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Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:13 PM

 

Paul Ryan says his diet and exercise have turned his skeleton to titanium.

Paul Ryan says he got laid at four years old.

Paul Ryan says he can bench press a church.

Paul Ryan says his daddy can beat up your daddy.

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Reply Paul Ryan says his diet and exercise have turned his skeleton to titanium. (Original post)
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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:15 PM

1. And raised his IQ to room temperature

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Response to jsr (Reply #1)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:32 PM

17. Celsius n/t

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Response to VWolf (Reply #17)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:34 PM

21. Yep.

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Response to VWolf (Reply #17)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:37 PM

25. Paul Ryan says he invented the Celsius scale. n/t

 

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Response to jsr (Reply #1)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:37 PM

24. Paul Ryan says he's smarter than Einstein and Alex Trebek put together. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #24)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:41 PM

31. Einstein, Hawking and Witten, perhaps. Let's leave Trebek out of it LOL

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:15 PM

2. Paul Ryans says he can create ten million jobs with one phone call. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #2)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:19 PM

5. If that phone call was his announcing his support for Obama.

He could save a few jobs.

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Response to IrishEyes (Reply #5)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:38 PM

26. Paul Ryan says his support would make Obama win the election. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:17 PM

3. Paul Ryan can swallow a raw egg whole without breaking it. And poop out a live chicken.

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Response to Erose999 (Reply #3)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:39 PM

27. Paul Ryan says he already did that. Twice. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #27)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:02 PM

133. And both came out made of gold. nt

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:17 PM

4. Paul Ryan says he can jump onto the roof of the Sears Tower from Maine. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:21 PM

6. Some say Paul Ryan is the Stig.

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Response to lapislzi (Reply #6)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:24 PM

8. Top Gear Baby! n/t

 

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Response to lapislzi (Reply #6)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:40 PM

28. Paul Ryan says he was all of the Stigs. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:22 PM

7. Paul Ryan says he's a commercial airline pilot. A professional...commercial...airline...pilot. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:24 PM

9. Watch the monkeys flying out of Paul Ryan's butt.

n/t

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Response to Blue Owl (Reply #9)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:40 PM

29. Paul Ryan says he does have butt monkeys, but they're invisible, so you can't watch them. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:26 PM

10. Paul Ryan can run his fingers across dental floss and it will turn to a 14k Gold chain.

Paul Ryan dug his way out of Alcatrazz using nothing but a nostril hair . . . when he was 12.

Paul Ryan, using nothing but Craftsman tools, tungsten and 24 hours, transformed a 1971 Nova into a Time Machine.

Paul Ryan composed and recorded an hour long live symphony with 350 random-filled water glasses, six wood blocks and a glockenspiel.

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Response to HughBeaumont (Reply #10)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:28 PM

12. Double points for using "glockenspiel." n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #12)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:49 PM

187. Paul Ryan invented the glockenspiel

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Response to deutsey (Reply #187)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 03:33 PM

465. he didn't invent it, per se..

but he was a consultant.

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Response to frylock (Reply #465)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 03:35 PM

466. Why do you hate America?

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Response to deutsey (Reply #466)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 03:45 PM

468. Paul Ryan was the first person to ever accuse someone of "hating America"

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Response to frylock (Reply #468)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 03:59 PM

469. LOL

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:27 PM

11. Paul Ryan says he can speak with the dead. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #11)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:29 PM

13. No exaggeration there . . . look at his running mate.

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Response to HughBeaumont (Reply #13)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:41 PM

30. Paul Ryan says that's not funny. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:29 PM

14. Paul Ryan says it's not a tax, it's a fee. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #14)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:57 PM

51. Yeah, but Timmy the Tool Pawlenty

said that first.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:31 PM

15. Paul Ryan says he knew you were going to say that. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:32 PM

16. Paul Ryan says he can reverse gravity with his will alone. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:33 PM

18. "Did I ever tell you about the time Ryan went hunting? Ryan decides

he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

PAUL RYAN!!!!!

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Response to bullwinkle428 (Reply #18)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:41 PM

33. Paul Ryan says he wrote that skit for SNL. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:33 PM

19. Oh yeah?

Well my diet and exercise have turned my skeleton to ADA-FUCKIN-MANTIUM. Deal with it.

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Response to Arkana (Reply #19)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:42 PM

34. Paul Ryans says yeah, but he's got the claws in his hands AND his feet. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:34 PM

20. Paul Ryan says he uses his penis to pole vault.

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Response to Lint Head (Reply #20)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:43 PM

35. Paul Ryan says that's how he won the Olympics. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:35 PM

22. The guy thinks he's Putin! :)

(Any bored photo shoppers out there?)

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Response to MatthewStLouis (Reply #22)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:44 PM

38. Paul Ryan says he created Photoshop and sold it to Adobe. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:37 PM

23. He can even travel back through time

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Response to aint_no_life_nowhere (Reply #23)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:46 PM

39. Paul Ryan says he created America by going back in time. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:41 PM

32. The heat from Paul Ryan's awesomeness is what's melting the Arctic.

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Response to randome (Reply #32)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:46 PM

40. Paul Ryan says he can reverse polar melting by striking a pose and staring at the water. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:44 PM

36. Paul Ryan says he can touch the moon with his penis...

...but he has to fold it in half first.

