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Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:15 AM

After 19 years, Belgian finds out his wife was a man

A 64-year-old Belgian man wants to have his marriage annulled after he discovered that his Indonesian wife of 19 years had been born a man and had later undergone a sex change.

The man, named Jan, married Monica in 1993 despite legal difficulties raised by the Belgian immigration authorities, the Telegraph reported.

But it was only recently that he discovered that his 48-year-old wife had originally been a man.



"I feel I've been assaulted," he told the Het Nieuwsblad newspaper.

"I brought her to Belgium. That was not easy. The Belgian courts had serious doubts about the authenticity of her birth and her identity papers, but eventually they accepted it anyway. I thought she was an attractive woman, all woman. She had no male traits," the Telegraph quoted him as saying.

http://www.ndtv.com/article/world/after-19-years-belgian-finds-out-his-wife-was-a-man-297560

36 replies, 3230 views

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Arrow 36 replies Author Time Post
Reply After 19 years, Belgian finds out his wife was a man (Original post)
AlphaCentauri Nov 2012 OP
jberryhill Nov 2012 #1
quinnox Nov 2012 #3
southernyankeebelle Nov 2012 #5
jberryhill Nov 2012 #6
southernyankeebelle Nov 2012 #11
liberalmuse Nov 2012 #8
marshall Nov 2012 #19
jberryhill Nov 2012 #21
demwing Nov 2012 #29
Baitball Blogger Nov 2012 #9
1StrongBlackMan Nov 2012 #10
davidn3600 Nov 2012 #13
jberryhill Nov 2012 #20
1StrongBlackMan Nov 2012 #25
jberryhill Nov 2012 #30
1StrongBlackMan Nov 2012 #31
davidn3600 Nov 2012 #32
1StrongBlackMan Nov 2012 #33
vankuria Nov 2012 #23
pnwmom Nov 2012 #14
Historic NY Nov 2012 #15
Warpy Nov 2012 #27
CatWoman Nov 2012 #34
slackmaster Nov 2012 #2
Marrah_G Nov 2012 #4
1StrongBlackMan Nov 2012 #26
Xyzse Nov 2012 #7
Zorra Nov 2012 #12
MineralMan Nov 2012 #18
Zorra Nov 2012 #22
MineralMan Nov 2012 #28
CJCRANE Nov 2012 #16
nolabear Nov 2012 #24
MineralMan Nov 2012 #17
RKP5637 Nov 2012 #35
RedCappedBandit Nov 2012 #36

Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:41 AM

1. After 19 years, why get upset now?

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:48 AM

3. lol

 

That was an unexpected conclusion! I'm thinking that had to be a setup, though. In terms of it was probably rehearsed and it wasn't a real surprise.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:49 AM

5. OMG, both are cute you have to say and they do make a nice couple. Did you ever

 

find out how it turned out?

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Response to southernyankeebelle (Reply #5)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:53 AM

6. No idea

You gotta give that guy major props for following his heart, though.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #6)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 12:37 PM

11. sure do.

 

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 12:24 PM

8. I love this!

Why are people so hung up on gender? If you're married to someone for 19 years and loved them, why would it matter what sex they were?

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Response to liberalmuse (Reply #8)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 02:38 PM

19. Apparently they had started falling out of love

The wife was seeing other men at nightclubs and hooking up over the Internet.

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Response to marshall (Reply #19)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:02 PM

21. Well that's a separate issue

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Response to liberalmuse (Reply #8)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 04:37 PM

29. Maybe it wasn't a gender issue

maybe it was a trust issue

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 12:28 PM

9. Wow! So unexpected.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 12:35 PM

10. I have a problem with this ...

on so many levels.

First, I doubt that this was anything else than a set-up for Jerry's ratings.

But more, how could/why would anyone with so big a "secret" wait to divulge their "secret" on national TV; rather than, the absolute safety and security of over the internet ... as they had been safely and anonymously communicating?

I'm not casting judgment on the "secret; but rather, the way the "secret" was handled.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #10)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 01:04 PM

13. Regardless, it's better such a secret comes out before the relationship became real

instead of after 19 years of marriage...

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #10)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 02:41 PM

20. Taking it at face value....

While "as seen on TV" may not be reality, it is clear that these two were geographically separated, and that scraping together bus fare for a visit was a difficult.

I don't know the extent to which there is other compensation provided by the show, but they do provide free transportation and lodging in Chicago for the people who appear on it, at a minimum.

In some respects, if the guy's reaction was unpredictable, the context provided more safety than she would have had if they met alone somewhere.

I have no idea why people go on Jerry Springer for ritual humiliation but, hey, you have to admit that clip is priceless.

It reminds me of the last scene in "Some Like It Hot" - "Nobody's perfect."

Personally, I find the clip heartwarming.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #20)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:53 PM

25. And disclosure ...

prior to the nationally televised meet and greet would have provided far more security than doing so on the TV machine.

IMO, this relationship is/was based in a lie ... No different than if one (or the other) had posted a 15 year old picture on MS and passed themselves off as an Bio- Engineering, Astro-Physicist Covert NSA Operative, that moonlights as a public school hall monitor.

I'm happy that there appears to have been a love connection; but lies of ommission, are lies - none the less.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #25)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 04:41 PM

30. All relationships are based in a lie


My wife thinks I'm the best husband on earth and the only man with whom she can be happy. I think the same of her.

