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Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:29 PM

Charging an 18-year-old in high school rent

I just discovered a friend's sister is doing this with her daughter: $200 a month for room and board, because she's an adult.

The kid is still in high school, good grades, had to drop out of all extracurricular activities to be able to earn the money for room and board by working on the weekends.

The amount of when I heard this cannot be expressed.

This isn't a poor household or anything btw.

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Reply Charging an 18-year-old in high school rent (Original post)
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 OP
Indydem Dec 2012 #1
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #2
Indydem Dec 2012 #5
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #7
Indydem Dec 2012 #10
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #15
Indydem Dec 2012 #18
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #23
Indydem Dec 2012 #34
karynnj Dec 2012 #86
CreekDog Dec 2012 #78
anneboleyn Dec 2012 #106
Indydem Dec 2012 #131
TheBlackAdder Dec 2012 #117
abelenkpe Dec 2012 #13
Indydem Dec 2012 #16
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #25
Indydem Dec 2012 #26
lost-in-nj Dec 2012 #57
tammywammy Dec 2012 #68
SWTORFanatic Dec 2012 #72
liberal_at_heart Dec 2012 #85
SWTORFanatic Dec 2012 #64
devilgrrl Dec 2012 #29
Indydem Dec 2012 #38
abelenkpe Dec 2012 #35
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #44
AverageJoe90 Dec 2012 #73
wickerwoman Dec 2012 #82
Skidmore Dec 2012 #71
anneboleyn Dec 2012 #103
RetroLounge Dec 2012 #49
Indydem Dec 2012 #51
RetroLounge Dec 2012 #59
HangOnKids Dec 2012 #67
Chan790 Dec 2012 #76
morningfog Dec 2012 #98
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alphafemale Dec 2012 #3
ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2012 #4
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #8
SWTORFanatic Dec 2012 #69
Chan790 Dec 2012 #77
Comrade_McKenzie Dec 2012 #6
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #11
FrodosPet Dec 2012 #43
OldDem2012 Dec 2012 #79
jberryhill Dec 2012 #110
laundry_queen Dec 2012 #58
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No Vested Interest Dec 2012 #9
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #12
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obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #45
Indydem Dec 2012 #50
Earth_First Dec 2012 #14
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #17
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obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #27
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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:32 PM

1. Do you know they aren't having financial difficulties?

This economy is hurting a lot of people who used to be secure.

It may be very bad for them.

I won't jump to conclusions. That's 5.5 hours a week @ $8.50. Maybe they need it more than you know.

Or maybe they are trying to teach her responsibility.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:33 PM

2. A high school kid's job is being a student

PERIOD.

This isn't saying pay for your own cell, this is ROOM AND BOARD.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #2)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:38 PM

5. I had a friend who's dad made her pay rent.

From her Jr. year of HS on through college and the first few years after.

All that time he was putting it into a savings account for her.

She got quite a down payment on a home when she moved out.

You judgmental attitude is noted.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #5)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:39 PM

7. I am judging the parents, you better believe it

As well as the person you know, charging a MINOR CHILD rent. That is illegal btw.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #7)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:42 PM

10. The OP was not a Minor.

And as for my friend, her parents could have easily shown the savings account to any self-rightous law enforcement.

Why don't you let people raise their kids with the financial and responsibility values that they instill and you can raise your kids however you want?

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Response to Indydem (Reply #10)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:45 PM

15. Your friend's child was a minor

It is ILLEGAL to charge a minor child rent and/or board.

In most states, you have to continue to pay child support to an adult child if they are still in high school. For a reason.

How is any of this teaching responsibility?

I am not the least surprised you think this is a good idea.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #15)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:47 PM

18. 5.5 Hours at $8.50

It is SUCH A BURDEN!

To ask an adult to find gainful employment to teach them lessons about work ethic, following a schedule and showing up to work on time?

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Response to Indydem (Reply #18)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:50 PM

23. It is a high school student

Who has been accepted to a "Public Ivy" on an almost complete academic scholarship, so I think the kid knows about being responsible and good time management.

I don't get how this has anything to do with ethics. I think you need to learn what that word means.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #23)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:57 PM

34. A Moral Philosophy

Meaning:

Some find it ethical to pay their own way. Others do not.

Your Sister's Friend's Daughter is having her college paid for on scholarship. Perhaps, since she won't have to labor to receive the education, this is her parent's way of teaching her the importance of hard work.

Again, it is absolutely none - NONE - of your business how they raise their child and whether they charge her "rent."

NONE. ABSOLUTELY NONE.

You are being nosy and passing judgement on someone who is of none of your concern.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #23)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:32 PM

86. I would be very careful making any judgments here

It seems the parents raised a child who is succeeding in many ways. As others said, there may be more to the story than you know. As this seems a recent development, it could be there are some financial problems.

It also might even be to make it easier to get a summer job in college summers. It is harder to get some of the jobs and even intern positions that they might want if they do not have anything as a work reference.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #18)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:20 PM

78. i don't get why the more conservative poster here is taking this position on parenting

i really don't.

i understand that politically you're in different places.

but charging a kid that is still a senior rent? what the heck? that's terrible.

it's not a political question, yet here, it's being answered on the basis of politics and ideology. i find that odd on your part.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #18)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:23 PM

106. 5 hours of work plus school plus HOMEWORK? Then sleeping, eating, etc.

