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Sat Jul 28, 2012, 12:01 PM

Romney in Israel "Governments should spend like Jews"

My good friend "The Desperate Blogger" has just published his finest satire ever and perhaps the greatest of the whole campaign season and I base that solely on the title of this brilliant satire piece.

Romney in Israel: “Governments Should Spend Like Jews”


A mere 48 hours after impressing London residents in a manner unmatched by a foreign dignitary since renowned German aerospace engineer Wernher von Braun shared with them his love of rocketry some seventy years ago, former Massachusetts governor and one-time presidential candidate Mitt Romney brought his three-nation ‘Barnstormer of Charm’ tour to Israel Saturday. And speaking at an international economic symposium at Tel Aviv University, he delivered remarks many experts agree may even overshadow his Olympic performance.

Sharing his views on current global economic conditions, most notably the Eurozone crisis and the slow rate of recovery in the United States, an uncharacteristically emotional Romney whipped the crowd into a frenzy when he concluded his remarks by offering his solution while simultaneously paying his own unique form of tribute to his audience’s heritage.

“For far too long, liberal and socialist policies have led not only to increased dependence on government, but also to unsustainable budget deficits,” the man many from England now refer to affectionately as the ‘taxation tallywacker’ lectured. “Governments have been spending money like they’re drunken sailors when they should be spending like they’re Jews.”

So impressed was the Sabbath day crowd in attendance that immediately following the speech, calls went out to prestigious academic fraternity Delta Tau Chi to bestow – for the first time upon a Mormon on Israeli soil – its highest honor, “The Goy Clip”, a ritual form of retaliatory circumcision.

Reaction in the United States was not only overwhelmingly positive, but also unusually bipartisan.

Conservative radio personality and amateur pharmacist Rush Limbaugh was quick to praise Romney’s statesmanship.

“He not only sent a message to the rest of the world about the importance of getting their fiscal houses in order,” the porcine pill-popper gushed, “but he also made it clear to our key ally in the region that even though the United States is a Christian nation, we nonetheless appreciate many of the positive aspects of their Jewness.”

Pueblo State University professor Newton Toomey, a former aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who was recently pressured by Congressional Republicans to resign after being heard on a wiretapped phone conversation uttering the words ‘Muslim Brotherhood’, also praised Romney for “forever improving future relations with Israel by ensuring their leaders will be much more receptive to dealing with an American President who has ‘Hussein’ in his name.”

If you have followed The Desperate Blogger's other satirical pieces you will see that they are so funny because they are so close to what is actually happening, to what is actually being said. Time and time again he comes out with his satire a few days before and event only to have the people he is lampooning say almost exactly the same thing.

And no one more richly deserves the "Goy Clip" than Governor and one time Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney, make it so.

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Reply Romney in Israel "Governments should spend like Jews" (Original post)
grantcart Jul 2012 OP
Aviation Pro Jul 2012 #1
grantcart Jul 2012 #2
freshwest Jul 2012 #3
doohnibor Jul 2012 #4
thelordofhell Jul 2012 #5
cliffordu Jul 2012 #6

Response to grantcart (Original post)

Sat Jul 28, 2012, 12:04 PM

1. When I saw the title....

...I for one tiny millisecond thought that this was real and not a parody. However, I have no doubt in my mind that Lurch the Fucking StiffTM is completely capable of making this utterance.

And when he does, he will lose the Jewish vote here.

Fuck that assclown.

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Response to Aviation Pro (Reply #1)

Sat Jul 28, 2012, 12:06 PM

2. He hasn't gotten there yet.

In the past The Desperate Blogger usually ends up just being ahead of real events by a couple of days.

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Response to grantcart (Reply #2)

Sat Jul 28, 2012, 12:10 PM

3. If only it was real. But I wouldn't put it past Bane, either.

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Response to grantcart (Original post)

Sat Jul 28, 2012, 12:45 PM

4. Life has gotten very interesting


I, too, had to open the link to see which side of the satire/reality line this one fell on.

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