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Tue Dec 4, 2012, 11:55 AM

 

The Point is that We Shouldn't Teach Young People to Be Afraid of the Opposite Sex.



Why is that so hard to grasp?

69 replies, 3961 views

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Reply The Point is that We Shouldn't Teach Young People to Be Afraid of the Opposite Sex. (Original post)
The Doctor. Dec 2012 OP
ret5hd Dec 2012 #1
FightForMichigan Dec 2012 #2
The Doctor. Dec 2012 #13
FightForMichigan Dec 2012 #19
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #52
Romulox Dec 2012 #3
The Magistrate Dec 2012 #4
The Doctor. Dec 2012 #9
The Magistrate Dec 2012 #50
KitSileya Dec 2012 #48
gollygee Dec 2012 #5
The Doctor. Dec 2012 #7
gollygee Dec 2012 #11
The Doctor. Dec 2012 #21
Spazito Dec 2012 #39
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #54
Spazito Dec 2012 #61
seabeyond Dec 2012 #16
TDale313 Dec 2012 #24
raccoon Dec 2012 #36
CrispyQ Dec 2012 #41
BlueToTheBone Dec 2012 #6
seabeyond Dec 2012 #8
yardwork Dec 2012 #10
Capt. Obvious Dec 2012 #12
sufrommich Dec 2012 #14
The Doctor. Dec 2012 #17
sufrommich Dec 2012 #20
myrna minx Dec 2012 #26
sufrommich Dec 2012 #28
yardwork Dec 2012 #34
sufrommich Dec 2012 #35
yardwork Dec 2012 #42
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #58
seabeyond Dec 2012 #27
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #56
seabeyond Dec 2012 #18
The Doctor. Dec 2012 #15
seabeyond Dec 2012 #22
FightForMichigan Dec 2012 #25
wickerwoman Dec 2012 #31
yardwork Dec 2012 #66
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #55
actslikeacarrot Dec 2012 #23
seabeyond Dec 2012 #29
actslikeacarrot Dec 2012 #46
KitSileya Dec 2012 #49
Jersey Devil Dec 2012 #30
yardwork Dec 2012 #32
seabeyond Dec 2012 #33
obamanut2012 Dec 2012 #59
FightForMichigan Dec 2012 #37
TDale313 Dec 2012 #40
CrispyQ Dec 2012 #47
Kurska Dec 2012 #38
thucythucy Dec 2012 #43
Kurska Dec 2012 #44
thucythucy Dec 2012 #65
thucythucy Dec 2012 #45
WilliamPitt Dec 2012 #51
La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2012 #53
WinkyDink Dec 2012 #57
WilliamPitt Dec 2012 #60
NCTraveler Dec 2012 #62
apocalypsehow Dec 2012 #63
Spider Jerusalem Dec 2012 #64
Raine1967 Dec 2012 #67
Squinch Dec 2012 #68
Prism Dec 2012 #69

Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 11:57 AM

1. Not hard to grasp...you just express it so..."inelegantly".

That's the nicest word i could think of.

and then you double-down.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 11:57 AM

2. Who is teaching them to be afraid?

I don't think I've heard that here.

But be wary. Be cautious. Be careful. Be preapred. All of these, yes.

Does it suck? Yes. I would like to live in a world where there wasn't a reason for doing teaching those things, too.

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Response to FightForMichigan (Reply #2)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:17 PM

13. You've missed the 'all men are potential rapists' threads?

 


When we teach young women to be 'wary, cautious, careful' because a man might rape them, we are inducing suspicion.

Should we do the same for young men so that they might avoid jail because a woman falsely accused him of rape?

I say no.

And I say this as a man who has been falsely accused by women and has suffered without ever having committed any crime. I fear my son, who has seen what I have been through, may be forever leary of women because of it. I didn't want that, but it may be too late.

I hope we don't raise generation after generation of people suspicious or afraid of the opposite sex.

And yes, educating young men on recognizing when they are out of bounds is a good place to start.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #13)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:22 PM

19. I'm sorry for your experience

and I hope you are sorry for mine.

That said, you can bet what I went through led me to be a lot more cautious around men. If you're looking for someone to blame for that, I'm not the one you should be pointing the finger at.

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Response to FightForMichigan (Reply #19)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:41 PM

52. There has not been one thraed like that

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 11:59 AM

3. It starts young. Children are most likely to be harmed by parents, but STRANGERS

are who we are told to be afraid of--anyone might snatch your child at any time!

