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Tue Dec 25, 2012, 06:50 PM

I have a black eye.

I got into a fight last night with this big fat bastard who was trying to break into my home. He got a shot in but I ended up kicking his ass and he ran away. I got the black eye after I slipped on the ice and slammed my temple into the corner of the car door. I must not have been the first home he broke into, as he left a big bag of stuff behind, presumably stolen from his other break ins. It was dark and I don't have a description, but I found traces of red cloth and white hair strands under my fingernails. Keep an eye out for this asshole.

Update:
I just heard from the Oneonta Police Department. that this EXACT kind of break in was reported many times last night and I was not the first. In fact many N.R.A members reported taking a few shots at this lunatic. I heard 1 person who said that "If I had a 30 round magazine I would have cut that sucker in half. But since I only had a 5 round mag all I ended up doing was shooting a few holes thru the walls of my kids bedrooms." Sad isn't it?

From UPI:
"According to recent reports from the O.P.D. "This is not a 'LONE' perpetrator, but the work of a TEAM", consisting of one man and one woman. The woman, apparently being a prostitute, as the main 'Person of Interest' in these break ins, was heard, multiple times, calling out for the help of his 'Ho' according to unconfirmed reports."

People just seem to go nuts during the Holiday Season. This incident has convinced me to join the NRA and buy a weapon to protect my home from unwanted intruders. And I hope the NRA pamphlet explains the difference between -an intruder- and -an unwanted intruder- because I would hate to draw down on the WRONG intruder. I could probably find the definition under a subtext if I looked up the difference between rape, and REAL rape, but I digest...invest...divest...uhmmm....wait..... digress...yeah that's it...DIGRESS.

Merry Christmas Everybody.

P.S. It sucks that I had to turn this bag of goods he left here over to the O.P.D. As I looked thru it before they arrived and I would have LOVED to own ALL the crap in the bag. It's almost like I ASKED for this stuff. How strange is that?

45 replies, 4063 views

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Reply I have a black eye. (Original post)
Unknown Beatle Dec 2012 OP
Whovian Dec 2012 #1
SCantiGOP Dec 2012 #44
roody Dec 2012 #2
Boxerfan Dec 2012 #3
cherokeeprogressive Dec 2012 #4
NMDemDist2 Dec 2012 #8
Chorophyll Dec 2012 #27
RomneyLies Dec 2012 #5
Fumesucker Dec 2012 #6
ornotna Dec 2012 #7
heaven05 Dec 2012 #9
Honeycombe8 Dec 2012 #10
UnrepentantLiberal Dec 2012 #15
BlueStreak Dec 2012 #35
rustydog Dec 2012 #11
Honeycombe8 Dec 2012 #21
SWTORFanatic Dec 2012 #26
Chorophyll Dec 2012 #30
SWTORFanatic Dec 2012 #33
awoke_in_2003 Dec 2012 #12
niyad Dec 2012 #13
KT2000 Dec 2012 #14
adirondacker Dec 2012 #16
flvegan Dec 2012 #17
groundloop Dec 2012 #20
flvegan Dec 2012 #24
RomneyLies Dec 2012 #23
flvegan Dec 2012 #25
Robyn66 Dec 2012 #39
Why Syzygy Dec 2012 #18
UnrepentantLiberal Dec 2012 #19
OneGrassRoot Dec 2012 #22
Chorophyll Dec 2012 #28
lunasun Dec 2012 #29
Ter Dec 2012 #31
Squinch Dec 2012 #32
zappaman Dec 2012 #34
progressoid Dec 2012 #36
cecilfirefox Dec 2012 #37
BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2012 #38
Liberal_in_LA Dec 2012 #40
Iggo Dec 2012 #41
raccoon Dec 2012 #42
Aerows Dec 2012 #43
Enrique Dec 2012 #45

Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 06:52 PM

1. LOL. n/t

 

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Response to Whovian (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 03:54 PM

44. actually

many are now reporting that he was yelling ho, ho, ho - so there were apparently three prostitutes involved.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:01 PM

2. Can't you buy a gun without joining

the NRA?
OK, now I get it.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:17 PM

3. Your lucky he didn't use his "jolly boots of doom" on you

And I hope you got what you deserved...
(Invaders can be so messy)
Zim...

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:23 PM

4. You made Christmas about your hatred for guns...

Well done, I guess...

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #4)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:29 PM

8. he needed to add



and explain he's talking of Santa

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #4)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:33 PM

27. I know. Isn't it awful? Christmas should be about love for guns!

I mean, why else have so many horrific shootings in December? Some people. SMH.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:28 PM

5. K&R n/t

 

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:28 PM

6. Reindeer, the other other white meat n/t

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:29 PM

7. Glad to hear you're ok

Maybe you'll get him next year.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:08 PM

9. cute.lol

after I read the responses. I admit it, this humor was way over my head. I guess the giveaway was 'strips of red cloth and strands of white hair.' I was going to write stay from the NRA, they are poisoned kool-aid and they make their members drink, sooner or later. And then I read responses, and duh, it's a joke. Best cheer of the season to you.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:18 PM

10. I'm glad you're okay! What an awful thing to happen. Hand to hand combat with a street criminal...

is pretty risky. You're lucky you only got a black eye. But all's well that ends well, and you protected your home and family, so well done.

