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Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:23 PM

 

There are no flags in heaven

There are no flags in heaven
No signs of empires great
No flags of generals or kings
No presidents of nation states

There are no uniforms in paradise
No guns of steel and lead
No bombs that kill a thousand
No scores of victims dead

There are no yellow ribbons
In heaven high above
There are no soldiers no leaders
Nothing binding us but love

17 replies, 1293 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 17 replies Author Time Post
Reply There are no flags in heaven (Original post)
Taverner Dec 2012 OP
NightWatcher Dec 2012 #1
Taverner Dec 2012 #2
tama Dec 2012 #11
Taverner Dec 2012 #12
Control-Z Dec 2012 #8
downandoutnow Dec 2012 #3
Taverner Dec 2012 #4
Control-Z Dec 2012 #5
OneGrassRoot Dec 2012 #10
tama Dec 2012 #13
downandoutnow Dec 2012 #14
tama Dec 2012 #17
downandoutnow Dec 2012 #6
Taverner Dec 2012 #7
downandoutnow Dec 2012 #9
nolabear Dec 2012 #15
Control-Z Dec 2012 #16

Response to Taverner (Original post)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:25 PM

1. Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try

No Hell below us, above us only sky.


Personally, I think/hope Death is just like anesthesia during surgery...there is no there there, just nothing.

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Response to NightWatcher (Reply #1)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:26 PM

2. I'm an atheist

 

This kind of wrote itself, and I couldn't get around the word heaven
So it's kind of a literary device

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Response to Taverner (Reply #2)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:08 PM

11. You wrote it?

 

Beautiful words, friend.



Rough translation:

"I have a dream
a free world
without borders -
pretty words or?
Yes yes yes
but don't worry my friend
I do my own things
you can do what ever you like
but I have a DREAM....

(and then there's the bit of feeding LSD to Finnish herald-Lion and wiping ass with the Finnish blue-cross flag, which in those good old days got this song banned in Finnish public media... )

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Response to tama (Reply #11)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:10 PM

12. Thanks :)

 

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Response to NightWatcher (Reply #1)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:42 PM

8. This is my hope too.

"Death is just like anesthesia during surgery...there is no there there, just nothing."

I'm pretty much betting on it. The only problem would be those left behind to deal with it. That's the shitty part, imo.

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Response to Taverner (Original post)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:30 PM

3. See, right here is a great example of how modern Americans just can't do rhyming poetry -

 

Oh sure, it can rhyme, but it's meter/rhythm is atrocious! Crashes first in the fourth line. On edit: in the third line actually.

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Response to downandoutnow (Reply #3)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:33 PM

4. LOL

 

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Response to downandoutnow (Reply #3)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:35 PM

5. Well, aren't you freaking special? (nt)

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Response to Control-Z (Reply #5)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:50 PM

10. LOL n/t

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Response to Control-Z (Reply #5)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:13 PM

13. That's a quite nice dactylic pentameter aka hemiepes there :) nt

 

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Response to tama (Reply #13)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:36 PM

14. How do you find pentameter in that? 5 feet - I count only 3 -

 

Well AREN'T you FREAKin' SPEcial.

But you are right, it's got good rythmn. Could write a little doggerel with it:

Well aren't you freakin' special!
When someone's here to share
An admirable sentiment
You just don't seem to care!

You'd rather go and twit him
That his poem doesn't scan
And ignore the point he makes about
The Brotherhood of Man.

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Response to downandoutnow (Reply #14)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 06:15 PM

17. To be more exact, just hemiepes

 

namely the first part of dactylic pentameter before the cesura; dactylic pentameter being the latter part of distichon of "epic" dactylic hexameter + pentameter, which is the classic meter of elegia. And as dactylic instead of iambic I count thusly: TAN tata TAN tan TAN

But nice doggerel, thanks

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Response to Taverner (Original post)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:37 PM

6. Took a moment to fix it for you!

 

There are no flags in heaven
No signs of empires great
No gilded royal standards
No mighty seals of state -

No uniforms in paradise
No guns of steel and lead
No bombs that kill a thousand
No scores of victims dead.

There are no yellow ribbons
In heaven high above
No soldiers and no leaders
Nothing binding us but love.

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Response to downandoutnow (Reply #6)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:38 PM

7. Thank you - I should have studied rules of verse

 

While the ladies they roll their eyes...

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Response to Taverner (Reply #7)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 04:45 PM

9. You're welcome!

 

Last edited Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:46 PM - Edit history (1)

I think I'll also just switch a couple of my adjectives in the first stanza -

There are no flags in heaven
No signs of empires great
No mighty royal standards
No gilded seals of state -

No uniforms in paradise
No guns of steel and lead
No bombs that kill a thousand
No scores of victims dead.

There are no yellow ribbons
In heaven high above
No soldiers and no leaders -
Nothing binding us but love.

Your poem started out so well, but then by the fourth line you'd just have to start stutter-stepping/rushing through that "no presidents of nation states" thing to make it work.

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Response to downandoutnow (Reply #9)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:40 PM

15. As a professional poet and poetry teacher I'd like to add

That it's poor form to publicly critique a piece when one has not been invited to do so. Many a fine writer has been unduly discouraged by such "help".

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Response to nolabear (Reply #15)

Sun Dec 30, 2012, 05:50 PM

16. +1000 (nt)

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