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Fri Nov 30, 2012, 11:55 PM

I am female, a feminist and cannot tolerate rape or sexual comments, however..........

today I answered it with humor.

I was stalled in traffic, there was an appliance delivery van, traveling in the opposite direction and stalled. I noticed the driver looked exhausted & tired on a Friday afternoon. I nodded in his direction, to say hello. A few seconds later he rolled down his window and said
"Miss, want to meet me in the alley for the delivery of a new appliance" without skipping a beat I responded "depends on how big that new johnny rocket model is". He looked stunned and then just started laughing as did his co-driver. He then nodded to me & said "touche".

You know, I normally would have responded to his words, with a fuck you, or giving him the middle finger, but somehow today, I was able to put him in his place with laughter.

And I felt okay after this interaction.

58 replies, 4956 views

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Reply I am female, a feminist and cannot tolerate rape or sexual comments, however.......... (Original post)
mrmpa Nov 2012 OP
rDigital Dec 2012 #1
CaliforniaPeggy Dec 2012 #2
boston bean Dec 2012 #4
CaliforniaPeggy Dec 2012 #8
MADem Dec 2012 #27
mrmpa Dec 2012 #12
arely staircase Dec 2012 #48
boston bean Dec 2012 #50
arely staircase Dec 2012 #52
boston bean Dec 2012 #55
mrmpa Dec 2012 #11
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #18
niyad Dec 2012 #3
TorchTheWitch Dec 2012 #25
Confusious Dec 2012 #33
Deep13 Dec 2012 #5
hrmjustin Dec 2012 #6
mrmpa Dec 2012 #13
hrmjustin Dec 2012 #14
LeftInTX Dec 2012 #7
laruemtt Dec 2012 #9
one_voice Dec 2012 #10
white_wolf Dec 2012 #15
Jim Lane Dec 2012 #41
seabeyond Dec 2012 #42
Jim Lane Dec 2012 #58
Dash87 Dec 2012 #56
NightOwwl Dec 2012 #16
peacebird Dec 2012 #29
redqueen Dec 2012 #35
NightOwwl Dec 2012 #39
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #45
NightOwwl Dec 2012 #47
DLnyc Dec 2012 #17
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #19
TorchTheWitch Dec 2012 #20
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #38
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #21
mrmpa Dec 2012 #24
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #36
superpatriotman Dec 2012 #40
Helen Reddy Dec 2012 #57
alphafemale Dec 2012 #22
Ron Obvious Dec 2012 #23
Logical Dec 2012 #26
redqueen Dec 2012 #28
Le Taz Hot Dec 2012 #30
Luminous Animal Dec 2012 #37
jeff47 Dec 2012 #46
Le Taz Hot Dec 2012 #31
Helen Reddy Dec 2012 #32
ismnotwasm Dec 2012 #34
Zorra Dec 2012 #43
XanaDUer Dec 2012 #44
arely staircase Dec 2012 #49
darkangel218 Dec 2012 #51
Chorophyll Dec 2012 #53
Blasphemer Dec 2012 #54

Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:02 AM

1. Humor can be more effective and more fun than indignation. Good share. : ) nt

 

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:06 AM

2. Good for you!

Now, he went away from that encounter with a smile on his face, and feeling as though there was at least one woman who he could laugh with.

I'm sure he respected you too.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #2)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:14 AM

4. Oh wonderful, she made the creep laugh.

I think how she handled it was fine. I could give a shit less about the guy who made those comments.

Like he couldn't laugh with a woman he showed respect to. why didnt he show respect to begin with

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Response to boston bean (Reply #4)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:26 AM

8. I'm not looking for a fight.

I really think she handled it very well.

I do not think that truck driver was a creep. Do we always have to look for the evil?

Laughter is good.

Peace out.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #8)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:02 AM

27. My take on the exchange, based on what the poster reported?

The truck driver was trying--albeit in a crude way--to say that he found the woman attractive.

The poster's response told the fellow "I admire your taste, even though you don't have a chance in hell!"

The fellow made an offer, and the offer was declined, but it was declined in a way that made the interaction amusing rather than confrontational. Everyone wins, and everyone has a story to tell as a consequence.