Yes, that is a burden on a high school student or a full-time college student during the academic year. In fact, that is an excellent way to torpedo a student's grades. Colleges are so competitive these days that a student needs an extremely high gpa plus extras plus an exceptional sat score. Studying for an hour or so at night after a day of school and then five or so hours of work would spell disaster for many.

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Response to anneboleyn (Reply #106)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:21 AM

131. 5 HOURS A WEEK.

Not a day. A WEEK.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #18)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:15 AM

117. It's a bit more than that... you forget mandatory deductions and travel,clothing expenses. nt

That is, unless your kids work under-the-table

5.5 hours x 4.3 (weeks/mo.) x $8.50 = $201.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #5)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:43 PM

13. All that time he was putting it into a savings account for her.

Then he wasn't really charging her rent as the OP is describing.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #13)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:45 PM

16. How does the OP know what the parents are doing?

I probably should have included that she did not KNOW that they were putting it in a savings account.

It was a surprise to her when she went to make an offer on her first house.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #16)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:51 PM

25. It doesn't make a difference

She had to quit basketball to get a job.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #25)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:53 PM

26. Why?

She couldn't come up with 6 hours on Saturday or Sunday to work?

If she had to quit basketball, it wasn't because her parents asked her to find a part time job.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #26)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:23 PM

57. you don't tell your job when you can work

they tell you when they need you....

lost

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Response to lost-in-nj (Reply #57)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:33 PM

68. Most part-time jobs will ask for the applicant's availability

I've worked since I was 16. Until I got a Monday-Friday job, I was in retail and they always ask when you're available.

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Response to tammywammy (Reply #68)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:45 PM

72. Unless you put 24/7 (or close to it) they roundcan the application though. And it's not a

legal document anyway.

If you put something other than 24/7 (example: I can't work Friday) and they call you in to work Friday and you can't make it, they can and (often will) fire you.

I had this happen to one of my students (I teach at a college). She took my class Friday mornings. She worked Friday shift early early in the morning and they fired her for going to take my final exam. They knew all semester that she was enrolled in the class.

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Response to tammywammy (Reply #68)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:31 PM

85. my daughter has a friend who was being asked to work more

They had to fire someone and asked her to cover more hours. She would stay up all night doing homework. She finally threatened to quit and I think they shortened her hours, but she should never have been asked in the first place. That is a violation of child work laws.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #26)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:29 PM

64. This is the attitude the RW loves to give

Can't afford college/rent/etc?

GET ANOTHER JOB!

As if that is always possible to get two jobs... or three jobs...... or two jobs and school...... or three jobs and school.... etc that will work out and not conflict time wise so you end up getting fired from one or more of them.

I worked three jobs when I was in grad school, but that was LUCK that they never conflicted.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #16)


Response to devilgrrl (Reply #29)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:58 PM

38. Clarification:

"Their" being the OP, or my friend?

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Response to Indydem (Reply #16)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:57 PM

35. OK see

I would have thought that was a shitty thing to do as a parent. Misrepresenting a situation to my kid. Nice that things turned out well for your friend but as a parent I can't see ever misleading my kid that way. There are better ways to teach kids about finance. But maybe I'm just jaded on this subject because of my experience with my own sister? Makes me see the situation in an entirely different light. The opposite of rose colored glasses if you will...

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #35)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:05 PM

44. We were raised to be resposbible with money

We also worked every summer, and didn't get to buy anything we wanted, nor did we have cars or anything else fancy (for then). We were expected to have good grades and be active in either school activities or things like Girl Scouts or Candy Stripers. We were expected to help around the house.

We were, however, mainly expected to work very hard at our jobs: being students.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #44)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:54 PM

73. You didn't have a car at all? Not even one to borrow?

If you don't mind me asking this, were you guys around the poverty line or something? You could buy a decent used car with even a part-time job if you saved up enough.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #35)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:27 PM

82. Yeah.

I can see asking adult kids who aren't in school and are still living at home to contribute to the household fund but I'd set it at 30% of their take-home rather than some arbitrary number like $200 a week.

I think it's crazy to ask a kid who is still in high school to cut back on study hours and extracurricular activities and volunteer work which looks good on a college application to spend that time flipping burgers for minimum wage.

It's important to teach kids the importance of hard work, but it's equally important to teach them the value of their time. When I was in college I turned down unpaid internships and summer study abroad opportunities to be a cashier at a supermarket, a hardware store and a drug store. Some people might say I was learning the value of hard work, but really if I had taken the unpaid internship I would have made better networking connections, pushed myself to my potential and gotten more experience that was relevant to the kind of work I ended up doing as a career. In the long term, I would have made heaps more money getting a better job off of summer internship work experience than I got off of 3 months doing check-out.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #5)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:44 PM

71. I did that with my daughter and she used the money

to get started in her own apartment after she moved out.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #2)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:13 PM

103. I agree. Kids need to focus on school, not work to support parents.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:11 PM

49. Maybe they need the money to buy assault weapons?



RL

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Response to RetroLounge (Reply #49)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:11 PM

51. I hear the prices are going up.

Though it's going to take a while at $200 a month.

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Response to Indydem (Reply #51)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:25 PM

59. Well, maybe you can pitch in...



RL

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Response to RetroLounge (Reply #59)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:33 PM

67. ^^^^^THIS^^^^^

 

POST of the thread!!!

