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Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:22 PM

BREAKING: ROMNEY WINS OHIO

http://thedesperateblogger.com/2012/11/romney-wins-ohio/

Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced early this afternoon that he has certified the final vote tally from tomorrow’s Presidential election and that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is the winner of his state’s 18 electoral votes. Officials in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Florida are expected to follow suit as soon as Tuesday morning.

Reading from a prepared statement, Husted told reporters, “Because this may very well be the most important election in our nation’s history, I believe it would have been the height of irresponsibility to have waited until the last minute before certifying the vote. Ohioans’ voices deserve to be heard.”

When asked if his decision might be considered premature, the visibly irate Secretary shot back, “I didn’t hear any of you media types criticizing the head of FEMA for spending millions of dollars to deploy resources to the Northeast just because a couple of so-called scientists predicted a hurricane would strike there — even though everybody knows that most of those storms make landfall much farther south. My experts forecast that Gov. Romney will garner the majority of votes, so I acted accordingly. The good people of this state don’t pay me to sit on my hands; they pay me to do my job.”

Gov. John Kasich was quick to praise Husted. “As always, Jon was prepared and acted decisively in the best interests of our citizens. This is doubly impressive when you consider he was able to accomplish this while also juggling such a large number of voter suppression-related lawsuits. I think we all owe him a huge debt of gratitude, as of course does President-elect Romney.”

While most experts agree that with his win in Ohio, Gov. Romney’s path to the 270 electoral votes needed to secure the White House just became much easier, many feel that Husted’s unprecedented move may throw the election into the courts for the second time in the last four election cycles — especially if others follow suit and certify their states’ results in advance. When asked for comment, Romney campaign senior adviser Eric Fehrnstrom responded, “I hope that President Obama and his supporters, for the good of the country, would not go down that road. Nobody wants to return to those darkest of days when the nation faced the stark reality of a possible Al Gore presidency.” Fehrnstrom also added, “It is also our hope that all of those who are eligible — even those who disagree with us — will get out and exercise their right to vote while they still have it.”


November 5th, 2012 | Tags: Barack Obama, election, Jon Husted, Mitt Romney, Ohio, voter suppression | Category: Politics, Satire

26 replies, 3361 views

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Arrow 26 replies Author Time Post
Reply BREAKING: ROMNEY WINS OHIO (Original post)
ThisThreadIsSatire Nov 2012 OP
trublu992 Nov 2012 #1
KittyWampus Nov 2012 #2
louis-t Nov 2012 #3
CakeGrrl Nov 2012 #4
yourout Nov 2012 #5
FieryLocks Nov 2012 #6
Blue_In_AK Nov 2012 #7
A-Schwarzenegger Nov 2012 #8
kooljerk666 Nov 2012 #10
11 Bravo Nov 2012 #13
grantcart Nov 2012 #21
avaistheone1 Nov 2012 #9
scheming daemons Nov 2012 #11
titaniumsalute Nov 2012 #16
Dash87 Nov 2012 #12
TBF Nov 2012 #14
riverwalker Nov 2012 #15
ThisThreadIsSatire Nov 2012 #17
riverwalker Nov 2012 #19
ThisThreadIsSatire Nov 2012 #24
lilithsrevenge12 Nov 2012 #18
KamaAina Nov 2012 #20
riverwalker Nov 2012 #22
Zorra Nov 2012 #23
ThisThreadIsSatire Nov 2012 #26
begin_within Nov 2012 #25

Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:26 PM

1. Can You Explain

What is this?

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:27 PM

2. Satire

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:27 PM

3. Last word: satire

Jeez.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:27 PM

4. Read the OP's screen name. Explains it all.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:27 PM

5. Scarcasm.....and a nightmare of "Freddy" proportions.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:28 PM

6. It's a joke

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:28 PM

7. Satire.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:28 PM

8. Satire misfire.

Not the first today, not the last today.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:32 PM

10. article is from site "Faux & Balanced News u can almost believe.............

 

Although I was smelling onions.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:35 PM

13. I could try, but I fear my efforts would prove to be futile.

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Response to trublu992 (Reply #1)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:22 PM

21. perhaps this will help

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:29 PM

9. Now who can say Ohio elections aren't efficient and organized?

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:32 PM

11. Trash this stupid thread

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Response to scheming daemons (Reply #11)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:00 PM

16. Nah...I liked it.

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:33 PM

12. Has Wolf Blitzer carried this story yet?

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:35 PM

14. Doesn't this belong in the humor group? nt

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 04:58 PM

15. don't do this tomorrow

I'll have a myocardial infarction and they will find me hunched over my keyboard and YOUR post on my screen!!!!
And my grand kids will hate you.....

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Response to riverwalker (Reply #15)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:10 PM

17. Can't have that...

Besides, once people actually do vote, they'll have to try something more creative....

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Reply #17)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:19 PM

19. tomorrow my creativity

will be limited to discovering which combination of coke and Captain Morgan is best.

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Response to riverwalker (Reply #19)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 06:04 PM

24. coke? interesting idea, but is it necessary? nt

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:18 PM

18. Dude,

you scared the shit out of me...Lord, its like you were trying to give this 22 year old a heart attack.

This damn thing needs to be over before this entire forum is committed for mental breakdowns.

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:20 PM

20. This Thread Is Satire.

Believe it.

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:23 PM

22. Who is "ThisThreadIsSatire" and why

did he kill grandma?

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 05:27 PM

23. Breaking: DOJ Says Romney Pre-Election Victory In Ohio Is "State Issue"

DOJ cannot investigate cases of federal election fraud in individual states, AG says "hands are tied", FBI says "helpless to take action".

Ohio law enforcement officials, citing "it is God's will", are refusing to investigate why Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted has declared Mitt Romney the winner of Ohio's 18 electoral votes on Nov. 5 - one day before the election was officially held.



Romney Says He Intends To Move US Capitol from DC to Salt Lake City...

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Response to Zorra (Reply #23)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 08:06 PM

26. Well... they do have a nicer dome... nt

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Response to ThisThreadIsSatire (Original post)

Mon Nov 5, 2012, 06:08 PM

25. I'd laugh if it weren't so perilously close to the truth...

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