Meanwhile there are precious few resources to help children who are actually abused (most often by a parent or "loved one".)

We are massively disfunctional.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:02 PM

4. Men Teach Young Women To Be a Bit Leery Of Them, Sir

Until you address this, you are just blowing bean-breeze....

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Response to The Magistrate (Reply #4)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:12 PM

9. And women do the same.

 


Certainly in different ways, but as a believer in equality I am aware that women can be just as treacherous as men.

Why is it a good idea to tell young women that 'all men are potential rapists' any more than to tell young men that 'all women are potentially liars who can put you in jail'?

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #9)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:39 PM

50. You Miss The Point, Doctor, By A Country Mile

There will be men who behave towards a young women in a manner which teaches her it is wise to be a bit leery of men she does not know , in public, and certainly in some condition of isolation; it is a learning from experience, not an instruction out of a book or a parental or familial admonition.

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Response to The Magistrate (Reply #4)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 02:01 PM

48. Quoted for truth!

(Isn't that what the young'uns say these days?)

I defy any teenage girl (or pre-teen girl, for that matter) to grow up without being cat-called, or flashed, or groped, or stalked, or asked inappropriate questions by a man. I grew up in a small town (big in Norway, granted, but still, 130,000 isn't big) and before I started high school, I experienced all these things (and worse.) Often it was with other men present (groups of men at construction sites cat-calling, male passengers looking the other way when a guy sits down next to you, male passers-by doing nothing when a guy plashes you, male classmates egging your stalker on....)

Why shouldn't boys be taught that they are necessary to stop this kind of behavior? Why shouldn't they be encouraged to stand up to peer pressure when their peers talk of girls like they are orifices and toys? Why shouldn't they be taught that when their friend gets drunk, it's proper friendship to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid - which includes going to a bedroom with a drunk girl. Why shouldn't they be taught that that only a uncoerced and enthusiastic yes means yes? And that that goes for them too - that they have the right to say no.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:05 PM

5. The saddest thing is that if women AREN'T afraid and then do get raped

they hear, "Why did you think it was safe to talk to some guy you don't know outside after dark?" Or whatever the situation is. We're taught that because we're punished if we don't.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #5)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:10 PM

7. That is.

 


But knowledge and ability overcome fear. We don't have to teach women to treat all men as potential rapists if they learn how to trust their instincts and recognize real potential threats.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #7)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:14 PM

11. We can't place the responsibility solely on women

because then if women are wrong and misjudge someone, and don't recognize a real potential threat, they're blamed for not recognizing the real potential threat. "Why couldn't you tell that he was a creep?" The fact is that men who would rape look like all men, unless you spend some time and look for red flags. And not everyone is going to be as good at spotting the red flags. There are a lot of things that have to change, but blaming the victim in rape trials would be one place to start. Don't put the victim on trial. A lot of rape victims never even contact the police because they know that's what happens. They'll be asked what they were wearing, why they got in the car with the guy (because I thought we were headed on a date?), why they trusted him, etc.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #11)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:24 PM

21. Of course not.

 


We really need to make young men aware of what is and is not appropriate. It's a difficult thing because getting them to 'put the shoe on the other foot' is difficult when it comes to sex drive, but it's certainly doable.

My most favored theory is that the creation of empathy is the best way to educate.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #21)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:04 PM

39. Your agenda was just laid bare with this....

"It's a difficult thing because getting them to 'put the shoe on the other foot' is difficult when it comes to sex drive, but it's certainly doable."

Rape is NOT about one's "sex drive", it is about power and control, violence and contempt. Your attribution that it is a matter of one's "sex drive" is nothing but a pathetic attempt to excuse rapists because it's all due to their "sex drive".

Pathetic and appalling but not surprising.

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Response to Spazito (Reply #39)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:42 PM

54. laid bare earlier today in teh locked threads

But, this does it in this thread.

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Response to obamanut2012 (Reply #54)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:53 PM

61. Yep, his agenda has been apparent for a long time...

the post above just makes it that much more obvious if possible.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #7)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:21 PM

16. omg, you ask women to be Omniscient to protect themselves from rape while trusting all,

and if they do not have the powers of insight... they FAIL

not to mention, raped

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #7)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:37 PM

24. A person's safety trumps their

"Responsibility" to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. I realize it's uncomfortable and yeah, sad, that we women do have to keep our guard up, that we spend more time than we normally admit conscious of ways to not get into dangerous situations, that strangers and even acquaintances, particularly men, are viewed, by default, with some suspicion. But that's not paranoia, that's being realistic. Being told that we're overreacting, that we're at fault for being cautious, that we're being somehow ungracious by not letting our guard down is, imo, not helpful.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #7)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:58 PM

36. You make it sound so easy. "if they learn how to trust their instincts and recognize real potential


threats."

