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Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:22 PM

Look at the bright side of poverty

Lots and lots of kids for adoption! Don't miss the fire sale, buy your own pound puppy, err, child today!



12 replies, 881 views

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Arrow 12 replies Author Time Post
Reply Look at the bright side of poverty (Original post)
me b zola Nov 2012 OP
me b zola Nov 2012 #1
Nikia Nov 2012 #10
me b zola Nov 2012 #11
me b zola Nov 2012 #2
LiberalAndProud Nov 2012 #5
me b zola Nov 2012 #7
LiberalAndProud Nov 2012 #9
coalition_unwilling Nov 2012 #3
me b zola Nov 2012 #4
coalition_unwilling Nov 2012 #6
me b zola Nov 2012 #8
HiPointDem Nov 2012 #12

Response to me b zola (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:33 PM

1. Impact of adoption of adoptees

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_adimpact.cfm

The link is a white wash of just how serious the issues are, but you know, its a start.

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Response to me b zola (Reply #1)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 01:56 PM

10. Sometimes I think that my husband would be better off if he hadn't been adopted

We have some information about his birth family. He shared talents and interests with them that his adoptive parents did not appreciate. With the information given, we probably could find them, but my husband feels that it could damage his relationship with his adoptive mother. I think that his adoptive mother knows more than she has revealed because occaisionally she'll say something about his birth family that wasn't on the sheet. I think that it is possible that she met them and talked with them.

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Response to Nikia (Reply #10)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 05:50 PM

11. They really do need a name for that phenomenon

We all have questions and need guidance to work through the issues, but so many of us know that we'll hurt our parents if we talk about our first family or the relinquishment...so we eat it. I was made to feel that there was something wrong with me because the loss was a part of my life.

My mother sent me to vacation one summer with older girls that I did not know. The purpose was for the one adopted girl to tell me that I was being silly and that I was supposed to feel grateful for being adopted. The other girls saw a "weakness" in me and I was bullied mercilessly the rest of my time there. It wasn't until I began searching for answers on the internet that I found that in fact my experiences were the norm, that most of us have intense struggles of not wanting to hurt our adoptive parents but needing to know our own story. It really feels like emotional extortion.

Here's a blogger that I really enjoy:

I am not responsible for my parents' adoption issues
Okay, I am talking about all of my parents here. If my adoptive parents have a problem with me connecting with my first family, that's their problem. They were adults when they made the conscious decision to raise a child born to two other people. I am not obligated in any way to placate their delusions about how our family unit should function or consider how they may, or may not, feel when it comes to my own personal adoption-related business. Also, if my natural mother decided to keep my existence a secret, that is her problem. I am not obligated in any way to respect her decision to keep secrets or to allow her to control any relationship that I choose to have with my own adult family members

http://www.iadoptee.com/2011/11/what-i-am-not.html

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Response to me b zola (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:38 PM

2. Here is a better overview of adoption and the harm it causes



~snip~
The secrecy in an adoptive family, and the denial that the adoptive family is different builds dysfunction into it. "... while social workers and insecure adoptive parents have structured a family relationship that is based on dishonesty, evasions and exploitation. To believe that good relationships will develop on such a foundation is psychologically unsound" (Lawrence). As John Bradshaw, the well-renowned therapist, says, "A family is only as sick as its secrets."

Secrecy erects barriers to forming a healthy identity. Sealed records implicitly asks for an extreme form of denial. There is no school of psychotherapy which regards denial as a positive strategy in forming a sense of self and dealing with day-to-day realities. (Howard)

Adoption is a psychological burden to the adoptee. The effect of this burden is known, but the origin is confused. Secrecy plays a part in it, but Nancy Newton Verrier, Ph.D., sources the difficulties to the separation of the newborn from the mother. The Primal Wound is the most recent and revealing work done on the effects of adoption on the adopted. In the author's own words, "I believe that the connection established during the nine months in utero is a profound connection, and it is my hypothesis that the severing of that connection in the original separation of the adopted child from the birth mother causes a primal or narcissistic wound, which affects the adoptee's sense of Self and often manifests in a sense of loss, basic mistrust, anxiety and depression, emotional and/or behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships with significant others (21)." Verrier has been criticized for her work, but her response says it all, "The only people who can really judge this work, however, are those about whom it is written: the adoptees themselves. Only they, as they note their responses to what is written here, will really know in their deepest selves the validity of this work, the existence or nonexistence of the primal wound" (xvii).

~more at link~

http://www.adoptionhealing.com/ginni.html

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Response to me b zola (Reply #2)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:55 PM

5. I was astonished when an adoption counselor started our conversation with

"Every adopted child starts out life with a loss." That is, I believe, a direct quote. it ran counter to my preconceived belief system. When discussing the conversation with my brother, he asked, rather sarcastically, "What was *her* agenda?" again emphasizing our ill informed views on the matter.

The idea that teen mothers can simply place their child for adoption -- problem solved -- oversimplifies an excruciatingly complex situation. I thank that adoption counselor for not sugar coating it for us and for opening our eyes to reality.

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Response to LiberalAndProud (Reply #5)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 01:05 PM

7. Thank you for being open hearted

I so wish that my (adoptive)parents had access to information so that they could have helped me, or at least not made things worse.

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Response to me b zola (Reply #7)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 01:21 PM

9. This particular organization advocates for open adoptions.

The entire interview was a revelation. She advocated for extended, long-term relationships between bio/adoptive families for the overall benefit of the adopted children. This kind of relationship requires a huge commitment by both families and requires that we overcome our all-too-human foibles. It was mind bending to consider. The woman was professional in every sense of the word and I am very grateful to her.

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Response to me b zola (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:40 PM

3. The brightest side of poverty:

 

http://www.victorianweb.org/previctorian/swift/modest.html

Just as true now as it was back in 1729.

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Response to coalition_unwilling (Reply #3)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:49 PM

4. Thank you for that link

How can anyone not see this as human trafficking? "...and giving some pleasure to the rich"

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Response to me b zola (Reply #4)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 12:55 PM

6. Well, caution, Swift intended his piece as satire but it works so well

 

because it exposes the dark underside of the mentality that puts profits over people (among other themes).

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Response to me b zola (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 01:19 PM

8. Here's how some of those pound puppies feel as adults:

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Response to me b zola (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2012, 05:51 PM

12. kr.

 

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