Laughter is good, indeed.

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Response to boston bean (Reply #4)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:03 AM

12. Yep, he should have showed respect, but he didn't........

why he didn't, I'm not going to psychoanalyze him. Maybe I got him thinking, if not, at least there was no harm, though there was foul.

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Response to boston bean (Reply #4)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:12 PM

48. i do care about that guy

and hope he learned a lesson by gaining some respect for this smart-ass/clever woman, and will maybe a litlle more fore all women.

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Response to arely staircase (Reply #48)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:16 PM

50. The post in not instructive imho.

the onus is not on the woman to make the one who said the offensive comment to begin with, respect her.

That is what I didn't like or agree with on Calpeggy's post.

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Response to boston bean (Reply #50)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:28 PM

52. it is often when there is no onus on one that they rise above others

and show true (for lack of a better term) coolness.

this is one such case.

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Response to arely staircase (Reply #52)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:05 PM

55. There should be no need to rise above that shit, is the point, imho.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #2)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:01 AM

11. Thank you miss peggy............

I told my 82 year old mother what I said, and she had me explain it to her.....

I know the company he was driving for, a local company, with good prices and products. You know I could call them & complain, but that wouldn't achieve anything in the long run.

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Response to mrmpa (Reply #11)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:10 AM

18. Why wouldn't it achieve anything in the long run? A complaint might be a starting point

for company policy.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:07 AM

3. sometimes humour is the most effective weapon.

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Response to niyad (Reply #3)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 10:57 AM

25. weapon?

Huh. All I'm seeing is the OP just made it that much easier for this dude to make sexually harassing comments to women by responding in a way that made what he said that much more acceptable and appropriate to him - even funny. Somehow I'm not seeing emboldening them further as any kind of effective weapon.


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Response to TorchTheWitch (Reply #25)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:24 AM

33. Just shows how little you understand people nt

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:20 AM

5. Best defense is a good offense, I guess. nt

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:22 AM

6. Good for you! I am glad you felt okay,but I am happier you are safe.

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Response to hrmjustin (Reply #6)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:05 AM

13. My nephew Justin stopped over this evening..........

I told him the story (he's 27), he knows me well & just laughed and said "what would the driver have done if he had seen you angry'. The answer to that is probably the driver would have stepped on the gas.

I thank you for being happy that I'm safe.

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Response to mrmpa (Reply #13)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:12 AM

14. Welcome

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:24 AM

7. I would have never had been this clever

It would have been the old finger or some explicit for me.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:27 AM

9. my sister (hey Buka!) is so good at this -

whereas i MIGHT think of something semi-witty a day later....

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:29 AM

10. As long as you felt ok...

that's all that matters. You have to look at yourself in the mirror.

Nice come back, btw.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:14 AM

15. I've never understood how guys can talk like that.

Just me personally I still get nervous asking for a girl's number or to a movie. Then again, maybe I'm just not cool.

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Response to white_wolf (Reply #15)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:56 PM

41. Yes, this is me, too.

I understand why women feel harassed when men are too aggressive. The flip side, though, is that there are some of us who are not aggressive enough. The ideal is to be self-confident without being arrogant, and to be polite without being paralyzed by shyness. I envy the men who can do this consistently.

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Response to Jim Lane (Reply #41)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:00 PM

42. about 15 my son was having an issue with this. learning nice guys come in last. i was reading a

thread and a nice guy man explained it. (i married a nice guy. i will only be around nice guys. so i never understood the argument)

he said that it is not that women do not want the nice guys but they are in the background hidden. that yes, they need to have the confidence and put themselves out there. and still be a nice guy.

i do not remember how he said it, but.... it was an excelllent post and has always stayed with me.

i had my son read it. it was perfect for him

over the last couple years, he has put himself out there. he will be chatting with a girl and tell them his number. and if THEY want to chat, he is all for it. he gives it to the girls. he no longer struggles with if they are interested in him, if he is bugging them. they get to take the step.

anyway... i like your two's posts.

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Response to seabeyond (Reply #42)

Sun Dec 2, 2012, 01:02 AM

58. One more suggestion for your son.

It sounds as if he may not need it -- that he's much better adjusted than I was when I was young. But, in case it helps, I offer an insight that I had, many years after I should have.

