Clearly, Mitt Romney had planned to celebrate his election as the nationís 45th president with an eight-minute re-enactment of the First Boston Tea Party with a fireworks display over Boston Harbor.
Having found some bretheren who were willing to don Indian garb (the old Mountain Meadows gang rise again), he planned to unleash a second revolution, led by Romney the white horse prophet, with his bold sword "Bain" ready to strike right in the heart of the Blue states, where he planned his symbolic tossing of the Democrats into Boston Harbor to signal 1000 years of Republican rule.
Clearly, Romney planned to terrorize the nation with his frightening guerilla theater as a precursor of much much worse. As the smoke and fireworks exploded over the harbor, he and his Ayn Rand idol-worshipping sidekick would on signal extend their hands in the air and shriek "Release the kraken!" Romney then would rip open his shirt revealing the Mormon Superman in his magic underwear that would gleam with the pure light of truth, and he would demand that the nation bow to him, to pay him his weight in gold or suffer the consequences. His sons the 5 horsemen of the Apocalypse would descend on us like locusts on Salt Lake City and lo we would be smited by rightwing bats out of hell.
I hope the American people realize just how lucky we were to escape what he had in store for us.