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Response to pnwest (Reply #36)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:48 PM

43. Paul Ryan says that's how he gave scientists the idea for a space elevator. n/t

 

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Response to pnwest (Reply #36)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 11:11 PM

390. I'm dying here!! Tou gys are too funny!

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Response to pnwest (Reply #36)

Sat Sep 22, 2012, 07:09 PM

505. Okay, that is really funny!

However, I am pretty sure the opposite is true. He probably has a tiny little whisky weenie, which would explain A LOT.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:44 PM

37. Paul Ryan destroyed the planet Krypton when he screwed Superman's mother.

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Response to randome (Reply #37)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:49 PM

44. Paul Ryan says he's proud of that one. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:46 PM

41. Paul Ryan

once kicked a McDonald's and it turned into a Wendy's.

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Response to Aerows (Reply #41)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:50 PM

45. Paul Ryan says that's how they invented the $.99 menu. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #45)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:59 PM

57. Paul Ryan says that if elected as VP

His first move will be to create the $.01 menu.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:47 PM

42. Paul Ryan says the reason Romney stutters and stumbles...

...is because he got a look at Ryan with his shirt off.

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Response to randome (Reply #42)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:50 PM

46. Paul Ryan says he can cure glaucoma with his pecs. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:53 PM

47. Paul Ryan says he can lie to Wonder Woman's lasso of truth.

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Response to randome (Reply #47)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:57 PM

52. When Paul Ryan fires a bullet

Wonder Woman's magic bracelets can't deflect it.

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Response to randome (Reply #47)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:57 PM

53. Paul Ryan says the Justice League is real, but they operate undercover. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:54 PM

48. Ryan/Norris 2016! n/t

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Response to Spirochete (Reply #48)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:58 PM

56. Paul Ryan says he and Chuck Norris always tie in kickboxing. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:55 PM

49. I love this thread.

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Response to geardaddy (Reply #49)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:59 PM

58. Paul Ryan says he predicted you would say that in 1988, but he didn't write it down. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:56 PM

50. The full text of the Mayan calendar predicting doom in 2012 has been translated.

It ends with the words 'Paul Ryan'.

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Response to randome (Reply #50)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:01 PM

61. Paul Ryan says the Mayans disappeared because they didn't cut enough social programs. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #61)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:03 PM

64. Paul Ryan says

that the Aztecs disappeared because they didn't sacrifice enough already born children.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:57 PM

54. I've wanted to create a compilation of "Paul Ryan Facts"

In the vein of chuck Norris and Vin Diesel facts.
Looks like you're ahead of me!

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Response to Scootaloo (Reply #54)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:04 PM

65. Paul Ryan says he started Vin Diesel's career. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #65)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:11 PM

72. Vin Diesel says he started Paul Ryan; Mrs. Ryan still calls. n/t

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:58 PM

55. Paul Ryan

is married to Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket, he says.

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Response to Aerows (Reply #55)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:06 PM

67. Paul Ryan says he went canoeing with Jon Lovitz, from Canada to Africa. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:00 PM

59. Paul Ryan says he's really Paul Bunyan.

And Mitt's Babe the Blue Ox.

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Response to nolabear (Reply #59)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:07 PM

68. Paul Ryan says he was the first lumberjack to wear plaid. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #68)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 03:37 PM

467. Paul Ryan was the first lumberjack to jack lumber

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:00 PM

60. Paul Ryan says his real name is Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum. n/t

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Response to RKP5637 (Reply #60)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:08 PM

69. Paul Ryan says that's hot. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #69)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:39 PM

105. LOL! and Paul says just call me Ayn for short, like in Ayn Rand. n/t

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:01 PM

62. Paul Ryan says

the he once took a walk and invented the smiley face by wiping his own with a fan's t-shirt.

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Response to Aerows (Reply #62)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:09 PM

70. Paul Ryan says he gave them permission to put that scene in Forrest Gump. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:02 PM

63. Ever wonder what happened to this guy?



Now you know.

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Response to pa28 (Reply #63)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:10 PM

71. Paul Ryan says he held that tank with sheer strength and that China is still mad at us for it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:06 PM

66. Not only did Paul Ryan swim the English Channel...

...he swam the Atlantic to get to the English Channel!

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Response to Lucy Goosey (Reply #66)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:11 PM

73. Paul Ryan says he swam all the way home with his family on his back. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:12 PM

74. When Paul Ryan goes for a manicure, they haul out the steel wire cutters.

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Response to randome (Reply #74)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:15 PM

78. Paul Ryan says he can cut his own nails with his abs. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:12 PM

75. Paul Ryan carved the Rosetta Stone

and left if for Napoleon's troops to find.

