Why do we treat having sex with someone as some form of punishment?

[MineralMan]

Last edited Tue Nov 13, 2012, 04:09 PM - Edit history (1)

People are forever writing "fuck this" or "screw that," often referring to some person or another in an angry way, treating the act as a punishment of some heinous kind. Maybe I'm weird, but I've always reserved that act for people I like a lot. I've always considered sex to be a good thing. It's just odd that references to sexual intercourse are often made as though it would be a punishment.

Why is that? Can someone explain?

ETA: I ask, because someone else in GD suggested having intercourse with (fucking) Papa John, and I couldn't quite figure out why. It's not appealing. I'd rather boycott his pizza chain.

[johnq45]

1. Why do people think...

This is only about sex and not access?

[BlueMan Votes]

2. are you saying that 'fuck' should be a term of endearment...?

try running that one past your mother...

[slackmaster]

5. George Carlin did a routine based on that.

It's hilarious.

[MineralMan]

7. Given its meaning, sure.

Certainly, I've had it said to me as a term of endearment, or perhaps encouragement. Generally, it has spurred me on to greater effort.

What do you think the word means?

[snooper2]

16. "We have a lot of attitudes about fucking some of them are rational and some of them aren't"

This was already covered as noted by someone much smarter than people here

[BlueMan Votes]

20. it can mean a lot of different things, based on how it's used...

kinda like the word "dude".

[MineralMan]

22. Dude! Yes, but, dude always has the same basic core meaning.

The inflection merely acts as an adjective for that noun. Same with "fuck" or "screw." The core meaning's always the same in this context.

[MineralMan]

13. My mother has never been perturbed by language.

I could run it by her when I talk to her next weekend, and see what she thinks. I'll have to speak up, though: She's 88 and her hearing aid doesn't work very well with the telephone.

[slackmaster]

3. Some people are unable to reconcile their sexual selves with their polite public personas

For them, sex may be seen as dirty or just a chore that has to be done for various reasons.

[MineralMan]

10. That's an interesting way to look at it, too.

Thanks.

[BeyondGeography]

4. ...

[MineralMan]

9. Exactly my question. nt

[Lucinda]

6. I have had that very conversation with men who use the phrase "blow me"

(or it's variants) and point out that using that phrase as an insult in front of a woman would not make women think that it was an activity that engenders much respect.


And I'm probably going to get my first hidden post with this one.

[MineralMan]

8. An apt corollary.

In one setting, it is a plea. In another it is a curse. How interesting, isn't it. Perhaps there some ambivalence regarding sexual matters. Or perhaps it's a power issue, which is unfortunate in its own right.

BTW, I can't see why your post should get hidden.

[Lucinda]

12. Me either (re:the post hidden) but some do get tweaky here

when matters of sex are discussed.

I've never had a good answer to my question BTW... The usual response is a goofy grin.

[treestar]

11. Patriarchy

This version of use of the word is from the old patriarchal view of sex, where it is looked at at something a man got at the expense of a woman. It is something a woman gets "used" for, considered an unpleasant experience for her, and something a man obtained from her, which she would not have given up had she known he was just going to take it and go.

Like in the old book, Don Juan. He "enjoyed" the lady and she was "deceived."

[MineralMan]

15. Ah, I believe you may have it, there.

Rather an old-fashioned way of thinking about it, isn't it.

BTW, I asked the question because someone in another thread was suggesting having intercourse with Papa John. It made me think a bit about the phrase. I couldn't see how it was a kindly suggestion or even a realistic one. It just gave me pause for a minute.

[closeupready]

14. I, too, have never understood that usage.

Consider the adage that frequently substitutes: "Don't shit where you sleep."

THAT one makes sense, intuitively.

The expression as you describe it being used is a mystery to me.

[Mr.Bill]

17. There are two kinds of men in this world.

Those that think sex is something you do with someone, and those that think sex is something you do to someone.

Most women know the difference.

[unblock]

18. i've always heard such usage as evoking something of a NON-consensual nature -- rape, not sex.

usually involving insertion into a straght man's rectum.

[MineralMan]

21. That, too, seems an odd sort of punishment.

Why not just beat the crap out of someone. It would be more effective, and wouldn't require sexual arousal. That last thing is the odd part, I think. Anger has never been something that gets me going, somehow. There's a lot of ambivalence in that usage, somehow.

[BlueMan Votes]

28. working on construction, when someone realizes they made a mistake somewhere...

the appropriate response is "well fuck my ass!".

[leftstreet]

19. 'Fuck You' doesn't mean 'Make Love' or 'Have Sex'

It's a power wielding phrase based on patriarchal views wherein a man 'does' something to someone with his penis

[Waltons_Mtn]

23. My take on it is this. When someone says fuck him or fuck you...

The meaning behind it is to perform the act without permission. In other words RAPE. But "rape you" doesn't sound as good.

It falls under the same misguided language of wishing the really bad man gets "put in a cell with Bubba."

Just my opinion.

[MineralMan]

24. Well, that makes sense, I think.

But still...

[BlueMan Votes]

25. the true authority on the word 'fuck': Lt. Debra Morgan, MiamiMetro Homicide

[MineralMan]

27. She does make a lot of use of the word, doesn't she?

Kinda makes my point, really.

My favorite line from the video: "Fuck me twice on Sunday!" I don't think she meant it literally, though.

[HopeHoops]

26. I'm not sure, but I have to do the dishes as a result. It's worth it.

As for the pizza, haven't you ever seen a porn clip with the pizza delivery guy having a hole cut out in the center of the box? Wait. Maybe that was MTV. I forget now.