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Sun Dec 2, 2012, 10:53 AM

Patrick Stewart - 'I knew the exact moment to rush in and stop him hitting her

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/ios-christmas-appeal-patrick-stewart--i-knew-the-exact-moment-to-rush-in-and-stop-him-hitting-her-8373862.html


The actor tells Emily Dugan how becoming attuned to his father's violence helped him protect his mother





As a child, Sir Patrick Stewart learned to love the songs of Irish tenors. If his father, Alf, came home singing "The Mountains of Mourne" or his favourite, "I'll take you home again, Kathleen", then his mother, Gladys, was safe. The actor, now 72, and his older brother, Trevor, lived in terror of military tunes. "We would lie awake in what was really no more than a partitioned-off corner of my parents' bedroom, waiting for him to come back. Nobody went to sleep. We would listen as he came into the yard. If he was singing army songs, that was bad news. Then he would find fault with something and then the conflict would escalate.

snip

Often Stewart was forced to step in to defend his mother from his father's explosive rage. "I became an expert at judging the heat of an argument," he says. "As the temperature rose I would get out of bed and on to the landing, and, if it rose further, I would go down the stairs, sitting on the stone steps so as to be as close as possible to the door if something bad happened. If the escalation continued I could try to intervene.

"Now, it is really sad when a child becomes an expert on those kind of issues. But I was and I knew exactly the moment when I would throw the door open and rush in and say 'Stop!' or literally put my body between them."

snip

27 replies, 5587 views

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Reply Patrick Stewart - 'I knew the exact moment to rush in and stop him hitting her (Original post)
warrior1 Dec 2012 OP
randome Dec 2012 #1
Aristus Dec 2012 #6
AlbertCat Dec 2012 #8
Aristus Dec 2012 #10
randome Dec 2012 #11
Poll_Blind Dec 2012 #18
progressoid Dec 2012 #2
sufrommich Dec 2012 #3
Arkansas Granny Dec 2012 #4
bhikkhu Dec 2012 #17
Arkansas Granny Dec 2012 #20
brewens Dec 2012 #5
baldguy Dec 2012 #7
Tikki Dec 2012 #16
Whovian Dec 2012 #21
calimary Dec 2012 #9
CrispyQ Dec 2012 #12
calimary Dec 2012 #19
thelordofhell Dec 2012 #26
SheilaT Dec 2012 #13
warrior1 Dec 2012 #14
Skidmore Dec 2012 #15
Cha Dec 2012 #22
Mnemosyne Dec 2012 #23
panader0 Dec 2012 #24
dixiegrrrrl Dec 2012 #25
backscatter712 Dec 2012 #27

Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 11:02 AM

1. I just watched I, Claudius in which Patrick Stewart had a major role.

1976, when he still had hair. He is a gifted actor.

Kudos to him for speaking out about his father's abuse.

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Response to randome (Reply #1)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:08 PM

6. I don't know. His hair in the role of Sejanus looked an awful lot like a wig.

He had a lot of back hair, though...

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Response to Aristus (Reply #6)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:15 PM

8. His hair in the role of Sejanus looked an awful lot like a wig.

It clearly is a wig.

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Response to AlbertCat (Reply #8)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:17 PM

10. What about the back hair?

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Response to AlbertCat (Reply #8)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:26 PM

11. Oh well, maybe I'm not adept at spotting that.

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Response to AlbertCat (Reply #8)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 02:11 PM

18. Nah, not a wig. He'd grown it out and it was brushed forward to...

...give the appearance of there being more there. Just do a Google search and look for the Medium-sized pictures of him from the show. You'll see what I mean.

PB

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 11:03 AM

2. K/Rec

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 11:07 AM

3. That is so sad. nt

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 12:00 PM

4. A friend finally left her abusive husband when her 10 yo daughter started trying

to defend her in violent situations. Children are often as victimized by domestic violence as the person who is being physically abused. Nobody comes out of a situation like that unscathed.

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Response to Arkansas Granny (Reply #4)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 02:02 PM

17. "Nobody comes out of a situation like that unscathed"...

Yes, and probably most never learn exactly when to intervene.

I had a wonderful family myself, but then my dad had remarried and I went to live with him, my young half-sister, and my stepmom for awhile - who turned out to be pretty abusive to my sister. Who said she was really glad I was there because her mom wasn't so bad then, but there were times when I saw her hit and I didn't know what to do - rooted to the spot, heart going a hundred miles an hour - and times when she was just fuming abuse and I didn't know what to do...I can relate to Stewart's finely attuned to the situation, moving forward if things escalated, listening for the slightest hint of approaching calm. In my stepmom's case, she seemed to have some kind of genius in pushing things right up to the limit, but no further. If I thought "if she hits her again" or "if she calls calls her that name one more time, I'm stopping her", that would be exactly when she'd change course and start some other line of attack. Four months of that and I was wrecked. I moved out with my sister, but then she got into stealing and drugs and we had a falling out, and that's one thing I still break down and blame myself when I think about it - she was such a bright kid, and I did nothing. And then afterwards I was no use either...