It's not exactly something I learned. If you had asked me about it when I was 15, I would have said, "Of course." But I didn't really believe it, deep down. I would've been better off if I had.

Are you ready for the great insight that eludes some "nice guy" types?

Women like sex.

You can see why I said that, if asked about it at 15, I would have said, "Of course women like sex." It would be foolish to think otherwise. But it was one of those cases where you can know something intellectually but it just doesn't penetrate.

See, one effect of the double standard is that a boy, as he's growing into manhood, can pick up the idea that sex between a man and a woman is something she does for him. She doesn't enjoy it. Therefore, to want to have sex with her is asking her for a very big favor, and most people are a bit diffident about asking for very big favors under any circumstances. This inhibition goes beyond the obvious point (well, obvious to most of us) of not being obnoxious and offensive; it goes way too far in the direction of not wanting to offend or upset the woman, by assuming (though usually subconsciously) that even indicating any possibility of sexual interest will be offensive or upsetting to her.

My guess is that the double standard has weakened somewhat over the years, and that fewer men these days face this problem. Still, I think it persists. It's part of the reason for the idea that "Nice guys finish last" in love. Some of those nice guys implement their niceness by being super-careful not to make any advance that a woman might reject. A man who commits that error will never offend a woman by his overaggressiveness but will also have a well-below-average love life.

If I could go back and talk to my 15-year-old self, yes, I would definitely tell him that men "need to have the confidence and put themselves out there. and still be a nice guy." I'd also be sure to tell him that women like sex.

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Response to white_wolf (Reply #15)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:10 PM

56. No, you're the good kind of person

The other kind are losers that don't respect other peoples' boundaries.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:34 AM

16. Some men only know how to talk to women...

the way they talk to men.

He may have been joking; he might have thought you would take it as a compliment. I seriously doubt he thought you would meet him in the back alley for a quickie. He acknowledged your hello the only way he knew how to, in a joking, semi-sexual manner. In other words, just like he would talk to his guy friends.

I'm really glad you didn't give him the finger or tell him to fuck off. It wouldn't hurt for all of us to be a little less judgmental and a little more understanding of everyone we come into contact with.

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Response to NightOwwl (Reply #16)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:09 AM

29. +1

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Response to NightOwwl (Reply #16)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:59 AM

35. It's not a joke. And it's not ok.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #35)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:38 PM

39. But telling them to fuck off or giving them the finger is?

In my world, a guy who makes an inept attempt at a joke when responding to a hello doesn't deserve condemnation and contempt.

The hate and divisiveness in politics is bad enough; I'm not going to let it bleed into other aspects of my life.






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Response to NightOwwl (Reply #39)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:53 PM

45. Why do you think women have to respond with anger? Simply ignoring works just fine.

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Response to Luminous Animal (Reply #45)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:06 PM

47. I think you misunderstood my post.

I said the exact opposite.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:06 AM

17. touche indeed!

if you can't join 'em, beat 'em!

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:12 AM

19. What the ever loving fuck does this have to do with rape.

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Response to Luminous Animal (Reply #19)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:17 AM

20. it doesn't - as the OP said

She said she normally can't tolerate either rape or sexual comments and described an incident that certainly qualifies as a sexual comment as the truck driver said something sexually harassing to her. What makes you think it was only about rape?


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Response to TorchTheWitch (Reply #20)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:28 PM

38. I never said I thouught it was only about rape. In fact, it has nothing at all to do with rape...

which is why I cannot understand how the hell the word rape got into the title.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 03:24 AM

21. This story makes no sense. You were flirting with him. He could have easily responded with...

"My, johnny rocket is big, baby."

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Response to Luminous Animal (Reply #21)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 10:46 AM

24. If a nod and a hello is seen as flirting..............

then we might as well all keep our eyes away from people & our mouths shut. If acknowledging a person's existence can only be defined as flirting, then we are in sorry shape for human beings.

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Response to mrmpa (Reply #24)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:14 PM

36. I am not talking about your nod and smile, I am talking about your verbal response...

which was clearly a come on reply. Why he would be stunned is perplexing.

