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Sun Dec 9, 2012, 06:46 PM

Fox News to Use Fewer Talking Points.

In an effort to uncomplicate issues for their viewers, Fox News has decided to cut the number of usable talking points in half. “There has been some confusion as to what this change actually means,” said Fox News Chairman, Roger Ailes. “We’re not making the talking points themselves less complicated; that would be impossible. We’re just going to use fewer of them so people will be able to keep them straight.”

“We’ve studied this problem at length,” Rupert Murdoch added in a heavy Australian accent. “When we have every money-hungry talking head out there trying to make a name for themselves - it gets a little confusing to some…Too much to remember. So, we’ve asked Sean Hannity to give a class to all the part-time talkers. You know, kindda whittle down the works, if you will.”

“If I may, Rupert,” Sean Hannity said in a low voice waiting for assent from Murdoch. When Sean got his nod, he faced the reporters from Murdoch’s many tabloids. “You see, we’re broadcasting at a third grade level here at Fox, but many of our viewers have a second grade intellect. They get confused and start mixing up the talking points at the water cooler. ‘Rape babies and trade is socialism.’ ‘Unions cause tax cuts.’ ‘Gay marriage is a threat to all death taxes.’” Sean paused for a moment, shaking his head. “Without meaning to, they’ve weakened their own arguments.”

“If I may,” Steve Doocy said, holding up four fingers and wearing a big grin. “We’ll only use five talking points in any given week! ‘Tax cuts create jobs…and I can’t remember the other two….”

“That’s okay, Steve,” Sean Hannity said, breaking a short silence. “You’ll have a prompter. The other four are ‘Unions out-lived their usefulness,’ ‘We’re a Christian nation,’ ‘Obama is a socialist,’ and ‘Global warming is a hoax.’”

“Now you folks know why we have Sean runnin’ the class,” said Murdoch with a smile. “He may not understand the issues, but he can recite talking points with the best of ‘em.”

“Don’t forget,” added Ailes. “’The War on Christmas’ always takes precedence in December. You can’t very well call yourself a news organization without spending a month or so making people irate about the correct way to wish others, ‘greetings.’ It’s that type of hard hitting journalism that keeps us number one!”

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Arrow 27 replies Author Time Post
Reply Fox News to Use Fewer Talking Points. (Original post)
20score Dec 2012 OP
madinmaryland Dec 2012 #1
monmouth3 Dec 2012 #5
20score Dec 2012 #7
leftyohiolib Dec 2012 #2
punkin87 Dec 2012 #3
20score Dec 2012 #9
donco Dec 2012 #4
20score Dec 2012 #10
Duppers Dec 2012 #15
20score Dec 2012 #17
zbdent Dec 2012 #6
suede1 Dec 2012 #8
20score Dec 2012 #12
Fumesucker Dec 2012 #11
slampoet Dec 2012 #13
rppper Dec 2012 #14
TheBlackAdder Dec 2012 #16
Motown_Johnny Dec 2012 #27
Quantess Dec 2012 #18
libdem4life Dec 2012 #19
20score Dec 2012 #20
Bucky Dec 2012 #21
11 Bravo Dec 2012 #22
20score Dec 2012 #24
sadbear Dec 2012 #23
Motown_Johnny Dec 2012 #25
scratcho Dec 2012 #26

Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 06:53 PM

1. So, in other words, Fox Noise is admitting that all of the bullshit they spew is confused

their bullshit addled viewers!!

And Hannity is going to give the part-time bullshitters lessons on the proper way of bullshitting!!

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Response to madinmaryland (Reply #1)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 07:27 PM

5. I believe this is satire, and well done I might add...LOL...n/t

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Response to monmouth3 (Reply #5)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 07:59 PM

7. Thank you!

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 07:03 PM

2. this smells like a joke

 

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 07:09 PM

3. That cracked me up!

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Response to punkin87 (Reply #3)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 08:46 PM

9. Thanks!

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 07:20 PM

4. Hhmm...I’m getting

a faint whiff of onion coming from under yon door.

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Response to donco (Reply #4)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 09:43 PM

10. ...

Very cool! Thanks!

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Response to donco (Reply #4)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 03:23 AM

15. I agree....sniff

I think 20score writes for The Onion or should write for the website.

He's that good!

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Response to Duppers (Reply #15)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 10:06 AM

17. Thanks Duppers! You've made my day!

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 07:41 PM

6. Maybe they should speak in words with fewer syllables for those who are NOT watching

it to find out the latest BS being spoon fed to the true believers ...

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 08:16 PM

8. LOL! That's all I have to say!

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Response to suede1 (Reply #8)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 10:52 PM

12. Cool!

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 09:47 PM

11. Needs moar spittle n/t

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 11:04 PM

13. Turns out there are no more Talking Points left, just forests of stumps where they once stood.

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Sun Dec 9, 2012, 11:43 PM

14. If this was true....

Then fox would run dead air 24-7-365....just saying....

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 08:45 AM

16. Translation: Instead of selling 10lbs of BS that confuses our viewers, concentrate on the 5lbs...

that we truly want to convince our viewership with.

Fox News probably was spreading its message too thin and getting their viewers picking their pet peeves to anger over. Now, with fewer selections - just like a menu in a restaurant, they can concentrate on the talking points they want to deceive their listeners with.

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Response to TheBlackAdder (Reply #16)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:51 PM

27. No, it is still 10 lbs of BS. It is just all lumped into one sack now

instead of divided into two five pound bags.

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 12:05 PM

18. You had me going for a minute there.

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 12:10 PM

19. It' getting harder and harder to make The Onion vs. Sad/Funny/ Gallows humor Reality call

Good post.

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Response to libdem4life (Reply #19)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:07 PM

20. Thank you!

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:11 PM

21. I can only assume this means shorter skirts.

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:12 PM

22. MAJOR kudos! That's as good or better than anything I've ever read in the Onion!

Seriously, 20score, you could make a living doing this!

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Response to 11 Bravo (Reply #22)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:43 PM

24. Major thanks!

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:13 PM

23. They have to reassure the GOP that they won't fuck up the next election like they did this one.

"Yes, republican voters are dumb and we must tailor the message around that fact."

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:49 PM

25. Won't that leave them with nothing but grunting animal noises?

'Cause that is what half of their crap sounds like to me anyways.

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Response to 20score (Original post)

Mon Dec 10, 2012, 04:51 PM

26. Say--

Un-hook a couple 'a those cars of bullshit from that train a' bullshit ,wouldja--them-there watchers is overwhelmed. Thanks. Now carry on. That train's a-comin' your way. All aboard!!!

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