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Sun Dec 23, 2012, 11:32 AM

Theme from an Imaginary Dinner

Meanwhile, at the Funeral Directors Annual Gala Bash:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and Colleagues. Tonight we are gathered here to honor and pay special tribute to a Great Man. He has been our industry's greatest benefactor since AIDS. He has been connected with more American violent deaths than World War Two. He has dedicated his life to ensuring that those who wish to shorten their lives as well as the lives of others have the means to do so efficiently and quickly. Had American voters the intelligence and decency to vote a Republican into the Whitehouse, our honored guest would have surely been named to the post of Secretary of Death. Indeed, had the Apostle Saint John foreseen modern firearms, this man would have been the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. Is it any wonder then, this fine man is paid $25 for every gun death in America? So let us welcome then, Mr. Wayne LaPierre!"

(The crowd goes wild)

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