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Response to Honeycombe8 (Reply #10)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:58 PM

15. It could be worse.

 

A kick to the head by a reindeer is no picnic.

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Response to Honeycombe8 (Reply #10)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 11:01 PM

35. I bet that fat bastard got away with the milk and cookies

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:22 PM

11. If you can't hit your target in 5 rounds, you shouldn't be allowed to shoot

If you miss with a 30-round clip, you are endangering neighbors and your family members!

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Response to rustydog (Reply #11)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:21 PM

21. Good point! Either the guy was too far away, or it was too dark. No telling what or who he could've

hit that he hadn't intended. What an idiot.

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Response to rustydog (Reply #11)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:32 PM

26. I agree with this. If you have to unload a 30 round clip just to

get enough hits to ensure a burglar is dead or incapacitated, you don't deserve to own a gun. That is way too much risk of collateral damage. Maybe try an edged weapon? Or booby traps? Or a dog? Or a really really good security system?

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Response to SWTORFanatic (Reply #26)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:39 PM

30. Or just leave him some cookies and milk,

and a bowl of water for the reindeer.

(The thread is a joke, friends.)

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Response to Chorophyll (Reply #30)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 10:00 PM

33. I know who the fat bastard is.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:33 PM

12. Okay, you had me going there. nt

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:37 PM

13. now THAT was funny-took me a couple of seconds, til I got to the part about the bag of goodies.

well-done, very well-done

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:50 PM

14. you in Oneonta, NY?

I went there once for a doll convention. Unfortunately the business that hosted the convention went bankrupt.
It is a nice, attreactive town and the college there looked really nice too.
It was very hot in the summer though.

Merry Christmas and I doubt Santa will be making a return trip to your house. Better keep the stuff.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:13 PM

16. Brilliant! n/t

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:13 PM

17. Holy shit, what a stupid post.

Congrats, we've now reached the bottom. Nice. Well done.

Alert away.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #17)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:18 PM

20. I think you've been had

OK, I gotta' admit it took me a couple of reads to figure it out.

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Response to groundloop (Reply #20)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:30 PM

24. No, I got it.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #17)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:26 PM

23. I suggest you take lessons on humor and satire. n/t

 

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Response to RomneyLies (Reply #23)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:30 PM

25. Duly noted.

See above response.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #25)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:34 AM

39. I agree

I didn't see anything funny in such a violent post. And the violence in the responses on here is unsettling.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:17 PM

18. Two words

EMERGENCY ROOM! You need to have your skull MRI'd. Don't dismiss head injuries!




Merry Christmas!

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:18 PM

19. Brilliant.

 

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:24 PM

22. lol n/t

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:37 PM

28. The comments in this thread are absolutely priceless.

I guess all that stuff about a fat guy in red saying "ho" is pretty subtle.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:38 PM

29. ho ho ho ...funny

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:44 PM

31. Too bad he got away

 

I hope he learns his lesson. If not, I hope he gets taken out next time he tries something like this. It'll be one less undesirable on the streets.

After you kicked his ass, did you say "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal"?

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:47 PM

32. That BASTARD! He came to my house too! Ate all the goddamn cookies!!!!!

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 10:22 PM

34. Cool story Bro!

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 02:00 AM

36. These people are often repeat offenders.

Keep an eye out for this to happen again in a year or so.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 02:04 AM

37. It took me a second to figure what you were going on about- LOL. nt

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:30 AM

38. Another one in Western NY?

I live very close to the Webster, NY arson/gun ambush on VOLUNTEER firefighters (just moved out here from a tiny rural community an hour south).....so when you mentioned Oneonta, all my abilities to catch satire went out the window.

Didn't even get it about Ho's and red cloth and white hair and bag of stolen goods. I just thought, "lucky for you, you're a guy and you're strong enough to overcome an intruder...what hope does a small middle aged chick with a tiny puppy have..."

sigh.....

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:42 AM

40. lol. took me awhile to get the joke. was feeing bad for you

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:44 AM

41. Heheheheheheheh...

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 11:54 AM

42. I thought this was a BS made-up story, then further down the thread realized it was


supposed to be humor, satire, whatever.

You should've indicated that in your post. Or better yet, posted it in the Lounge.


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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 12:01 PM

43. That was hilarious

It's kind of sad that so many people didn't see the humor in it.

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Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 04:01 PM

45. stand your ground

is coming to town.

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