One or both of us may be deluded. But that's how it goes. For those who find themselves in such monogamous relationships, don't you think they both have to be fooling themselves?

There are seven billion and some people on this planet. How would either of us really know that there is nobody else that could make either of us happy?

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #30)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 04:50 PM

31. There are lies that are told ...

and lies that go untold, until discovered; and they are lies we tell ourselves.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #25)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 04:59 PM

32. Many people online are not who they say they are

That's nothing new. And that's why people need to be careful when they start getting emotionally close to strangers on the internet.

Yes online dating has many success stories. Many people have found each other online and now happily married. But online dating also is a place where there are many lies, failures, and con artists. You just have to use common sense.

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Response to davidn3600 (Reply #32)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 05:02 PM

33. I completely agree ...

And, one is not off to a good, trusting, start when one withholds something particularly relevent ... like gender.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #10)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:37 PM

23. For $$$$

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 01:48 PM

14. That person, unlike the wife in the OP, told the truth as soon as

they met in person.

No one would want to hear that their spouse had been lying for 19 years.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 01:50 PM

15. I'm glad I finished my coffee.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:59 PM

27. He must have another floozy out there.

I wish we'd grow up and accept the fact that a trans woman is a woman, period, and a trans man is a man.

Unless he can prove the expectation of children were part of the package, he's got no legal or moral leg to stand on here and needs to follow divorce proceedings like any other man who wants his younger floozy as a wife.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 05:48 PM

34. ah , love

"i'll try anything once"

best motto to live by

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:46 AM

2. I don't blame him for being upset. Failure to disclose significant medical history is a major...

 

...violation of trust.

...The Belgian courts had serious doubts about the authenticity of her birth and her identity papers, but eventually they accepted it anyway....

Their doubts were well-founded.

I wonder what else she has failed to disclose about her background. I'm sure that Jan feels the same way.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 11:48 AM

4. Breech of trust is a hard thing to overcome in a marriage

I have compassion for a woman who felt she had to hide her own history as if it was something to be ashamed of and I feel compassion for a man who must be feeling very confused and angry.

I hope they both get therapy during such a stressful time.

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Response to Marrah_G (Reply #4)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:55 PM

26. And a non-starter/immediate disqualifier ...

Breech of trust is a hard thing to overcome in a marriage


At the beginning of any relationship.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 12:11 PM

7. I don't blame him

That is a serious breach of trust like others here have mentioned.
The other issue is that if he ever wanted to have children, that was an improbability with her, other than adoption.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 12:58 PM

12. Yeah, awhile back my partner of many years ran off with a man.

Shit happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the ruby that she wore
On a stand beside the bed
In the hour before dawn
When I knew she was gone
And I held it in my hand
For a little while
And dropped it into the wall
Let it go, heard it fall

I guess I never knew
What she was talking about
I guess I never knew
What she was living without
People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove
Speak in terms of a life and the living
Try to find the word for forgiving

You keep it up
You try so hard
To keep a life from coming apart
And never know
The shallows and the unseen reefs
That are there from the start
In the shape of a heart



on edit: I'm a woman, btw.

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Response to Zorra (Reply #12)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 02:18 PM

18. People can fall in love with anyone.

Life's complicated and always changing. Nothing is certain, and unexpected stuff happens sometimes.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #18)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:15 PM

22. True, especially the life is always changing part.

I've come to view the unexpected stuff as opportunities for new, fun, and exciting experiences.

It's all good; life is an awesome thing.




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Response to Zorra (Reply #22)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 04:31 PM

28. Yes. A lot of how we see things is due to how

we learn to react to them. If we see change as an opportunity, then it's possible to deal with most changes in a positive way, even if they are way outside of our everyday experience. If we see change as a challenge to our well-being, then it's a lot harder to absorb.

After 17 years in my previous marriage, my wife at the time fell in love with another woman at a writer's retreat where she was an "artist in residence" for a couple of months. When she returned, she told me about this, and explained that she was considering moving in with this person. Now, that was outside of my everyday experience for sure. My wife and I were excellent friends, so I gave it some more thought before forming a reaction. Prior to that, she had never given any indication that she might be attracted to women. Who knew?

My decision was to encourage her to see how she felt after some more exposure to this new person. So, she did, and decided that was the direction she wanted to go. We parted as friends, and later divorced in an amicable way, after I had met someone else, too. The whole thing was relatively non-traumatic, because I had decided to treat it as just something new, rather than something terribly threatening in some way. Now, I've been married to my current wife for 21 years, and we're happy as can be. It just goes to show that change is not necessarily bad in itself.

Major changes have been fairly frequent in my life, and I see them as interesting opportunities to grow in a different direction. I hope to always retain that.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 01:58 PM

16. Nobody's perfect

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Response to CJCRANE (Reply #16)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 03:41 PM

24. I can't believe it took this long for this to show up! I must be getting old.

Best movie ending ever.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 02:16 PM

17. Life's complicated. Stuff happens.

Everyone reacts differently, and is entitled to react differently.

From the article, it appears that other things had also changed in the relationship. Complicated.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 06:23 PM

35. BFD - Who cares what gender, this, is a very stupid man IMO. What's he want, a refund on the

warranty.

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Response to AlphaCentauri (Original post)

Mon Nov 26, 2012, 07:31 PM

36. No clue how I'd react in this situation, but I can't blame the guy.

That's a big lie.

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