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Response to RetroLounge (Reply #59)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:12 PM

76. Well-played, good sir. Well-played indeed.



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Response to RetroLounge (Reply #49)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:45 PM

98. True colors here!

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Response to Indydem (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:45 PM

97. LOLOLOLOL

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:36 PM

3. That is pretty bad.

I' d charge something once the kid graduated, though.

If they weren' t going on to college, especially. Or at least contribute in a meaningful way. Twenty something layabouts that expect to sit around all day while mommy still does their laundry drive me crazy.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:37 PM

4. Seems a bit much

I mean, would she kick her out if she refused to pay?

Is the kid getting to stay in a separate guest house or something?

Maybe the kid also gets to stay out as late as she wants being an adult, and she's willing to pay for it.

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Response to ProudToBeBlueInRhody (Reply #4)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:41 PM

8. I asked that

She will be grounded if she refuses to rent and pay rent. She is in her same room, and has the same curfew and everything. She also has to ask permission to do certain things, because it's "their house."

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #8)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:34 PM

69. Pretty much crap. If I'm renting, a landlord doesn't get to say how

late I stay out or that I have to take out the trash every day or whatever.

Of course she is in high school and with the clout landlords have these days would have a hell of a time renting. Real unclassy move by the parents IMHO.

She pays rent and is an adult, she gets to do what she wants as long as it doesn't include trashing the place or whatever.

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Response to SWTORFanatic (Reply #69)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:16 PM

77. The smart-ass in me would take my parents to housing court.

Once they started charging rent, they lost most rights to dictate what a tenant can do. That's what they've made their daughter...a tenant. Let them try to evict, the law is on the tenant's side and she'd be getting damages and rent-free accomodations.

If you want to play that game, Mom and Dad...you best know the rules.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:39 PM

6. A parent should never charge their kid rent... no matter how old they are...

 

A parent is supposed to be there to catch you when you fall. For life.

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Response to Comrade_McKenzie (Reply #6)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:42 PM

11. My mother agrees with you

I asked her opinion on this. She said, as long as the child is working or trying to find a job (ie laid off), she would never charge a child or grandchild to live with her, although they would be expected to help with chores and errands, which is totally fair.

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Response to Comrade_McKenzie (Reply #6)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:04 PM

43. You forgot the sarcasm thingie

If a young adult is capable of providing for themselves, they should provide for themselves. If they are severely physically or mentally disabled, that is different. But if they CAN provide for themselves, they should.

Even if that means a tiny little apartment in the 'hood as opposed to a big house in the 'burbs. Nobody walks straight and tall alone, but they should provide for themselves as much as they can, to allow the surplus of others go to the truly needy as opposed to the "I want to find myself" people who want to be carried by others.

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Response to FrodosPet (Reply #43)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:21 PM

79. Sorry, but your opinion is about as cold and hard-hearted as it can get....

....as long as I'm alive and can provide a place for my kids to live, they have a place to come home to.

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Response to FrodosPet (Reply #43)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:49 PM

110. Oh, yeah?

And what are the parents doing for that rent?

It sounds from other information in the thread that they are likely violating the landlord tenant code, have probably not provided a lease, and are simply looking for a handout.

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Response to Comrade_McKenzie (Reply #6)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:23 PM

58. 100% agree

That's what parents are for - to be that 'soft place to fall'. As a mother of 4, I can't ever imagine charging my kids rent (heck, when I was married, my IL's stayed with us for 6 months when they moved to our town, rent free, until they were able find a place of their own), you help them out. And hopefully, if I needed help, my kids would do the same.

When my ex cheated and left me as a single mom of 4, I had to move in with my parents (at their urging - turns out later they just wanted the grandkids closer and lied to me about their motives for having me live with them). They charged me rent. And not a small amount either, it was almost the going rate for an apartment and was more than a quarter of my child support. In the meantime, I was trying to save up for tuition so I could go back to school, but it was nearly impossible, as my parents kept making me pay for more and more, as they complained we ate too much, so I had to pay all the groceries too, even though the original agreement was 'room and board'. Then they kicked me out because they decided they were sick of us, and I quote, "ruining their lifestyle". Luckily my ex helped me get some money together so I could find a place to rent on short notice. For the record, my parents are narcissistic (had a psychologist tell me as much) and are quite well off and don't NEED the money. And it's not like we were hellish roommates or something. My kids are all very well behaved (rave reports from teachers, friend's parents, straight-A students etc) and loving. Sure they were a bit messy, but I made a concerted effort cleaning constantly to help keep the disruption to my parents to a minimum. And my parents have a vacation home on a lake lot that they spent the weekends at, plus I took the kids to the park every night, so my parents hardly saw us at all anyway.

Put it this way - when I hear of a parent treating a child like the parent in the OP - no matter if that child is 18 or 20 or 24 - my mind right away thinks, "selfish parents, no empathy, probably shouldn't have kids, probably narcissistic and that child's life has been hellish behind closed doors" It doesn't 'teach' a teen anything to force them to pay rent while they are still in school. I'm not talking about 30-somethings laying on your couch or playing video games all day either - I'm sure there are times when a parent does have to put their foot down. This doesn't sound like that type of scenario at ALL When a child has hit hard times, or is still in school, your job as a parent is to help them through with minimal hardship to them (esp with regards to student loans).