I read a book about the decline of violence, especially domestic violence, recently - Pinker's "Better Angels", which was a very good thing to hear.

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Response to bhikkhu (Reply #17)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 04:48 PM

20. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's not right for a child

to feel responsible for something they have no control over.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:04 PM

5. I feel fortunate to have grown up in a house where that kind of thing never happened. There

was always alcohol in the house. I suspect some of the arguments I heard going on may have been my mom pissed that my dad spent a little too much time and money having a few. Dad even had a bottle stashed under the seat of his Intl. Scout. Between the three of us kids, no one really even remembers what any specific fight was over. I'd say that's a good sign. Nothing was traumatic enough.

Another thing is that while there was frequently drinking going on, only my uncle Kenny's epic performance at my sisters wedding was memorable. He wasn't a blood relation though. It seems our family in general could really handle the booze pretty well.

I feel sorry for friends that had to deal with abusive or idiot drunks for parents. One entire family is an exception though. It's their chosen lifestyle. Maybe the fault of their dad but I suspect probably his dad before him. This bunch is something to behold! It's, "hey look at me! I'm a drunken ass!" All the way, every time. Watching them at our Eagles Lodge one day when the whole family was there I commented, it's almost like watching a wildlife primate behavior show. You see Papa cackling ass, Junior, Sissy and mom all joining in! From dad and the kids it's all the same mannerisms. Mom kind of just enables everything, treating dad like she's her kid.

One thing about the son though. He's fairly successful and knows to leave the hard stuff alone. He'll tell you stories about his dad letting him down and you know he's dealt with a lot of humiliation because of him. He deals with it like his mom and gets defensive and sticks up for him a lot though. What he doesn't see is that he couldn't be a bigger chip off the old block. He throws money at his kids since his wife gave him the boot, but like his dad, would rather be at the bar instead of doing things with them.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:08 PM

7. Interesting story

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Response to baldguy (Reply #7)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 02:01 PM

16. I've always been like a moth to the flame, anything Patrick Stewart....Thanks

for this video. I respect him even more.



Tikki

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Response to baldguy (Reply #7)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 04:55 PM

21. What a wonderful, heart touching film. Thank you for posting this. n/t

 

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:15 PM

9. Yet another reason to love Patrick Stewart.

He had me at "Engage." (LONGTIME "Star Trek" fan here.)

One of the best and classiest actors out there.

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Response to calimary (Reply #9)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:33 PM

12. I love him too!

My favorite Star Trek captain!

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Response to CrispyQ (Reply #12)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 03:30 PM

19. Let me say for the record - that I personally HATE and seriously LOATHE buzz cuts.

I have never seen ANY man who looks better bald than he would with a good head of hair. NOT ONE.

Except him. Patrick Stewart is the ONLY man I have EVER seen in my whole life who's managed to make a bald head sexy - at least in my eyes!

Oh Captain, My Captain...

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Response to calimary (Reply #9)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 05:55 PM

26. Did I hear someone say..........Engaged!!



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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:35 PM

13. In the book

Why They Kill Richard Rhodes addresses this topic. I saw him speak about it at a book signing more than a decade ago.

I also grew up in a household where my father, an alcoholic, was intermittently violent. My oldest brother started defending us kids and our mom as he reached his late teens. At 19 he enlisted in the army and got a very long way from us. At some point he acknowledged that he knew he'd kill dad if he stayed at home. It was that bad. Even though we lost oldest brother's protection, a year later my mother packed up us remaining five children and moved us across country, 1500 miles away, to a new life. Times were exceedingly difficult, but it was the best thing she could possibly have done for us.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:36 PM

14. I follow Sir Pat and his son Daniel on twitter

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 02:00 PM

15. That link just kills my computer.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 04:58 PM

22. Bless his Irish Heart!

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 05:26 PM

23. My father was the opposite, he beat my mother while sober and was nice when drunk. My last memory of

him as a child, was being locked out back and watching through the tiny holes in the screen while listening to my mother trying to keep from screaming too loud. I was four and spent the rest of my life trying to protect her, later from my step-father and half-sisters cruelty, until the day she died.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 05:45 PM

24. My oldest friends dad was a full colonel.

I lived next door, my dad was a light colonel. On the weekends there would be a meeting of their "rat fink" club (?)
and the drinking was heavy. There were generals there too. My friend and I were upstairs, listening.
When the party broke up his dad would come upstairs and yell at his son "There's a war coming buddy, and you're goona
be in it! How tough are ya?." Then he would grab my friend and slam him to the wall, his wife and daughters cringing at their doors.
Once, I jumped on his back trying to stop him. He just flung me away. I was 15. My dad drank too, but wasn't so mean.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 05:49 PM

25. "The only problem with my racing driving is that I do not like speed much, and that is a handicap."

Indeed, Sir Patrick...indeed.

Had to laugh at the dilemma.

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Response to warrior1 (Original post)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 06:36 PM

27. This thread needs some light-heartedness.

Here's Captain Picard drawing a smiley face in a warp core breach!

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