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Response to geardaddy (Reply #75)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:15 PM

79. Paul Ryan says he learned ancient Greek in one day to do that. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #79)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:21 PM

87. Paul Ryan says he invented hieroglyphs. n/t

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:13 PM

76. Paul Ryan's navel lint can cure cancer!

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Response to randome (Reply #76)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:19 PM

83. Paul Ryan says cancer is caused by high taxes and welfare. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:14 PM

77. Paul Ryan says

that he was born in a log cabin that he built by himself.

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Response to Aerows (Reply #77)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:20 PM

84. Paul Ryan says he cut down the trees by punching them. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:16 PM

80. Paul Ryan says Sarah Palin was once a well-spoken, intelligent woman.

But then she spent ten minutes with him alone and the rest is history!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:18 PM

81. I saw Paul Ryan in hand to claw combat with a velociraptor

While riding on the back of a T Rex.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:19 PM

82. Paul Ryan invented the Internet so we could talk about him more!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:20 PM

85. Paul Ryan says he was Marie Laveau’s voodoo king before Handsome Jack and Ronald Reagan

And he has the one-eyed snake and a three-legged dog to prove it.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:20 PM

86. When Paul Ryan takes off his socks, they try to put themselves back on!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:21 PM

88. You know that asteroid that narrowly missed Earth last month? Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:22 PM

89. The missing dark matter of the Universe has been found...

...in Paul Ryan's dreamy eyes.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:24 PM

90. Paul Ryan can hang glide without a glider.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:25 PM

91. Paul Ryan is a part-time exorcist on the side. He just shows up and then goes home.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:26 PM

92. Paul Ryan and his brother

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:26 PM

93. Paul Ryan is why bats hide in the dark.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:26 PM

94. Paul Ryan floated over Bhutan and they converted to capitalism.

Paul Ryan ate Pol Pot. Alive.

Paul Ryan turned himself into a tub full of bath beads and seduced your wife.

Paul Ryan wins karaoke contests by mimicking Steve Perry to pitch.

Paul Ryan can juggle machetes with his bare feet.

Paul Ryan defeated all of Brad Wesley's henchmen using nothing but fists and his dick.

Paul Ryan can walk on his tongues.

Paul Ryan can rip subways in half.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:28 PM

95. In grade school, a kid shot a spitball at Paul Ryan.

The EPA still keeps the area off limits.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:28 PM

96. Paul Ryan says he can detect radioactive material by scent. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:31 PM

97. Julian Assange once accidentally leaked an unauthorized photo of Paul Ryan.

That's the real reason he's in hiding.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:31 PM

98. Paul Ryan drove this site underground.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:32 PM

99. Paul Ryan doesn't 'tweet'. He 'obliterates'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:32 PM

100. His fans must live in a sterile corporate bubble

He looks like a typical anal retentive white collar dork to me.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:34 PM

101. Paul Ryan won the Civil War single-handedly. n/t

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:36 PM

102. The reason Congress gives so much in subsidies to farmers...

...is so Paul Ryan has enough space to bury his enemies in the cornfields.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:38 PM

103. Paul Ryan says he will change the office of Vice President to the Miami Vice President. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:38 PM

104. AT&T has an entire department dedicated to giving Paul Ryan's cell phone first rate service!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:40 PM

106. Stephen Hawking thought he had solved the riddle of the Universe.

But he still can't figure out Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:42 PM

107. When Paul Ryan cross-dresses, women weep.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:42 PM

108. Paul Ryan says Romney has never contradicted himself. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:42 PM

109. Paul Ryan says the moon is made of green cheese.

And he oughta know, being a cheesehead and all.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:44 PM

110. When Paul Ryan puts an extracted tooth under his pillow, the Tooth Fairy gives him a blow job!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:45 PM

111. LOL

 

Paul Ryan says he deflowered Madonna.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:45 PM

112. Paul Ryan is the reason Godzilla stopped attacking Japan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:46 PM

113. Paul Ryan says he can touch magma without getting burned. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:47 PM

114. Paul Ryan and Tommy Flanagan are both married to Morgan Fairchild.

Yeah! That's the ticket!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:47 PM

115. Paul Ryan says, "I'm Paul Ryan." And people run!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:48 PM

116. Paul Ryan says he can drink as much alcohol as he wants and still drive perfectly. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:48 PM

117. Paul Ryan put his parents in a nursing home. And then put the nursing home on Mount Olympus!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:49 PM

118. Paul Ryan eliminated the letter '~' from the alphabet!

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Response to randome (Reply #118)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 09:50 AM

424. Paul Ryan owns the copyright to the alphabet.

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:50 PM

119. Paul Ryan can't swim in lakes because his sweat will instantly brine all the ducks.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:51 PM

120. Paul Ryan says that song is about him, but he's not vain. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:51 PM

121. Paul Ryan says he will be Vice-President.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:52 PM

122. The recent earthquakes in Indonesia were caused by one of Paul Ryan's farts!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:52 PM

123. Paul Ryan was the inspiration for comic book character Wolverine

Wolverine has an adamantium skeleton, which is the strongest metal known to man (in the comic book world).

He has the ability to rapidly heal himself.

