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The DUzy Awards

(120 posts) Tue Aug 21, 2012, 11:58 PM Aug 2012

The DUzy Awards for Friday, August 3rd, 2012

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[center][font size=7]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/font][/center]

Welcome, insomiacs, to a very special episode of The DUzy Awards, starring Will Farrell as Dr. Cliff Huxtable, Dave Barry as Engineer Brett, Lewis Black as Sgt. Phil Fish, and Ron White as Lt. Tawny Madison. Special guest Marc Maron stars as Punky Brewster.

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by raccoon
[font size=+1] How do you get a bad odor out of car?[/font]
BIL left raw chicken parts in truck over weekend….and the windows were rolled up, and 100 plus weather...

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Capt. Obvious [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. Drive it into a pond [/font]
Make sure the bodies are still in the trunk

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Make sure the bodies are still in the trunk [/font]
[font size=+1] 5. Ask it to get out and see if you got a flat and then take off real quick [/font]
Well that was how I got my brother-in-law out.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] SidDithers [/font]
[font size=+1] 6. The Beast!!... [/font]
/Seinfeld

Sid
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 2pooped2pop [/font]
[font size=+1] 8. Throw Mitt out of it [/font]
should take care of it. Oh nm. I see it was chicken parts, not chicken hawks.

that being said, try vinegar
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Scootaloo [/font]
[font size=+1] 10. Oh, that's easy. [/font]
Take a toothbrush, a box of baking soda, a pan of water, and a bright red speedo.

Drive your brother in law to a busy mall marking lot, hand him these items and say "put this on and start scrubbing my car, or you walk home."

Be sure to post the video on youtube.

"left raw chicken parts in the truck over the weekend," I mean what the hell, man...
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] HughBeaumont [/font]
[font size=+1] 20. Wake up Eric Cantor and say "Your cab's here, stupid!" [/font]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] JohnnyRingo [/font]
[font size=+1] 34. Divorce [/font]
Oops... I just read the rest of your post, and I see it's a food smell.
My solution may not apply to your situation.

GD, 30 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021045050

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] EarlG [/font]
[font size=+1] Pic Of The Moment: You're Next, Poland![/font]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] deutsey [/font]
[font size=+1] 6. Mittzkrieg n/t [/font]

Video & Multimedia, 30 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101745004

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] kpete [/font]
[font size=+1] OMG! - Mitt Romney’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad[/font]

http://thinkprogress.org/election/2012/07/31/614111/mitt-romneys-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-trip-to-europe/

GD, 31 July 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021051026

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Newsjock
[font size=+1] UC Davis confirms officer at center of pepper spraying controversy no longer on the force[/font]
Source: Sacramento Bee

Lt. John Pike, the UC Davis police officer who became a focal point of last November's pepper spraying incident during a campus protest, is no longer employed by the university, a spokesman confirmed late Tuesday.

UC Davis spokesman Barry Shiller said he could not discuss the details of Pike's departure, but in response to queries from The Bee, he said Pike was no longer employed there as of Tuesday.

"Consistent with privacy guidelines established in state law and university policy, I can confirm that John Pike's employment with the university ended on July 31, 2012," Shiller said. "I'm unable to comment further."

Pike, 39, declined to comment when reached by The Bee, saying he wanted to consult with his attorney first.

Read more: http://www.sacbee.com/2012/07/31/4679466/uc-davis-confirms-officer-at-center.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[font size=+1] 5. Collage cops aren't as bad as the macrame' cops [/font]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] KurtNYC [/font]
[font size=+1] 21. ...he is now working in a restaurant [/font]
grinding pepper for customers with salads or pasta dishes. Actually anything. No matter what they order he just comes over and grinds pepper and the customer is like "I don't want any pepper!" and he says "Yes you do. Stop resisting! Stop resisting!"