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Response to Luminous Animal (Reply #21)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:51 PM

40. +1

Though well-intentioned, her response (referring to his genitals, I assume) could have been an implied further step in a flirty dance that she wasn't interested in.

You simply don't know how people will react these days.

Men will kill and die for women.

NFL Player shoots girlfriend then self
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/01/chiefs-player-shoots-girlfriend-suicide_n_2224000.html

And that story is just within the hour in mid-America.

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Response to superpatriotman (Reply #40)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 04:37 PM

57. "Men will kill and die for women"

 

Pity they so many times murder the women. Why can't they just kill themselves, huh O.J.?

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 04:09 AM

22. lol. well played.

A quick wit is one of the best things ever.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 04:23 AM

23. I'm brilliant with devastating comebacks

I'm brilliant with devastating comebacks like that. I usually think of them an hour after I need them.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:01 AM

26. Jesus, what an asshole and pig! I apologize for all men! n-t

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:05 AM

28. God this is so fucking depressing.

Why should men ever start treating women with respect instead of like things to be used for sex. Especially when most of them play along like it's a big game.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #28)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:10 AM

30. And she's humoring him

which just encourages him to do it again. But as long as she gets approval from the man/men, THAT'S what's important. I'm with you, redqueen , it's fucking depressing.

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Response to Le Taz Hot (Reply #30)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 12:16 PM

37. Yep.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #28)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:53 PM

46. Do you believe men treat each other "with respect"?

I assure you, men talk to each other like a stereotypical locker room. Yes, there's sexual innuendo here, but there's plenty of sexual innuendo among groups of men talking. Including insinuations about sex even when every man involved is known to be straight.

The indication of respect in this situation is the guy was not offended when put down. Taking offense would have indicated a lack of respect. Taking offense would indicate he felt that a "lesser" person has insulted him. But he wasn't offended.

Was it juvenile? Hell yes. But men are frequently juvenile among themselves. It's not like we're talking about Nietzsche when women aren't around.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:12 AM

31. I miss Unrec.



You didn't "put him in his place," you encouraged him to do it again. Feminist my ass.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:20 AM

32. What would have happened if you

 

replied "sure" to his obscene invitation?

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 11:36 AM

34. Hmm

I wouldn't have responded that way. I would have ignored their ass, and if they kept it up I would have found the number of the company or their license place and reported it. Not cool at all. The 'tired and exhausted' look could have been from a night of marathon drinking for all you know.


I've had random men hand me flowers, I've thanked them for, I've had random men ask me If I'm married and when I replied yes, told me my husband was a lucky man and walk away. No sexual innuendo, no harassment, just honest admiration and a compliment.

Those kind of comments are bullshit, 'meet me in an alley'? Ew.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:13 PM

43. I would have given him "the look", snapped a picture of him with my cell phone, and then started

texting with my phone still in his field of vision.

Then I would have rolled up my window and pretended to be making a call.

Psyops works wonders on people like that, because they are almost always hiding something they don't want revealed.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 01:28 PM

44. Glad you're okay

A crude sexual remark, in public and with another male with him, is creepy and scary. Yucko.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:13 PM

49. you seem like a very confident, and cool, person

i like your story, you done good

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:16 PM

51. You just encouraged that jerk to do it again.

It's not humorous how he adressed you and you playing it like it was funny only " proved " him that is ok to behave the way he does.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:34 PM

53. That's great if you felt safe.

HOWEVER -- and that is a big, effing, HOWEVER -- the asshole's behavior was offensive, objectifying, and not funny, and could easily have been threatening. And it shouldn't be encouraged.

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Response to mrmpa (Original post)

Sat Dec 1, 2012, 02:52 PM

54. What is most important is that your response left you feeling empowered

Everyone is different and only you can gauge the tenor of the conversation and the intentions and perceptions of this individual. In many cases, people make these sorts of comments in order to claim some sort of power over you. He likely did not expect any sort of response (after all, it's not as if the two of you were at a bar or club) as it was not so much a "pass" as a power play. You effectively neutralized it. Swearing at him or giving him the finger would have probably confirmed that he has power over you. So good for you!

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