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Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:36 PM

Ask Amy: Conservative husband mocks, criticizes liberal wife

By Amy Dickinson, Published: December 31

DEAR AMY: I would like your advice on how to handle a growing problem in my marriage. My husband has become increasingly conservative politically. He has moved away from formerly moderate views and is now very right wing.

A recent poll he took ranked him in the most conservative 9 percent of people in the country. I have been a lifelong Democrat and continue to support liberal viewpoints. This has resulted in some heated arguments between us.


My husband claims that if I donít agree with him itís because Iím not listening. He refuses to acknowledge any validity to my opinions. He criticizes and mocks any Democratic politician or supporter. In the heat of an argument, he has said that if I canít agree with him, we should just get divorced.

I even voted for Mitt Romney in November to avoid a fight, not because I supported him for president. How can I resolve this? Can Democrats and Republicans have a happy relationship? -- Democrat in Hiding


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http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ask-amy-conservative-husband-mocks-criticizes-liberal-wife/2012/12/21/57096596-4af7-11e2-a6a6-aabac85e8036_singlePage.html

39 replies, 3618 views

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Arrow 39 replies Author Time Post
Reply Ask Amy: Conservative husband mocks, criticizes liberal wife (Original post)
n2doc Jan 2013 OP
upaloopa Jan 2013 #1
JI7 Jan 2013 #9
southernyankeebelle Jan 2013 #28
JI7 Jan 2013 #32
southernyankeebelle Jan 2013 #33
LibGranny Jan 2013 #11
yardwork Jan 2013 #22
LibGranny Jan 2013 #30
yardwork Jan 2013 #34
dballance Jan 2013 #38
RebelOne Jan 2013 #26
yardwork Jan 2013 #35
rightsideout Jan 2013 #2
JI7 Jan 2013 #6
Mass Jan 2013 #3
Warpy Jan 2013 #4
Tempest Jan 2013 #10
TDale313 Jan 2013 #5
JI7 Jan 2013 #8
cynatnite Jan 2013 #7
Tempest Jan 2013 #12
Phentex Jan 2013 #13
gollygee Jan 2013 #14
Tikki Jan 2013 #16
appleannie1 Jan 2013 #15
TheMadMonk Jan 2013 #17
bluestate10 Jan 2013 #20
shanti Jan 2013 #18
Phentex Jan 2013 #29
bluestate10 Jan 2013 #19
HockeyMom Jan 2013 #23
abelenkpe Jan 2013 #21
Manifestor_of_Light Jan 2013 #24
mainer Jan 2013 #25
Salviati Jan 2013 #27
Bucky Jan 2013 #31
JoeyT Jan 2013 #36
Iris Jan 2013 #37
UtahLib Jan 2013 #39

Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:40 PM

1. How was he going to know who she voted for?

If he is that controlling I'd tell him to back off or move in with the dog!

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Response to upaloopa (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:47 PM

9. based on how she descibes him i'm pretty sure he checked her ballot

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Response to JI7 (Reply #9)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:57 PM

28. Well here where I live no one else can go in the voting booth with you. If you need help

 

then when you check in you tell them and the person you want to help you has to sign in with you. But if I were with him I'd keep my mouth shut and vote for who I wanted to and I then would lie to him. But if it is as bad as she says I would tell her to say no more political talks in the house. Keep to it. If he continues get up and walk away and ignore him.

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Response to southernyankeebelle (Reply #28)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:10 PM

32. i was assuming she voted absentee since i usually do

but maybe she has a problem with being dishonest even in cases like this where it's justified.

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Response to JI7 (Reply #32)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:23 PM

33. Oh you might be right. But she could vote when he wasn't around. I think she should

 

throw in the towel if he is this controlling.

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Response to upaloopa (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:53 PM

11. My first thought exactly! He can't go into the

voting booth with her!

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Response to LibGranny (Reply #11)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:21 PM

22. In some states he can, or he might have insisted that he look at her ballot.

In North Carolina, husbands and wives used to be able to go into the voting booth together. I don't know if this has been changed or not. I remember seeing it happen in the 1980s.

Even where it is not legal to go into the voting booth with a spouse, controlling spouses could insist on seeing their partner's ballots, or even fill out their partner's ballots and force their partner to sign. Based on the rest of the woman's letter, I'd say her husband made sure that she voted for Romney. She didn't have the opportunity to cast a secret ballot.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #22)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:02 PM

30. That would be the last time that happened!

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Response to LibGranny (Reply #30)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:26 PM

34. Yeah, me too! I wouldn't be writing to a newspaper advice columnist.

I'd git.

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Response to LibGranny (Reply #11)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 09:42 PM

38. If They Live in Oregon or Washington or any other Vote by Mail States

or if they voted absentee it would be very easy for him to review her ballot. Not that it's proper at all of course.

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Response to upaloopa (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:46 PM

26. My sister and her husband are Republicans, but she voted for Obama.

He hates Obama and was shocked that she voted for him. He can thank me for that as I told her the pros and cons of voting for Obama or Romney.

