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Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:04 AM

Jovan Belcher case isn't just about gun violence, it's about domestic violence

Last week on my blog I wrote: An Open Letter to Sherri Shepard and Whoopi Glodberg. I've been blogging for seven years. I've received more e-mail about that post than any other post I've ever written. It was my most viewed post of the week. Some of the letters were just heartbreaking, while others made me feel hopeful.

I was thinking after reading the e-mails, that we have a quiet "War on Women" going on .
A war that most people are ashamed to talk about.. Domestic Violence. One of the e-mails I received chilled me to the bone. The emailer said.. "Chris only hit Rihanna. once, and she must have done something to set him off, and he was just trying to keep her in line."

Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend and himself. We don't know if there was a history of physical or verbal abuse, but it seems highly likely. It has been reported that he has had some violent outbursts in the past with previous girlfriends. It starts with a push, a shove, a hit and finally a murder.. If the victim doesn't get out, and sometimes a murder even if the victim gets out.

Women need to follow their instincts and not dismiss uneasy feelings about their mates in the beginning of a relationship. Trying to control your every move, doesn't mean he really cares. Having jealous outbursts doesn't mean he really cares. Treating you with respect and dignity means he really cares. I really wish the MSM and others will use this tragedy as an opportunity to address domestic violence.

According to stats "the number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner." http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html

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Reply Jovan Belcher case isn't just about gun violence, it's about domestic violence (Original post)
rainlillie Dec 2012 OP
peacebird Dec 2012 #1
rainlillie Dec 2012 #2
lunatica Dec 2012 #3
rainlillie Dec 2012 #4
lunatica Dec 2012 #9
bettyellen Dec 2012 #5
rainlillie Dec 2012 #7
bettyellen Dec 2012 #8
Great Caesars Ghost Dec 2012 #15
John2 Dec 2012 #6
lapislzi Dec 2012 #10
HappyMe Dec 2012 #11
joeybee12 Dec 2012 #12
ellisonz Dec 2012 #13
Great Caesars Ghost Dec 2012 #14
rainlillie Dec 2012 #16
ShadesOfBlue Dec 2012 #17
rainlillie Dec 2012 #18
Fumesucker Dec 2012 #19

Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:06 AM

1. I had a simple rule, hit me one time and I leave. Period. No exceptions.

I've known women who stayed after the first strike, and it was never, ever the last...

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Response to peacebird (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:08 AM

2. I agree, a rule to live by.

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Response to peacebird (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:11 AM

3. You know what? It's not always that easy.

edited to take out a crappy and uncalled for sentence

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Response to lunatica (Reply #3)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:16 AM

4. You're talking to the wrong perosn here.. Here's a little history to help

you understand where I'm coming from. My sister was abused for years. In the end her husband tried to kill her, ended up killing her friend who was trying to protect her and himself. My older cousin was killed in court while attending a custody hearing. So.. I think I know how hard it can be. The point is, before the relationship gets serious, if there's a hint of something not right don't ignore it. Get out, before you have children, before you are married. Whenever we asked my sister about her bruises and injuries, she always lied.

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Response to rainlillie (Reply #4)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:32 PM

9. Well my abuse didn't start until right after my son was born

and so did the threats that he would kill me, the baby, and my family if I ever left. I knew him for more than a year and didn't have a clue that he would ever abuse me. When he showed signs of abusing the baby I took off.

I ended up basically escaping the country with my kid. He tried to find us for 22 years. The only reason my son contacted him was because he had a half sister who also wanted to find him.

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:32 AM

5. I think the case can walk and chew gum at the same time, but your advocacy fighting violence

against women is admirable. My cousin was murdered by someone she broke up with a whole year prior. No one saw any signs and apparently she didn't complain about any abusive behavior. I find it hard to believe she put up with any, but it's possible. You can never be sure.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #5)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:54 AM

7. I really don't see this case as a gun issue, abusers will always find away to kill if that's their

intent. I'm very anti-gun, but I do think there are people who can be responsible gun owners. However, there's no such thing as a responsible abuser. I've read things where people were blaming this incident on the fact that he played football. If that's the case how can his past violent outbursts be explained? So far the MSM hasn't addressed the domestic violence part of this story. I think they have the tendency to latch on to a narrative and run with it. I don't believe the MSM can "walk and chew gum," they've proven how incapable they are many times.

