Romney in Israel: “Governments Should Spend Like Jews”

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

- July 28, 2012 -

A mere 48 hours after impressing London residents in a manner unmatched by a foreign dignitary since renowned German aerospace engineer Wernher von Braun shared with them his love of rocketry some seventy years ago, former Massachusetts governor and one-time presidential candidate Mitt Romney brought his three-nation ‘Barnstormer of Charm’ tour to Israel Saturday. And speaking at an international economic symposium at Tel Aviv University, he delivered remarks many experts agree may even overshadow his Olympic performance.

Sharing his views on current global economic conditions, most notably the Eurozone crisis and the slow rate of recovery in the United States, an uncharacteristically emotional Romney whipped the crowd into a frenzy when he concluded his remarks by offering his solution while simultaneously paying his own unique form of tribute to his audience’s heritage.

“For far too long, liberal and socialist policies have led not only to increased dependence on government, but also to unsustainable budget deficits,” the man many from England now refer to affectionately as the ‘taxation tallywacker’ lectured. “Governments have been spending money like they’re drunken sailors when they should be spending like they’re Jews.”

So impressed was the Sabbath day crowd in attendance that immediately following the speech, calls went out to prestigious academic fraternity Delta Tau Chi to bestow – for the first time upon a Mormon on Israeli soil – its highest honor, “The Goy Clip”, a ritual form of retaliatory circumcision.

Reaction in the United States was not only overwhelmingly positive, but also unusually bipartisan.

Conservative radio personality and amateur pharmacist Rush Limbaugh was quick to praise Romney’s statesmanship.

“He not only sent a message to the rest of the world about the importance of getting their fiscal houses in order,” the porcine pill-popper gushed, “but he also made it clear to our key ally in the region that even though the United States is a Christian nation, we nonetheless appreciate many of the positive aspects of their Jewness.”

Pueblo State University professor Newton Toomey, a former aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who was recently pressured by Congressional Republicans to resign after being heard on a wiretapped phone conversation uttering the words ‘Muslim Brotherhood’, also praised Romney for “forever improving future relations with Israel by ensuring their leaders will be much more receptive to dealing with an American President who has ‘Hussein’ in his name.”

© 2012 The Desperate Blogger. This article is reproduced by permission of the author. All rights reserved.

[MoonRiver]

1. Is he being paid to throw the election?

I'm starting to wonder.

[freshwest]

3. Note source. he's putting you on.

[grantcart]

6. I know but it is so brilliant, you can hear Romney actually saying it, can't you.

[freshwest]

10. Oh, believe me, I did! My BP went straight up! Thought he'd quote Shakespeare next.

[MoonRiver]

7. OK, got it.

I always fall for Onion quotes too!

[freshwest]

21. You're not alone! But it would have been delicious, if true.

[grantcart]

4. Please note the name of the poster of the thread.

I know it shouldn't be hard to see what is an actual quote and what isn't but the poster's name will give you a hint.

[freshwest]

2. Okay, this thread is satire.

[janlyn]

5. A joke

This has got to be satire,right???

I mean,nobody is that stupid...

If this is true,why not name his tour the "let's see who we can insult" world tour !!!

[Courtesy Flush]

28. Seems to be satire

Look at the link. The article is labeled as satire, but not very prominently.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

8. Personally...

I was hoping 'Barnstormer of Charm' tour and "Goy Clip' might give it away... ;D

[freshwest]

14. But hoping desperately for it to be true. We're waiting with bated breath for Mitt's next gaffe!!

Thanks for posting it.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

9. For all the people noting this is satire please keep

in mind a repuke made a similar comment about a year or two ago. I'll try to find the article.

[freshwest]

11. Oh, I definitely fall for those Onion pieces, and just skimming it over, fell for this one at first.

Honestly, I wouldn't put anything past Mittens and the BFI...

[louis-t]

12. Had me going for a minute.

Ha!

[Bluerthanblue]

13. oh my god, he actually said this...

and Rush went him one better "with the positive aspects of their jewness"?

we have all fallen down the rabbit hole at last.

ACCK! you got me good on this one!!

[grantcart]

15. read comments on the thread for more details on sourcing.

[Bluerthanblue]

17. ...

thanks- the way things have been going, i actually did believe this.

Guess I need a break from civilization for awhile.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

18. That sounds like a new RNC slogan...

"If you need a break from civilization, Vote Republican!"

[Bluerthanblue]

19. I like it-

[freshwest]

20. Yeah, like about a few thousand years. Great slogan!

[grantcart]

25. Cue "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition"

[malthaussen]

16. I have a vague memory of some local politico out in the Red Bloc

... a few years ago making a very similar statement. It was a week when anti-Jewish gaffes came in clumps, and this guy was saying that the Jews pinch pennies and that added up to big savings in dollars -- or something of this ilk. (I said it was a vague memory)

Poe's Law makes this satire effective. Very few politicians can resist appealing to the least common denominator.

-- Mal

[flamingdem]

22. The Goy Clip!

oy vey

[msanthrope]

23. I always enjoy your threads....nt

[thelordofhell]

24. Unfortunately, this isn't a joke

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021035856

[Rhiannon12866]

26. You have got to be kidding!

Please, somebody, put Rmoney on a no-fly list before he insults any more of our allies...

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

27. Exactly... ;D ...nt

[grantcart]

29. Actually its real. TheDesperateBlogger has a time machine.

It is limited in that he can only grab one headline a day.

He continues to go ahead a couple of days and see what the Republicans are saying rather than going to the Wall Street Journal and find what the SP 500 did and so he continues to be Desperate.

Hey I said he was funny, I never claimed that he was smart.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

30. Neither did he... nt

[Reader Rabbit]

31. It says a lot about Mitt that for a moment I thought this was real.

But all good satire starts with a grain of truth, right?

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

32. 'Real' is something that most people...

never think about Mitt...