Just like Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:52 PM

124. Wait! What? Paul Ryan is actually Chuck Norris???!

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Response to Matariki (Reply #124)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:01 PM

199. Chuck Norris? PFAH! Chuck Norris calls Paul Ryan for hints

on how to be so totally awesome that if you gaze upon him without protective eyegear, your brains turn to cottage cheese, your heart turns to stone, and your genitals fall off.

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Response to Buns_of_Fire (Reply #199)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:31 PM

313. Paul Ryan

gagged Chuck Norris with a spoon.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:53 PM

125. Paul Ryan slapped Superman until he cried, then stole his cape.

Paul Ryan thought he made a mistake once...but he was wrong.

Paul Ryan made the Kraken wished he was never released.

Paul Ryan can impregnate a woman just by winking at her.

Paul Ryan walked solo across Antartica, in gym shorts and flip-flops.

Paul Ryan is the person Ghandi wishes he was.

Paul Ryan once told Paul McCartney that yesterday, all his troubles seemed so far away.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:54 PM

126. Paul Ryan replied to this message.

But computers can't process that amount of awesomeness!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:56 PM

127. When Paul Ryan heard the Soviet Union shot a puppy into space, he broke it up!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:57 PM

128. Paul Ryan's urine is highly anabolic, on the World Anti-Doping Agency's banned substance list.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:58 PM

129. Paul Ryan says he makes his own flour by round kicking wheat. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:58 PM

130. Paul Ryan communicates with whales. Every time he goes to New Jersey!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:01 PM

131. Paul Ryan says he can play Metallica on guitar - with his lips. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:02 PM

132. Paul Ryan says

You have so much body fat, even God couldn't lift your spirit.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:02 PM

134. Paul Ryan says he will decriminalize marijuana so that he can recriminalize it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:03 PM

135. If Paul Ryan truly wanted to pass a bill...

...the speed of light would no longer be limited.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:03 PM

136. Chuck Norris is not amused. nt

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:05 PM

137. Paul Ryan says he called permanent shotgun. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:09 PM

138. The Sun never rises until it checks with Paul Ryan first.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:09 PM

139. Paul Ryan completely understood LOST.

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Response to LeftyMom (Reply #139)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:53 PM

316. LOL

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:10 PM

140. Paul Ryan says he can break your arms with just a thought

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:11 PM

141. Lips of lyin' and sh-- for brains

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:11 PM

142. Paul Ryan's spellchecker NEVER reports an issue!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:13 PM

143. There is a secret underground bunker where Paul Ryan masturbates.

That's why the center of the Earth is a churning ball of fire!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:14 PM

144. "The Pope told Ryan it was okay to have a mistress."

That one works on SO many levels!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:15 PM

145. Paul Ryan designed Microsoft's new Metro OS.

No one is brave enough to tell him it's wrong.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:16 PM

146. Paul Ryan says Firefly was NOT canceled.

To this day, friends and relatives gather at his house to watch the latest episode.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:16 PM

147. Paul Ryan is the reason Doctor Who won't stay in one place!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:17 PM

148. Paul Ryan can make a swan scream.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:18 PM

149. Paul Ryan found Princess Peach in the first castle.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:18 PM

150. I think he was either very scrawny or overweight when he was a kid and in HS

He is overcompensating way too much to not have lived much of his life as an insecure whiner.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:21 PM

151. Paul Ryan CAN piss six feet in the air without getting wet.

Paul Ryan stands under Niagara Falls when he wants to wet his whistle.

Paul Ryan surfed on a Juggernaut through the streets of Kolkota and the hordes threw flowers at him.

Paul Ryan once kicked Ronald Reagan in the balls, threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

Paul Ryan does morning back-flips from Union Station to the Lincoln Memorial and doesn't once stop for traffic.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:21 PM

152. Paul Ryan is the result of a one-night stand between Bill Brasky and Chuck Norris.

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:22 PM

153. Paul Ryan guided Apollo 11 to a safe landing. By pointing.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:23 PM

154. Paul Ryan says he only drinks 200% milk. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #154)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:25 PM

156. Paul Ryan says he fills his own cavities by chewing on silver. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:23 PM

155. Paul Ryan's security clearance says 'Paul Ryan'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:25 PM

157. Here's a good one. Paul Ryan walks into this bar...

...Now laugh, damnit! Before he finds out it's not funny!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:26 PM

158. Paul Ryan says the fifth letter of his name is both silent and invisible. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:31 PM

159. Paul Ryan's calendar is ALWAYS open. And has 22 months.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:32 PM

160. Time flows in only one direction. Whichever way Paul Ryan happens to be facing!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:33 PM

161. The molecules in Paul Ryan's body cannot be divided into anything smaller.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:34 PM

162. Paul Ryan says he's gonna come at you like a spider monkey! Like a spider monkey! n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:34 PM

163. I love you guys.

This is the funniest, smartest group of people on the internet.

It is so hard where I live to be a liberal Democrat. I cannot believe I forgot how much I love this place! (as much as it drives me CRAZY sometimes!)

