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Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:30 PM

My brother comes out of the closet

He's a racist and bigot. Flaming. He's out, right there on Facebook.

He hates blacks. He hates gays. He hates anyone who lands in bad times and needs a little help to make ends meet. He hates women who even consider an abortion let alone have one. He hates.



There are no words to describe my grief. The brother I grew up with, the one I have so dearly loved all his life is gone. That guy was not just in my imagination. He was real. He roofed people's houses and fixed their cars and cut their lawns and drove wherever they needed to go, and collected food and drove supplies into Louisiana and Mississippi within days of Katrina. Most of this on his own dime - and he's never had much.

Within the last year or two that man has all but vanished. Every post in the last 12 months on his Facebook is sheer hate and intolerance. He's active in an evangelical church and pretty much has stopped helping anyone that isn't connected somehow to that church.

I still love him. He's my brother. Somewhere inside him has to be that guy I felt so privileged to have as my brother. Someday, somehow I hope to find him again. But for now. I grieve.

27 replies, 2267 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 27 replies Author Time Post
Reply My brother comes out of the closet (Original post)
SmileyRose Sep 2012 OP
Nye Bevan Sep 2012 #1
SmileyRose Sep 2012 #2
outsideworld Sep 2012 #3
abelenkpe Sep 2012 #4
RagAss Sep 2012 #5
kestrel91316 Sep 2012 #9
Cha Sep 2012 #19
msanthrope Sep 2012 #11
peacebird Sep 2012 #26
blueamy66 Sep 2012 #13
Locut0s Sep 2012 #6
tavalon Sep 2012 #7
lindysalsagal Sep 2012 #8
Skittles Sep 2012 #10
Mariana Sep 2012 #17
Skittles Sep 2012 #22
Mojorabbit Sep 2012 #12
begin_within Sep 2012 #14
SmileyRose Sep 2012 #16
marions ghost Sep 2012 #21
DeSwiss Sep 2012 #15
progressoid Sep 2012 #18
siouxsiecreamcheese Sep 2012 #20
drlit Sep 2012 #23
DevonRex Sep 2012 #24
SmileyRose Sep 2012 #25
a la izquierda Sep 2012 #27

Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:34 PM

1. "Active in an evangelical church". So he's a Christian, I assume.

Now. Jesus Christ said "Love your neighbor as yourself". He did not say "Love you neighbor as yourself, unless your neighbor is a black guy, in which case you should hate him". Or "Love your neighbor as yourself, provided that he is heterosexual". Why would a Christian deviate so dramatically from what Jesus Christ taught?

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Response to Nye Bevan (Reply #1)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:35 PM

2. He used to be a christian (small c)

He's an evangelical now and there doesn't seem to be much christian small or big C about evangelicals.......

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:38 PM

3. Hugs

To you . Cant even begin to imagine how you must be feeling

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:38 PM

4. I'm so sorry



I used to have a sweet, sane brother too.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:39 PM

5. If you love your brother, what is the point of posting this here?

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Response to RagAss (Reply #5)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 11:12 PM

9. Maybe the OPer is looking for a little moral support in a

difficult time??

Just a wild-assed guess....

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Response to kestrel91316 (Reply #9)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 02:06 AM

19. +1 That's what

friends are for.

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Response to RagAss (Reply #5)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 11:23 PM

11. Grief. nt

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #11)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 08:58 PM

26. Exactly.

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Response to RagAss (Reply #5)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 11:58 PM

13. As my Mother used to say....if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

geeesshhhhh

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:40 PM

6. I'm sorry for your 'loss'. Why is it that often those who go over to the dark side.....

were the most liberal, the most left leaning, the best of people? Not the first time I've heard this happen.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:47 PM

7. Sounds like an addict

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 10:54 PM

8. It hurts alot. It's a cult. And the cult is everywhere.

Scares the crap out of you, but hopefully, he'll follow it through to the usual disollusionment ( like all addictions) and you'll get him back. It does no good to attack him right now: That just solidifies his position.

Good luck.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 11:20 PM

10. ? what happened to him?

something bad happened in the past year or two - y'all need to do some serious talking - there's something you don't know

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Response to Skittles (Reply #10)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 12:21 AM

17. He bought into the preachings of a hateful church

it sounds like. Nothing particularly bad needs to have happened to him to cause that. Lots of people go to church and believe what they're told there.

