I Feel So Much Safer Now!
By STARHAWK | Published: DECEMBER 18, 2012
I feel so much safer now, don’t you? Now that so many states are allowing teachers to bring guns to school! High time! Why just yesterday I took little Emmie to kindergarten for her very first day. She looked so adorable with her pink-enameled Baby Browning packed into her Hello Kitty holster. I felt so proud!
We entered the classroom. Miss Grudge, Emmie’s new teacher, gave her a big smile and a playful burst-in-the-air from her classic Thompson sub-machine gun. So high-spirited, yet I could tell by her Glock in the shoulder holster and the classic Colt 45 on the desk that she has a no-nonsense, serious side. The little kiddies were having a fun game of target practice with their pint-sized Smith & Wessons, so good for their hand-eye coordination! And Miss Grudge is such a creative teacher. She really knows how to spot the teaching moment—like after little Billy shot a couple of toes off by accident, why, all the little children learned to count to eight, right there and then!
I left little Emmie for her first day at school, my mind at ease knowing she was well-protected from any crazed terrorists or evildoers who might threaten her life or her freedom!
Truly, the only downside that I can see to our new weapons policy is the little incident in the State Legislature when Senator Avarice introduced the new pension reform bill. The gallery was packed with teachers and after he’d been removed in the body bag his cohorts took one look at that bristling battery of gunbarrels and rapidly voted all educators a hundred percent raise plus full medical and dental benefits and a generous life insurance plan. Surprising how much less we hear these days about state employees and their bloated entitlements.