Fri Dec 14, 2012, 09:50 PM
oxymoron (3,965 posts)
Once again, The Onion nails it. Fuck it.
WASHINGTON—Following the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything. Just fuck it all to hell.
All of it, sources added.
“I’m sorry, but fuck it, I can’t handle this—I just can’t handle it anymore,” said Deborah McEllis, who added that “no, no, no, no, no, this isn’t happening, this can’t be real.” “Seriously, what the hell is this? What’s even going on anymore? Why do things like this keep happening?”
Continued McEllis, before covering her face with her hands, “Why?”
Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault rifle—a fucking combat rifle, Jesus—walked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live.
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Replies to this discussion thread
Once again, The Onion nails it. Fuck it. (Original post)
|myrna minx||Dec 2012||#7|
Response to LittlestStar (Reply #1)
Fri Dec 14, 2012, 10:06 PM
dballance (5,756 posts)
6. +1 Billion
Why is it that the comedy shows report more real new now?
Absolutely NO alleged news network asked Christie the same hard questions Jon Stewart asked him and pissed Christie off on-air for it.
Response to oxymoron (Original post)
Fri Dec 14, 2012, 10:11 PM
csziggy (22,048 posts)
10. Their other headline of today is also good
Right To Own Handheld Device That Shoots Deadly Metal Pellets At High Speed Worth All Of This
December 14, 2012
NEWTOWN, CT—Following today’s mass shooting that left 20 young children dead at a Connecticut elementary school, numerous sources across the country reported that their government-protected right to own a portable device that propels small masses of metal through the air at lethal rates of speed is completely worth any such consequences.