When I was 12 and started babysitting for money, my parents said that now that I was making my own money, I was responsible for buying my own clothing. When I got my first job at 14, I was told now I could pay them back for the piano they bought me when I was 11 (a used piano, taken out of my savings account where my birthday money went as a kid) and my lessons. At 16, I saved up and paid for my own first car, and paid insurance and registration and gas on my own, no help at all from my parents. When I went to university, I won scholarships and had my first year paid for. When my second year came around, and I asked my parents for help paying my tuition (I was unable to get a student loan - as my parents made too much money), and I only had a minimum wage jobs that barely paid for my car (which I needed, as I was a 30 min drive away from the university, with no bus service), they said, "maybe you should've saved up for university all those years that you worked instead of spending your money on frivolous things."

Some parents set their kids up for failure. The parents in the OP sound like those type of parents. Part of being successful is knowing you have people behind you who love you unconditionally. Parents who purposely make life more difficult for their kids (not talking chores here either, by the way) as they try to make their way in the world are failures as parents.

oops, sorry that got kind of long. I'm very passionate about this topic, as you can tell.

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Response to laundry_queen (Reply #58)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:06 PM

100. Worth the read



It's stressful enough being a high school student, but having to worry about paying rent as well, seems really a bizarre demand these parents make.

How sad that they treat their own child like a stranger - how awful the way your parents treated you and then your kids.

Strange ideas about parenting do abound.... as you said - they set their own offspring up for failure.







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Response to Comrade_McKenzie (Reply #6)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:39 AM

121. My son shares expenses with me

I see nothing wrong with it, especially since he earns more then I do. Young people learning responsibility is not a bad thing. He could cook, clean and do laundry before he graduated HS.

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Response to Comrade_McKenzie (Reply #6)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 02:10 PM

138. That Goes Too Far

I paid rent to my parents when i graduated from college. I lived at home, went to work, went to graduate school, and played in a band.

I did have one stipulation though. I told them if i'm paying room and board, ($125 a month in the mid-70's), then i come and go as i please, no questions asked. If i pay adult costs of living, i'm an adult, no matter that i'm still their kid.

They agreed and things went just fine.

But, i never had to pay anything while i was still in school. That seems the fair line of demarcation to me. Now, they probably wouldn't have charged me if i couldn't find a job, but a science degree in the mid-70's was pretty much a guaranteed paycheck.
GAC

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:41 PM

9. Just as you never know

what goes on within a given marriage, you really don't know what went on or preceded this decision. Don't judge.

Personally, this is not my style. Spouse and I were glad we were able to to pay for high school and college for our children.

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Response to No Vested Interest (Reply #9)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:43 PM

12. What would be a reason for this?

None.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #12)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:02 PM

41. Too many possible reasons to list-

More than you and I could imagine, just as what goes on in a given marriage has so many variables.
For starters - the child could have challenged the parent to do it;
The child could have caused serious damage to the house.
The child could have stolen from the parent.
The child disrespected the parent.
Perhaps the parent plans to give it back to the child a some time in the future.
The parent's parents did the same and the present parent feels he/she turned out well because of it - tough love theory.
Endless number of possibilities.

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Response to No Vested Interest (Reply #41)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:06 PM

45. Nope, none of that

The woman is quite proud of doing this.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #45)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:11 PM

50. HOW DO YOU KNOW?

You don't know why she is doing this.

Quit trying to act like you've got it all figured out.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:44 PM

14. Are you a parent?

Just curious what level of understanding parenting is...

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Response to Earth_First (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:46 PM

17. Immaterial who is or isn't a parent in this thread

Being a parent doesn't make one a good parent.

Charging a high school student room and board is quite disgusting, especially making them quite their activities to pay for it.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #17)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:50 PM

22. It's the making them quit their activities that is disturbing

Often it's the stuff one does after school that leads them to what they choose to do for their career after high school. Hope your friend isn't scuttling her kids dreams.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #22)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:53 PM

27. I agree

There is a stepfather involved, but I hate to blame him, because he's also seemed really involved in his stepkids' lives. My friend said their whole family is really pissed about this, and she and the grandmother tried to pay the rent, but that was a no go.

Just weird.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #22)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:15 PM

104. Exactly. The parent is seriously disrupting the kid's education

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #17)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:52 PM

111. Amen to that

Seriously. I raised two of my own and several more who weren't and anything prefaced with "As a parent..." as if the ability to fuck imbued them with some kind of universal wisdom, drives me to distraction.

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Response to Earth_First (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:24 PM

81. I'm curious why you would even ask that question...

...what difference does it make?

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Response to Earth_First (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:27 PM

83. You don't have to be a parent to know good parenting, or

be a jerk to know one when you see one.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:48 PM

19. My sister is doing this to her 17 year old son

She's lived off my mother and father her entire life and is easing her way into living off her kids. Why? Because she's a scumbag. She justifies it though by claiming she's teaching her son a lesson in finance blah blah blah. But everyone else in the family can see right through her pathetic scheme. I just hope and pray her son wises up and moves out and goes to college far far from home to escape.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #19)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:55 PM

30. In my state, it's illegal to charge a minor child room and board

Unless they are emancipated or married (married minors are also allowed to buy adult magazines and sign most contracts).

