Are you from a "dysfunctional" family?...

[Locut0s]

I was sitting in class the other day listening to one of my professors lecture on conflict management skills. I'm in a computer degree but one of the required courses is a business course. This happens to be said business course and the prof is one of those real drill sergeant military like business folks. He's actually a good teacher, lots of humour and is a fun guy, but he's a self described asshole of types, though he says so humorously, and I cans sort of see some of that side.

Anyway that's neither here nor there. During the course of his lecture he mentioned that of course we all have to have conflict in our lives and it's one of the things that motives people, gets them out of the house, out into their lives. Talked about how people tend to start with conflict at home with their parents, that this gets them to move out of the house and "spread their wings", to escape said conflict. Basically from a business perspective conflict is a good thing, within certain bounds. He mentions how some people never face such conflict and end up living at home with their parents till their 90, "and some people do". "That's what we call dysfunctional" he says.

Well at first I have to say I was a bit pissed at this remark as it seems somewhat flippant and dismissive. But then I stop to think of things for a bit and realize I'm in a business course (organizational behaviour course specifically) and it's all about "stereotyping" to a certain degree.

Anyway I realize that I AM in fact from such a family. I'm 30, live at home with my parents and have yet to leave the family nest. There are numerous other aspects of my life that are dysfunctional as well, all stemming from a life long battle with depression and anxiety. Basically I'm 30 but have the life of a 17yr old. From a liberal minded perspective many would say that this is NOT dysfunctional, that I'm merely the product of my emotional problems and family upbringing. But viewed from the perspective of something like business behavioural dynamics, like this course, it is.

Would you consider yourself to be from a dysfunctional family.

IF NOT. Would the conservative world view of something like a course I'm describing above consider you or your family to be dysfunctional where it is not?

[OffWithTheirHeads]

1. Definition, dysfunctional family. Any family with more than two members.

[notadmblnd]

2. There's no such thing as normal when it comes to families

So yeah, my family is dysfunctional.

[RebelOne]

7. Same here.

My mother divorced my father when I was about 7. And she was married twice after that and had 2 children with the 2nd husband and 2 with the third. So since than I lived in a dysfunctional family. That's one reason I eloped to Georgia and was married at 16.

[JaneyVee]

3. That's not really the definition of a dysfunctional family.

[Honeycombe8]

4. Are you asking if WE are from dysfunctional family, or if YOUR situation is dysfuntional?

Seems you're asking US, but then it seems like you want validation for your situation.

[loli phabay]

5. i guess it depends on what your norms are, i would say yours is dysfunctional

but you would probuably say mine is as well, so i wouldnt sweat it. too much

[AverageJoe90]

6. Definitely to a point. Can't explain it all right now, though. nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. sounds like you have some issues that you are dealing with and that you have supportive parents --

that sounds healthy to me.

My parents on the other hand . . .

well, lets just say when two Narcissists marry and have kids . . .

all the fun in dysfunctional goes to them.

[loli phabay]

10. problem is what happens in 10 years or 20 years when parents pass on

that support system just disappears.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

12. well, if he successfully deals with his issues he should have another support system in place.

[Risen Demon]

9. I don't believe in normal

Or perfection. Or a standard(which is sad, considering I'm a service member)

And I like it that way. I'm one who believes a little chaos is what moves the universe and evolves us.

[BeeBee]

11. Well, I can't say that I am from a dysfunctional family. My family functions quite well.

I was born and raised in Utah to a (nominally) Mormon family. I am gay. I've been with my husband for 21 years. We raised my husband's (straight, male) cousin. I love my family very much...even those who are conservative Republican Mormons. It works for us.

[Aerows]

15. I'm gay, too

It is tough for the family to accept, but we are still family, and love one another. You make me smile that you can keep the family together while raising a child in a religious environment.

Love works for everyone, doesn't it?

[ismnotwasm]

13. Yup

Personality disorders, alcoholism, drug addiction, Jails, mental breakdowns etc.
I started running away at 13 which is a story in itself and not a recommended path to individuation but ultimately allowed me to break patterns of unhealthy behavior. I'm the only one of three siblings without mental and addiction issues--another long story.

So while the course lecture makes it sound clean and tidy, there is always more to the story. And sometimes there is deep ugliness. I'd be pissed as hell if I heard that description of dysfunctional, however;

My experiences are different then yours, but they have equal individual value. It's not so much what happens as how we overcome it, deal with it or grow from it.

Some 'dysfunction' is too in your face to call it anything else.

[Aerows]

14. It depends on how you define

"dysfunctional". My family gets along, but we have conflicts. We don't let the extreme conflicts get in the way of being a family, but at times, we have been tenacious in our conflicts.

We aren't warm and fuzzy all the time, that's for certain, but we do come together.

[Nevernose]

16. I always thought the term was redundant

Because all families are dysfunctional to some extent. Human beings generate conflict in one another, even under the best circumstances. Who was it that said, "He'll is other people?"

[Autumn Colors]

17. How can you say an entire family is dysfunctional

if only one person in that family fits that definition (not moving out)?

Four kids in our family. I left home right after high school (age 17 and graduation), another sibling moved out in their 20s and came back home a couple times until finally being able to make a stable living, another lived at home until about age 30, and the fourth sibling is now in mid-50s and except for one semester of college in a dorm, this sibling has always lived at home and is still living at home with our now elderly parent.

So where does my family fall in this type of definition? Are we dysfunctional? What about me? I left home at 17.

[ananda]

18. In an oppressive society, all families are dysfunctional.

If just one person is oppressed, everyone is.

[ismnotwasm]

19. I like it!

Works for me..

[Glitterati]

20. Oh hell yes n/t

Last edited Thu Oct 11, 2012, 12:18 AM - Edit history (1)

on edit:
I once had a psychologist describe my family as "way past dysfunctional and all the way up to toxic."

[kwassa]

21. Your business professor is outside his area of expertise.

People don't leave their parents because of conflict. They leave because they grow up and need to establish their own lives. Some can't leave because of a variety of circumstances both economic and personal, and until they are resolved, stay at home.

Living in the parent's home as an adult can be quite functional, and the norm in many societies. In some the married son brings his wife into the family home, in others, they established their separate home after marriage.