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Mon Jul 30, 2012, 11:18 PM

Anonymous Hacks IRS Database — Publishes Romney Tax Returns

Spoiler for the humor impaired: SPOOF

http://www.freewoodpost.com/2012/07/28/anonymous-hacks-irs-database-publishes-romney-tax-returns/

The Anonymous attack successfully retrieved 25-years worth of Romney’s tax returns and published them without permission on major websites throughout the Internet. The majority of these websites removed the returns within minutes, however it was too late to completely protect the candidate’s already tainted image. We at Free Wood Post were able to examine Romney’s 2008 tax return and found that he had good reason to fear its release. The 2008 return paints a picture of an extraordinarily wealthy man, whose low tax rate and bizarre itemized deductions will surely raise many questions as to his suitability to be President.

Romney campaign spokeswoman Andrea Saul stated last week that “there has been no year in which Romney paid zero taxes”. In 2008, this was true. He earned $23,425,316 and paid $412.18 in federal income taxes. This calculates to a federal tax rate of 0.0018%. How did Romney get his tax burden so low? According to his return, he had approximately $23,407,000 in itemized deductions. These deductions ranged from $78,923 for “Toupee Creators Unlimited” and $41,826 for “Spray-on tan services” to a $3.8 million dollar write-off for a trip to Las Vegas with potential campaign donors. The Romney family also paid salaries to their numerous employees including, two yacht captains, three pilots for their private jets, two professional dog walkers, one toupee stylist and a “live-in contortionist”. What someone does with a live-in contortionist, one can only speculate. However, the $891,064 Romney spent on an “EWS Donor Party at the Pennsylvania Mansion” might give us a clue. While the return does not indicate what “EWS” stands for, given that the deducted supplies for the party included “Venetian masks, alcohol, lubricant and various Egyptian leather accessories” it was most likely an “Eyes Wide Shut” party.

In addition to his wild nights, Romney also deducted health related expenses. These included $127,000 for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a condition termed “Pseudologia fantastica” also known as Compulsive Liar Syndrome. This may explain why the Republican nominee’s views seem to change dramatically depending on his audience. In fact, his recent string of political gaffes may be the direct result of his inability to keep up with the many competing “truths” he has spoken over the past year. According to noted Psychiatrist Bryan King, “Pathological liars seem utterly sincere about their lies, but if confronted with facts to the contrary, will often just as sincerely reverse their story.” According to Politifact, a news organization that researches the veracity of politician’s statements, only 16% of Romney’s examined statements were found to be completely true.

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Mon Jul 30, 2012, 11:20 PM

1. You made my heart flutter with glee...

 

Then: "SPOOF!"

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Response to Comrade_McKenzie (Reply #1)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 10:07 AM

13. Dang it all

Dang it all, it had me going. I love the part about supporting Toupee unlimited and a Toupee stylist. Sadly, the rest of his deductions seemed normal for an incredibly rich man.

I should have realized it was a spoof when it said he paid $400 on over $20 million on income.

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Mon Jul 30, 2012, 11:22 PM

2. Oh damn! I thought it was true when I saw the title! Let's pretend! lol n/t

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Mon Jul 30, 2012, 11:24 PM

3. ARRRRRRRRgh. I just went on a rollercoaster ride of hope and fear.

 

If Anonymous could crack the IRS database they could destroy EVERYONE's privacy.

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Tue Jul 31, 2012, 12:09 AM

4. I know this was a spoof

But, could it happen?

And, could someone bluff Romney? You know the famous "Suppose I told you" question?

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Tue Jul 31, 2012, 12:22 AM

5. Bugger........ I thought it was true

......... but may be we can make it retroactive...............

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Tue Jul 31, 2012, 12:36 AM

6. You are SUCH a tease! But LOL from those deductions...

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Tue Jul 31, 2012, 12:58 AM

7. Satire, please self delete as done by TWO earlier posters of the same article.

It's not funny to have that subject line out there, even with the "SPOOF" disclaimer in the body.

Thanks in advance.

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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #7)

Tue Jul 31, 2012, 01:32 AM

8. Using the article's headline. GD allows duplicates

that is all.

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Response to TalkingDog (Reply #8)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 12:07 AM

9. Kindness to the community isn't in the written book of rules.

Nobody said it's a violation.

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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #9)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 09:17 AM

11. I guess you are right. It would be kind of me to spend the 20 or so minutes

on DU's Google search to make sure not one person has posted a story under this or any other headline.

Oooorrrr.... alternately, when a person sees a headline they've seen before they can kindly ignore it in 2 seconds or less.

Granted, with satire or a spoof, posting the link may not have the same urgency as a more important story that people might need to know about. But clicking a link and seeing a duplicate story takes much less time and effort than trying to figure out whether something has been previously posted.

Kindness works both ways. If you can ignore your old, enfeebled uncle who has told you exactly the same joke 15 times because you actually kinda like the old guy, you can ignore your compatriots on DU.

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 12:21 AM

10. Come on. Do you really believe this?

I don't see any deductions for dog crates or cargo straps.

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Response to TalkingDog (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 09:58 AM

12. Ah, that's the site that tries to be "The Onion", and fails (nt)

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