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Response to RebelOne (Reply #26)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:27 PM

35. Good for you! I'm very impressed with people who have the patience to explain and persuade.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:40 PM

2. Mary Matalin and James Carver seem to keep it together

I'm still trying to figure out how that works. Must make for some interesting family debates but they get paid for their opinions.

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Response to rightsideout (Reply #2)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:45 PM

6. they consider each other equals , Carville is also the liberal

so they avoid the issue of "idiot man controls the house" right wing crap.

the problem in this marriage is not the views as much as the guy having control issues. divorce would be good for her.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:41 PM

3. Is that Cantor's wife?

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:42 PM

4. Amy gave good advice

but mine would have been DTMFA.

There is no future with a bully.

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Response to Warpy (Reply #4)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:52 PM

10. I agree

From the sounds of it, he's not far from beating her for her views.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:43 PM

5. Or Laura Bush

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Response to TDale313 (Reply #5)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:46 PM

8. W didn't really care if Laura had liberal views

even the idiot himself didn't really have any views of his own.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:45 PM

7. My mom...repub, my dad...dem...

They had a long and happy marriage. Politics wasn't high up on the list for them. They got along great.

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Response to cynatnite (Reply #7)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:53 PM

12. Same here

Dad was Archie Bunker (in every way and then some) and mom is a left leaning Republican.

They had their battles, but they stayed together until his death.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:56 PM

13. Life is short...

she should find a good Dem and settle down.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 06:58 PM

14. The day my husband bullied me into voting for someone he knew I didn't want to vote for

would be the day I called a lawyer. Holy cow.

Yes they can have a happy relationship, but both have to be respectful, and that isn't happening here.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #14)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:05 PM

16. For sure...how would he even know who she voted for...It is a private privilege...

Maybe she just told him she voted for robme to try to keep the peace.

Her husband sounds like he might have depression.


Tikki

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:00 PM

15. If he does not respect you, he is not worth having. Politics be damned.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:06 PM

17. Walk out, before she get's carried out. EOM

 

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Response to TheMadMonk (Reply #17)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:14 PM

20. Yes. Sounds like a homicide in the making to me. nt

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:07 PM

18. amy, amy, amy....

you didn't HAVE to vote for romney, or is your hubs in the voting booth with you???

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Response to shanti (Reply #18)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:01 PM

29. It's pretty dumb either way...

IF she really voted for Romney, then she was an idiot. If she didn't, she was an idiot for telling her husband she did. No one HAD to vote for Romney, lol.




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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:12 PM

19. That woman need to get out of that marriage now. If her husband can't respect her views,

he doesn't respect her.

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Response to bluestate10 (Reply #19)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:31 PM

23. I totally blew up at my Republican, Faux watching husband

who has gotten more and more "conservative" in the 38 years we have been married. Right before the election, he started on me about voting for Obama. It takes a lot, but when I get angry, I REALLY get angry. I am an adult, and as such, have a right to vote for WHOEVER I so choose. Do I have that right as an AMERICAN CITIZEN? "Yes". Are you going to try and STOP me, which is ILLEGAL? "No". He just stood there staring at me for all his previous bravado.

He hasn't watched Faux since a month before the election, and has not said one single word about Obama and Democrats to me ever since my blow up, and Obama WON.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:19 PM

21. In the heat of an argument, he has said that if I canít agree with him, we should just get divorced.

Divorce would be my advice. Who wants to live with a bully?

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:39 PM

24. I used to be married to Scrooge.

He was a conservative and an atheist.

I had no problem with the atheism.

He told me that women don't know anything about politics, and vote for the best-looking guy. This was in the 80s when we were supposed to vote for Dan Quayle for VP because he was allegedly "cute".

That marriage didn't last long.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:42 PM

25. OMG. Run, don't walk away from the MF'er.

This is the kind of man who'll end up shooting you.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 07:57 PM

27. DTMFA

To take a page from Dan Savage.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:05 PM

31. She should take Tammy Wynette's advice instead

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:30 PM

36. DTMFA.

If he's that controlling and that angry, sooner or later he's going to punch you and insist you "made" him do it. If you weren't afraid, you wouldn't have voted for a candidate you hated. DTMFA: Dump that motherfucker already. Preferably before he makes the leap from emotional abuse into physical.

Edited to add: And for the love of pete, lady, don't tell him you're going to do it in advance. Let him come home to an empty house. The "My way or the highway" comment was meant to either cow you or give him a justification for hitting you. Bail out and bail out now.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 08:31 PM

37. This sounds like an abusive relationship to me.

I hope Amy told her to get the hell out asap.

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Response to n2doc (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 09:54 PM

39. I would be willing to bet that is not the only facet of her life he is determined to control.

Absolute control is the platform from which he will become more and more abusive. In my opinion, she should seek one on one advice from a professional before it's too late.

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