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Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:26 PM

The blue states secede!


Got this email from a friend recently, not sure who else got wind of it as it was making its rounds. A little reality injected into the secession talk, and what would REALLY happen.

Red states wouldn't like it.


*******************


Red States We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. It will even include Florida and Ohio ; . We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.


To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.


Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.


We do wish you success in Afganistan , really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.


With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.


With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.


Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies..


Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that ditch weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States

22 replies, 2030 views

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Arrow 22 replies Author Time Post
Reply The blue states secede! (Original post)
mnmoderatedem Jan 2013 OP
northoftheborder Jan 2013 #1
northoftheborder Jan 2013 #2
Dems to Win Jan 2013 #3
patricia92243 Jan 2013 #4
Dems to Win Jan 2013 #6
MicaelS Jan 2013 #5
DonRedwood Jan 2013 #7
bvar22 Jan 2013 #8
PETRUS Jan 2013 #10
yardwork Jan 2013 #13
bvar22 Jan 2013 #18
yardwork Jan 2013 #21
bvar22 Jan 2013 #22
Blue_In_AK Jan 2013 #20
cali Jan 2013 #9
bunnies Jan 2013 #11
mnmoderatedem Jan 2013 #15
bunnies Jan 2013 #17
kentauros Jan 2013 #12
hughee99 Jan 2013 #14
nadinbrzezinski Jan 2013 #16
Flashmann Jan 2013 #19

Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:30 PM

1. Love it!

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:31 PM

2. But I'd have to move.

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:38 PM

3. And.. U.A. will have single payer health care! Let's Do It

U.A. is the country I want to live in.

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:40 PM

4. But... I live in a red state. Please allow the individual people in the suceeding states to

move to any of the blue states. Please, please, please

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Response to patricia92243 (Reply #4)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:43 PM

6. We welcome blue-hearted folks to join us. We'll have reasonable immigration laws.

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:45 PM

7. We can't turn our backs on our Gay Southerners! I demand Dollywood goes with us!

Dollywood can be our southern embassy.

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:47 PM

8. Oh Boy, Another "lets have Another Civil War and divide the nation again" post at DU!

I don't care HOW you want to split it up,
or who you decide to hate,
I'll be staying in the part that gets New Orleans.

The South is Beautiful,
and belongs to us ALL.
In 2006, my Wife & I moved from Big Blue Minneapolis
to Deep Red rural Arkansas
where we are living as independently, sustainably, and green as possible.
We LOVE it here,
and won't be going back.

---bvar22 & Starkraven
helping turn the South blue

One Love,
One Heart,
Lets get together and feel all right

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Response to bvar22 (Reply #8)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:01 PM

10. Solidarity

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Response to bvar22 (Reply #8)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:20 PM

13. Arkansas is not very welcoming to gay people.

But then again, neither is my own state of North Carolina. Yes, the southeast is beautiful. We have some work to do, though.

Coincidentally I just posted this OP right before reading this thread:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022117783

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Response to yardwork (Reply #13)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 02:04 PM

18. Then the response should be MORE gay people moving TO Arkansas.

The Internet and Sat TV has loosened the hold of the Preachers and Parents of the last generation,
and more people like us are moving into the region every day to
*Grow healthy food,

*CONSUME LESS,

*say NO to Corporate America,

*lessen OUR Carbon Footprint,

*take advantage of the wonderful natural bounty of The South

*reassess what is really important,

*and make The World a better place to live through small contributions every day

The LAWS of the last generation will change when enough people demand the change.
BE a part of that change,
or sit outside, looking in,
wasting time,
and complaining about what a horrible place the South is.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/1182456

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Response to bvar22 (Reply #18)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 02:22 PM

21. Your photos are gorgeous and I agree with you that solution is change from within,

but it's hard not to feel discouraged. I've lived in North Carolina longer than any other place. It is my home and has been for decades. I thought it was a fairly enlightened state, but the people of North Carolina rushed to the polls last spring to write hate into our state constitution. I phone banked, asking people not to amend the state constitution to make equal marriage and civil unions unconstitutional. (Equal marriage and civil unions would still have remained illegal in North Carolina with no likelihood of change anytime soon. There was no need to amend the state constitution except that it makes it that much more difficult to ever obtain equality someday, even if the people of the state decide they want equality.) People delighted in telling me that they were voting for the amendment "because I hate gay people." 60% of voters wrote hate into the state constitution. Hard not to feel discouraged.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #21)

Thu Jan 3, 2013, 03:24 PM

22. I can feel the pain in your posts,

...and my heart goes to you.