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:35 PM

164. Paul Ryan made the Kessel Run in less than EIGHT parsecs.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:35 PM

165. Paul Ryan knows the last digit of pi.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:36 PM

166. Paul Ryan once defeated the Dallas Cowboys in a pre-season game...

...that left many of the players weeping and calling for their mothers.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:36 PM

167. Paul Ryan is the only thing the Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger gives a shit about.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #167)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:13 PM

332. LOL!



That's just NASTY! Paul Ryan don't give a shit.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #167)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:32 PM

340. ROTFLMAO

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:38 PM

168. The pirate Captain Agorn once ran afoul of Paul Ryan.

That's how he became known as 'Captain Hook'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:39 PM

169. Paul Ryan says he makes mustaches cool without even growning one. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #169)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:41 PM

172. Paul Ryan says he can juice a diamond. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:39 PM

170. Count to one. You still won't be fast enough to stop Paul Ryan!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:41 PM

171. The Human Centipede was Paul Ryan's idea.

He said it was a touching love story and who are we to disagree?

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:42 PM

173. Paul Ryan built Mary Shelley.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:43 PM

174. Paul Ryan says everywhere he's slept, he's lied.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:43 PM

175. Paul Ryan lights candles by threatening to cut their funding!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:44 PM

176. Paul Ryan says he can browbeat a kodiac bear into cuddling with him. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:44 PM

177. The Church of Paul Ryan is all you need to know. Ever. About anything.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:44 PM

178. Paul Ryan's fantasy football team has a 45,000 seat stadium.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:46 PM

179. "If I had a hammer..."

...I'd bash my face in just to please Paul Ryan!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:46 PM

180. Paul Ryan once made a man LITERALLY pull himself up by his bootstraps!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:46 PM

181. They use Ryan's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Miller Park.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:47 PM

182. Paul Ryan cut NASA funding because he can toss their next probe to Mars for free.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:47 PM

183. Paul Ryan says he's the reason Spanish is a Romance language. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:48 PM

184. Paul Ryan's manicurist is a fireman with advanced experience with the Jaws of Life.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:48 PM

185. When Paul Ryan laughs out loud, everyone temporarily forgets the number '4'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:49 PM

186. Paul Ryan scrubs his toilets with the maid. For fun.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:52 PM

188. When Paul Ryan sings a lullaby, coma patients wake up!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:53 PM

189. Paul Ryan farts in four part harmony.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:55 PM

190. Paul Ryan never claps out of fear of creating strangelets.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:56 PM

191. Paul Ryan doesn't NEED a keyboard for his iPad. It does what he tells it to do!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:56 PM

192. Paul Ryan says only HE can prevent forest fires. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:58 PM

193. Paul Ryan used his xray vision to see Kate Middleton's breasts months ago.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:59 PM

194. Paul Ryan's phone number is unlisted.

Anyone who attempts to write it down ends up in rehab.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:00 PM

195. Paul Ryan read the Bible. Jesus lived, blew up Rome and scored with Mary Magdalene.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:00 PM

196. Paul Ryan eats nothing but sunshine and air.

His pores are wormholes into other dimensions.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:01 PM

197. Paul Ryan says St. Paul was named after him. nt

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:01 PM

198. Paul Ryan could end global warming by using a hand fan 30 minutes per day.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:02 PM

200. Paul Ryan's birthday is tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:03 PM

201. so?

What does that have to do with being vice president?

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:04 PM

202. Paul Ryan's mother is the galaxy Andromeda. He doesn't speak about his father.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:05 PM

203. Paul Ryan's shoelaces are the basis of String Theory.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:06 PM

204. Paul Ryan Week is replacing Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #204)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:09 PM

211. Too late. The Discovery Channel is being replaced by The Paul Ryan Channel.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:06 PM

205. Paul Ryan hasn't told George RR Martin who Jon Snow's parents really are yet.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:06 PM

206. The Hubble telescope spontaneously fixed itself when Paul Ryan came in its sights.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:07 PM

207. Steve Jobs once requested a favor from Paul Ryan. We all know what happened to him!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:07 PM

208. Paul Ryan can clap with one hand.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:08 PM

209. In sand volleyball, when Paul Ryan spikes the ball, people die.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:09 PM

210. Paul Ryan's car elevator is his own two arms.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:10 PM

212. Paul Ryan is the king lording over The Knights Who Say Ni.

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Response to flvegan (Reply #212)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:12 PM

217. Paul Ryan knows the airspeed velocity of any species of swallow.

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Response to LeftyMom (Reply #217)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:15 PM

224. Paul Ryan was the slayer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh

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Response to flvegan (Reply #224)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:18 PM

310. Paul Ryan does routines and chorus scenes with footwork im-pec-able.

Sorry, work.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:10 PM

213. Mitt Romney is Paul Ryan's idea of a practical joke!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:11 PM

214. As a child, Paul Ryan flew a kite to the Moon!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:12 PM

215. Paul Ryan says he's never wrong, he's just greater degrees of right. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:12 PM

216. Time and tide do wait for Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:13 PM

218. Paul Ryan's heart beats twice as fast as a hummingbird's!

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Response to randome (Reply #218)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:14 PM

222. Paul Ryan knows if Schrodinger's cat is alive or not!

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Response to randome (Reply #218)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:29 PM