LBN, 31 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014182303

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Starry Messenger [/font]
[font size=+1] "Jobsy the Elephant haz a sad"-or My Adventures With the RNC Donation Survey!![/font]
The RNC decided to send around a donation beg-notice in the form of an "Official Survey!!11" to my house. This thing was monstrously huge and must have cost a fortune to print and bulk mail. You'll notice later on that they grovel for a $15 "Survey tabulating" donation--classy. They also asked on the mail return envelope that you stick a stamp over the bulk mail return postage to save them money. Naturally, I declined.

Instead they will get some new artwork, courtesy of Starry Messenger from my empire here in Revolutionary Silicon Valley. I thought I'd share:

GD, 1 Aug 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021057621

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by FarCenter
[font size=+1] IRS May Lose $21 Billion in Identity Fraud, Study Says[/font]
Identity thieves are poised to claim $21 billion in fraudulent tax refunds over the next five years, according to a report by the inspector general who oversees the Internal Revenue Service.

The report released today documents the growth in tax fraud through identity theft and includes previously unreleased details of potentially fraudulent returns.

For example, the IRS sent more than $3.3 million in refunds to an address in Lansing, Michigan, that was listed on 2,137 separate tax returns. In at least 10 cases, the IRS sent more than 300 direct deposits of refunds totaling more than $470,000 to the same bank account.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-08-02/irs-may-lose-21-billion-in-identity-fraud-study-says.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] valerief [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. Too bad the IRS doesn't have computers. nt [/font]

GD, 2 Aug 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021061802

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] EarlG [/font]
[font size=+1] Pic Of The Moment: Tampa Officials Ban Puppets In RNC Event Zone (Guns Still Permitted)[/font]

Tampa officials ban puppets in republican convention event zone

Video & Multimedia, 2 Aug 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101745791

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Solomon
[font size=+1] Bwaahaa! Romney Demands Harry Reid To Prove It.[/font]
Listening to Hannity on the way home and mittwitt was a guest. Hannity played a clip of Reid saying Romney hasn't paid taxes over a 10 year period.

The mitster said it was a ridiculous lie and demanded Reid prove it.

How crazy is that? He's sitting on the proof of the pudding. Why don't he prove Reid wrong? Embarass the hell out of the guy?

I really think this fool thinks he can be president without showing his tax returns.

Americans aren't THAT stupid are we?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Summer Hathaway [/font]
[font size=+1] 19. Any day now ... [/font]
View profile
Mitt will be down to yelling, "I know you are, but what am I?"

This will inevitably be followed by a press release declaring who's rubber and who's glue ...

GD, 2 Aug 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021063911

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by No DUplicitous DUpe
[font size=+1] Romney Just Drove By Me - Thanks DU for Helping Me Make This Sign [/font]
Romney and 12 GOP governors just passed me on the way to the local high school in Basalt, CO. for a campaign stop.
Hat tip to all the people in this thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021044216 who helped me with the words for this sign.

**NOTE: I retroactively fixed the spelling error on the sign.

Photo by: Hinton Harrison

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Photo by: Hinton Harrison [/font]
[font size=+1] 10. Other than misspelling narcissistic, it's a damn good sign. [/font]
Of course, you''ll still have to explain it to teabaggers (it's over two syllables).
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] dixiegrrrrl [/font]
[font size=+1] 19. I am sure he mis spelled that word SO teabaggers could read it. [/font]

GD, 2 Aug 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021063808

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ProSense
[font size=+1] Here's why Romney will NEVER release his tax forms, and why we need to keep hounding him[/font]

Here's why Romney will NEVER release his tax forms, and why we need to keep hounding him

by Black Max

Short diary, few links, but deadly serious. No snark. And unfortunately no proof. But I intend to perpetuate this meme as much as possible until Team Romdroid proves it wrong by releasing Romney's tax returns. Which if I'm right, they will never, ever do. And here's why, in my opinion.

You've probably seen this image, or one like it, making the rounds on the Intertoobz:

Clear enough. Mittens is likely guilty of voter fraud, by living in California (or perhaps New Hampshire), owning no property in Massachusetts, yet voting in the 2010 election by claiming he "resided" in his son's unfinished basement. He's denied it, and though I'm not a Massachusetts political junkie and therefore know few details about how he's managed to fend off the charges of voter fraud, he's so far managed to dodge the story almost entirely.