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Response to rainlillie (Reply #7)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:15 PM

8. We should not fall into the single minded mindset of the MSM

I'm glad you highlighted that there was a history there. I had seen comments that said this incident was out of the blue.
But it's also a concern to gun control advocates, there's no reason to sweep that part of it under the rug.

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Response to rainlillie (Reply #7)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 03:04 PM

15. Case in point, Chris Benoit

 

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 09:44 AM

6. I think

 

it is a power thing with most men that abuse women. He was a football player and the person with the most status in society. I bet there is a lot of abuse going unreported too and this was just a high profile case.

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:35 PM

10. Are you acquainted with four women?

Then, chances are, you know someone who is, or has been, or will be, a victim of domestic violence.

Let us be mindful that: 1) nobody gets punched in the nose on the first date. If they did, there would be no second dates. And...2) it's not just the physical violence, although that is the most visible indicator.

My husband didn't strike me (very often), but his verbal, emotional, financial, and sexual abuse was a daily occurrence.

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 01:46 PM

11. This case, to me

is about domestic violence first, guns last.

Thank you for highlighting this fact. To those in this thread that have experienced this horror, I wish you peace and comfort.

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 02:08 PM

12. Im glad you included both...

It is both issues and we need to understand that....knr

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 02:48 PM

13. I would say there's a nexus.

Guns increase the probability of death in incidents of domestic violence.1

Firearms were used to kill more than two-thirds of spouse and ex-spouse homicide victims between 1990 and 2005.2

Domestic violence assaults involving a firearm are 12 times more likely to result in death than those involving other weapons or bodily force.3

Abused women are five times more likely to be killed by their abuser if the abuser owns a firearm.4

A recent survey of female domestic violence shelter residents in California found that more than one third (36.7%) reported having been threatened or harmed with a firearm.5 In nearly two thirds (64.5%) of the households that contained a firearm, the intimate partner had used the firearm against the victim, usually threatening to shoot or kill the victim.6

Laws that prohibit the purchase of a firearm by a person subject to a domestic violence restraining order are associated with a reduction in the number of intimate partner homicides.7

Between 1990 and 2005, individuals killed by current dating partners made up almost half of all spouse and current dating partner homicides.8

http://smartgunlaws.org/domestic-violence-and-firearms-statistics/

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 03:03 PM

14. It had nothing to do with guns, period

 

because it wouldn't have made a difference.

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Response to Great Caesars Ghost (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 5, 2012, 03:33 PM

16. Yeah, I think he would have found away to kill his girlfriend one way or another.

I don't see this as a gun issue. There are peaceful gun-owners and people do have a right to carry. No one has a right to beat another human being. Yes we should talk about stricter gun laws and outlawing assault weapons, but I don't see this case as being a catalyst for that.

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Response to rainlillie (Original post)

Thu Dec 6, 2012, 01:55 AM

17. I believe....

the #1 cause of death of African Americen men for around that same age is also violence, perhaps gun violence. So you can try making this all about "domestic violence" all you want but the greater, more terrrible truth is that violence itself plagues the African American community. Period.

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Response to ShadesOfBlue (Reply #17)

Thu Dec 6, 2012, 03:59 AM

18. So now it's the battle of the stats? Jovan killed himself, he wasn't a victim of gun

violence. His girlfriend was killed with a gun by her boyfriend, who probably would have found another weapon if he didn't have a gun. He wasn't a victim, his girlfriend was.

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Response to ShadesOfBlue (Reply #17)

Thu Dec 6, 2012, 04:49 AM

19. For black males 15-34 the leading cause of death is homicide

http://www.cdc.gov/men/lcod/2008/LCODBlackmales2008.pdf

Neither problem is going to be solved all by itself, the same cultural memes that drive a high murder rate in general also drive domestic violence and murder.

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