary commitment without having to first commit a crime would be a good start, and would automatically strip the person the right to own weapons as it is now. I'm sure your father would have been a great and kind human being if it wasn't for the guns..

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Response to pipoman (Reply #2)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 07:48 AM

11. You have completely missed the point

If he beat me-it would have been visible. And I guess that is to his credit. He never beat any of us. The emotional abuse would have been the same as what I endured anyway, guns or not that is true. It might be strange to say, but he doesn't think of himself as a "violent" person. What he did, he doesn't think of as "Violence" so beating is violent, threatening with knife or baseball bat is violent, but threatening with a legally obtained gun is not as bad he thinks I am over reacting over dramatizing and ridiculous to be this "upset over nothing"

So no, he wouldn't have been a wonderful father without the guns but I would have been a lot less traumatized if they weren't there and if I didn't have those things done to me. Emotional abuse is enough, having a gun to your head as a teenager is another thing all together. Its a totally different kind of damage that NEVER heals completely.

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Response to Robyn66 (Reply #11)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 08:21 AM

12. I truly do appreciate and regret your plight

I don't however believe that a legally obtained gun is any different than a legally obtained knife (or any other deadly instrument), locking up in a closet, threatening with violence, or any number of other ways kids (and adults) are abused. Because your father's twisted thought pattern lead him to twisted justification for his actions doesn't mean others are as twisted as he is. I am glad you've learned to cope with your abuse as well as you apparently have. I'm surprised you don't have problems with law enforcement, if it wasn't for the "blue line" may have rescued you from the abuse.

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Response to pipoman (Reply #12)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 11:46 AM

13. I guess it isnt possible to understand unless you have experienced it

There really is a difference in the abuse. It does a different type of damage. It is on the lines of what soldiers experience although I would never put myself in the category of those who have survived much worse than I have.

I know I can't convince you, and it is impossible to conceive because you can only understand if you have been through it.

I have no problem with police. I have some dear friends who are police. There is no corelation between what I went through and police in general. If you are trying to draw a correlation between that and guns it is flawed.

The idea of police is they are supposed to protect (I know that is not always true but that is the intent)
A gun is used to kill.

And again, the point is, the so called "responsible gun owner" is not always what they seem.

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 12:07 AM

3. THANK U FOR SAYING HOW IT IS

FOR SO SO MANY OF US, GROWING UP IN HOMES WITH BROKEN MEN, FAKING BEING "POWERFUL" MEN VIA THEIR GUNS - I AM SO SO SORRY FOR ALL OF US, AND THE INABILITY FOR THE TRUTH TO BE KNOWN - FOR THE WISDOM OF PSYCHOLOGY TO BE KNOWN AND DIGESTED - THERE ARE SO MANY BROKEN PEOPLE AND SO MANY OF US, WHO MADE IT THROUGH AND ARE WISER FOR IT AND YET - THE "FAKE" POWERS TO BE WILL NOT LISTEN TO US - THANK YOU - SO MANY OF US HAVE VERSIONS OF THIS PAINFUL STORY -

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 12:11 AM

4. Thanks for re-posting.

I had missed it the first time.

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 12:26 AM

5. Thanks for your courage, again

You are a real survivor. May you thrive, always.

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Response to Hekate (Reply #5)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 06:20 PM

15. I never felt courageous I just survived

and really when its all you know you dont realize you are even "surviving" you just cope until you can get out. I am just tired of seeing all of the justification and false equivelancies. It isnt fun for me to keep dredging this up but I am frustrated because I cant seem to get my point across. The focus should of the over all gun conversation should be

1. How to we keep people safe

People first, it is very complicated I think there are more hidden problems with people who lust after guns especially those who have to have assault rifles. I fear for the families of these people. Right now there are family members being terrorized by their own parents and having a gun is a major part. I just cant put it in to words sufficiently and I know I will be torn to shreds for saying that but I know what I am talking about and I know I am not the only one. People want to say it wasn't the guns but I can say without hesitation it absolutely WAS. THe guns arent what he owns, they are part of who he is. I wish I had the words to make it clearer.

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 12:43 AM

6. My first husband

Oh God, he used to get out his gun and start cleaning it when we got into an argument. It felt so threatening. He would also get drunk and take it out to the backyard and shoot it in the air late at night. I hated that damned gun. And I grew to fear and hate him, too.

I got out while my children were very young because I didn't want them to grow up thinking this kind of behavior was normal.

And there is not, nor will there ever be a gun in my house.

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Response to iwillalwayswonderwhy (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 01:02 AM

7. Wow.

You and your kids were lucky to get out with your lives. I hope you and your kids find the happiness you were denied for so long by that nut.

BTW, I too do not and never will have a gun in my house...even if I didn't have a 9 year old.

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Response to iwillalwayswonderwhy (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 09:35 PM

16. I am so sorry

I am glad you got away for you and especially your kids.
peace

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 02:03 AM

8. It proves why guns in the home are so dangerous

A gun in the home is 22 times more likely to kill a family member than an intruder. Alcohol and guns dont mix well.

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 02:28 AM

9. That is chilling.

Very frightening. He sounds very difficult to live with. I certainly wouldn't want to have to live with guns in the house, with a person like that. And a cop to boot. My dad was a withdrawn writer and teacher who didn't speak to us for two weeks at a time, but that was a walk in the park compared to your experience. He never owned any guns, thankfully. My late husband did, but he was very meticulous about keeping them safe, I never had to worry about that with him.

Thank you for reposting this, I had missed it before too.

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 05:37 AM

10. I Suspect That Many Gun Owners Are Those Most In Need Of Mental Health Services

eom

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Response to Robyn66 (Original post)

Wed Jan 9, 2013, 12:58 PM

14. Wow -- one of the most powerful posts I have ever read.

Thank you for posting this. I cannot imagine what you have been through.

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