The tax returns, along with showing just how unethically and unpatriotically clever he's been in sheltering his Rmillions from Uncle Sam and the IRS, will also prove that he resided legally in California when he trundled his rich ass back to MA to cast an illegal vote for Scott Brown.

Mittens: one of the very small number of Americans who actually did commit voter fraud. If I'm not mistaken, the form of fraud he committed in Massachusetts is a felony.

Releasing his tax forms would prove he committed felonious voter fraud. That's my thinking.

That's why he won't release them, and that's why we need to keep hounding him about it. We also need to accuse him of voter fraud, using the info above, and keep after him to disprove the allegation by releasing his tax returns.

- more -

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/28/1114484/-Here-s-why-Romney-will-NEVER-release-his-tax-forms-and-why-we-need-to-keep-hounding-him

I mean, is that a case of Mitt projecting again:

Civil Rights Group Calls For Probe Of Romney’s ‘Interference’ With VA Voter Registration
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021032485

Let me add to the speculation, this time with more evidence. Where did Mitt live from 1999 to 2002: Utah or Massachussett?

<...>

As the AP reported in June 2002:

Mitt Romney the former Salt Lake City Olympics chief now running for Massachusetts governor paid property taxes on a Utah home as his "primary residence" between 1999 and 2001 and received a $54,600 tax discount as a result.

The distinction which Utah officials said was made in error fueled the debate about whether Romney meets Massachusetts' residential requirements to be governor. The state Constitution requires a candidate to live in Massachusetts for seven years prior to election.

And as the Boston Globe explained that same month:

At the center of the case were Massachusetts tax returns Romney filed while in Utah. Romney filed in 1999 as a part-year Massachusetts resident and in 2000 as a nonresident.

Romney changed those returns to Massachusetts resident in April, after deciding to run for governor, saying his longtime tax advisers at Pricewaterhouse Coopers had made a mistake.

- more -

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/12/1109157/-Why-Romney-flip-flopped-on-Bain-departure-date

Mitt Romney said that he had no recollection of returning to Massachusetts for business meetings in 2002 following his departure from Bain Capital to head the Olympics in Salt Lake City.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002945250

Mitt Romney told CBS News‘s Jan Crawford Friday evening that he did not attend Bain Capital meetings after he left the company in February of 1999 to run the Winter Olympics. But this answer appears to contradict sworn testimony he delivered in 2002 “as part of a hearing to determine whether he had sufficient residency status in Massachusetts to run for governor”:

– 2002: “(T)here were a number of social trips and business trips that brought me back to Massachusetts, board meetings, Thanksgiving and so forth.”

– 2012: “I was in Salt Lake City for three straight years. I don’t recall even coming back once to go to a Bain or management meeting. We were, I was out there running the Olympics and it was a full time job, I can tell you that.”
- more -

http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2012/07/13/516951/romney-interview-directly-contradicts-his-previous-statements-about-bain-tenure

On edit, to be clear, Mitt maybe hiding other damaging information:

Experts’ Best Guesses On Romney’s Swiss Bank Account
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021011251

Clear it all up, Mitt. Release your tax returns.

[font color=#FF0000]Whew! A lot to copy, but worth it! Release the returns, Romney!!![/font]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] sofa king [/font]
[font size=+1] 5. Mitt: The only documented case of voter fraud in 2010! [/font]
Mitt's going to have to stay overseas for awhile, because he's too ironic to pass through a metal detector.

GD, 28 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021035433

Thanks to: coalition_unwilling, dixiegrrrrl, eridani, nc4bo, pinboy3niner, Ikonoklast, The Velveteen Ocelot, Curmudgeoness, and rocktivity!!!!!

This very special DUzy episode was brought to you by: Apple, makers of the newest iNoun.

Man, I missed a lot of good shit when I was back among the corn and soybeans!
-Krispos42
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