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Fri Dec 14, 2012, 05:32 PM

The Onion: Fuck Everything: Nation Reports 'Just Fuck It All To Hell'





Fuck Everything, Nation Reports
Just Fuck It All To Hell


December 14, 2012
WASHINGTON—Following the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything. Just fuck it all to hell.

All of it, sources added.

“I’m sorry, but fuck it, I can’t handle this—I just can’t handle it anymore,” said Deborah McEllis, who added that “no, no, no, no, no, this isn’t happening, this can’t be real.” “Seriously, what the hell is this? What’s even going on anymore? Why do things like this keep happening?”

Continued McEllis, before covering her face with her hands, “Why?”

Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault rifle—a fucking combat rifle, Jesus—walked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live.

I mean, honestly, all 315 million Americans confirmed.

“Well, I suppose we have to try to pick up the pieces and make some sort of sense of this tragedy and—you know what? Fuck it, I can’t do this,” said Connecticut resident Michael Zaleski, his remarks understandable given the circumstances, because, holy shit, what else can one say? “I’m sorry, but I can’t fucking do this. Can you? Can anyone?”


the rest is at:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/

7 replies, 1703 views

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Reply The Onion: Fuck Everything: Nation Reports 'Just Fuck It All To Hell' (Original post)
CreekDog Dec 2012 OP
CreekDog Dec 2012 #1
UtahLib Dec 2012 #2
Kablooie Dec 2012 #4
UtahLib Dec 2012 #5
shcrane71 Dec 2012 #3
liberalhistorian Dec 2012 #6
n2doc Dec 2012 #7

Response to CreekDog (Original post)

Fri Dec 14, 2012, 06:25 PM

1. based on all the recommends, I'm going to Kick this

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Response to CreekDog (Original post)

Fri Dec 14, 2012, 07:04 PM

2. I think everyone I know is feeling the same way.

The entire country should be having the same reaction. I hope all sane people will, finally, be just as loud in their opposition when the gun defenders crawl from beneath their rocks to shout and scream in defense of their rights.

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Response to UtahLib (Reply #2)

Fri Dec 14, 2012, 10:18 PM

4. Except the NRA members.

Having fun playing around with their military assault weapons is more important to them than the lives of children.

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Response to Kablooie (Reply #4)

Fri Dec 14, 2012, 11:03 PM

5. Sad but true. n/t

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Response to CreekDog (Original post)

Fri Dec 14, 2012, 09:57 PM

3. This Onion article isn't funny, but it is accurate.

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Response to shcrane71 (Reply #3)

Fri Dec 14, 2012, 11:27 PM

6. That's what's so bittersweet about it.

This is exactly the way I've been feeling today, despite efforts to change it. This has just broken me inside and I honestly just do not think I can take it anymore. For the first time ever, I've defriended people on FB, including family, because the first thing they did was to start posting shit from Gun Owners Rights pages and the usual NRA twaddle because their metal phallic symbols was all they cared about. And that's apparently the way too many Americans feel, in fact too many are doubling down, wanting even MORE guns EVERYWHERE. So fuck that. And fuck it all.

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Response to CreekDog (Original post)

Sat Dec 15, 2012, 04:54 PM

7. Exactly how I feel.

For once, the Onion is no joke.

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