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #19)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:55 PM

31. she will end up with no one

people really do not like being taken advantage of - I hope your nephew wises up too

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #19)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:28 PM

62. Disgusting

glad people can see through it. She's probably a narcissist or is a sociopath (there are many who, instead of becoming CEOs or killing people, find ways to sponge off of others so they only need to put in minimal effort to live). Your poor nephew.

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Response to laundry_queen (Reply #62)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:35 PM

87. I know. I really love the kid, too!

He's so sweet and easy going. Sent him a 3D modeling and animation program for Christmas since he showed me a few minecraft environments he has built. I think he really has potential! He's also talked about becoming a chef. Hopefully he will find what he really loves and escape.

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Response to laundry_queen (Reply #62)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:06 PM

99. I agree. Messing with a kid's education is very serious.

I can't understand the selfishness of a parent who would play with a kid's future in such a manner.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #19)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 09:45 PM

92. In other words....not to be like her?

I bet he's already learned that lesson.

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Response to abelenkpe (Reply #19)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:48 AM

123. She doesn't happen to live in Ga. by chance?

My nephew just joined the Navy to escape his valley-rat mother's dependence on him. He is applying for the SARC program She took his checks, his phone and his car for her own use. He also help take care of his younger sister. Who knows what she did with the child support she got from my brother. Best decision he ever could have made.

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Response to Claybrains (Reply #123)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:22 PM

136. Naw, they are in VA

Long ago my father ran away and joined the navy. Good choice!

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:48 PM

20. So, there's no curfew and she can have men "sleep" over?

 

And all that "adult" stuff as well? If you're going with this, you pretty much have to go all the way.

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Response to MrSlayer (Reply #20)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:54 PM

28. I agree, but the curfew and stuff is still in place

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #28)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:27 PM

61. It seems ridiculous to me then.

 

If she were out of school I'd see it as a way of pushing her out the door. I think that is also a fucked up thing to do, it's not the 50's anymore. Things are really hard out there now.

What happens if she doesn't pay? That's what I would lean toward if it were me being persecuted.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:49 PM

21. I am very thankful for my parents

For being such caring, loving parents, and for raising my sister and I good values, including empathy and compassion.

Especially after reading some of the responses to my OP.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:50 PM

24. 25 years ago in high school

An acquaintance's mom made her and her brother get jobs and help out, because of financial strain. They were a one-parent household.

I wonder if there is a mortgage they are paying every month, that is a bigger financial strain than it appears to outsiders to be?

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Response to Quantess (Reply #24)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:57 PM

36. I can understand in a really strapped family

A lot of single-parent households really struggle, but if the parents are struggling, it's their own damned fault. They both have great jobs, a huge house, and a beach house. So, they honestly could be struggling, but they don't need to be.

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Response to Quantess (Reply #24)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:07 PM

47. Finances may play a role. As an orphan, I recieved benefit from my dad's earnings. No one wanted us.

An aunt and uncle gave up their apartment to move into my father's house, which still had a note to pay. All of my funds went to pay utilities, food, clothing, etc. from the age of 14 and up. They were both retired and not getting much, but didn't want me to work outside the home, they wanted me to concentrate on school.

After I graduated from high school at 18 and was going to college, we had a problem. I left and had to get jobs to pay for my rent at an apartment, food, etc. while the elders kept the house and I continued college. Everyone's situations is different.

Looking at our home and all of that, or myself when I left and rode a bike to college because it was too far to walk and I couldn't afford the bus, some might think there was no financial strain, but there was. People adapt, life goes on.

Good luck to all of the people in the OP. We'll never know all of what is going on, but it's an interesting thread to see how other people live.

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Response to freshwest (Reply #47)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:13 PM

52. It appears that you turned out well despite not having it easy during your teen years.

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Response to No Vested Interest (Reply #52)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:16 PM

53. That would be a matter of conjecture that I don't indulge others with online.

It was also a different era than now. Nonetheless, i did not consider that to be difficult at the time, and was grafeful to have a roof over my head and the opportunities and job protections that the late sixties and early seventies afforded many of us. I never find it useful to complain, just find solutions. My elders were also orphaned at an early age. As I said, people adapt. Many people would do well to count their blessings they take for granted. My life has seemed to be full of them, I guess it's just the way I was taught to get through life.



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Response to freshwest (Reply #53)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:28 PM

63. You're correct

It was a different era.

I recall reading stories of parents who put their children out of the home during the children's teen years, because the parents could no longer afford to keep them. - This was more likely during the early 1900's and earlier.

I had it rather easy growing up, and some would say my kids did too, though I did strongly encourage them to earn money, by delivering papers, baby-sitting, etc., which they did. I don't believe it hurt them.

I also was in a position to hire teenagers - 14-17 yrs - for what was usually their first job. I always felt that those that were hired - there was usually a good size pool of applicants- had been given a great opportunity, in that they learned what the work world was like re being punctual, following instructions in a timely manner, courtesy to employer, employees, and customers, etc.

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Response to freshwest (Reply #53)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 02:05 AM

133. Freshwest, you speak wise words and offer good advice.

I was thinking that the young woman, being charged rent by her mother, has had her life complicated by this situation but that she would survive the experience. As a teacher in a public high school, I have seen negative the effects of a part-time job on academic performance. But I have also seen students survive and thrive when their home-life and familial support systems seem problematic.
The young woman paying the rent will learn lessons from this expectation whether or not what she learns is what her folks intended but she will do better, dealing with the situation, if those around her don't engage her in a pity-party.
Everyone's life is different. We can only make the best of our circumstances.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:56 PM

32. I had to pay for my own clothes and stuff about the time I turned 16.

Room and board were covered by the work I did on the family farm but anything beyond that was out of my own pocket.