253. But is resting heart rate is 5 because of his extreme level of fitness.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:14 PM

219. Paul Ryan says he's discovered a new element and named it ryaninium...

 

...but it only exists in his tears, so there is none on Earth.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:14 PM

220. Paul Ryan says he eats Nigerian "yellow cake" uranium on his birthday

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:14 PM

221. Paul Ryan can eat just one potato chip.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:15 PM

223. Paul Ryan flipped the switch when God said "Let there be light."

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:16 PM

225. When Paul Ryan draws a line in the sand...

...the sand turns to glass!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:17 PM

226. Paul Ryan can split atoms through mere suggestion.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:17 PM

227. Paul Ryan says he can bend light around his bicep. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:17 PM

228. "Paul Ryan" should always appear in bold type and size 5000 font!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:18 PM

229. Children don't make noise in Paul Ryan's neighborhood.

There are few of them left.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:18 PM

230. Paul Ryan says he can do sit-ups all day without farting at all. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:20 PM

231. Paul Ryan says he will calm the Middle East by playing a metal ballad solo. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:20 PM

232. Paul Ryan doesn't need to recycle anything. He just eats it and excretes rainbows!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:20 PM

233. Habanero peppers start to weep when they get a whiff of Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:21 PM

234. Paul Ryan says he was on every episode of Romper Room. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:21 PM

235. Paul Ryan got high once. The result was a platypus!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:22 PM

236. Paul Ryan says he only uses mirrors for trick shots. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:23 PM

237. Paul Ryan's former black girlfriend was Asian when she started.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:23 PM

238. Paul Ryan says pi is equal to 3.

For all I know, he actually does say that.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:23 PM

239. Paul Ryan is a free wi-fi hotspot for up to 15 nearby users.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:23 PM

240. Paul Ryan says fundamentalists follow his word to the letter. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:23 PM

241. Paul Ryan punched Mitch McConnell's chin clean off his face!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:24 PM

242. Paul Ryan is the Walrus.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:24 PM

243. Paul Ryan says he always gets a discount without the coupon. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:25 PM

244. Paul Ryan wears color contacts to make his eyes less blue.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:26 PM

245. Paul Ryan discovered Cheap Trick at the Waukesha Bowl....nt

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:26 PM

246. Paul Ryan was EVERYONE's date for Prom Night. Including the teachers.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:26 PM

247. Paul Ryan wrote the dirty lyrics to "Louie, Louie"

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:27 PM

248. Ryan asked me one time if I wanted to join him for a drink. We go off looking

for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Ryan takes me into a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are!' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Ryan yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'"

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:28 PM

249. Paul Ryan speaks fluent Vulcan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:28 PM

250. Oscar Mayer weiners wish they were Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:28 PM

251. Paul Ryan says he can produce chocolate breast milk for starving babies. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:29 PM

252. Paul Ryan's coffee is so strong, he drinks it from a cup made of nuclear fuel rods!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:29 PM

254. Paul Ryan broke Hank Aaron's homerun record in a single season of baseball.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:30 PM

255. Paul Ryan says he creates the lag you experience when gaming online. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:31 PM

256. Paul Ryan says Facebook stocks dropped because he logged out. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #256)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:32 PM

258. Paul Ryan ended world hunger by playing Farmville.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:31 PM

257. Mars was once teeming with life. But Paul Ryan packed everything up and moved it here instead!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:33 PM

259. Paul Ryan says his pet panther uses a litter box filled with human skulls. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #259)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:34 PM

261. Paul Ryan says he stopped a tornado by turning the other way. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:33 PM

260. The gods are not amused. They are frightened of Paul Ryan!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:35 PM

262. Parallel lines intersect for Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:37 PM

263. Paul Ryan doesn't wipe himself. He still smells like roses and honeysuckle!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:38 PM

264. Paul Ryan's twin sister was Phyllis Diller. She had a traumatic childhood.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:39 PM

265. Paul Ryan lifted the lintels up on Stonehenge for the Druids.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:40 PM

266. Ripley would rather face the alien queen than Paul Ryan!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:40 PM

267. Paul Ryan CAN divide by zero.

He can also -- and regularly does -- cross the streams.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:41 PM

268. Paul Ryan says he leads in the polls in the states of solid, liquid and gas. Plasma is iffy. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:42 PM

269. Paul Ryan beat both Kasparov and Deep Blue in chess! Blindfolded!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:42 PM

270. Paul Ryan says he can break a chain letter and you will have bad luck. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:43 PM

271. Paul Ryan can tug on Superman's cape, he can spit into the wind, he can pull the mask

off that old Lone Ranger, and he can mess around with Jim.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:44 PM

272. Paul Ryan has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:44 PM

273. Paul Ryan says he speaks telepathically, just like that. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:45 PM

274. Paul Ryan doesn't believe in Evolution. Nothing led to him and nothing leaves.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:46 PM

275. Paul Ryan says he got DeLorean busted so his car would be worth more. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:46 PM

276. Paul Ryan changed the answer to Life, the Universe & Everything

It is no longer 42, and he will only tell the correct answer if elected.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:48 PM