Gee, it would be nice if you could tell by looking at someone if he's a potential rapist---same as in movies/TV you can tell if someone's a werewolf by their long hair, fangs, and claws.

You make it seem as if women should be able to instinctively know if a man is a decent person or a murderous sociopath. Yeah, right.

"There is none so blind as he who will not see."


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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #7)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:08 PM

41. "trust their instincts and recognize real potential threats."

That has to be the most naive comment I've read in the past few days.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:07 PM

6. They should be taught to respect one another

no matter the gender.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:12 PM

8. we are told we are suppose to take classes to protect ourselves then the very same men tell us to

ignore what we learn.

good job on a contradictory message.

hey, lets not teach kids about any other dangers either. see which ones make it and not. with not for warning.

this could be fun.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:12 PM

10. Link? Who on DU said that anybody should teach young people to be afraid of the opposite sex?

Link or it didn't happen.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #10)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:14 PM

12. Condescending email headed your way

in 3..2...

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Response to Capt. Obvious (Reply #12)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:19 PM

14. lol, you're on a roll today. nt

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #14)


Response to The Doctor. (Reply #17)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:22 PM

20. I like pepperoni and mushrooms. nt

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #20)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:42 PM

26. Wow. Now come the threats. I guess this week has emboldened those who

know there's no consequences to their actions. Sorry you had to experience that.

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Response to myrna minx (Reply #26)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:45 PM

28. Yeah, that was weird.Thanks for the hug.

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #28)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:52 PM

34. Still no answer to my question, either.

But at least the post was hidden.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #34)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:54 PM

35. I have seen that charge leveled many times,

there's never an answer.

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #35)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:17 PM

42. The purpose of this trollery is to divide allies.

We're seeing the results of the election. Some people are furious that people got together and reelected that man as president (not the exact words). They are filled with impotent rage and one outlet for their emotions is to go troll sites like DU and try to turn everybody against one another.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #42)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:44 PM

58. And it isn't working -- it did the opposite

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #20)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:45 PM

27. wow wow wow.





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Response to sufrommich (Reply #20)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:44 PM

56. JFC he actually just threatened you

That is impressive. I haven't see that before!

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Response to Capt. Obvious (Reply #12)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:21 PM

18. bah ahhaah. see. 3. nt

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Response to yardwork (Reply #10)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:19 PM

15. Teaching young women that 'all men are potential rapists' is wrong.

 


That is indeed teaching them to 'be afraid' of the opposite sex.

So, while I look for one of the many examples, would you care to say whether you are for or against teaching young women that 'all men are potential rapists'?

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #15)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:24 PM

22. hey... i taught my boys that girls are taught this and why. you know what happened? they understood

and further, they have thought of ways to implement actions in their behavior that makes girls lives better and easier. my oldest is going to college this year. and his consideration for both girls, himself, and the whole issue is going to serve him well.

there you go, doctor. how about not only teaching our girls, and helping them to understand putting it in a healthy, productive place, how about if we teach our boys too, so they can be healthy and productive also.

awesome. and answer for all

damn.... i want to play dr.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #15)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:37 PM

25. I'll do you one better

Every *person* is a potential rapist, but male rapists outnumber female rapists by a large number.

Would you be happier with that?

Or do you want to keep kids ignorant about real dangers out there, or what?

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #15)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:50 PM

31. I was almost kidnapped when I was 10.

I avoided it because my parents taught me to never, ever get in a car with a stranger... to scream bloody murder rather than let a man I didn't know convince me to do something I didn't want to do.

I am unequivocally for teaching young women that "all men are potential rapists" because all men you don't know very, very well are potential rapists. The corollary to that is teaching women and men how to build trust from that starting point. But personal safety dictates that that must be the starting point and arguing otherwise is arguing against the evolved desire for self-preservation and puts people in needless danger.

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Response to The Doctor. (Reply #15)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 04:22 PM

66. That is a false equivalency. Nobody said anything about being afraid.

In fact, teaching people to be prepared for danger is the opposite of teaching them to be afraid. Children who are taught to be powerless grow up to be fearful. Children who are taught the skills to recognize danger and keep themselves relatively safe grow up to be self-confident.