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Response to Kaleva (Reply #32)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:59 PM

39. I don't think kids should pay for their own clothes

Unless it's something crazy expensive and trendy they want, like Uggs or whatever.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #39)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:37 PM

70. I grew up in a poor family.

But I didn't have it like my grandparents who worked when young and still living at home at any job they could get and all their money went to their parents (my great-grandparents). Even my father and my uncles were expected to contribute to the family's income but they were allowed to stay in school and graduate unlike my grandparents who had to drop out by the 6th to 8th grades.

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Response to Kaleva (Reply #70)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 08:22 PM

91. In my father's family the 3 boys had to drop out of high school but the 3 girls finished.

The boys got jobs in the oil fields because that was all there was. Eventually they all moved to the city because they lost the farm and were starving as it was.

The males got union jobs to start and finished their education later. One worked his way up to VP of a large corporation, one stayed in his union job until retirement, the other went into business for himself.

Now the union jobs are few and that diploma and more had better be in hand. The females worked in various jobs but never made as much money as the males. It worked out, but that was a long time ago.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #39)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:45 AM

122. After reading this thread you would judge me a bad parent

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:56 PM

33. Being in a family is being part of a team

I would have my kids work because it enhanced their chances in the future (for example I am eyeing an engineering internship for my daughter after she finishes High School because she will have her first two years of engineering done), but the employer would value paid employment a lot more than more extracurriculars or volunteer activities which is good. Colleges should do the same - kids who work to help with expenses should be valued more than kids who spend months overseas or even volunteer or do a unpaid internships. Poor and lower middle class kids don't have those opportunities. if they hit the grades and work a lot they should be valued as much or more than someone who plays varsity sports etc.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 05:58 PM

37. Someone else's family, someone else's business

 

We have no way of knowing all the details of the living arrangement in question, nor is it proper to care.

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Response to slackmaster (Reply #37)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:00 PM

40. Not when they talk about it, it isn't

I also don't agree that people can do with their kids whatever they want. I'm glad that, as a society, we have evolved past that to a great extent, as well as our laws.

Of course it is "proper to care" how someone treats their kids.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #40)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:06 PM

46. Well, an 18-year-old is no longer a child in the eyes of the law

 

So her parents can impose on her whatever lawful restrictions and conditions they want to in their home.

Of course it is "proper to care" how someone treats their kids.

If they were enslaving her or requiring an unreasonable amount of work from her, I'd care a lot. But all I know is they are charging her rock-bottom rent.

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Response to slackmaster (Reply #46)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:08 AM

127. Most states, in the case of divorced parents

would have the noncustodial parent paying child support until the child graduates - it doesn't stop at 18 if the child is still in high school.

There may be, in many states, a duty to support for married parents, too. 18 or finishes high school.

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Response to slackmaster (Reply #37)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:02 PM

42. Great pic!

I LOL'd.

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Response to slackmaster (Reply #37)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:08 AM

115. Oh, some things are our collective business

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:07 PM

48. Having to go put for the evening

Just so I'm not accused of abandoning the thread.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:17 PM

54. we're about to have to do that with our daughter

She is going to start receiving SSDI checks directly to her and not to us. We still need some of that money to help pay rent, so she is going to open a checking account and pay us rent. She only has about six months left in high school. After that the SSDI checks stop and she is hoping to get an apartment with a friend near the college she wants to go to. Luckily we were told by the Social Security department that the money in her 529 can stay there until she is ready to use it for tuition. I'm not sure why someone would do this if the child is not receiving disability. I think that children should be supported by their parents until they graduate high school, but I guess some people want to make sure their kids are ready for the cold, cruel world by making them pay as soon as they are an adult whether they are still in high school or not. I would much rather my daughter study for finals and get ready for the SATs than work.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:22 PM

55. It's a tradeoff.

If the parent could wait for the money, the child might be able to get into a better college with significant financial aid, owing less after graduating. The parent could say, you can pay me back by getting a good job out of college.

But if the parent wants or needs the money now, that's a different story. The child might be able to get a menial job to pay the rent, but his or her studies might suffer, meaning more difficulty in paying for college or getting into a good one, which will hurt financially down the road.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:22 PM

56. Sickening -

there was LTTE in our local paper where a woman bragged about teaching her kids responsibility in this way. She was proud to report she withheld comforts from her children to teach them but she sounded sick to me. There was a touch of sadism to her satisfaction.
There are also parents who do not want their children to do better than they have done. I wonder if the parents of your friend are like this. If the child is having to shortchange her academics to satisfy the room and board, the parents either do not know what it takes for kids to excel at school now or they want to sabotage her. My guess is the parents are pretty good at withholding love as well.

I know a woman who was raised like that. She had to pay for all the food she ate while she was in high school. She worked 3 part-time jobs. The subconscious message was that she was not of the class that should go to college. She did indeed learn responsibility for herself but she was also hurt in a way that has left a permanent scar on her heart.

Cruelty comes in many forms.