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Response to Mariana (Reply #17)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 03:56 AM

22. I don't buy it

you don't quickly go from being a thoroughly decent person to one who buys the ravings of a crackpot church for no reason

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Sun Sep 16, 2012, 11:55 PM

12. I am so sorry

The exact thing happened to my brother. He joined an evangelical church and became a hater. I don't know him anymore and it makes me so sad I could cry.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 12:02 AM

14. Stop loving him.

Sorry, but that's your solution. You're wasting your love on him, when there are so many people in the world deserving of your love. He isn't.

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Response to begin_within (Reply #14)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 12:18 AM

16. love is love

I've never really understood how people can undeserving of love. Like maybe not but love is one of those universal things to me.

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Response to SmileyRose (Reply #16)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 02:20 AM

21. Sometimes people snap out of it

but don't challenge him if you think he's really hooked. I think you can be compassionate even as you grieve.

People are looking for certainty these days, and for someone to blame. You have to see it like an addiction.

You are not alone.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 12:05 AM

15. I'm sorry for the loss of your ''first brother.''

- Since he's joined the evangelical church and they're all into literalism, ask him to read this one and then go look into a mirror:

Mat 25:35-40 (KJV)

For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 01:00 AM

18. Sorry for this.

I'm watching it happen to a cousin of mine. Just gone off the deep end. I don't know why either.

It's frustrating and sad.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 02:18 AM

20. I'm sort of dealing with the same thing..

One brother of mine is very religious, a veteran, etc, very conservative and I always knew he was pretty right wing. My other brother, on the other hand, has changed in the last few years. He used to be very open minded, not religious at all, environmentalist, and he actually was going to vote for Hillary if she was the presidential pick. He can't stand Obama, and I truly think it's because he's black. It makes me sad because he was never like this before. My mother is so upset about it, she's a liberal, and loves Obama. Every time they talk on the phone he has to bring up taxes and how awful Obama is. He even hangs up on her if she defends Obama and he even said he would disown her because of her opinion. It's absolutely ridiculous.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 02:56 PM

23. I "lost" my brother in the 2008 election and haven't talked to him since...

Yes, I feel sad, but I was the one who decided I wasn't going to take any more lies and distortion. I would just ask him not to send out stuff to me. But the stuff he sent, on purpose, was evil, pure evil: racist, sexist, rude and disgusting.

Finally, it was something "small" -- he called me an elitist. For goodness' sake, we grew up in the same house = six kids in 3 bedrooms in Los Angeles. Dad was a teacher; mom worked full time as a nurse. Those of us who went to college, went on full scholarships. And my brother and I actually went to the same college. I went into public service -- as a teacher. He went into business in sales. I live in Vermont and he lives in Pebble Beach. I am still a teacher, and he's making a heck of a lot more money than I am. He lives in a gated community and listens to Rush Limbaugh; I live in the fresh air and listen on NPR.

I never understood how he could say all this evil stuff about liberals, when He. Knows. Me. He KNOWs that I don't hate America; he KNOWS that I'm not a communist or a socialist or any of that. Elitist? Who lives in one of the most expensive areas of the world? Me or him? Duh.

So.... I just don't talk to him any more. Ever. It's funny. He works a lot with my son (who is 38 now) and when he had an issue with his teenaged kid (drugs/drinking), my brother went to my son for help. All I could think was... HEY! You do know who raised him, right?

I sat back and rolled my eyes.

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 03:14 PM

24. Join the club. As my siblings have changed

before my eyes I'm left bereft and stunned.

Okay, they were always racist and bigoted. But it wasn't virulent. It was a passive sort of thing. Now it's active. And they actually blame OBAMA for THEIR hatred of blacks now. Can you believe it? That was actually spoken out loud.

Anti-gay bigotry wasn't even on their radar before because it wasn't discussed at all. Now it's as if gays are the cause of the collapse of society. As if society is in ruins all around us as we speak. I mean WTF? It's like Eastwood talking to that empty chair.

I've had a number of years to get used to the way things were going. It was pretty obvious how it was gonna be. I'm sorry you're going through it too.

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Response to DevonRex (Reply #24)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 08:56 PM

25. I thank all of yo

When it smacked me in the face like that it was overwhelming. I usually don't miss much but with it was a shock to scroll down his facebook and see almost every post in a year is hatefilled.

Knowing other folks here have gone through the same emotional process doesn't exactly bring any peace because I feel for you too. But I don't feel lost anymore - which is why I went looking for the DU in the first place.

THANKS

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Response to SmileyRose (Original post)

Mon Sep 17, 2012, 09:03 PM

27. I'm related to a mess of people like this...

I feel truly bad for you. I wonder how people who can seem so nice can buy into such hateful rhetoric.

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