I would think that a doctor would know that.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #10)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:43 PM

55. No one, of course

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:25 PM

23. the point i take from all of this...

...is that men shouldn't be afraid of their fellow men, and call them out on jokes and other things that trivialize rape.

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Response to actslikeacarrot (Reply #23)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:47 PM

29. damn... perceptive. lol. thanks for simplifying and see a different direction

that is always a pleasure.

and welcome to du

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #29)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:49 PM

46. thanks for the welcome.

I have been guilty in the past, with using rape in the wrong context. Like "I totally raped that math test" or "man, I got raped" while playing halo. And I haven't always stood up to friends who say stupid shit like "its not rape if you enjoy it hurr hurr hurr."
What I don't understand is some men seeing hatred where I see women trying to include us men in the solution.

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Response to actslikeacarrot (Reply #23)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 02:04 PM

49. Great reply!

Such a very good point.

And welcome to DU! I look forward to reading your contributions.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:47 PM

30. My take of the real point in the rape threads

We (men) could all do more to help women fight rape by helping other men become more aware of the problem and more educated about the harm it does and how to prevent it. I'm not saying that men are indifferent to the problem, only that there should be more of an affirmative effort by men to rid the world of this crime.

I don't think any of these threads were any attack on men or an attempt to instill fear as you suggest. To the contrary, we are all one family no matter what sex you are and the more we can learn effective ways of taking care of each other the better.

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Response to Jersey Devil (Reply #30)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:52 PM

32. Great post. Thank you!

I see a lot of men posting in support of better education and understanding about rape and misogyny here on DU. There's a lot of support for human rights here.

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Response to Jersey Devil (Reply #30)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 12:52 PM

33. excellent post. i would really like to hear men say this outloud more often

men are "fix it" kinda people. i think with many men, they do not see anything they can "do". when i explained this concept to husband, and then in later to both boys, they got what their role was and appreciated being given this perspective, allowing them to play an active role.

win win win. for all of us. men, women and society.

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Response to Jersey Devil (Reply #30)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:45 PM

59. +1

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:02 PM

37. OK, one more thing that irks me

I hear all this self-pity about "why are you teaching the children to fear me," but where is the realization of "damn, it must be awful to live in a society where you feel unsafe so often."

You think it sucks having someone be suspicious of you? Imagine what it's like to know that you could easily become the next statistic, or to realize that when you're in a gathering with three friends that at least one of you has likely been raped.

Or try this one - try going through it, and then have people tell you what you did wrong and scold you for not being suspicious enough. And then be told that you're wrong for being wary.

You can't fucking win.

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Response to FightForMichigan (Reply #37)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:06 PM

40. +1 n/t

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Response to FightForMichigan (Reply #37)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:49 PM

47. I want to ask some of these naive men if they have daughters & if they approve this message:

"Hey honey, only 4-8% of the men out there are rapists, & sure you don't know which ones are, but since most of us are stand up guys, you'll be fine! Just pay attention & trust your instincts."

Really? You're going to send your teenage girl out in the world with that message? Wow. Just. Wow.

I'm so fucking pissed right now. Something about this thread in particular has struck a nerve, or maybe it's the straw that finally broke me. The past few days have shown me that the rape culture is much worse than I had thought & the patriarchy is throwing a damned tantrum for being called out on it.

FFM, you were spot on with this: You can't fucking win.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:03 PM

38. I couldn't imagine going through life avoiding people cause everyone is a "potential mugger"

It seems like that would have robbed me of some of my most cherished moments which were spontaneous social interactions with strangers, some of which became very close friends.

That is just my 2 cents.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:25 PM

43. Gee, doc, response number 10 asks you to post a link

and instead you answer with personal abuse (now hidden by a jury of your DU peers).

And yet, only the other day, you posted this in response to my pointing out that a refusal to post a link illustrating an accusation about someone on DU was "telling"--meaning that the accuser was likely full of it:

"I'm glad that is so telling because I consistently ask for links to prove many of the following accusations:

"DUers 'shit on' the efforts of liberals in The South."

I asked for links, everyone told me: 'Just look and you'll see!'. But no one brought any examples.

"DU has a 'rape culture!"

Yep, asked for something to back that up too.... nothing.

I can't even begin to detail all of the crazy accusations people just toss around with nothing to back them up. Glad you can see that the accusations are meaningless."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=1919515

And yet here you are, in a thread in response to your own OP, refusing to post a link to illustrate an assertion you've made about other DUers.