I am grateful for my undeserved good fortune,
and the New Year is a good time to acknowledge it.

I met my Wife late in life.
I was 50 when I met her in Minneapolis,
and we have been together for 12 years.
Without my friend and partner,
this would be a much darker place to live.
Companionship... somebody to reflect and process thoughts and impressions are
a basic need.
Somebody to say:
"Yes. I saw that too, and felt the same way.
You're not crazy or alone."


We are pretty insulated on our little hilltop.
We have the luxury of dealing with the outside World on our terms.
We aren't forced into it on a daily basis,
so it is easier to deal with the intolerance, bigotry, and ignorance in smaller doses,
and take the time to heal and process it before the next confrontation.

It is fairly easy for us to mix in with the locals, so we have the luxury to
choose the time, place, and method of dealing. While we are both Liberal Democrats,
HATE doesn't get thrown in our face by strangers every time we walk down the street.

Through our work with the local Fire Department and Medical First Responders, and our cultivated respectful relationships with our few neighbors, we have earned the respect of the people who DO know, and have been able to use this as a way of giving several life long Republicans "permission" to vote for the Democrat,
more so than when we lived in solid Blue Minneapolis.

We have both traveled the country extensively before choosing to live here in Rural Arkansas.
What we discovered is that there is Hate, Intolerance, and Bigotry everywhere.
There are some places where there is greater safety in numbers, but no place is FREE from the evils, and nowhere to completely escape it.

Every third person up in these hills (some say mountains) voted for Obama ("the black guy") in 2008. When we go to town, it is an inside game between my wife & I to try to identify WHO this every 3rd person is, and get to know them. Sometimes it is easy.
Sometimes it is a jaw dropping surprise,
but it is emotionally and spiritually reassuring to KNOW that there ARE that many out there with an open mind.

Since the open minded are generally more at peace with themselves,
they don't Stand Out as much as the Unhappy, Raging, LOUD Bigots, so they are harder to notice,
and easier to walk away with the perception that EVERYBODY here is FUCKED UP!

Without the Basic Daily needs (Safety, Structure, Companionship, Spirit),
it would be very easy to be overwhelmed by the intolerance, ignorance, and bigotry in this area.

Anyway, I wanted to somehow reach out to you today.
I wish you could come over for Green Beans & Cornbread with me and my wife this afternoon.

---Bob
Ouachita Mountains, Arkansas

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Response to bvar22 (Reply #8)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 02:12 PM

20. I won't be leaving my red state either.

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 12:57 PM

9. I find this smug shit tiresome

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:10 PM

11. uh oh.

Yer likely gonna take some heat for posting this. I get that its a joke many here dont find it amusing.

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Response to bunnies (Reply #11)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:53 PM

15. yeah I fighred that may be the case


but the whole thing is aimed at the Rick Perry types who think liberals have screwed up the country, and they would be "better off" if they secede, and are at least somewhat serious in that notion.

But is IS a joke.

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Reply #15)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:59 PM

17. Yeah. I know. hehe

(& it always makes me chuckle)

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:16 PM

12. I've had enough with the "Slave States" label!

The Civil War ended. Why is it I see so-called "blue states" bringing this shit up more often than those of us in so-called "red states"?

Then again, y'all must have an economic death-wish. The fiscal cliff wasn't enough. You want a Fiscal Armageddon

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:22 PM

14. As idiotic as I find all of this (regardless of which color states are leaving, I've heard the "red

states succeed" version as well), I'm sure United America will do just fine producing all their own wheat, rice, potatoes, timber, oil and refined gasoline. The government you succeeded from will send you a bill for all the infrastructure you just took with you that the United States of America paid for (another common theme in the "red states succeed" was that they'd have to repay the government for the infrastructure improvements). I'm sure you can work out a payment plan while you're negotiating for some sort of deal allowing passage from one half of your country to the other.

The people of California will enjoy the good weed during the rolling blackouts, at least until they get their energy production up to speed with their usage.

In a secession of red OR blue states, neither side "wins".

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 01:57 PM

16. Been making the rounds since 2000

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Response to mnmoderatedem (Original post)

Wed Jan 2, 2013, 02:11 PM

19. Will we be deporting the "stupids"?

If so,the housing market would open up to the tune of 47% of homes being empty and waiting for occupancy by fugitive from the red zone......We'd still need new constuction,since by my reckoning ,we'd be deporting 47% to make room for 53%.........If the logistics can be worked out,I'm all for it......Win-win......Unless you are stupid,in which case,tough shit...Ya got what ya wished for,now go away......

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