277. Paul Ryan says he can burn calories outside of his body. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:49 PM

278. Paul Ryan says he knows exactly where Sopchoppy is. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:49 PM

280. Onions cry in Paul Ryan's presence.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:51 PM

281. Paul Ryan doesn't need to mow his lawns. He trained the squirrels and rabbits to do that for him.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:53 PM

282. Paul Ryan's brain is a tesseract AND a moebius strip!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:53 PM

283. Paul Ryan says he is The Creator in the new American mythology. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:54 PM

284. He also has lyin' lips and sh-- for brains

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:54 PM

285. Paul Ryan joined a dating service once. No woman thought she was good enough.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:55 PM

286. Paul Ryan knows if Santa has been naughty or nice.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:55 PM

287. Paul Ryan says he'll use nanotechnology to create a smaller government. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:56 PM

288. An African swallow once carried Paul Ryan across the Atlantic!

Because he told it to!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:57 PM

289. Paul Ryan says he is the law. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:58 PM

290. Paul Ryan says he uses a comb with real teeth. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:58 PM

291. The three little pigs are more afraid of Paul Ryan than the big, bad wolf!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 04:59 PM

292. Car alarms go off in Paul Ryan's presence!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:00 PM

293. Paul Ryan says he can survive for a year on only water and the sorrow of starving children. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:03 PM

294. Paul Ryan says he did expect the Spanish Inquisition. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:06 PM

295. Paul Ryan says we can all drive home now!

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Response to randome (Reply #295)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:09 PM

296. Heh, heh. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:17 PM

297. But can he beat up Chuck Norris? There's a right wing wedge issue for ya'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:22 PM

298. When Rick Astley clicks on a link, he gets Ryan-rolled.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:25 PM

299. Paul Ryan wrote the Book of Love.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:26 PM

300. When Jesus takes communion, the priest turns the host into Paul Ryan's body.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:30 PM

301. Paul Ryan Never Gets Jet Lag

He forces time zones to adjust to him.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:31 PM

302. Paul Ryan's Real Name is Dick Whitman n/t

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:51 PM

303. Bigfoot and Nessie hope to spot Paul Ryan one day.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:52 PM

304. Paul Ryan's Magic 8 Ball always says 'Yes'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:53 PM

305. Paul Ryan says Rachel Maddow would be cute if she were a Conservative.

A spokesman said the famous journalist is considering both a change in political philosophy AND sexual identity: "I mean, come on, this is Paul Ryan we're talking about!"

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 05:55 PM

306. At 7 years of age, Paul Ryan sold his own urine at a lemonade stand.

He made $110,000 that afternoon and received numerous promises of sexual favors.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 06:00 PM

307. Other than my own Twitter account...

...how does one set up another one? I just tried #paulryansays and it didn't get rejected. Does that mean #paulryansays is now ours to use? Anyone?

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 06:03 PM

308. Simon says, "What does Paul Ryan say?"

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 06:58 PM

309. Che Guevera wears t-shirts with Paul Ryan's face on them.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:28 PM

311. Paul Ryan can cure scrofula



Baron Ryan von Münchhausen

Even before his death, Münchhausen's reputation as a storyteller was exaggerated by several writers, giving birth to a fully fictionalized literary character usually called simply Baron Munchausen. The (fictional) Baron's exploits, usually narrated by himself, focus on his impossible achievements as a hunter, warrior, and traveler, including rides on cannonballs and trips to the moon.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:31 PM

312. Paul Ryan was the model for Michelangelo's statue of David.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:44 PM

314. Bump for justice! \O/

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:52 PM

315. Paul Ryan has seen the tax returns.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:55 PM

317. Paul Ryan invented sausage when he threw a cow through a chain link fence.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:56 PM

318. Paul Ryan doesn't get wet; water gets Paul Ryan.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:57 PM

319. Muhammed Ali recently conceded that Paul Ryan is actually the greatest.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 07:59 PM

320. Paul Ryan says his other car is a battleship. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:00 PM

321. Hendrix was wrong. The wind cries "Paul Ryan."

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:01 PM

322. Paul Ryan ended famine in Africa by playing Farmville for an hour.

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Response to Systematic Chaos (Reply #322)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:03 PM

323. Paul Ryan checks for duplicates.

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Response to LeftyMom (Reply #323)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:06 PM

329. Well then Paul Ryan can give HIMSELF ocular cancer by scanning this entire list.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:04 PM

324. In 1999, Paul Ryan could get online with AOL instantly.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:05 PM

325. Paul Ryan posted the video on YouTube.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:05 PM

326. At 2 a.m. bartenders tell Paul Ryan that he doesn't have to go home and he CAN stay there.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:05 PM

327. "The Guinness Book of World Records" is changing its name to "Paul Ryan's Diary".