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Response to KT2000 (Reply #56)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:32 PM

66. Wish I could recommend this post

Everything you said is SPOT on. So sad to see some of the replies in this thread.

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Response to laundry_queen (Reply #66)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:00 PM

74. thanks - expected

to get bashed judging from some posts.

(I'm a laundry nut myself!)

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:27 PM

60. OMG! Child abuse!! Maybe it is a 'Life lesson'. And some kids get kicked out. Worse??

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 06:30 PM

65. Could they move to a friend's house and then claim homelessness?

?

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:09 PM

75. My parents charged me "room and board" when I turned 16 and got a job.

I was in HS still at the time. It ticked me off because they didn't charge my older brother until after he had graduated from HS. We were both charged $50 a week. Which was more than half of what I made per week at my part-time job.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:22 PM

80. That's terrible, but I can top it:

I know a guy who was kicked out of his house at age 18 by his father, he was born in December, so this was during his senior year.

Not only did his father basically say, "Happy Birthday, you're a man now, get out!".

He had to go and move in at a friend's house for the rest of the year.

His dad was a pastor.

I think I was the first person who told him what his dad did was wrong.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:31 PM

84. my folks had me work for them, in the kennel and show ring,

never got a penny for all that work, but I got a work ethic and never learned to drink, smoke or go thru boyfriends once a month. Nor was I ever a teenager, not sure that was a bad thing in the 60's.

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Response to larkrake (Reply #84)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:36 PM

88. I would rather my children spend that 4 to 5 hours studying

My daughter takes advanced classes and she spends as much time studying as others spend working. I feel completely confident that she has learned a strong work ethic by doing so many hours of studying on top of going to school for 7 hours. I'm also completely confident that she will be able to handle the workload her freshman year of college.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:37 PM

89. Some people do that


I wouldn't do it but, yeah, some folks do that.

We had one of my kid's friends move in with us when his parents did it. For all the downsides to having a spare teenager, it can be convenient to have an extra pair of grateful hands around when you need them.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 07:40 PM

90. My stepmother started charging me rent when I was 16.

My family wasn't poor. She took over 25% of my wages.
I worked weekends and a few school nights each week because I couldn't stand to being at home.
I moved out the same week I graduated from high school.

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Response to In_The_Wind (Reply #90)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:29 PM

107. Similar story here. Moved out at 17.

I can't reconstruct all the motivations in my family, when I was that age. But was glad to get out on my own.


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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 09:47 PM

93. i was accepted into early attendance at college at 16, my mom said 'if you're out of high school,

you're paying rent'

did i mention i was 16?

i paid rent.

somewhere else. the emancipated minor paperwork was ridiculously easy in the 1970's. thank heaven!

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Response to NMDemDist2 (Reply #93)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:44 PM

96. I don't blame you

If your parents aren't going to take care of you, you might as well get out on your own and take care of yourself. At least they can't control what you do while denying you care.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 09:47 PM

94. that's bullshit, especially with the girl still in school

The parents are being selfish assholes and probably jeopardizing their daughters chance of a good college.

I know my mother was going to charge me rent but that was AFTER I had graduated college. And she was really cool about it. She was going to give me 3 months after graduating and then it was something really reasonable she was going to charge me. Like $50 or something. She just felt that at that point I was an adult and I could contribute to the monthly bills. I felt it was a common sense choicel.

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Response to LynneSin (Reply #94)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:12 PM

102. Great post. It is entirely selfish, as you note.

Kids this age need to focus entirely on school and then college. It is very hard to make up a college degree later -- and then try to make up for years of lost job experience and/or training. Any parent who would jeopardize a kid's future like this has very serious issues.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:35 PM

95. Growing up in the 50s and 60s, charging rent to kids only happened if they weren't in school

--at least in the small town Midwest. It was considered the norm for kids to pay rent if they quit school, though.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:09 PM

101. A warm room, food, water, utilities, garbage and laundry service, for $200 per month?

This is most outrageous thing I have ever heard of.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:18 PM

105. I think $1 a day is suitable for a young person working part-time in high school.

It's just enough rent for him or her to know that he/she can't live anywhere for free!

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:41 PM

108. As some DUer wisely noted in another post

(sorry I don't remember who), with rights come responsibility. Have any additional rights been granted this kid who has to pay for room and board?? Since she's being treated like an adult now, can she come and go as she pleases? Eat what she wants for dinner? Have sex in her parents' house? I somehow doubt it. Come on - she's still a kid - she should be focusing on school work and enriching herself by taking part in extracurricular activities. The rest is going to come soon enough...and yes, I am being judgmental...so there...

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Response to choie (Reply #108)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:47 PM

109. I always wanted my kids to do better than I have done

and throwing them into the adult world and expecting them to work and go to school at 16,17, or 18 is like throwing a baby to a pack of wolves. The chance of success is diminished. Sure there are those out there that have enough determination to see it through, but statistics for people completing college while working are not good. The majority will not complete college, so all of these life lessons may teach them how to work at McDonald's but probably won't give them the support they need to really succeed. No, my kids will get all the help I can give them.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:02 AM

112. Are they paying tax on that income?

First off, do the relevant zoning, municipal code, county code, or deed restrictions permit rentals in that neighborhood?

Betcha anything they are not reporting the income. Again, the municipality, state, and certainly the IRS may find that interesting. There may even be relevant rental taxes they are not paying.