Ever hear the phrase, "hoisted on his own pitard?"

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Response to thucythucy (Reply #43)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:26 PM

44. If you get hidden you can't respond to the thread you got hidden in I believe n/t

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Response to Kurska (Reply #44)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 04:22 PM

65. That's why I had to respond

to the Doctor on a different post. The Doc is still free to respond to the post asking for a link, it's just that I can't directly respond to his post, wherein he personally attacks the person asking him to back up his opinion.

What's ironic, as I pointed out, is that the Doctor only two days ago was agreeing that people who made allegations about fellow DU'ers, and then refused to follow-up with a supporting link, was basically full of it. So here he is, making an allegation about other DU'ers, being asked for a link, and responding instead with an attack so abusive a jury decided it had to be hidden.

It was an irony I just couldn't pass up highlighting.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 01:33 PM

45. The lived experience of millions of women and girls

down through generations of history have taught them that a sizable percentage of men are rapists, batterers, and otherwise abusive to adult women and children, and that it is often impossible to tell men in this minority from the majority of men who aren't. Indeed, sometimes men in positions of power and authority--priests and ministers, doctors and teachers, scout leaders, university professors, therapists etc.--are the ones who commit the violence, and abuse this authority, raping and abusing with virtual impunity. Even men on dates, even lovers and spouses, can turn ugly without warning--filling our morgues, hospitals, battered women shelters and rape crisis centers with the sad result.

Given this lived experience, the lesson learned therefore is that women and girls need to be cautious of men, and assume they might be dangerous unless there is damn good reason to believe otherwise.

Why is that so hard to grasp?

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:40 PM

51. First Law Of Holes

"Stop digging."

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:42 PM

53. because no one teaches women to be afraid of men

it's something they learn from repeated experience

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:44 PM

57. Are males generally afraid of females?

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 03:57 PM

62. Shut up and go away.

"We really need to make young men aware of what is and is not appropriate. It's a difficult thing because getting them to 'put the shoe on the other foot' is difficult when it comes to sex drive, but it's certainly doable." - The Doctor

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 04:11 PM

63. Hey, "Doctor": I was reading a private message you sent to another DU'er in Meta.

It's a nasty piece of work. I don't think you and DU are a good fit, "Doctor."

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 04:20 PM

64. I beg your pardon?

Are you a woman? No? Then you probably don't really have any understanding of what it's like to be a woman, walking down a city street after dark, worried about that man or group of men coming toward you, making sure to walk on the lighted side of the street, planning your route so as to not go down roads that are unlit, and so on, do you? It's never been a part of your reality, or anything you've had to deal with; therefore to you it seems unreasonable, apparently. I think that given the fact that over 95% of all sexual assaults are committed by men, and the fact that one in five women will be the victim of rape or sexual assault in their lifetimes, it is perfectly reasonable and rational that women should be wary of strange men who are unknown to them. There is a difference between fear and awareness; like it or not, a strange man presents a potential threat, in a way that a strange woman doesn't and won't. Pop quiz: You're in a city. Any city. Late night, on a weekend. A group of rowdy and obviously drunk people are coming toward you. Which one poses a likely potential threat? A group of men, or a group of women?

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 04:30 PM

67. No, that's not the point. That's a strawman.

You have missed the point-- altogether.

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Response to Raine1967 (Reply #67)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 05:42 PM

68. +1

But he will continue to do so, because we are suggesting that it's not all about his feelings. Some just can't get past that.

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Response to The Doctor. (Original post)

Tue Dec 4, 2012, 06:07 PM

69. The point you're failing to grasp.

If you put me in a room with ten people and said "one of these people will try to kill you," I would be leery of all ten people. Id take basic precautions. Is it fair to the other nine? Maybe not, but could you fault me much for having a psychology to guard against potential nearby danger?

In cases of rape, it's a bit more insidious because women tend to be assaulted by people they know. Friends, acquaintances, family. And worse, there often aren't warning signs. The nicest date in the world can go sour once a sexual expectation or entitlement is placed on the woman.

So, in our society, women are taught that that one in ten (4-8% in reality) is in the room somewhere. Be on guard. And enlisting men to understand and act against rape culture is like enlisting the other nine people in the room to help protect you.

It may suck, it may be unfair, but it is in fact the world we live in. We must act as if we live in it rather than as if we dwell in the world that ought to be. You don't manage a future until you've sorted the present.

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