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Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:24 PM

Nation Horrified To Learn About War in Afghanistan While Reading Up on Petraeus Sex Scandal

Last edited Tue Nov 13, 2012, 06:08 PM - Edit history (1)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-horrified-to-learn-about-war-in-afghanistan,30367/

Nation Horrified To Learn About War In Afghanistan While Reading Up On Petraeus Sex Scandal
NOVEMBER 13, 2012 | ISSUE 48•46

Sources: Petraeus Knew About Affair For More Than A Year
WASHINGTON—As they scoured the Internet for more juicy details about former CIA director David Petraeus’ affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, Americans were reportedly horrified today upon learning that a protracted, bloody war involving U.S. forces is currently raging in the nation of Afghanistan. “Oh my God, this is terrible,” Allie Lipscomb, 29, said after accidentally stumbling on an article about the war while she tried to ascertain details about what specific sexual acts Petraeus and Broadwell might have engaged in. “According to this, 2,000 American troops have died, 18,000 have been wounded, and more than 20,000 civilians have been killed. Jesus Christ. And it’s been happening for, like, 11 years.” Sources confirmed that after reading a few paragraphs about the brutal war, the nation quickly became distracted by a headline about Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash’s alleged sexual abuse of a 16-year-old boy.

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Arrow 33 replies Author Time Post
Reply Nation Horrified To Learn About War in Afghanistan While Reading Up on Petraeus Sex Scandal (Original post)
Hissyspit Nov 2012 OP
flamingdem Nov 2012 #1
leftstreet Nov 2012 #2
alcibiades_mystery Nov 2012 #3
Poll_Blind Nov 2012 #4
joeybee12 Nov 2012 #5
Tx4obama Nov 2012 #6
rhett o rick Nov 2012 #7
FailureToCommunicate Nov 2012 #8
defacto7 Nov 2012 #9
geckosfeet Nov 2012 #10
madinmaryland Nov 2012 #16
Hissyspit Nov 2012 #18
Scalded Nun Nov 2012 #23
Selatius Nov 2012 #31
Blue_Tires Nov 2012 #33
azurnoir Nov 2012 #11
AnotherMcIntosh Nov 2012 #12
Stryder Nov 2012 #13
SpartanDem Nov 2012 #14
nadinbrzezinski Nov 2012 #15
rudycantfail Nov 2012 #17
libdem4life Nov 2012 #19
lunatica Nov 2012 #21
Hissyspit Nov 2012 #20
Hissyspit Nov 2012 #22
navarth Nov 2012 #24
russspeakeasy Nov 2012 #25
OnyxCollie Nov 2012 #26
Liberal_in_LA Nov 2012 #27
Scruffy Rumbler Nov 2012 #28
Jim__ Nov 2012 #29
Puregonzo1188 Nov 2012 #30
Blue_Tires Nov 2012 #32

Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:26 PM

1. Part of the free stuff package we're getting from Obama

should include plane tickets to the middle east, americans are way too cloistered!

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:28 PM

2. LOL

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:30 PM

3. So real it hurts

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Response to alcibiades_mystery (Reply #3)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:31 PM

4. +1

PB

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:32 PM

5. Closer to the truth than is comfortable! KNR

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:34 PM

6. *** The ONION - The ONION - The ONION

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:37 PM

7. What? There is a war in Afghanistan? nm

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 06:14 PM

8. Ouch!

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 06:22 PM

9. Onion or not

it's a pretty good exposé on war, apathy and titillating bull shit.

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 06:26 PM

10. does not belong in the onion,,, cause it could happen in anywtown USA

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Response to geckosfeet (Reply #10)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 09:16 PM

16. This was from January 2001...

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Response to madinmaryland (Reply #16)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 10:36 PM

18. I am still amazed every time I see that.

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Response to madinmaryland (Reply #16)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 02:17 PM

23. First I laughed

when I read that way back when. Now I just cry whenever I see it.

Never before has satire so painfully and accurately foreseen the future.

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Response to madinmaryland (Reply #16)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 05:17 PM

31. That article was so prophetic. It's as if Bush-Cheney used it as a blueprint for America. nt

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Response to madinmaryland (Reply #16)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 05:23 PM

33. +1000

that was when I started to take the onion "seriously", instead of simply seeing it as the equivalent of a mock student-run paper

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 06:35 PM

11. sometimes parody is so on the money

kudo's to the Onion

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 07:43 PM

12. Under the Petraeus doctrine, the press is to be squelched and we're not supposed to know about this.

 

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 07:57 PM

13. Well...

Ya gotta have your priorities.

Besides I hear Lady Gaga is planning a wardrobe malfunction
on a special edition of American Idol set to air on anniversary of the
Balloon Boy near national tragedy.



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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 08:30 PM

14. We're at war?

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 08:32 PM

15. The onion is where actual news happens at times.

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 09:57 PM

17. Perfect.

 

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 12:27 AM

19. Remember the Court Jester...the only person who could speak truth to power...and of course,

he had to prove himself daffy to get the job. Comedy Central...Colbert and Stewart.

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Response to libdem4life (Reply #19)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 07:15 AM

21. Kinda like when Clint told Mitt to go f^^k himself and had everyone convinced

that a chair said it. LOL!

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 07:09 AM

20. Morning kick nt

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 01:01 PM

22. People keep rec'ing this, so I'm gonna keep kicking it. :-)

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 02:58 PM

24. now you've done it!!!

I just spent the better part of an hour giggling at the onion.

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 03:11 PM

25. Thanks...

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 03:17 PM

26. I thought Afghanistan recently voted to become our 51st state. nt

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 03:42 PM

27. kick

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 03:56 PM

28. Miss USA Georgia had it right!

Maybe more US Americans need more maps and math.... or something!

Love the Onion and spot on!

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 03:56 PM

29. Touche'!

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 05:15 PM

30. Is this even satire anymore? I can't tell.

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Response to Hissyspit (Original post)

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 05:20 PM

32. lol...brilliant

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