Mr. Blunt and Cranky, in his years on the road, learned how to pick the best bars, taverns, pubs, and eateries. Think of it as a survival skill, or at least one that can enhance one’s quality of life.
Last night, in one such grotto, an extremely scruffy-looking, hairy individual took a vacant stool nearby, knocked back a pair of boilermakers, and began ranting about the “fiscal cliff”. This writer’s memory is a wee bit fogged by Scotch, but here is a more-or-less verbatim transcript:
“Fiscal cliff, schmiscal cliff, I have been falling off of cliffs since before anybody here was born. And look at me, healthy as can be. Some broken bones, sure. Could have happened to anybody.
“See, the thing is, focus on your objective. For me, it’s all about killing beeping birds. For Republicans, it’s about killing the Federal government. Sure, you’ll take a few hits here and there, but you have to be totally committed to your goal.
“Another key is to have good supporters. These guys have lots of ‘em: the Tea Party, Billionaires, those Koch fellas, the media, a whole bunch of help. I had Chuck Jones and Acme. Really nice people, but not much success came of those collaborations.
“So, these guys are gonna jump off a cliff in a few days. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, ya know, and I am flattered. But they should lay off the drama a bit, ya know, look at me. I popped my eyes out a bit, maybe held up a sign here and there, but that was about it. Ya jump for the bird, ya miss the bird, ya fall, then get up and try again. All in a day’s work, no drama required.”
He belched and threw some money on the bar, along with a crumpled business card. As he headed out the door, the sound of “beep beep” came from the road out front, and the guy tore out after the noise, faster than the eye could see (well, half-sloshed eyes, anyway).
A whistling sound wafted in through the door, followed by a faint thud and a bit of truly epic profanity. The Crankster smoothed out the business card to get the guy’s name:
“William Edward Coyote
Desert Wildlife Control
Roadrunners a specialty”