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:06 PM

328. Paul Ryan says he was the first to successfully send a V17 route in the 70's...

Cannot remember where.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:11 PM

330. Paul Ryan says that when he eats out, the wait staff tips him. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:13 PM

331. A guy that is that taken by himself has secrets that will come out.

Ryan is impressed with himself, men that fit that model are typically lying womanizers.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:15 PM

333. Paul Ryan says his smile makes roses bloom. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:16 PM

334. Paul Ryan says he can cook minute rice in two seconds. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:19 PM

335. Paul Ryan says he never gets sick because bacteria obey him. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:20 PM

336. Paul Ryan says ice is just water that's too lazy to move. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:25 PM

337. Paul Ryan says he can flatten a train with a penny. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:27 PM

338. Paul Ryan says he knew that article in The Onion was just a joke. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:30 PM

339. Paul Ryan underestimated the number of mountains he's climbed.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:32 PM

341. Paul Ryan says he gets Yahtzee every time he throws the dice. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:33 PM

342. Paul Ryan's ant farm was the inspiration for the movie 'Them!'

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:34 PM

343. Paul Ryan says the homeless are happy to carry him around the city on his throne. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:35 PM

344. Paul Ryan says Babe Ruth collected his signature. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:36 PM

345. Paul Ryan's hair has its own Congressional staffers.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:37 PM

346. Paul Ryan says his name is a killing word. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:38 PM

347. Paul Ryan had Bluetooth implanted in both ears.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:41 PM

348. Paul Ryan injured thirty seven bulls during the 'Running of the Bulls'.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:42 PM

349. Paul Ryan says that he mints his own currency legally, but gay marriage devalues it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:42 PM

350. When Paul Ryan goes swimming

he doesnt make a splash, the water runs away from him.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:44 PM

351. Paul Ryan says that when he does push ups, Earth's magnetic poles waver. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:46 PM

352. Paul Ryan already solved the Middle East conflict.

He won't tell us until we prove ourselves worthy.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:48 PM

353. Paul Ryan is hired by Sherpas to haul their stuff up Everest.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:48 PM

354. Paul Ryan says he READ Ulysses.

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Response to nolabear (Reply #354)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:49 PM

357. Paul Ryan not only read Ulysses, Paul Ryan understood Ulysses.

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Response to Arugula Latte (Reply #357)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:54 PM

364. I was thinking the same thing!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:48 PM

355. Paul Ryan killed Jason Bourne.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:49 PM

356. Paul Ryan says he has no intention of running for God, but really already is. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:50 PM

358. When in bed with a lover, God cries out "Oh Paul Ryan!"

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:51 PM

359. GPS asks Paul Ryan for directions.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:51 PM

360. Paul Ryan says he has a missle in his back yard, but you can't look at it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:52 PM

361. Paul Ryan was the first man to have sex with Sinn Sage - ON CAMERA

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:52 PM

362. Paul Ryan is the most common cause of erectile dysfunction.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:53 PM

363. Paul Ryan says that he can make an origami axe and chop firewood with it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:55 PM

365. Paul Ryan decided the Chicago teachers' strike.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 08:58 PM

366. Paul Ryan does not photograph well.

His exact placement in time and space is only inferred by the camera and translated to something our eyes and brains can comprehend.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:02 PM

367. Paul Ryan says he can see Russia from here because he has 1/1 vision. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:05 PM

368. When Paul Ryan break-dances, the pavement melts.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:05 PM

369. Paul Ryan says he always has change for a thousand. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:07 PM

370. Paul Ryan says he takes No-Doze to go to sleep. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:07 PM

371. When the lights go out...Paul Ryan still SHINES!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:08 PM

372. Paul Ryan says he is building a pyramid in Wisconsin to hold his mummified remains when he dies. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:10 PM

373. Paul Ryan says he is the world, he is the children. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:12 PM

374. Paul Ryan says he already has an iPhone 6. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:17 PM

375. Batman is afraid of Paul Ryan. So is Bane.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 09:22 PM

376. If you want to get rich, invite Paul Ryan to a backyard barbeque.

Ask him to squeeze a couple of lumps of charcoal into diamonds.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:22 PM

377. Paul Ryan says, "Be healed!" and the crippled walk again. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:23 PM

378. Paul Ryan says his bite turns zombies into him. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:26 PM

379. Paul Ryan says he can still save his campaign, but thinks better of it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:31 PM

380. Paul Ryan uses a silver spoon to eat everything - the one up rMoney's a$$

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:36 PM

381. Paul Ryan says he found the recipe for the perfect beer and burned it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:38 PM

382. Paul Ryan says taxis fight to give him a ride. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:39 PM

383. Paul Ryan says he is the mother of all genetic diversity. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:49 PM

384. Paul Ryan says that he will grant you three wishes if you rub it. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:50 PM

385. Paul Ryan says he sold Rev. Sharpton the bridge he keeps trying to sell. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:56 PM

386. Paul Ryan sez he can connect to teh interwebs wif his mindz so he can has all teh knowing.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:57 PM

387. If any Republicans/Conservatives read this, remember...

...there is a reason Democrats have more fun! Come on over to the fun side!

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:59 PM

388. Paul Ryan PUT that pancake on that bunny's head.

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Response to porphyrian (Original post)

Tue Sep 18, 2012, 11:00 PM

389. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, Paul Ryan can hear it anyway.

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