It is also a certainty that their homeowner's insurance isn't providing adequate coverage, and that they require additional coverage.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:06 AM

113. Only a scumbag parent would do that.

My eldest turned 18 this month and her job is being a student and trying to get into a good college.

A parent who does that probably does not value a college education, trying to explain away the charges as 'teaching responsibility', when really it's their cheapness that is coming out. I bet their parents did the same thing and they think it will build her character - thinking that the way they were raised is the proper way.

Doing this is highly indicative that there will be little to no parental support for the kid's college expenses.

The father probably doesn't have the balls to stand up against his wife.

===

(Regarding the non-poor household... you'd be surprised what financial currents lie within that household.)

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:06 AM

114. I can't believe how gullible some of you are

This story is bullshit. Not that it doesn't happen, but something here isn't right.

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Response to Beaverhausen (Reply #114)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:14 AM

116. what makes you say that?

This does happen. If you do not believe it, come to my neck of the woods and see first hand. Lots of homeless teens.

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Response to KT2000 (Reply #116)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:19 AM

119. The way the OP has laid out the story

Like I said I'm sure this happens, but I don't believe this particular story. At the very least no one knows enough to be able to make a judgement the way some are.

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Response to Beaverhausen (Reply #119)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 02:18 AM

134. The OP is getting the story second or third-hand.

Surely, anyone not in that home doesn't know all the details.
The person only knows what he/she hears and perceives.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:16 AM

118. definitely teaching all the wrong lessons in that scenario

 

idiot parents abound.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:39 AM

120. When I was younger

my parents did this for me (Note: I choose my words carefully...for not to). And, someday, I will do this for my children, as well. The adult world is not like the student world, and working a regular job is not like going to class - oh, sure, both can require discipline, planning, time management, work ethic; but that's as close as it comes. The demands of a job with a boss and coworkers is not at all similar to a high school or college environment. And, yet, once school is over, every child will face that new world. Some will cope well, some will not, some will have had a modicum of preparation for that scary new world.

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Response to theKed (Reply #120)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:50 AM

124. I could see have them work for the summer or something but you're really taking a chance

on ruining their chances of finishing or even starting college if you require them to pay rent while going to high school.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 12:59 AM

125. Here is an interesting

Thought experiment: Here in Washington (and I'm sure other states), if the parents were divorced, and one of them were paying child support, the general rule is that you have to pay support until the child turns 18, OR graduates from high school, whichever is later (not talking about kids who fail and/or get held back, so set those kind of issues aside). So a paying parent could NOT get away with saying, "well, you turned 18, so no more child support." The rule is that child support is for the benefit of the child, NOT the parent.

I wonder what would happen if the child here refused to get a job to pay "rent?" Could the parent kick the child out? Much like a divorced parent can't withhold support from a child because they hit 18 (assuming they are on track to graduate high school the following summer), I would question whether a parent could kick out a child the day they hit 18 or otherwise withhold support. I should do some research on that, but my thought would be they cannot.

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Response to mikiturner (Reply #125)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:10 AM

128. good point

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:01 AM

126. I would move...

It would probably be more expensive. But, no way I would live with someone pay rent and be treated like a child. Just not going to happen. I am sure the young lady could find a couple of kids in the same situation, my daughter knew of kids that paid rent when she was going to high school, so I am aware this kind of thing happens. Anyway, this is what I would do. But, then again it took no arm twisting for me to leave my parents.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:14 AM

129. eee... that's bad

We always had the deal that if we were in school rent was free. This poor girl is only paying rent because she HAPPENED to be born at the wrong time.

I must say, my parents never paid for the education. However, I'm now 33, still got debt from getting an education and I can really see times where I've been held back because of it. When I have kids, I'll do my best to pay for their education.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:16 AM

130. That is total BS- it's a cheap way to make a buck off your kid. PERIOD. UNLESS you have $ issues.

Total. Utter. Low class BS.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:23 AM

132. I am conflicted

I have 3 kids (12, 11, and 4). Mr. Gob Bluth and I decided that we would rather our children do volunteer activities/extracurricular activities, instead of working. If they choose to work during their high school years, then we decided that we will charge them "rent". Meaning we will take half their earnings and place them in a savings account for the child.

I do have a big problem though with your OP as written. Seems the child was doing great and now has to drop out of things that may enhance their upbringing. This is assuming that the child's family can afford for their child not to work. Lets face it. Times are getting tough for most families. I am hesitant to judge. It would be wonderful to say that a child's only job is to be a child. That doesn't seem to be the reality for most children though. Learning to sacrifice and contribute is also a great lesson and I am really unwilling to judge. I am the first generation that DIDN'T have to work to contribute to the family as a whole. Mr. Gob Bluth is the 2nd Generation that wasn't expected to contribute.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 02:22 AM

135. I agree with those saying she is now legally a tenant.

Two can play this game. As a tenant, she has legal rights. The parents cannot dictate what does and doesn't do in her living space there (at least to the extent that goes with any regular rental apartment/house). They want her out? They need to go through the eviction process in court.

I don't know what the relationship is like, but if I was the daughter and I wasn't worrying too much about the relationship, that's how I would treat this.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Original post)

Thu Dec 27, 2012, 01:57 PM

137. It's really none of anybody's damn business.

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